Saturday, February 27, 2010

Explaining The New Tag

You probably know the infamous NSFW or the young-in's viral video "Two Girls, One Cup", right?

JFein over at Fire Andy Reid Now used the fact that Sidney Crosby, known Canadian hockey player and whiner was waiting for the sequel of that video.  Enter Steven Colbert, he of Colbert Nation and The Colbert Report, the character of his making Billo the Clown look like... Well, Bozo the Clown.

Anywho, when Canadian history magazine The Beaver announced it was changing it's name to Canada's History, Colbert mocked outrage.  This was the same kinda outrage as it were when there was a school here in the Valley of the Delaware was called Beaver College was eventually renamed Arcadia University.  (In case you didn't know, the school's nickname is not the Fightin' Beavers, but the Knights, because of a castle-like structure on campus.)  Colbert instructed his members of the Nation of head to Urban Dictionary and redefine "Canada's History" (or in my case, "Canadian History").  Here's my clean version of said definition as instructed by said gentleman:

  • A vulgar sex act involving dead moose antlers, maple syrup and the Stanley Cup.  
         "Man, last night I gave her a lesson in Canadian History in bed if you know what I mean."

It'll probably for another week or so, then change it like I seem to do, but there's your answer.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

They Say It's My Birthday...

And I'm 49.

So there.  That and another foot of snow may be cause this weekend for a flashmob snowball fight in Rittenhouse Square?

Monday, February 22, 2010

You Want Pirates? I Got Yer Pirates Right Here, Me Bucco...

For the last few days over at his fine site Fire Andy Reid Now, JFein has shown this video in honor of the Latvian Men's Ice Hockey Team competing in the Winter Olympics in Vancouver:

As the old saying goes, two can play this game. I give you Lazy Town's You Are a Pirate:

Both videos, BTW are rated "Arrrrrrrrr!"

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Why I Am Ignoring USA-Canada Men's Ice Hockey...As Well As The Rest of the Winter Olympics

Today brings about the biggest international hockey game involving the USA in three decades.  And it will NOT be broadcast in the good old USA on free TV.  That's right.  The National Broadcasting Company, worldwide leaders in ladies' hygene products called douchebags, point out the the Olympics are dominated in the rating by women 18-49, especially in prime time, with "plausably live" broadcasts since 1992 that are even more "plausably live" on the West Coast and have ignored the triple dubs and ESPN for spoilers, is telecasting the game on MSNBC, which BTW was not forced upon them by Uncle Keith.  And what's NBC showing?  The most gayest event in the history of sports, ice dancing.  That's right, motherfucking ice dancing!

NHL officials, especially Gary Bettman, the league's commissioner, are furious, and are now officially considering pulling out of the next Winter Olympiad four years hence in Sofia, Russia.  Okay, NBC fucked up both Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien (soon coming to the Fox Broadcasting Company channel near you this September), get bashed on a regular basis by Billo the Clown, and now THIS?  Douchebags - wait, check that - douchenozzles indeed.  And J. Pierpont Comcast is taking over.

If I was Gary Bettman, I tell the head of the International Ice Hockey Federation to stick it four years from now.  Then I tell Comcast to go away when the NHL deals with NBC and Versus expire.  Finally, I open bidding for the OTA and cable contracts combined for ESPN on ABC ABC and ESPN, Fox and FX, and CBS and Spike TV (or any combo of these) hope one of them gets the next pair of Olympics following London.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Tiger Free Zone

No comment on Eldrick Woods' comments today.

So be it.

The Thanksgiving Tradition Is No More

No, I'm not talking about the Detroit Lions and/or the Dallas Cowgirls losing their Thanksgiving Day football game.

Last week, WWE announced that as of right now, there will be no more "Survivor Series" after 22 years.  Internet reports are saying that the name is being changed to a traditional old school NWA/WCW title of "Starrcade".

Stay tuned.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Steve Montana Makes Colin Cowdouche Look Like a Frickin' Genius!

From the Bleacher Report:

Ah, what could take away the joy of watching two great quarterbacks duel it out in a Super Bowl, having a snack at half-time anticipating seeing Peyton Manning and the Colts drive down field with the first second-half possession after making their usual adept adjustments during the break?

Dirty pool by Sean Payton, in the form of an onside kick to start the second half, could take away that joy.

When the Saints won the coin toss and elected to receive the ball to start the game, they made their choice. The other team gets to receive the ball to start the second half, but the Colts never received the ball. It was stolen from them on a cheap and dirty onside kick.
Although it was a legal play by existing NFL rules, there has always been an unwritten rule, a gentleman's rule that you do not attempt an onside kick to start a half.
At any other time on a kickoff, fine, but when you win the coin toss, you only get to receive the ball to start a half once. You don't get to break the rack in nine-ball 2 times in a row.
That would be greedy.  
While many see Sean Payton's gamble as a tribute to his genius and will hail him for his aggressiveness, I see it as blemish on an otherwise respectable game between two evenly-matched teams.
To be a true champion, you play the game between the lines. There is no need to resort to cheap tricks. Let there be no mistake: the Saints outplayed the Colts and deserved to win for the most part.
I say for "the most part" because the game was in the balance until late in the fourth quarter. During Sean Payton's Monday morning news conference on NFL network, he appeared humble.
Perhaps he felt somewhere inside that his decision did not need to be made to win, but since it had been made, a lot of people will forever associate this game and him as a coach with that play. 
As I see it, the play did not determine the ultimate outcome. It could be argued by some that it greatly affected the outcome.
If the Colts had received a regular kickoff, and they had scored a TD, it would have been 17-6 Colts rather than the 13-10 Saints that it did indeed become when the Saints drove the field.
That does not mean that the Colts would have won.
The Saints could have mounted a comeback. After all, they showed that they had the greater will to win, the greater hunger to lift the Lombardi trophy.
Was it really a gamble by Payton?
With the Colts adeptness at making half-time adjustments, it was looming pretty large that they were going to drive for a touchdown on their first second-half possession.
If the Colts were likely to score anyway, gambling on an onside kick that could have given the Colts the ball at the Saints own 40-yard line didn't really have that much downside anyway.
Finally, there is the question of who actually recovered the ball. The ball bounced around a few times and led to one of the ugliest and worst regulated scrums in NFL history.
The officials did very little to pull players off the pile. Small fights were breaking out at the sides without flags being thrown. The last we saw of the ball on replays it was between the legs of one prone Saints player and Hank Baskett was diving on top of it.
Is this what we want in a Super Bowl?
To throw scraps of food into the air of a courtyard and watch wild dogs go at it. The onside was not only a blemish on the game for being a cheap and dirty parlor trick. It was also a blemish because it was not a clean play. It was not a clean recovery of a live ball. Is that what we wish to see in the NFL on its greatest stage?
I think not.
My proposal then is that the NFL needs to make a rule change to prevent what happened in Sunday's Super Bowl between the Colts and the Saints from ever occurring again.
Starting next season, an onside kick may be attempted on any kickoff except for those starting a half. There's no point in having a coin toss if the team that wins it can decide, "Screw it! We are going to take the ball to start the second half too."
Well, Colin disagreed with Mr. Montana (if that is your real name) on his show yesterday (2/10).  And you know what, I agree with Colin for a change.

And If Another Blizzard Came, They'd Cancel In a Heartbeat

Sorry, New Jersey.  Sporting events should be treated as non-essential products.

Why would the NHL and the NBA force the Flyers-Devils and Bucks-Nyets contests to be played?  If I was Governor Christie, he of the Good Oldboysandgirls Party, the "State of Emergency" order would also include all events that not needed like sporting events.  Why did over 1,000 force themselves to go to the soon-to-be-dismantled Brendan Byrne Arena/Continental Airlines Arena/IZOD Center to watch the most wretched sports franchise since the 1972-73 Seventy Sicksters.  This game and the Devils-Flyers Game at the Prudential Center in Newark should have been cancelled for the safety of everybody - players, officials, fans - because of this snowstorm.

Monday, February 8, 2010

What I Liked - And Didn't Like - About Super Bowl XLIV

So what did I like and disliked about Sunday's (2/7) events?

LIKE: Betty White and Abe Fucking Vigoda in the Snickers ad.  That's right.  Fish himself.  And Mrs. Allen Luden.  The "Password" is "hunger".  *ding!*

DISLIKE: Product placements in the pre-game show.  Okay, we all know Ritz Crackers are the sponsors of the first hour, but did we need to see videos of Norman Esiason hosting a Ritz-sponsored tailgate party or Guy Fucking Fiari doing recipes with a cracker that he said as over 100 years old?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Not Watching Super Bowl Ex-El-Ivy?

So you're one of the sixteen million people who are not at all interested in this year's Super Bowl (brand name, not adjective by the way) at all.  May I offer up the other stuff airing on a TV screen near you while the rest of the world as we know it watches the Saints and the Colts duke it out in Miami Gardens, Florida.

Over on Hallmark Channel, there's an I Love Lucy marathon.  "Choo have some 'splainin' to do..."  Chris Hansen fans can watch a To Catch a Predator marathon on MSNBC.  If you're a fan of The Who (better known as those of you under the age of 30 as the performers of every CSI theme,) head on over to VH1 Classic to see a Who-a-thon before halftime and maybe afterwards.

TNT does a daylong Law & Order marathon as well.  Can't get enough Snooki and The Situation?  The full first season of Jersey Shore will be on MTV.  Say, does anyone other than me remember when MTV did something called music videos all the time?  NBC repeats the last two episodes of its' latest incarnation of The Biggest Loser, Fox burns off two new episodes of the now dead 'Til Death and ABC has repeats of their Wednesday comedies Modern Family, The Middle and Cougar Town.  And ESPN reairs two of its' 30 for 30 documentary series, The U about Miami (Florida) football's glory days and Muhammad and Larry about the fight between Ali and Holmes in 1980, followed by some of Mike Tyson's best knockouts before he faded in Bolivian.

Other than that, join me at Keith's Sports Journal Live Chat...unless you have a ruler that's 12 inches long or happen to get revenge on someone, or even live down by the river in the basement of your mom's van or any other troll.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Twenty Eight and a Half Inches of Snow...

For the second time in three months, a major blizzard has hit Philadelphia and their environs, dumping a total of twenty eight and a half inches of snow and approaching the 1996 storm.  I lived in the hellhole of the universe, Emporia, Virginia back in 1996 and had a foot of ice.

It could have been worse... If you lived in Ridley Park in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, thirty inches of the white stuff fell.  SEPTA was shut down, the Airport was open, but no flights were to be found, and they should have cancelled the Villanova-Georgetown game in DC after a blizzard warning was issued.  The Cats got a roll of stamps and mailed it in.  Me thinks the mayor of DC would like to speak to Teddy Leonitis, the Polin family (owners of Verizion Center) and Georgetown University's athletic goons - er, department - for producing this fiasco.  If I ran the city, slap them with a six-figure fine for everyone... namely $100,000 each for a direct violation of orders.