Bill O'Reilly is the Velveeta of the news biz, the endless all-you-can-eat for $4.99 buffet in Vegas of incorrect facts. It has since become the equivilant of Sideshow Bob hitting the rake for the gazillionth time, and during Inauguration Week, Jessie, one of his stalker/producers got verbally smacked down by Jessica Alba, even knowing that Sweden was indeed neutral (and painfully so) during World War II. Just three full days into the Obama Administration, he once again showed his lack of knowledge on Nielsen numbers and the General Electric-owned NBC/MSNBC family. All the comments made in his January 23rd Stalking Points, er, Talking Points memo are quoted verbatum with bold italic lettering. And they were also listed word-for-word as well. You supply the Ted Baxter impression while reading this, and I'll just translate them back into human for you.
"On the TV front, the uber-liberal MSNBC network was ranked 22nd last week, right behind the Roller Derby Network I beliveve. Fox News was ranked second, a tremendous performance."
Check that. In the all-important Money Demo, the 25-to-54 age group NewsCorp lusts for, Monday, January 19th Countdown drew 737,000 viewers, No Bias, No Bull with Campbell Brown on CNN drew 723,000 viewers and the Orally Factor Fiction Comedy Hour drew 658,000 viewers. The next night, Brown saw 1,530,000 viewers, Countdown saw 909,000 viewers, Billo had 849,000 viewers. Bill, you finished third both nights, and to both times, behind Campbell Freakin' Brown! And you said there's a Nielsen conspiracy factor? Come on Bill, the truth is that you suck! And do you know who was number one that week among cable networks in prime time? USA Network, owned by NBC Universal. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Anyway, back to Phineas T. Bluster already in progress.
"But why are we hammering far-left NBC News? Well, it may be that liberals are aghast at their product. While covering the handover of power from President Bush to President Obama, NBC was the only network to run a split screen of Bush haters. What a classy thing to do, right NBC News?"
Wrong again, Bill. You see, those were not Bush haters as you said, but supporters of Obama. Hell, the night before, the people who gathered around the booth MSNBC had set up at the National Mall sarcasticly sang "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" when we repeated the breaking story that Vice President Cheney was going to be in a wheelchair for the inauguartion after hurting himself moving boxes. Change was coming, and it was to be swift as well.
"And by the way, that network was totally wrong about Caroline Kennedy."
Then again, so was every other news organization that evening. We didn't expect Caroline Kennedy to make news this night either. By this time, journalism's answer to Major Frank Burns was now in full mudslinging mode, hammering everything in sight and missing by a mile.
"And the hate that the far-left media traffics in has alienated many folks. I mean, the disrespect to President Bush is disgraceful, and most decent people know it."
If you had the laundry list of all the post 9/11 war crimes - waterboarding, Gitmo, wiretapping, and that other stuff such as hiring and firing Justice Department employees because of their polotical background - the disrespect given to President Bush wasn't disgraceful, but well documented and also the truth, something Bill don't know about. And then you sent out your stalker/producer Porter Berry to answer questions being asked to Russell Tice, the former NSA employee that he didn't want to answer and he laid it out here on January 21st. Disrespect? No, more like the truth, and trust me, Billo, you can't handle the truth.
"The bottom line on the bottom line is this..."
Bill, did you get that from the Department of Redundant Redundancy Department, or did you steal that from Stuart Scott over at ESPN?
"Most American news consumers remain traditional folks who respect their country, and don't appreciate hateful attacks on a president even if they dsagree with the president's policy. The liberal media is destroying itself, allowing zealotry to obliterate fairness. That's what's in play here."
Let me repeat that next to last sentance for you. "The liberal media is destroying itself, allowing zealotry to obliterate fairness." This late word in, Sparky: Fixed Noise does the same thing. Obliterate fairness with zealotry. You just made a comment that is true about your own cable television news channel owned by Captain Keith Rupert Murdoch, but changed the words from "conserative" to "liberal", and saw the devisation of the Republican party in 2006 and 2008. No wonder the sixteen remaining members of the GOP are in trouble!
"As Judge Reinhold said in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 'Read it, learn it, live it.'"
And, in the words of The Rock in his fake fighting days, "Know your role, jaborni and shut your mouth."