Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Cliff Lee: A Man Among Men

Cliff Lee toyed with the New York Yankees tonight (10/28).  Complete game, ten Ks, surrendering six hits and an unearned run, and Chase Utley delivered two Ruthian blasts off "Oh see" C.C. Sabathia and the Phillies rolled 6-1.

One down, three to go.  Game 2 tomorrow (10/29) with Pedro Martinez facing a Phillies target in A.J. Burnett.  Much to Keith's chagrin oh by the way...

It's Official: One of New York's Finest Vanity Newspapers Owned By a Aussie Pirate Takes The Gloves Off

It's on like Donkey Kong.

One of New York's Finest Vanity Newspapers Owned by an Australian Pirate has lowered the cheap shot quota.  In Tuesday's (10/27) edition, a photoshopped photo of the top of Shane Victorino and the bottom of a cheerleader made the front page announcing that the "Frillies" were coming to town. Today (10/28),  Philadelphia's Daily News delivered this editorial cartoon comeback:

As we like to say, "Tutu can play this game."  And the caption should really read "Pas de Douchbags".

Monday, October 26, 2009

The 2009 World Series: It's Mr. McMahon (Yankees) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (Phillies)

The 2009 World Series is now set.  It's the World Fucking Champion Philadelphia Phillies against the New York Yankees.  The Joisey Turnpike Series.  Never has a series been stacked so big for ratings (and East Coast Media Bias) that another famous rivalry will likely rear its' ugly head: Mister Vincent Kennedy McMahon, evil owner of the World Wrestling Federation against Stone Cold Steve Austin, alcohol fueled redneck rule-breaking fan favorite who always delivered his own version of justice.  Oh, you don't believe me?

Wikipedia picks up the story:

On September 22, 1997, on the first ever Monday Night Raw to be broadcast from Madison Square Garden, Owen Hart was giving a speech to the fans in attendance. During his speech, Austin entered the ring with five NYPD officers following, and assaulted Hart. As if it looked Austin was going to fight the officers, Vince McMahon ran into the ring to lecture Austin about why he couldn't be "physically" able to compete. After telling McMahon that he respects the fact that he and the WWF cared, Austin attacked McMahon with a Stone Cold Stunner, leaving McMahon in shock. Austin was then arrested on charges of trespassing, assault, and assaulting a police officer. This marked the beginning of the Austin-McMahon rivalry.

Austin won the 1998 Royal Rumble, lastly eliminating The Rock. The next night on Raw, Austin interrupted Vince McMahon in his presentation of Mike Tyson, who was making a special appearance, over the objection of McMahon referring to Tyson as "the baddest man on the planet." Austin flipped off Tyson, which led to Tyson shoving Austin much to McMahon's embarrassment, who began to publicly disapprove of the prospect of Austin as his champion. Tyson was later announced as "the special enforcer" for the main event at WrestleMania XIV, although he appeared to be aligning himself with WWF Champion Shawn Michaels' stable D-Generation X. This led to Austin's WWF Championship match against Michaels at WrestleMania XIV, which he won with help from Tyson, who turned on DX by making the deciding three-count against Michaels. This victory ushered in the Austin Era, and with it, The Attitude Era.

On the 
Raw after Austin won the WWF Title, Vince McMahon presented him with a new title belt and warned Austin that he did not approve of his rebellious nature and that things could be done "the easy way or the hard way." Austin gave his answer in the form of another Stunner. This led to a segment a week later where Austin had pledged a few days prior in a meeting to "play ball" with McMahon, appearing in a suit and tie, with a beaming McMahon taking a picture of himself and his new corporate champion. The entire thing was a ruse by Austin who in the course of the segment proceeded to tear off the suit, tell McMahon it was the last time he would see Austin dressed like this, punch his boss in the "corporate grapefruits," and take another picture of the two of them while McMahon was doubled over in pain. In April 1998, it appeared Austin and McMahon were going to battle out their differences in an actual match, but the match was declared a no contest when Dude Love (Mick Foley to the rest of us) made an appearance. This led to a match between Love and Austin at Over the Edge: In Your House for the WWF Championship. Austin managed to retain the title despite McMahon acting as the referee and his "Corporate Stooges" (Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson) as timekeeper and ring announcer, respectively.

McMahon continued to do everything he could to ruin Austin, and he finally scored a big victory for his side at the 1998 King of the Ring tournament. There, Austin lost the WWF Championship to 
Kane in a First Blood match. Austin further infuriated McMahon by winning back the championship the next night on Raw. Austin also emerged victorious against The Undertaker at SummerSlam. In response, McMahon set up a Triple Threat match at Breakdown: In Your House, where The Undertaker and Kane pinned Austin at the same time. McMahon decided to vacate the WWF Championship and award it based on a match between the Undertaker and Kane, in which Austin was the guest referee. Austin refused to count for either man and attacked both towards the end of the match. McMahon later fired him, although Austin got revenge by kidnapping McMahon and dragging him to the middle of the ring at "gunpoint," which ended up being a toy gun with a scroll that read "Bang! 3:16." Also the segment was very "embarrassing" to McMahon as it showed he was so scared that he urinated his pants. Stone Cold was later re-signed by Shane McMahon. In the semifinals of a tournament to award the vacant championship, Austin lost to Mankind (Foley's second alter ego), after Shane double-crossed Austin. The next night on Raw, Judge Mills Lane ruled that The Rock had to defend his newly won WWF Championship against Austin that night. The Undertaker interfered and hit Austin with a shovel, earning Austin a disqualification victory. At Rock Bottom: In Your House, Steve Austin defeated The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match after Kane tombstoned The Undertaker into the grave. With this victory, Austin qualified for the 1999 Royal Rumble.

Austin's next definitive chance to exact revenge on Mr. McMahon came during the 1999 Royal Rumble match. On 
Raw, McMahon drew Austin's entry number with the obvious intention of screwing him over. Austin drew entry number one, while McMahon drew number two thanks to WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels. During the Rumble match, McMahon slipped out of the ring and into the crowd as Austin chased him down. It turned out to be a trap as McMahon led Austin into the lobby restroom where he was ambushed by members of The Corporation. Austin was injured and taken away in an ambulance. With Austin gone and not in the Rumble match, McMahon joined the announce table in calling the match. Later on, however, Austin returned in an ambulance and re-entered the Royal Rumble. After Austin delivered a Stunner to the Big Boss Man and eliminated him. With the assistance of the Corporation and a last minute interference from The Rock, Austin was eliminated by McMahon himself, and McMahon won the 1999 Royal Rumble. With McMahon turning down his number-one contender spot against The Rock, WWF Commissioner Michaels awarded Austin the title shot during Raw the next night. At St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Stone Cold got a one-on-one match against McMahon in a Steel Cage match, with the WWF Championship opportunity at WrestleMania XV at stake. During the match, Paul Wight made his debut, breaking through from under the ring and attacking Austin. Wight's attack propelled Austin into the side of the cage forcing the cage to give way and dropping Austin to the floor first, making him the victor. Austin defeated The Rock at WrestleMania XV for his third WWF Championship.

Austin faced The Rock in a rematch at Backlash, in which Shane McMahon was the referee. During the match, McMahon approached the ring, only to hand Austin back his Smoking Skull belt and take Shane out of the proceedings. Austin won the match when another referee made the count. The Undertaker, however, won the WWF Championship from Austin at Over the Edge. Due to events revolving around Vince McMahon in the newly merged "Corporate Ministry" and Vince unveiling himself as "the higher power", Stephanie and Linda McMahon made Stone Cold the Chief Executive Officer of the company. Vince and Shane McMahon challenged Austin to a Handicap Ladder match at King of the Ring with the CEO title on the line, which the duo of father and son won. The next night on Raw, however, Austin made it clear that while he was the CEO of the company, he could have a title shot at any time and place to be determined by himself. Austin made the WWF Championship match that night on Raw and defeated The Undertaker to win his fourth WWF Championship. Austin held on to the Championship belt until SummerSlam when he lost it to Mankind in a Triple Threat match also featuring Triple H. Austin would get his rematch at No Mercy against Triple H but lost after The Rock accidentally struck him with a sledgehammer that was meant for Triple H. By Survivor Series, Triple H was still champion. Austin was booked into a triple threat match for the WWF championship that also included Triple H and The Rock. Instead, however, Austin was run down by a car in the parking lot (creating an angle with Rikishi to create a abscence). Wight, now known as The Big Show, would replace Austin in the match and would win the WWF championship. What followed was neck surgery by Dr. Lloyd Youngblood and a nine-month rehabilitation, as Austin had needed neck surgery since the Owen Hart incident in 1997.

Do you see where I'm going here?  The Phillies are Stone Cold Steve Austin, defying authority, rules and everything else.  The Yankees are corporate Mr. McMahon, evil through and through.  The Stone Cold Fightin' Phillies were screwed out of the June 14th television date with Boston (Cliff Lee near perfect game notwithstanding) because of that Midwestern Media Bias that gave us the cardinals against a sub-.500 Indians team, and were royally fucked out of the MLB network game the previous night by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim etc.-Sub-.500 San Diego Padres.  This fueled the Phillies' passion for an attitude adjustment on Major League Baseball as a whole via a Stone Cold Stunner.  With that, the Phillies win and defend their title in a five game steel cage inside Hell-In-A-Cell match series over the Corporate Yankees at home delivering upraised middle fingers at them with Chase Utley declaring again the Phillies as the "WORLD MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPIONS!" upraising two middle fingers toward The Big Apple in the process.

And, oh yeah, George M. Steinbrenner can get on his knees and join the Phillies' Kiss My Ass Club.  That ass can do some tricks.

Dear Fucktard Emeritus Thaddeus Jagoff Slimeball...

Via the Philadephia Daily News Op-Ed Pages from Greg Hasselback of Lancaster, Pennsylvania:

AFTER reading Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers refer to Philadelphia fans as "drunken uglies," I want to share my thoughts with him - and Daily News readers:

It's surprising that an award-winning writer can be so boorishly stereotypical in regards to Philadelphia fans. I realize it's your job to say edgy or controversial things, but as so often is the case, you let a minority of bad behavior justify a sweeping overgeneralization.

If anything, just the opposite is true, Mr. Simers. Philadelphia fans are, more often than not, FIERCELY PASSIONATE. They are, more often than not, EXTREMELY KNOWLEDGEABLE, in regard to the sport of baseball, and other sports as well.

Above all, Philadelphia fans are - despite the fact that we won't hesitate to boo our own players (God forbid!) who are paid millions of dollars generated by our hard work - UNERRINGLY LOYAL.

They have endured 10,000 losses, horrible teams, poor minor-league development and even worse personnel decisions. The list goes on.

Yet, season after season, we stay true to the Red and White as the Los Angeles fans famously "bleed Dodger Blue" - a claim I find dubious, though I won't make the same stereotypical judgments you have made, sir.

We come back year after year, despite the painful memories of seasons past to cheer (and boo) our team.

Yes, we will taunt your players. I challenge you to visit any major league ballpark and not find that. I've heard insults to players in other stadiums that would make your mother blush.

And. yes, there have been more than a few unfortunate though rarely tragic incidents of Philadelphia fans behaving poorly, illegally in an ill-mannered way - "drunken ugly," as you so colorfully put it.

But if insulting an entire fan base is the hallmark of an award-winning writer, then you deserve the Pulitzer Prize, "Mr." Simers.

And my grandmother just rose from the dead to deliver this to you, Slimeball...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Stay Classy, WXIX Fox 19 in Cincinnati and Steve Phillips

Now here's a real case of douchebagging if ever there was one.

According to the boards at, WXIX, Cincinnati's Fox affiliate opted not to stay with the Atalanta-Dallas and New Orleans-Miami finishes.  Instead, they did a post game show that consisted of no highlights and a presser with Marvin Lewis along with banter between the news anchor, the typical bubblehead bleach blonde and their sports anchor. And believe it or not, they even pre-empted an episode of American Idol for a Cincinnati Bearcats basketball game a couple years ago.

Sound familiar?  Back in the 1970s and 1980s, KYW-TV, then an Philadelphia NBC affiliate, often pre-empted network shows for their own shows.  When CBS took over in 1995, it was time to toe the corporate line as it were.  The worst known case was ten days before Christmas in 1985, the station decided not to air a 4 PM NBC NFL telecast against the Eagles-Chargers game that week.  Instead, viewers were treated to a movie, the 6 PM edition of Eyewitness News and A Current Affair with Maury Povich.

Something tells me that Raycom media, WXIX's owners, will be getting a phone call in the morning from Pirate Rupert himself.

And in other Douchbaggery News, Steve Phillips was sacked from ESPN after his affair with an intern.  The link:

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/25: Week 7 featuring THE LONDON SILLY NANNIES!

Well the NFL played their annual London game with the New England Patriots playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, or as they were cleverly disguised as, THE LONDON SILLY NANNIES! Peter Griffin was unavailable for comment.

Elsewhere, Brett Favre lost his first game as quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings in the Steel City in the best early kickoff game of the day, we have our first quarterback controversy of the season in San Francisco in honor of Mike Singletary's first year anniversary of his dropping trou in front of the team at halftime, and the unbeaten Denver Broncos, the winless Tennessee Titans, the one-win Detroit Lions, the two-win Seattle Seahawks as well as the .500 Baltimore Ravens and Jacksonville Jaguars all had their bye weeks.  Oh, the Eagles and Redskins play on Monday night against a possible Game Seven of the Angels-Yankees ALCS, but we also had six unofficial "BYE!" weeks with blowouts.

Texans 24, 49ers 21: QBC (The Quarterback Controversy Channel) is on the air, and Alex Smith saw action for the first time since November 2007, but their rally fell short.

Packers 34, Browns 3: Pack warms up for Judas Bowl II with a laugher against the Browns.  Eric Mankini, your thoughts?

Colts 42, Lambs 6: Lambs-Lying Downs next week a zero-star Gordon Forbes USA Today classic.  Can you give negative stars for a game?

Chargers 37, Chefs 7: Vincent Edwin Eupheres Erwin Boooooo Jackson was en fuego in Kaycee.

Patriots 35, Buccaneers Silly Nannies 7: See above.  Thank you, Seth MacFarlane!

Steelers 27, Vikings 17: Keith mentions former Mess catcher Mackey Sasser, and Favre is a big mashed up bag of Favre.

Bills 20, Panthers 9: Jake Delhomme threw three more INTs.  Anyone wanna replace him with the next guy?

Jets 38, Raiders 0: Jamarcus Russell replaced by Brad Gradkowski.  QBC still on the air in Bay Area.

It was at this point my computer delivered the virtual middle finger ala Stone Cold 3:16.

Bengals 45, Bears 10: Cedirc Benson proves revenge is a dish served best cold.

Saints 46, Dolphins 34:
 A clutch performance from Miami.  Grab throat, clutch hard.

Cowboys 37, Falcons 21: Once again, Stone Cold Miles AustinTM struck again.  WHAT?!TM

Enjoy either Game 6 of the ALCS or the Cardinals-Giants game.

Update 1: Arizona beat the Giants in a non-important Sunday Nuight Football game (in New York City at least), 24-17.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Rainout, No Live Blog and Nothing Else To See...Move Along...

All righty, two quick notes for you:

  1. Game Six of the 2009 ALCS has been postponed until tomorrow (10/25) at 8:20 PM US EDT becuase of heavy rains, a thunderstorm and high winds.  The same stuff I get here in Philadelphia.  If a seventh game is needed, that would be Monday (10/26) at 7:55 PM US EDT.
  2. No NFL live blog for us (JFein, Keith, et al) this week.  Mookie, like his Seahawks, decided to take a bye week, so may we suggest a visit to the new site being assisted by those at Awful Announcing, for you live blogging needs.
Other than that, nothing to see, please move along.  Other than that, the Football Night in America live blog for tomorrow is still on.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

And Now, a Video of T.J. Simers

The Path To Another Championship Is Underway


Okay...who's next?  A-R*id, Derek Jeter, and The Best Team Money Can Buy, The George Steinbrenner Still In Charge Even Though He's Not Really Doing So New York Yankees? (Oh, the dilemma of having to root against Keith's team.)  Or the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County California USA Western Hemisphere Third Rock From The Sun Milky Way Crab Nebula?  That will be decided as early as tonight (10/22) in Angel Stadium or no later than Sunday (10/25) should the series go the full metal jacket seven games.  And man, Fox and the NFL look like fricking geniuses now.  Swapping out Minnesota-Green Bay Judas Bowl II and Giants-Eagles in their time slots (1 PM and 4:15 PM) .  BRILLIANT!  Of course, I won't be watching the latter for obvious reasons.  For Pirate Rupert's sports division, this could be the biggest ratings bonanza since acquiring MLB in 1996 and the NFL two years earlier.

I digress though, as Jayson Werth (as I said at the Fire Andy Reid Now live blog "He's due") hit two home runs, Pedro "Pete Happy: Good field, no hit" Feliz and Shane-O Vic added homers of their own and the Dodgers were dead after that, 10-4.  See you at FARN next Wednesday (10/28)!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Umpiring Has Become Sucktacular in the Postseason

It's time to expand the instant replay rule in baseball.  Yeah, after last night's sucktastic performance that would have made Dave Pallone proud that two umpires could blow three plays, The Jackoff Slimeball's fan hating notwithstanding, and all in front of a national television audience, too.  Normally, I wait until the other LCS is over, but after what happened between the Mother F***ing Yankees and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County California USA Western Hemisphere Third Rock From The Sun Milky Way Crab Nebula, the time is now.

Interim Commissioner for Life This Bud's Not For You Selig, the umpires union, the owners and the players union will likely sit down at the Winter Meetings in December and agree to make changes.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Stay Classy, The Jackass Slimeball

T. J. Simers of the Los Angeles Times is a living, breathing mother fucking jagoff douchebag jackass in the vein of Comedian Boss Limbaugh if he had brains.  He hates Philadelphia for no reason whatsoever in the vein of W.C. Fields.  And Fields was actually a native Philadelphian.  

Don't believe me?  Here's his comments about the Phillie Phanatic the last two nights, plus a cheap shot at not only our fans, but also those of the Yankees:

"Nowhere in America are people more angry than those living here. During Game 3 they had their humorless furry mascot put on boxing gloves and take on someone who was supposed to be an L.A. fan, sunglasses, cellphone and all.

"The furry mascot punched him out, much to the delight of the folks here who love a dash of violence with their sports entertainment.

"During Game 4 the furry mascot took a small Dodgers blue helmet, placed it on the ground and then pulverized it, much to the delight of the locals. Same tired skits, by the way, they employed a year ago.

"But this is considered entertainment here, the only bright spot if they draw the Yankees now, getting a look in the mirror at fans who might remind them of themselves."

Send a long FUCKYOUDOUCHEBAG to for all of us, and Stay Classy, you fucktard.

Quoting Harry The K, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!"


Hard to believe, Harry, but for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and especially for Jonathon Broxton, it was another case of "Deja Vu All Over Again."  One year ago in Chavez Ravine, Matt Stairs hammered one of his 100 MPH fastballs into the right field pavillion and the Phils won.  Flash forward to tonight (10/19).  After Pete Happy (Pedro Feliz) had made an throwing error, his two-for-the-series batting earned him a replacement as pinch hitter by Mr. Stairs.  He walked on four pitches, and was replaced by Eric "Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett as a pinch runner at first.  Then "Senor Ocutbre", Carlos Ruiz was plunked on the next pitch.  After pinch hitter Greg Dobbs (for winning pitcher Brad Lidge - that's right his first win this year) struck out, Rollins delivered big time.

Three down, one more.  Like I say, we have them right where we want them.  And Cole Hamels will try for the kill Wednesday (10/21).  By the way, here's what had on their homepage BEFORE JRoll's win, just call it an EPIC DODGER FAIL!

By the way, all credit where credit is due to Chris Creamer's Sports Logo Boards for the pic.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/18: Week 6

Well, let's see.  The Cowboys, Dolphins, 49ers and unbeaten Colts (who will remain unbeaten for another week) were given the bye weeks.  The Giants fell from the unbeaten, the Chiefs rose from the winless, and the Pats added a whole new reason to the term "blowout" in a blizzard Nor'Easter in Foxborough.  The Beagles?  They should not show up back in Philadelphia after their performance...

Panthers 28, Bucs 21: The WWF broke out on a punt return late in the first half, but after Delhomme got pick-sixed, D'Angelo Williams scored the winning TD with half a minute left.

Jaguars 23, Rams 20 (OT): Maurice Jones Drew scored three TDs, but Josh Scobee Scobee Doo walked off with the 36-yard FG.

Steelers 28, Browns 17: Tory Head and Shoulders returns with an INT, and Big Ben is now 10-0 against the revived Browns.

Packers 26, Lying Downs 0: The less said to Rick James Bible Owner, the better.

Chiefs 14, Deadskins 6: There was a Todd Collins sighting as he replaced Jason Campbell.  Joe Gibbs, hello?

Vikings 33, Ravens 31: A missed FG by Steven Houska gives Brett Favre a 6-0 record heading to Pittsburgh next week.  He even admitted he didn't want to play, too.

Texans 28, Bengals 17: No fourth quarter comeback, and Antwan Odam is out with an Achilles Tendon injury.

Saints 48, Giants 27: Ouch in New York City.  Drew Brees had a seersucker suit on.  Yeah, he was the sucker that bought that jacket at Sears.

Cardinals 27, Seabags 3: Sorry Mookie.  That is all.

Raiders 13, Beagles 9: I have nothing more to say about this game except this.

Patriots 59, Titans 0: Tom Brady threw for five touchdowns in the second quarter (a new NFL record) and left after halftime with Giselle for next week's game in London against the Bucs.

Bills 16, Jets 13 (OT): Ryan Lindell's walkoff 47-yarder with 3:01 left end it, and the highlights are just in uder the wire.

You enjoy Bears-Rams, I'll watch Game 3 of the NLCS with the Phillies and the Dodgers.  FUCK LA!

UPDATE: Cliff Lee pitched eight shutout innings, struckout 10 and the Phils outscored the Beagles in a 11-0 rout of the Dodgers, while the Falcons needed a last quarter stop on 4th and 6 to beat Da Bears, 21-14.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'll Take "Lines From Airplane! That Even The Actor Can't Remember He Delivered The Line" For $2,000, Art...

In case you missed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's embarrassing moment on a Celebrity Jeopardy! this week... (Until Sony claims rights to the video)

What we really need is to have Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery mock him...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Calvin Cowherd Cowdouchebag Fails at ESPN History

There is an obvious reason that Calvin Cowherd isn't heard on ESPN 950AM/Fanatic 97.5 FM (nee "NOW 97.5" whose greatest programming stunt was to play Christmas Music on Halloween Day after the Phillies were the WFC) but is on ESPNU.

In discussing Comedian Boss Limbaugh's soon-to-be-kicked-out-of Dave Checkett's group to buy the St. Louis Rams, Cowdouchebag claimed that Keith Olbermann "wasn't a good sportscaster."

Really?  May I remind you that another network, ESPN 2 (or as we old timers like to call it, "The Deuce") that you work at on a show called SportsNation, began all the way back in 1993, and according to Wikipedia, who was the first guy to appear on the spinoff of The World Wide Leader in Sports?

  • The first program on ESPN2 was SportsNight, a sports news hybrid featuring Keith Olbermann and Suzy Kobler. The debut was noted by Olbermann's statement at the beginning of transmission: "Good evening, and welcome to the end of my career."
Well, Cowdouchebag, welcome to the end of your career.  I smell Worst Person nomination down the road...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Clocks Go Back an Hour 11/1, Four NFL Games Swap Times?

Lost in the shuffle of yesterday's (10/12) NLDS win was the avoidance of a mess at The Financial District (also known as the Sports Complex due to the connections of the facility sponsors - Citizens Bank Park, Lincoln Financial Field and the Wachovia Center, soon to be renamed the Wells Fargo Spectrum) if and when the Phillies beat the Dodgers.

The Eagles game against the Giants has been swapped from its' original 4:15 PM kickoff to 1 PM.  In addition, three other games have their kickoff times changed.  Up in Northern New Jersey at Exit 16-W, the Miami Dolphins game at the New York Jets has been moved from 1 PM to 4:05 PM and Tennessee-Jacksonville will take BUF-NYJ's place in the 1 PM slot, while Judas Bowl II - the second round of the Vikings-Packers rivalry for a homecoming for Brett Favre on The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau FieldTM - has taken the Eagles' place on the slate.  FOX and Nashville winds up winners as they now have MIN-GB as the lead in for Game 4 of the Series and Music City now gets to see it.  New York, though, winds up as the loser as they still won't see Judas Bowl II, joining San Diego.

Need A Halloween Costume? On The Cheap?

So you're looking for a Halloween costume to host that adult beverages party you're planning or you're going to Vegas to go to the Tropicana and appear on the new revival of Let's Make A Deal.  You need a costume.  Quick.  Cheap.  In a hurry.  The seasonal stores (Spirit Halloween and Halloween Adventure) are way too risky.  What do you do?  Sure, at the old ERT site one year, I made fun of a few of Uncle Keith's enemas, er, enemies like Rush Limbaugh by suggesting that you carry around Post-Its as perscriptions and "selling them" to doctors and carry only blue M&Ms.

There's a site called the Costume Idea Zone that's just right for you.  Lots of good ideas and more.

Monday, October 12, 2009

One Down, Two To Go...

Jayson Werth hit a game winning single in the top of the ninth inning to score Ryan Howard, who had done unto Hudson Street what others had done unto Brad Lidge, or in this case, Ryan Madson, when the Colorado Rockies had scored a three spot half an inning earlier, and the Phillies got their three in the top of the ninth as Lidge struck Troy Tulowitzki out on a 2-2 cutter and the Phillies will face the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2009 National League Championship Series after a 5-4 mile high win in Game 4 of the NLDS.

(Up in that great press box in the sky, Whitey said to his partner "Hard to believe, Harry, this game's easy!")

And now, it's time to...


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/11: Week 5, Sponsored by the Letter "B"

Blowouts, a boring game and the 1960 Denver Broncos Uniforms:

Odds are 1:9 that Keith or Dan mentions these guys above.  Somebody at UniWatch did.

The teams that had bye week in Week 5 were the San Diego Chargers, the unbeaten New Orleans Saints, the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears.  As for the rest...

Browns 6, Bills 3: Zzzzzzzzz.

Panthers 20, Redskins 17: The Skins led this game 17-2.  Then they left the field.

Steelers 28, Lions 20: Hey, the Lions actually looked good in this one, but Big Ben, fresh off his WWE RAW DX activities, then had two words for 'em: Suck It!TM

Vikings 38, Lambs 10: The Lambs' 1999 Super Bowl XXIV uniforms failed them.

Giants 44, Raiders 7: The less spoken to 49er16 about this game, the better.

Cowboys 26, Chiefs 20 (OT): Stone Cold Myles Austin (WHAT?!TM) led the comeback in the 1960 Dallas Cowboys win over the 1960 Dallas Texans in Kansas City.  You mean the Cotton Bowl was unavailable?

Bengals 17, Ravens 14: The Ravens defense was overaggressive at crunch time, and the Ravens choked in the progress.

Eagles 33, Bucs 14: The Suckaneers are 1976 bad.

Seahawks 41, Jaguars 0: Liz Hasselback's brother-in-law returned, and TJ Whosyourdaddy scored twice.

Cardinals 28, Texans 21: Time wasn't on Houston's side on 4th and goal from the cards two.  Run the football?  Crazy and unworkable.

Falcons 45, 49ers 10: Again, again on Letterman. Insert "Hiking the Old Appy Trail" reference here.

Broncos 20, Patriots 17 (OT): Did we mention the awful Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory circa 1971 Oompa Loompa uniforms the Broncos wore? Did we mention that Student beat Teacher as McDaniels beat Belecheat?  Did I mention that the '60 Bronco monstrosoties were worse than the '33 Team Sweden kits the Iggles wore in '07?

Well, enjoy this Colts-Titans mismatch, as for me the Phils won't start until 10:07 PM.

UPDATE #1: Colts, as expected, blew out the Titans, 31-9.

UPDATE #2: It took forever (seemingly) but the Phillies took the lead in the sole remaining NLDS, beating Colorado 6-5 on Ryan Howard's game winning...sac fly.

If You Thought There Was Confusion With the Baseball Postseason Scheduling...

Here's what today's (10/11) schedule looks like:

  • Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County California USA Western Hemisphere Third Rock from the Sun Milky Way Galaxy Crab Nebula at Boston, 12 noon ET
  • Yankees at Minnesota, 7 PM
  • Phillies at Rockies, 10 PM
If MLB had any sense, Yankees-Twins at 3 PM, Angels-Red Sox at 6:30, Phillies-Rockies at 10 PM.  We won't know the time for Game 4 of Phillies-Rockies tomorrow (10/12) but it will be announced after the finish of NYY-MIN, so if both LAA-BOS and NYY-MIN are sweeps, it's a 8:07 PM ET first pitch.  If one series continues, expect a 5:07 ET first pitch, and if there are two ALDS Game Fours, a 2:37 PM ET start for PHI-COL.  Either way, thwe road to repeat will go through Chavez Ravine as the Dodgers swept the Cardinals.

Friday, October 9, 2009

And the Weather Outside Will Be Frightful...

And could the photo to the right be not so delightful?  From AccuWeather:

Wintry conditions in Denver this weekend have potential to affect or even cancel Game 3 of the MLB National League Division Series.

At this time, is forecasting mostly cloudy skies with a high of 36 degrees for Saturday's match-up between the Philadelphia Phillies and Colorado Rockies.

By the 7:37 p.m. MDT start, temperatures will drop to 27 degrees with a chance of up to an inch of snow falling before the game.

While the postponement of MLB games due to low temperatures and snow is uncommon, it is not unheard of.

Postponements due to wintry conditions are most common in the early portion of the baseball season in cities located in the Northeast, Great Lakes and Midwest.

This season's Opening Day match-up on April 6 between the White Sox and Royals was a recent casualty after being canceled because of snow, cold temperatures and high winds.

Games can also be canceled due to just very low temperatures as well. An April 5, 2007, game between the Toronto Blue Jays and Detroit Tigers was rescheduled after the day brought a high of only 31 degrees.

A "snow-out" at Coors Field last occurred on April 10, 2008, forcing a match-up with the Atlanta Braves to be rescheduled after a total of 1.6 inches fell. Another occurred in April 2007 when a series of Indians and Mariners games were canceled after 10 inches of snow pounded Jacobs Field in Cleveland.

The defending World Champion Phillies are no strangers to postponed playoff games. Last year's decisive Game 5 of the World Series was halted in the sixth inning due to rain. The final three innings were played out two days later.

Maybe Jolly Cholly has them right where they have 'em with the bullpen of Happ and Blanton...

November 26th Will Be A Sad Day in Northeast Philadelphia

On a crisp late autumn morning, they will be playing a high school football game.  And it will be the end of an era as well.

After eighty-two games, eighty of them on consecutive Thanksgiving mornings at 9:45 AM that Thursday, the last game of an epic local Philadelphia neighborhood rivalry will be contested at Frankford War Memorial Stadium.  It was considered to be the oldest Public High School vs. Parochial High School Football Rivalry in the USA, but now, the closure of Northeast Catholic High School for Boys will make that annual game vs. Frankford High School just a memory.  It will be the last time, barring a trip to the PIAA state playoffs, that North's  football team will take the field, hoping to close out an era that was a success against their neighborhood rival, with a record of 41 wins, 34 losses and four ties. (You did know before overtime was established, games ended in ties, right Donovan F. McNabb?)

Long before desegregation, long before there were no feeder schools, you were either a Frankford Pioneer or a North Catholic Falcon, plain and simple.  You either wore the red, blue and gold of Frankford, or the red and white of North.  Families were divided, neighbors hated each other, think of, say, Auburn-Alabama but on a smaller scale.  With that, and sad as it might seem, I give you the words to North Catholic's Alma Mater in memory of this great rivalry.

See our banner wave proudly before us,
Colors gleaming in hues ever glorious!
Flag of honor, o'er foe victorious,
Led thou on to the triumph we gain...

(CHORUS) Onward, Onward! Behold where dawns the glory!
Hail, alma mater, our North Catholic High!
Sing with joyful heart and voice the story!
Hail, alma mater, our North Catholic High!

May the sunshine of youth never leave thee!
And the shadow of age never grieve thee!
Falcon symbol, we now salute thee!
Sons who love and revere thy fair name...


And Onward, Onward to the future...sadly, without a North Catholic-Frankford game.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Han Solo and His Friends Are Right...

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

In every Star Wars film, one of the main characters says that line at a point in peril.  The Phillies are in peril with their starting pitching in this NLDS against Colorado.  By wasting Joe Blanton and J.A. Happ in consecutive bullpen appearances in Game 2 today (10/8), the Phillies have now backed themselves into a corner with very bad feelings.

Pedro Martinez will now start Game 3 Saturday (10/10) in the sub-freezing cold of Coors Light Field, where the best of the Rockies is yours as Craig Kilborn said when he did SportsCenter before becoming a talk show host and actor, Sparky.  That corner is known as a three-man starting rotation, meaning Cliff Lee will start on three days rest after his monster performance in Game 1 yesterday (10/7) in a possible fourth game Sunday (10/11).  That is unless snow postpones one of the games, so Jolly Cholly better get AccuWeather on the phone, and fast.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Off To A Flying Start

Cliff Lee was a monster.

His pitching performance - a complete game, allowing seven hits and one earned run in garbage time - has given the Phillies a 1-rock lead in the 2009 National League Division Series and a 5-1 win.  My only complaint was that TBS had too many Rudy Martzke Memorial Dreaded Glitches - audio problems, satellite feed problems, sun spots, wind aided problems, and an unlistenable interview with Lee (Damn you, Gary Matthews!) - messed this telecast up.

The Phillies posted a three spot in the fifth and added a pair of runs in the sixth to seal the deal, and Jayson Werth making the Rockies pay for the sin of committing the last out at third on a double play to end the third inning caused the record crowd at The Vault, a/k/a Citizens Bank Park of 46,000-plus to roar with towels a-twirling.

Tomorrow (10/8), Cole Hamels will try to extend the lead to 2-love.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Countdown Live Blog: 10/6/09

The Tie: Plain black.

Number 5: Wanna work for Wellpoint, forget it.  Try an 18.5% increase in Maine, and go to court.  meanwhile, President Obama has 63% in a new NPR poll on a mixed public and private poll in front of every doctor...well, one from every state.  Sen. Barasso (R-WY) is alarmed on Medicare cuts, and those at Daily Kos looked at the state of Arkansas with 63% in favor of the puiblic option, and Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D Traitor-AR) voted against that, so Howard Fineman, what are the options? And Dr. Paul Hakfeld from a group calling themselves Mad as Hell Doctors was there and explains why.

Number 4: Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) is a Republican who has something the far reich doesn't have: brains, and he has thrown Prof. Harold Hill and Comedian Boss Limbaugh under the bus because they don't represent the party policy.  Just ask Michael Steele Sieve, the Good Oldboysandgirls Party leaderless leadership with a Senior's Bill of Rights.  Also, the guy who led the McCain-Tina Fey Evil Twin Sister Epic Failure tossed Miss Wasilla 1984 from the train, am I right Richard Wolffe?

No Oddball or Best Persons tonight; instead, from the Football Night in America show last night that I missed, a heartwarming football story about a coach who helped his opposition do something special for one of the opposing team's players who had come down with cancer.  Video to follow later.

Number 3: Back to that Fancy Pageant Walker and her 2012 presidential chances:  slim...and none.  So as we stated, a guy who ran the McCain/Miss Congeniality of Miss Alaska 1984 will be The Apocalypse, name of John Weaver and Steve Schmidt, the latter would be asked on Friday (10/2), so are we correct to assume a hell in a handbasket scenerio for the GOP when you were there, Margaret Carlson?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - George Will denies climate change for the seventh column in a row.  Say, called him.
Silver - Comedian Boss Limbaugh lays out the Olympic vote and cliches as well. The USOC and the IOC are at odds.  The White House was right: it was about politics.
Gold - Rep. Paul Brown (R-GA) told a guy who was suicidal to go to an ER for medicine he can't afford for depression.  Paul Brown is not a doctor, he plays one on TV.

Number 1: As Stealers' Wheel once sang in their one hit wonder, Keith's stuck in the middle with David Letterman and the man from CBS News who tried to extort the new King of Late Night.  Tell us all, Mr. O.

I'm off to watch The Favre Bowl Big Ben on WWE RAW, so I'll see you tomorrow.

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/04: Week 4 Cancelled Due to Extra Innings Baseball, SEPTA and TUIFU

First of all, my apologies for no Football Night in America Live Blog this past Sunday.

Long story short, Phillies Fan Appreciation Day game against Marlins goes 10 innings, SEPTA fucked up my schedule, e-mail connections to JFein to try to do one on his site screwed everything up because one of his e-mail addresses was broken down.  This was a TUIFU (The Ultimate in Fuck Ups) Sunday, and I didn't get home until 7:45 PM.

Okay, here's a recap of the Week Four Sunday games.  The Eagles, Atlanta, Arizona and Carolina all had the first official bye weeks on the schedule.

Texans 29, Raiders 6: Is Tom Cable better off as Raiders' coach or in the California Penal System at San Quentin?

Redskins 16, Bucs 13: Jim Zorn's job is safe for another week.  Dan Snyder had Mike Shanahan on speed dial.

Bengals 23, Browns 20 (OT): Chad Johnson (That's what I'M calling him) tied the game but the PAT was blocked; Bengals won on a Shayne Graham walkoff 31-yard field goal with four seconds left.  had he missed, Donovan McNabb would have been confused on how overtime works again!

Giants 27, Chiefs 16: Giants sweep three road games, first time since 2006 Eagles.

Colts 34, Seahawks 17: Good thing Seahags didn't wear those puke green jerseys this week.

Bears 48, Lying Downs 24: Lying Downs reverted to form this week after shocking Redskins, not even bothering to show up for the second half.  Matthew Stafford hurt himself in this game.

Jaguars 37, Titans 17: Titans have lost more games than all last year.  Jags on the door out to LA as  far as we know, all home games blacked out this year?

Patriots 27, Ravens 21: The Tom Brady Rules are now in effect, and Ray Lewis is really pissed off about it.

49ers 35, Lambs 0: Remember when this was a great rivalry...back in the 1980's?

Dolphins 38, Bills 10: Four weeks have been going by in the "When Will TO Get Angry In '09 Pool"; he came close last week.  I say midseason, and then he gets cut following the season.

Saints 24, Jets 10: The Jets looked human in the battle of the unbeatens, thanks to Darren Sharper "Image"'s 99-yard pick six of Mark "Dirty" Sanchez.

Broncos 17, Cowboys 10: Keith can't wait for next week's Pats-Broncos matchup, featuring those fuglier-than-Team Sweden 1960 Broncos unis, complete with those brown and gold Oompa Loompa vertically-striped socks.

In the Sunday night contest, the Steelers beat the Chargers, 38-24, and earning a NORVFACE!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a riot act to deliver to SEPTA that makes Dallas Green's 1980 tirade in Pittsburgh between games of a make-up doubleheader a church sermon by comparison.

A Major Announcement Concerning Comments On The Articles

Due to some criticism (and harsh as it may be), I have decided effective today (October 5, 2009), all comments will be moderated.  Much of the reasons why came from two visitors who were critical of me (and the care of my mother) in the "I SURVIVED NEW YORK ANIME FEST" essay I wrote on this blog.  It is mostly because of that along with some unflattering comments on another item I posted earlier, it will take a little time for your comments to be seen, and I will have the right to edit those to see fit.

Remember, patience as they say is a virtue, and any comment that I feel that is disruptive or goes against the grain will not be approved and thrown in the virtual circular file #13.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

It's the Phillies and the Rockies to Start the Post-Season

The Phillies now know the enemy, and the enemy is familiar.

The Colorado Rockies will play the World F. Championsa in Game 1 of the Natuional League Divisional Series this Wednesday (10/7) begining at 3:07 US EDT.  The rest of the schedule will follow.

Friday, October 2, 2009

One Year Ago Tomorrow?

Yes.  Rather than repost the video, here's the whole content of Rich "Sitting Up a Little Straighter on the Couch" Lowry - PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM YOUR TV, SIR! - and his Penthouse Forum blog commentary on Sarah Palin:

"A very wise TV executive once told me that the key to TV is projecting through the screen. It's one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill O'Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat. Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, 'Hey, I think she just winked at me.' And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it."

You do Adam West reading this.

BREAKING NEWS: Rio Wins 2016 Olympics; Chicago Dead Last

So much for that economic boost.

Even with President Obama in attendance, Chicago was the first city eliminated in the race for the Games of the XXXI Olympics, and Rio de Janiero will host both the 2014 World Cup Finals and the 2016 Summer Olympics.  The Good Oldboysandgirls Party is celebrating no doubt.

And Look Who Was Back!

No live blog the last couple night, but look who was back!

There's been an confirmed Richard Wolffe sighting!

Just Because JFein Asked For The Proof...

Here I am with Rachael Lillis, the original voice actress who played Jessie from Pokemon's famous (and fumbling) Team Rocket with me dressed as Jessie at New York Anime Festival.

For more information on this meeting, read the essay "I SURVIVED NEW YORK ANIME FEST".