Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The New Times Square Ball

Tomorrow night, Bill and Hillary will join Mayor Michael Bloomberg at Times Square to launch the maiden voyage of the new Times Square ball, which officially becomes a permament fixture atop One Times Square this year. The ball is twice as big, twice as bright and twice as spectacular!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!

The Countdown Live Blog returns on January 5, 2009. See you Saturday (1/3/09) for the "Readers Digest Condensed Edition" of Football Night in America and the between games fun as well.


"Hope you got another $7 million to do that, Ben."

It was 2008, the year Saturday Night Live got Ben Affleck to play Keith.


http://www.hulu.com/watch/42024/saturday-night-live-countdown-with-keith-olbermann

Enjoy that video goodness.


HOW DARE YOU...SIR!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Broncos-Chargers Sunday Night Football Live Blog: Second Half

It's Bolts 24, Broncs 6 as we start the second half of this winner-takes-all and meets the Colts next Saturday gets underway. And I'm hissed off at my local NBC station for running SEVEN FUCKING STRAIGHT FUCKING CAR COMMERCIALS IN A ROW! WHOM EVER SCHEDULES FUCKING CRAP LIKE THAT OUGHT TO BE PUNISHED BY BEING TIED TO THEIR MOTHERFUCKING CHAIR AND WATCHING AN ENDLESS LOOP OF MOTHERFUCKING BONFIRE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING VANITIES FOR MOTHERFUCKING TWENTY FOUR MOTHRFUCKING HOURS!!!!!

Excuse my French, but I really hate when that happens.

Now that I'm off my soapbox, Nate Keating kicks off to C. Jackson and returns it to the Broncos 27. Bell catches a short pass from Cutler for eleven yards and a first down at their 38. The next play finds Royal gaining three, followed by a threaded Schleffler pass to the Chargers 42. And another first down finds Royal gaining five on a Cutler bullet. That's followed by Bell ringing up a 37-yard touchdown run. Trator kicks the PAT, and now it's Chargers 24, Broncos 13. That missed PAT could come back to haunt Shanny.

Sproles returns the Broncos kickoff to the Bolts' 31, and Rivers slides for four yards on the first down, then LT races down to the Broncos' 21, a 45-yarder. Malamaleuna gets five yards on a Rivers pass on 1st and 10, and Sproles gains two making it third and three. And Sproles is rewarded with a 12-yard touchdown pass from Rivers, and Kaeting kicks the PAT making it 31-13 Bolts.

C. Jackson returns the kickoff to the Broncos 18, and loses the ball, but Denver recovers. On first down, Cutler is picked by Luis Castillo thanks to Sean Phillips' mitts deflecting it, and the Bolts are in *Mr. Burns impression* EXCELLENT field position. No sooner said than that, LT takes the rock 14 yards to the house, and Kaeting makes it 38-13 for San Diego. Carl Lewis just called and said "Uh-oh!"

Meanwhile, Signal To Noise is getting angry and yelling "FIRE MIKE SHANNAHAN NOW!" C. Jackson holds onto the ball, and returns the kickoff to the Denver 30. Cutler is deflected by Eric Reynolds on 1st and 10, then Royal gets eight yards on second down, bringing up 3rd and 2. Marshall gets the first down on a laser fom Cutler at the Denver 47. Marshall gets another catch, putting the pea at the Chargers 42, and then Scheffler catches another Cutler toss at the Bolts' 30. Bell gets nothing on 1st and 10, then it's Cutler scrambling for six. Cutler crosses then nobody can catch, and now it's 4th an 4, and Denver must go for it. And Stokley gets the first down at the Bolts 17, and then after a three-yard loss, Stokley recovers them plus five. Third and five sees Bell overthrown, and the Broncs will go for it again. And Cutler passes it and Stokley drops it! Lightning Bolts take over on downs at their 12.

LT gets a yard on first down, then Sproles gets five yards. On third and five, number 11 gets seven and a first thanks to Rivers. Folowing a drop on first down, Sproles gains three to bring up 3rd and 7, where Sproles falls short, but the Chargers do what they were supposed to do, and milk clock. Mike Sybers punts to the Broncos' 25. SSReporters wants the Seahawks to sign Sproles.

Denver needs to have the biggest miracle in the history of all of football and marshall gains a dozen for the first down after Cutler passes to him, then Royal gets the ball to midfield and the clock runs out. Chargers 38-13 with one quarter left.

I look to the sky and ask myself "WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER THREE COCKSUCKING CAR ADS IN A ROW ON MY NBC STATION!?" Meanwhile, fifteen minutes are left on the Broncos season, and it's not looking good for Denver and Cutler shorthops Royal, and on 2nd and 10, D. Jackson catches a 13-yard pass on his arrears. Marshall gets nine on Cutler's next pass, then Bell's shovel pass reception gains the first down. Cutler finds Schleffler for his third touchdown against the Chrgers this year. They'll go for two, and Cutler does it himself, and now it's a 17-point lead for the San Diegans, 38-21.

Broncos go deep on the kickoff, and Sproles takes the pill to the Chargers' 38. Is there a priest to deliver last rites to Denver's chances? LT has a possible groin injury. His own, we hope, and Sproles jams it up the middle for three on first and ten. Rivers then takes the ball on his own to their 40, and that's bringing up a crucial third and four. Chris Chambers proves Time Has Come Today, and gets the first down on the Broncos 42. Sproles keeps the ball on the ground for three yard and brings up 2nd and 7, where Sproles takes the magic bean and totes it 37 yards to the Denver 2. And Sproles takes the last two yards himself and closes the door for all intents and purposes for the first Chrger rushing touchdown not by LT, and Nate Kaeting makes it 45-21, and boy, are they frustrated in Denver.

Kaeting kicks to C. Jackson and it's returned to the Denver 22. Momma's Boys, proof that NBC is desperate for any show, even one produced by Ryan Seacresty (He's tiny! He knows where the pot of gold is at!) Cutler finds Royal for eleven yards and a first down, but they're in a hurry, so Marshall is the intended pass catcher, but there's a flag for pass interference ovrshdowing an illagal contact and the Broncos have the ball at the Chargers 35, and Cutler's pass to Stokely is incomplete on first down, so it brings up second down, where Cutler finds Royal for five, and then Cuter misfires to Scheffler, so another must go for it 4th and 5, where Cutler overthrows Marshall, rest in pieces. Lightning Bolts takeover at their 30 to milk more clock.

Sproles gets another ten yards on first down, and another nine yards for Sproles, and it's an abdominal strain for LT, ending his night. Plenty of euphomisisms. Hester carries the ball into Broncos property at the Denver 38, and the countdown is on. Hester carries the ball again for two yards, and then again for two more. And Sproles is back for another 14 yard run, and another Charger first down. Old fashioned smash-mouth football. Hester gets 18 yards on the next first down, and LT's loving it. Hester carries the ball to the seven of Denver, and Hester slip up as we head to the two minute time out. And Madden tells us you got to have a package. Hmmmm, double entendre much?

On October 13, 1963, the Chargers had 283 rushing yards, and Hester just helped break the mark with a four-yard run. And Hester just took the ball for four yards and ends it mercifully for Broncos fans. With Kaeting's PAT, it's 52-21 and Norv gets his Norv face after getting drenched.

Kaeting kickoff is returned to the Broncos 33, and Cutler finds Royal for nine, then again for eight, but it's too late... then eleven an a first down for Royal, and then Royal for anothetr nine, and that's it.

FINAL SCORE: SAN DIEGO 52, DENVER 21. CHARGERS WIN AFC WEST!

Thanks for following this live blog, and let's do it again sometime soon.

Broncos-Chargers Sunday Night Football Live Blog: First Half

We've had some problems with the Keiths Sports Journal site, so here we go.

Chargers won toss, and Darren Sproles takes the Broncos' kickoff to the Bolts 30. On 1st and 10, Lt reverses to Vincent Jackson for 17 yards and a first down. LT gets 12 on the first down, but the Chargers were caught wth their hands on the other guy's jersey, so now it's 1st and 20, and Champ Bailey is seriously hurt. Chris Chambers' tried to hang on to Philip Rivers' pass, but it's imcomplete. Rivers throws into double coverage to Jackson, but pass interference on Nate Webster, Broncos MLB places the ball on the Broncs' 11.

Alfalfa: "The crowd is obviously going to love this because it's defensive pass interference." JFein: "It would have been funny if it was offensive pass interference."

LT loses two on 1st and 10. Looks like Bailey hurt his groin. Rivers sacked by Ebeneezer Ekiban on 2nd and 12. On 3rd and 17, Rivers finds Anotonio Gates but are well short of the first down. Nate Kaeding kicks the 28-yard field goal, and with 11:41 left in the first, Bolts 3, Broncs 0.

Now we hear Champ Bailey is questionable with a elbow injury. Chance Jackson returns the kick to th Denver 27, and Jay Cutler passes to Eddie Royal, and say hi to Shaun Phillips, losing four. Cutler passes to Tony Schleffler for 13 yards, and Cutler's third straight pass is IN-COM-PLETE! On 2nd and 10, Daniel Graham is short of midfield and the first down marker, and then on third down and a foot, Tatum Bell gets three and the first down in Chargers real estate. Cutler thanks to Igor Olshansky loses two as he is sacked, and on 2nd and 12, Brandon Stokley gains fifteen and the first down. At the Bolts 35, Bell gets nine yards for the former cell phone kiosk manager while Brandon Marshall dropped a 2nd and 1 pass. And Bell rings up a 26-yard touchdown run on the Bolts, his first since last season on Opening Day...with the Lions. After a false start penalty, the PAT was shanked, and it's 6-3 Denver.

Sproles returns the kickoff to the Chargers' 27. And good news, Champ Bailey's back, and LT's stopped on 1st and 10. The X-rays were negative on Bailey's left elbow. Jackson turns what was a five-yard gain into a 1st and 10 at the San Diego 37. Then V. Jackson - FULL EXTENTION! - gains 37 on a great throw by Rivers, and LT gains zip after that. Tomlinson gains nine after that, and on 3rd and 1, Rivers tries a quarterback sneak, and a late flag comes in. D.J. Williams gets penalized for a late hit, and it's half the distance to the goal, and on the Denver 7, LT works his way down to the Broncos 2. LT gets the last two yards and the touchdown, and the Broncos protesteth too much...but the replay shows the ball crossing the plane. Kaeting makes it 10-6 SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS...SAN DIEGO--CHARGERS!

C. Jackson returns the kick to the Denver 25. Graham ges a first down after a ten yard pass from Cutler, and the next pass goes through Eddie Royal's hands. We saw a guy dressed as a ref telling Ed Hercules that almost everything is forgiven. Jamal Williams hold Bell to one yard on 2nd and 10, and then Cutler to Tony Schelffler is short on 3rd and 9. Sproles return the punt to the Bolts' 28, where Rivers gets Gates inside the Broncos 37, and that's the first quarter, folks, with Denver trailing San Diego, 10-6.

And the second stanza starts with LT gaining 12 to the Broncos 26. And another two gained after that, then the Bolts call time out. Rivers overthrows #11 on 2nd and 8. On 3rd and 8, Gates gets on the unofficial yellow line for television purposes, and we measure and...missed it by the snap of the chain, bringing up fourth and a snap. Bolts will go for it, and Rivers pushes across for three yards and the first down. Jacob Hester gets a two yard pass on 1st and 10, then Malumalueula catches the 12-yard touchdown pass from Rivers. Kaeting kicks the PAT, and the Chargers lead 17-6 with eleven and a half 'till recess.

Meanwile, in the Independence Bowl, Louisiana Tech leads Northern Illinois, 14-7. This bowl will lose certification in 2009, mark my word. The San Jose Silicon Valley Classic syndrome. SEC, Big 12 send teams to BCS, and they get WAC (they should have invited Boise State and Ball State instead of a hometown team like LA Tech.) Like you really give a flying Wallenda. C. Jackson takes the kickoff to the Broncos 26, where on 1st and 10, Cutler passes to Stokely for ten yards, but the Chargers were jamming on the face so it's 1st and 10 at the 31, and Royal lets another Cutler pass through his hands. Second and 10, Royal catches a pass for nine, but Denver gets hit with a 15-yard chop block flag on Bell, making it 2nd and 25. Avoiding the sack, Cutler throws te ball away, and a hold on Cooper is declined, making it 3rd and 25. Bell catches a screen, and Denver has to kick the ball away to San Diego. Brett Kerns kicks to Sproles and he returns it to San Diego's 42.

Tomlinson starts this possession with a meager one yard gain. Rivers finds Chambers at the Broncos 43 for the first down, followed by LT gaining one. hester gets another first down at the Denver 26 on the Rivers pass. Sproles takes over on first for LT and gains five, then another one, but a holding call against Kris Dehlman becomes 2nd and 15. And a false start makes it 2nd and 20, and Jeremy Clarey was found guilty. Rivers and Chambers get eighteen of those yards back, making it third and a deuce. Jackson takes LT's reverse with Rivers blocking seting up 1st and goal at the Denver 5. LT gets a yard and dives into the paint for six with a four yard spinarama on second down. Kaeting increases the lead to 18 at the 3:32 mark, 24-6 Bolts. Dance all night!

Gonna be a busy week for paint in The Q. The Holiday Bowl (and the fugly Oregon unis) Tuesday night against Oklahoma State ("I'm a man! Go after me!") followed by the possible Chargers home game against the Colts. C. Jackson returns Kaeting's kickoff to the visitors 30, and Bell gains seven. Second and three finds a Bell getting a shovel pass to midfield from Cutler and a first down, with Bell getting two and the two-minute warning.

On 2nd and 7, Cutler finds Brandon Marshall, Marshall, Marshall for the first with no huddle, then Stokley is rifled by Cutler to the Bolts' 14, then after a Broncos time out, Cutler tries to find Scheffler and it will go to the booth and the peep show. Do refs when they go under the hood deposit quarters? And upon further review, the play stands as an imcomplete pass. Second and ten finds Cutler passing and Paul Oliver stems the tide with a pickoff in the end zone.

Sproles on 1st and ten gains six, and San Diego will let the clock roll with 2nd and 4 Rivers dumping the ball bringing up 3rd and 10. Norv channeling his inner Reid. And Sproles gains nine as the Bolts call timeout. First and ten finds a false start on Dehil moving them back five yards, so Rivers throws the pass on 1st and 15 to Tijauana. And Sproles runs for seven to end the half. Chargers 24, Broncos 6 at halftime. See you in the second half blog.

Football Night in America Live Blog: 12/28/08

We've seen history made today in Week 17 as I welcome you to the final live blog of Football Night in America for the 2008 NFL season.

That wild cheering you hear is Jim Rome is Burninating, as the Detroit Lying Downs did the job, surpassing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Charter Class of 1976 as professional football's most sucktacular frachise in the 88 year history of the National Football League. Also, Minnesota won the NFC North, the Bears and Bucs knocked themselves out of the postseason turning the Eagles-Cowboys game into a sudden death winner-take-all nuclear blowout of Dallas with the Birds heading to Minneapolis next week. And in the NFC South, Carolina will get a week off while Atlanta will soar west to face the Cardinals next week. Over in the AFC, the Patriots were praying to higher authorities that the Dolphins or the Ravens lose, but it did not happen.

We know Bob and Cris as well as Peter King are in Studio 8G. We'll let you know where Tiki and Bus are shortly...

And now, ladies and gentlemen (for the last time this year), a-heeeeeeeeeereeee's Keith and Dan!

Packers 31, Lying Downs 21: Oh for 2008 go the Lying Downs. Allowing two hundred yard runers, two 100-yard recievers in this game. Jim Rome Is Burninating celebrates the accomplishment as only he will, and now The Lying Downs are on the clock.

Bungles 16, Chefs 6: The Bungles acting like the forward pass was still illegal in 1906. Ginluca Paliuca! And which of these coaches will you be talking about on the unemployment line tomorrow? We all know that Mike Brown is the Worst Owner IN THE WORLD!

Steeers 31, Browns 0: Phyrric win for the Steelers as Big Ben suffered a concussion.

And look, Bus is in the studio!

Colts 23, Titans 0: Peyton Maning 7-for-7. Jim Sorgi was there. The Titans no so much in this glorified preseason game.

Falcons 31, Rams 27: On behalf of half of St. Louis, Bob Costas objects. Falcons will be in Glendale next weekend. Full schedule forthcoming.

Panthers 33, Saints 3: Talk about a Drew Brees...Saints trailed until the fourth and John Kasey wins the NFC South and a bye week as Tom Benson cries on the inside.

Vikings 20, Giants 19: Adrian Petreson runs amok, Derrick Ward and brian jacobs both rushed for 1,000 yards this season. But it was Ryan Longwell walking off with the NFC North with a fifty-yard field goal.

Texans 31, Bears 24: Hey, at least we had Matt "Stump the" Schaub spoiling Da Bears' post season. At least The Windy City has the Winter Classic at Wrigley Thursday (1/1/09).

Raiders 31, Buccaneers 24: To save cash, Chucky became cheerleader and aerobics instructor. Didn't happen thanks to Michael, um...Busssssssh!

Patriots 13, Bills 0: Bob and Cris take this one. 'Twas a fruitless eleven win season for Belecheat and the Boys, meaning that the Pats will pick 20th in the first round in April at Radio City Music Hall. Ever since the Celtics won that 17th NBA title in June, it's been close but not close enough in The Old Town. But it was the goalposts that were whacked out due to high winds before the games.

Your matchups for post season Wild Card Weekend:
AFC: Colts @ AFC West Saturday, 8:15 PM, Ravens @ Dolphins, Sunday 1 PM.
NFC: Falcons @ Cardinals, Saturday 4:30 PM, Eagles @ Vikings, Sunday 4:45 PM.

As for your Divisional Playoffs...
NFC: At Carolina, January 10, 8:15 PM, At NY Giants January 11, 1 PM.
AFC: At Tennessee, January 10,4:30 PM, at Pttsburgh January 11, 4:45 PM

The Conference finals are the 18th, with the NFC game at 3 PM and the AFC game at 6:30 PM. And as always, all times listed are US Eastern Time Zone.

Cardinals 34, Seahawks 21: The less said, the better.

49ers 27, Redskins 24: Another case of missing highlights as only those in the Federal Witness Protection Program saw them, and I have nothing more to say that is either relevant or true, Becky!

Ravens 27, Jaguars 7: Ray Lewis was fired up or he stepped on the pyro. Ravens clinch the six seed with the win.

Dolphins 24, Jets 17: Revenge is a dish best served up to people of taste cold. Chad Pennington goes to the playoffs, Brett Favre doesn't and like last year, his season ended with a pick.

Eagles 44, Cowgirls 6: Yoko Romo looked horrible at quarterback, the Eagles had five turnovers leading to 27 points on the board, and Andy Reid's off to Minneapolis next Sunday. And for the moment, employed for another year. This ten years to the day of the last Cowboy post season win and fifty years since The Greatest Professional Fooball Game Ever, Colts 23, Giants 17 at Yankee Stadium. You knew I had to get it in. And look, there's been a Tiki Barber sighting!

Well, that's it for the regular season...save for the Broncos and Chargers. See you on Saturday for the condensed FNiA and between game show as well.

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Wee Bit Late, But...

Here's your Week 17 NFL Schedule:

All times US Eastern Standard; games which have been moved are in italics, games with playoff implications are in bold.


1 PM:

  • Carolina at New Orleans (Can the Cats come in a bounceback mode and get that first round bye?)
  • Chicago at Houston (Da Bears win means they're in.)
  • Cleveland at Pittsburgh (Meaningless for the 'Burgh, but Romeo, Romeo, where forth thy unemployment line?)
  • Detroit at Green Bay (The Lying Downs get the chance to become 0-16 and Jim Rome is Burninating slavates as we speak.)
  • Kansas City at Cincinnati (Loser gets second overall pick behind the Lying Downs; if Gordon Forbes were still doing his star rating system at USA TODAY, would this be the first ever negative star game?)
  • New England at Buffalo (Can the Pats win eleven games and make the playoffs witout the future Mr. Giselle Bunchen? A loss to Buffalo puts them into more Jeopardy than Art Fleming ever did.)
  • NY Giants at Minnesota (Vikings win and Bears lose means NFC Central, er, North title for Vikes and #3 seed)
  • Oakland at Tampa Bay (Buccos lose, combined with other factors will eliminate them.)
  • St. Louis at Atlanta (Because the Pathers choked last Sunday night, a Falcons win with a Panthers loss drops them to the #5 slot.)
  • Tennessee at Indianapolis (Last year's Week 17 flex becomes this year's meaningless exhibition pre-post-season contest as both P. Manning and Collins will take the week off.)

4:15 PM:

  • Dallas at Philadelphia (Eagles win combined with several other factors makes then in, but a Cowboys win means FIRE ANDY REID NOW!)
  • Jacksonville at Baltimore (A Ravens win will have them in.)
  • Miami at NY Jets (Is this the Golden Brett's last huzzah? A Dolphin victory wins the AFC East and completes worst-to-first scenerio; a Jets win with a Pats loss wins AFC East on tiebreakers.)
  • Seattle at Arizona and Washington at San Francisco (Farewell to Mike Holmgren after the game in Glendale.)

And the 8:15 game is cut and dried: Denver at San Diego. Winner take all for AFC West and rights to host Indianapolis next weekend.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Football Night in America Live Blog: 12/21/08

This was quite a historic day...for all the wrong reasons if you were a Detroit Lying Downs fan, or fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Philadelphia Eagles or New York Jets.

The Lying Downs clinched the number one draft pick and became the first team to lose fifteen straight games to start the season. Tampa had an unbeaten record at home until the San Diego Chargers became the second team from the western part of the country to beat a team in the Eastern Time Zone, the Jets were supposed to walk all over the Seahawks, but the final home game for Mike Holmgren was a surprise win, and the Eagles were all but eliminated because they looked abysmal against the Redskins and behalf of JFein, FIRE ANDY REID!


And next week's Flex Game will be Broncos-Chargers for all the AFC West marbles. Tiki's at The Swamplands, with a cameo by NBC Weather Channel's Jim Cantore, Bus is in Nashville, and Bob, Peter and Cris are in the studio. And now, ladies and gentlemen, herrrrrrrrrre's Keith and Dan!


49ers 17, Rams 16: The "I Fired My Coach Bowl" goes to the Niners late with 14 fourth quarter points. Strip the "interim" title ASAP from Mike Singletary's title.


Saints 42, Lying Downs 7: Jim Rome is Burninating now happier. Next week, the Packers in Green Bay. Get out the old roll of stamps and mail it in, Lying Downs and the 1976 Bucs will be the sole winless team in the modern era no more!


Bungles 14, Brownies 0: Anything less said about this game the better, and Keith does not work at The Hackney School newspaper anymore.


Dolphins 38, Chiefs 31: It was -12 degrees wind chill, and the coldest game in Dolphins history. However, they had to get 14 fourth quarter points and hold off the Chiefs to win.


Chargers 41, Bucs 24: Say hello to Y. A. Tittle Garcia, and the LaMont Casons keep rolling along.


Patriots 47, Cardinals 7: Now, it looks like the Pats in spite of the way they have played will be out of the postseason with a possible 11 win season. The Pats played snow sweeper and the Cards were the snow. And Dan makes a "Generalimissio Billo Imaginary War on Christmas" joke after Wes Welker's snow angel.


Titans 31, Steelers 14: No Hayneswoth, no Vanden Bosch? No problem. Ben Rothelisberger to Santonio Holmes in the Santonio Area Code...while in the great press box in the sky, Myron Cope is wishing if there's a rematch in the AFC title game that LenDale White will be hurt and hurt seriously for stomping on one of his "Terrible Towels".


Bills 30, Broncos 24: The Broncs had a chance to salt the AFC West away, but now they're in the Flex Game next week...winner take all at San Diego against the Bolts.


Falcons 24, Vikings 17: Give credit to Atlanta's defense as Matt Ryan, the NFL Rookie of the Year thought he would fly. And a tip of the helmet to Matt Burk for helping older players.

Seahawks 13, Jets 3: The only way the Jets win the AFC East is if the Pats lose to Buffalo or the Ravens lose to Jacksonville and the Jets beat Miami next week. The only way the Pack gets a higher pick is if they make the playoffs, right now it's a fourth rounder.

Redskins 10, Eagles 3: Stick a fork in the Beagles, they're done. Redskins are home for the postseason making this a hollow victory. The Beagles must beat Dallas next week and have Oakland beat Tampa Bay.

Raiders 27, Texans 16: Scorecenter: As Kenny Mayne used to say, "It's just another case of the man keeping the Texans and the Raiders down." No highlights available.

Enjoy the battle for home field between the Panthers and the G-Men!

UPDATE: The Giants win in OT, 34-28 to clinch home field through the playoffs. I'll have an final Week 17 schedule for you tomorrow in all hopes.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/19/08

For the last time in 2008, we count 32 days until Inauguration Day, 2,059 days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, six days until Christmas, 12 days until the ball drop at One Times Square, 42 days until Super Bowl XLIII, 57 days until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training and just 106 days until Opening Night in Philadelphia for the 2009 Major League Baseball season.

The Tie: Silver blue.

Number 5: "I will fight, I will fight, I will fight until I take my last breath." And with that, Blago says he's going to battle the charges against him eleven days after the fact following being arrested for trying to sell the vacated Obama senate seat in Illinois. He added Kipling in his statement. Wait, he wanted to sell a dead poet the seat? He also slammed Meet The Press as well. Whoa, David Gregory just took over that job this past week, and Blago's already slamming GE. He also thanked all his supporters - sixty upon last count - and wished everyone Happy Holidays. Chris Colizza delivers that fact it was a fierce denial in three minutes or less. Watergate much, Balgo?

And in Minnesota's crazy political Senate voting count out near Lake Woebegon, legitimate former comic Al Franken has now taken the lead over Norm Coleman, and now he's getting desperate and now wants duplicate ballots uncounted. They'll need enough hot dishes to keep them going soon.

Number 4: Bush had decided to allot $17.4 billion to GM and Chrysler in the bailout of America's car makers after Jim Bunning - who was 86'd from a Detroit sports memorabilia show last week for backing the Southern Grand Older Politicos in the original plan killing - provided that they get their house in order by March 31, otherwise, they'd get their money back, and the Republicans who are sleeping with foreign makers, are cheesed off. Like maybe more electric cars perhaps, Treasury boss Henry Paulsen wants the other $350 billion released, and Obama said that our paitence is running out and come up with hard choices. Robert Kutter joins us to state that restructuring is important to 66.7% of the Big Three.

Oddball: The Dawson City hockey team's journey started on this day in 1904 en route to Ottawa and it was a disaster and lost the Stanley Cup playoffs in two games. Speaking of hockey, at The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field, two Zambonis arrived for the NHL Winter Classic between the Red Wings and Blackhawks on New Years Day, and one of them fell off the truck. Luckilly, no one was hurt and the ice resurfacer wasn't seriously damaged. Meanwhile, in South Korea, a trade deal with the USA added the whole new meaning to "filibuster". Over a year ago, another donneybrook broke out.

Best Persons: 3 - Lou Dobbs said that Canada's PM was "Un-American". D'oh! 2 - Thanks to a hypnotist's act, Darren Corbett gets his addiction switched from tobacco to scampi fries. 1 - At the same Home Depot withtin a week, Gil Steward found $1,000 in a wallet that a man lost for Christmas gifts and mortgage payment. Then found a bag of cash on the floor dropped by a vendor.

Music Segue: En Vogue's "Whatta Mighty Mighty Good Man."

Number 3: The man who was known as "Deep Throat", Woodward and Bernstein's Watergate insider, W. Mark Felt, former Deputy FBI director, passed away at 95. It was his children that asked to out himself in Vanity Fair in May 2002 while investigating the source of the leaks himself, and John Dean, Nixon's White House counsel at that time, tells his side of the story for all of us.

Bushed!: 3 - Decriminalization of gay rights is anti-American. The French are for it and introduced them. 2 - Midnight regulation not under consideration on Global Warming. In essence, the EPA Director overruled the Supreme Court. 1 - Gonzo while as counsel lied with Condi on testimony about the CIA cleared Irani oral clearence claims to uranium there. It looks like Fredo picked a bad year to move Rice's lips.

Number 2: Worst Persons in the World (Last call for 2008):
Bronze - Inanity and former beauty queen Gretchen Carlson tied for the bronze with photos released of president-elect Obama smoked ciggies and wore a hat, saying if the pictures were released during the campaign, McCain would have won. And what was Carlson's talent as a beauty queen? She played the violin, so she's fiddling whilst Inanity is burning.
Silver - The Florida Department of Revenue felt that a man owed fines and faced charges of not being charged a buck and a half in state sales taxes. *palmslap*
Gold - Greta American Insurance via Carl Linder, the company's chairman and former owner of the first professional baseball team, says that three people killed in arson in Houston a few years ago asks that their families of the deceased don't deserve a dollar because it was induced by smoke. Boycott Cincinnati Reds home games in 2009 in protest I say, as they have naming rights to their home on Pete Rose Way.

Number 1: The Tina Fey Evil Doppelganger is still in the Krusty The Clown walking on the rakes mode. Her daughter Bristol is due to give birth sometime this weekend, and her beau's mother was arrested in Alaska's "crystal meth capital," Wasilla, where the evil twin of the star of 30 Rock lives on six drug-related charges. She's out on $2,000 bail and Christian Finnegan closes out the year 2008 with the note that Sarah Palin's staff is unavailable for comment, and Crystal's a good name for a girl.

Yet we all here exclaim as he went out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." But I will have live blogs on the last two editions of Football Night in America on the next two Sundays, and hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

Some Shiggles For The Holidays

Well, tonight (12/19/08) will be the last live editon of Countdown for 2008, but before we draw a curtain on the year and the program takes a two-week rest along with a break from the daily live blogging therein, I'd thought I'd share a couple of pictures of me in some outlandish costumes.

Yes, there's people who dress up for fun at anime, sci-fi conventions and other events was well. And I'm happy to say that I am a part-time cosplayer, and I have worn these costumes on Halloween in the past, living around the corner from some people who go bizarro and have a haunted porch, thus making my home a safe haven for frightened six-year olds. And so I'm posting these costumes and asking thee for your honest (be serious and don't curse, please) opining.

My first cosplay was as James, the bumbleheaded member of the Pokemon crime syndicate (and comic relief in the popular anime series) known as Team Rocket. Here, at the introduction of Pokemon Gold and Silver, I pose with a water bottle in one hand and Ash's Pikachu (a/k/a "The Twerp") which I "borrowed" from him (I actually bought it at a dollar store in reality from a New York Yankees Pokemon doll giveaway promotion) taking a break from the fun.


Then came a somewhat seriocomic attempt to do my first crossplay, where cosplayers of one gender portray one of the opposite sex. I chose James' in crime and ill humor on Rocket-dan, Jessie. And this particular picture you're seeing was posted on koatku.com and digg.com, and needless to say, I was charred over the napalmed flames but I recovered and got the last laugh on them.


This, needless to say was one of my more fun cosplays. Trust me, it wasn't easy dressing as a woman with purple hair looking like an evil diva which she is. And as I stated following the flaming incident over the interwebs, I actually got more compliments about this outfit than complaints. BTW, those two pictures was taken outside of 10 Rockefeller Center in New York City, where Keith now does Countdown. Many people said that I actually looked like a female, and passed with flying colors. So much so, after the event to introduce North America to the Pokemon Diamond and Pearl games at 10 Rock, I walked back to New York's Penn Station a mile in full costume, makeup and all (Sephora at 34th Street is the bomb BTW) and got wolf whistles from a couple construction workers in a truck. That's when I knew I had passed as a female. BTW, I wore a waist cincher, a padded girdle for the hips and fanny, and it's a flesh-colored shirt around my torso. And the most fun part was when I was interviewed by Misty's Japanese voice actress, and even posed for pictures that day with kids and adults who all dressed for the party.

And then came my youth...as a 47-year-old guy having the guts to dress as a 12-year-old girl. I actually wanted to have a fun costume for my next outfit, so I turned to Disney for it and one of its' most iconic characters of all. Alice Pleasence Liddell, who fell down a rabbit hole into a Wonderland of Mad Tea Parties, painting roses red and other nonsensical stuff Reverand Charles Dodgson (a/k/a Lewis Carroll) would come up with, and this picture is of the 2008 version I'm wearing.


This was a very fun outfit to do (and it still is BTW) as my mom had to hand sew the entire dress because her sewing machine was broken in the process. Hopefully for 2009, this gets an improvement on the actual pinifore apron and a new wig are in the works. By the way, this is supposed to be the Disney theme park version of Alice in Wonderland. And believe me, it was hard to find size 12 Mary Jane styled shoes, but I found them on the web at a low price.

Thanks for sharing the fun with me, and I hope your holidays are filled with joy, wonder, excitement and anything else you might believe in.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/18/08

Once again, I'll spare you the numbers except one: Seven days until Christmas.

The Tie: Red grid.

Number 5: Pastor Rick Warren was chosen to be the man to deliver the invocation at Obama's inauguration. Warren was behind being in favor of Prop 8, protecting his freedom of speech. The six million GLAAD members protesth loudly, saying he's the Generalimissio on the anti-GLBT movement. Dr. Joesph Lowery, co-founder of the Southern Christan Leadership Conference with this Martin Luther King Jr. guy, will deliver the benediction. John Harwood arrives to summerize this. Warren's honored to be delivering this, or else.

More on the outrage, Rob Boston joins us from the Americans united for the Seperation of Church and State, and the religious right will be heard again. Just when they thought they were kicked out, they pulled them back in. In short, "[Warren]'s Jerry Falwell in a Hawai'ian shirt."

Number 4: War crimes and inditements with Herr Gobels Vice President Cheney and waterboarding and torture and refusing a pardon. On Rachael Maddow's show last night (12/17), Sen. Carl Levin, the chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committe called for a impartial committee. You think impeachment shoulda been called for had the Democrats gained control of Congress in 2004? John Dean joins us to anaylize the boastful confessions.

Breaking News: Minnesota's Supreme Court must allow 1,600 absentee ballots and that's good news for legit former comedian Al Franken in unseating Norm Coleman. Meantime, Blagogate continues and no questions on Obama's presser today. In other words, No "Oddball", "Best Persons" and "Musical Segue."

Bushed!: 3 - Cheney says this administartion will be remembered. For what? For who? 2 - Nexus of Politics and terror finds that numberous terrorist attacks including that mispronounced Los Angeles skyscraper. 1 - Insulting the dead. In this case, Fixed Noise said no one thought terrorists would fly 767. Stop it, Adolph ignored it.

Number 3: Would you buy a car from automakers that will be going out of business? Rest easy, Adolph XLII's on the case as much out of $14 billion after the Dixie Republicans killed off that bailout in the Senate last week. What would it be like to be president? Herbert Hoover. Harry Shearer of Le Show and the sixth Simpson joins us from N'Awlins (remember that, Herr Adolph?) to throw a few bones there, and compares them to airlines.

Number 2: Worst Persons in the World, the Fixed Noise Hoya Paranoia Will Destroya Edition
Bronze - Generalimissio Billo said he saved Christmas in Massachuetts because of lowering their carbon footprint. And they're overcovering The Orally Created War on Christmas telling viewers that they're wrong.
Silver - Gretchen Carlson stands with Billo on the War on Christmas stuff while interviewing none other than right wing nutjob (and I'm ashamed to say it, native Philadelphian) Michelle Malkin, who had to calm the former beauty queen down.
Gold - In exchange for Obama becoming Time's 2008 Man of the Year, Inanity says that their Washington bureau chief will be in charge Veep-elect Biden's communications, and calls shenanigans, mularkey, blarney and their brothers as well. Next thing you know, Sean got calmed down by none other than right wing nutjob and humorist L. Brett Bozell saying that presidential election winners usually win Man of the Year. Now that's saying something!

Number 1:
Flying Footwear Day Five. The Iraqi broadcast journalist wants a pardon from the government there. He's apologized about it, and wanted the pardon. Meanwhile, more protests around the world, and a marriage proposal to the guy who threw the size 10s. Late night comics aren't finished with it, either. And new web stuff showing Herr Bush ducking everything plus the kitchen sink. No, really.

And speaking of ducking, I'm ducking out for the night. Join me tomorrow for the final (live) Countdown. Of 2008. What were you expecting, Europe?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/17/08

I'll spare you the numbers tonight.

The Tie: Red with small white dots.


Number 5: Flying Footwear Day Four. A Bronx fireman protesting a small island fire station closing and a angered New Yorker fighting higher fares threatened to throw shoes at The Man. Meanwhile, in Iraq, more protests and humor keeping their soles on, and Matt Hasselbeck sister-in-law's angst after being left out of one of the White House parties let Joy Behar go barefoot on The View. (Thank you, Mr. McHale!) Meanwhile, Eugene Robinson is told that "There's no business like shoe business." (Insert groans here.)


Meanwhile in Central Pennsylvania, in "W. is for Whitewash," Adolph XLII continued the revisionist history tour by telling the War College that there hasn't been any terrorist attacks since 9/11 in the USA, when there hasn't been bringing up 9/11 and blaming himself. Richard Wolffe asks "What about Madrid, London, Mumbai and other places?"

Number 4:
Once again, more "W. Is For Whitewash" citing that everything he says is a lie. Frank Rich from The New York Times drops by to tell us that Adolph Bush XLIII's legacy is limited to pure bull-you-know-what. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and standing there saying that everything was okay.

Oddball: Let's celebrate the anniversary of Ford Madox Ford's birth. When is a store closed not closed at 3 AM in the morning? When a four-year-old playing with toys enters. Twiggy the Water Skiing Squirrel has The Generalimissio Billo Created War on Christmas on his mind.


Best Persons: 3 - Defense Secratary Paul Wolfowitz filled his BMW but forgot putting the nozzle back. Whoops! 2 - Budweiser loses a lawsuit back of their name trademarked by a Czech brewery in 1958. Czech please. 1 -
And in San Antonio a robber at Mickey D's got nothing and did not love it.

Musical Segue: Insert a title here, cause I had no idea.


Number 3: Blagogate, Day whatever. President-elect Obama continues with yesterday's breaking story about the 21 wiretaps but the Chicago Sun-Times writers mentioned her name the same way Michael Weinersavage did in having his segment (and his show) cancelled on MSNBC, and won't release the report about him and Blago until next week. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich agreed with Obama. The Illinois Supreme Court denied the unfit to serve lawsuits filed, so let the impeachment fun begin, and Blago won't assign a new senator to Obama's seat. The Chicago Tribune's Clarence Page joins us and fills us in.


Bushed!: 3 - Blackwater and Adolph downplayed the murder of the Iraqi Veep bodyguard. 2 - Condi continues the nonsense on Halliburton, and where all the money went. Go run the Detroit Lions, bitch. 1 - Intel again still whitewashing about Iraq and WMD all over the world.


Number 2: Worst Person in the World

Bronze - Fixed Going Out of Business Network's Publicity Department sends out a Holiday Card with Jim Cramer's likeness as The Grinch. Gee, Billo, what do you think? JBL got one I guess.
Silver - Berlin's Free Democrats propose that the poor people of Germany's capital go out acting like "The Pied Piper of Hamlin".
Gold - Former Beauty Queen and Fixed and Fiends co-hostess Grethen Carlson makes up the lies about the Blagogate Report with ties to Obama.


Number 1: Name your kid after what many consider the worst ruler in history outside the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (and my inspiration for his current name here,) have the local ShopRite deny writing his name on his third birthday cake, and go to Walmart instead. Rachael Maddow's here to start her show early to tell the story of little Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Pass the fruitcake, I'll see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/16/08

There are 35 days left until Inauguration Day, there have been 2,056 days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, nine days until Christmas, 15 days until the big ball drop at Times Square, 46 days until Super Bowl XLIII, 60 days until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training and109 days until Opening Night in the City That Loves You back.

The Tie:
Silver and tan with black stripes with a Godfather pinstriped suit.

Number 5:
Herr Gobles, er, Vice President Cheney says if he didn't know about the WMD in Iraq then there wouldn't have been a war in Iraq...and 2,000 Americans dead including Pat Tillman. Meanwhile, the guy who threw that shoe at Adolph Bush XLII said that his arm is broken after being turned over to the Iraqi authorities. Richard Wolffe said that Cheney's legecy will be like Bush's: "W. Is For Whitewash."

And has Gobels, um, Cheney admitted he did war drimes? What was done with Sheik Muhammed? Jonathan Turley says that question of was it a war crime was answered with a yes. Oh, if the Democrats were in charge four years ago, the impeachments would have been swift and fair. And remember, when it comes to waterboarding, "Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!"

Number 4:
Nancy Pelosi wasnts no back door dealing while with Obama's new administration. And oh, those zany - ZANY? There's that word again! - Republicans, bringing up Elian Gonzalez on the nomination of your new Attorney General. Lawrence O'Donnell is back to translate this into human for the rest of us.

Oddball: This date in 1961, Bill Hicks was born poking fun at religion. And college hazing at University of the Phillipines is masked with the face. That is all. And deep dish dopiness in 30 minutes or less.

Best Persons: 3 - Michael Smith won the local spelling bee in Charlotte, NC and was greeted with a misspelled sign. 2 - In St. Paul, MN, Darnell Frazier claimed was Darnell Lewis. Check ID, then tatoo. 1 - And in Taipei a politician lost his toupee. And dropped trou.


Segue Music:
AC/DC's "Caught With Your Pants Down."

Number 3:
President Adolph will be signing bills protecting companies pushing new regs overruling your right to sue for everything but the kitchen sink. Might as well as add the kitchen sink to that list. Chris Hayes from The Nation is here to tell us about it, and welcome to the 19th Century.

Bushed, The Revisionist History Version: 3 - Iraq should apologize for the shoe tossing because we were being a guest. 2 - George Will said to Laura Ingrham that Adolph XLIII's memoirs as a sci-fi with Harriet Myers' nomination to the SCOTUS. 1 - Taliban elimination lies after all.
The President is full of ****.

Number 2: Worst Person in the World

Bronze - Blackwater CEO says he accuses those on why he followed orders.
Silver - Turdblossom tells us to ignore Blagogate, disagreeing with none other than Turdblossom.
Gold -
Comedian Rush Limbaugh on the ropes after Colin Powell, and they're not even maverick Republicans.

Whoa, Breaking news! Rahm Emanuel according to the Chicago Sun-Times was taped 21 times speaking on wiretaps on Obama's seat to Blago.

Number 1: And speaking about that shoe tosser, which replaces Blagogate as our new passion among those at Countdown, we're comparing it to the Western bar scenes in The Blues Brothers movie. YouTube is making fillums, there's an online game encourging you to toss shoes, and more motherlode comedy gold mine galore. Joel McHale from E's The Soup joins us from La La Land sans the Miley Cyrus ("It's Miley!") boyfriend ("It's a felony!") jokes.

That's it for me, so I'll see you tomorrow after I trim the Christmas tree...and then put up the Festivus pole right next to it.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/15/08

We have 36 days left until Inauguration Day, 2,055 days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, ten days until Christmas, 16 days until the ball drops at Times Square, 47 days until Super Bowl XLIII, 61 days until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training, and a mere 110 days until the Phightin' Phillies begin defense of the 2008 World Series Championship at Citizens' Bank (Chan Ho) Park in Philadelphia.

The Tie: Grey, black and rust stripes.

Number 5: As Austin Powers asks us tonight: "Honestly, who throws a shoe?" A Iraqi TV reporter threw shoes at the President. It was a singular toss of a size 10 shoe from a guy who was detained by the troops, and there were protests calling for the release of said journalist. What the f*** is this, Ukrane Political Federation Tag Team Wrasslin'? Welcome Time's Bobby Ghosh who explains that there's an election in Iraq soon. And we learn that all this was the fact he was a martyr...

Howard Fineman joins us in "W. is for Whitewash" and says that a Pakistani diplomat was a sad, slapstick event as a last murmur of eight years of failure in Iraq. That therory soliciting Bush XLIII's leadership as thrown shoes was the ultimate insult.

Number 4: And now the Blago story. Obama's report will be released after the holidays, and there was no discussions imapropriate or otherwise. The request at the behest of U. S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, and three-quarters of those interviewed in a survey said this hasn't affected his transistion to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC. Unless, you're John McCain and the Republicans. Hello, Eugene Washington. Nice new background as the preperation to HD come the second quarter of 2009 begins. When will it end? Quoting an old ad, "Only Blago's hairbrush knows for sure."

Oddball: In 1921, Alan Freed was born, the creator of rock-and-roll. Also was the first guy to take payola, a term Blago knows a lot about. Alas, the White House AV Club shows us the final Barney video, no not that Barney. I would like to see that other video where he snapped the reporters, and Michael Phelps makes another appearence on one of the networks of NBC. Did you know his favorite color is gold?

Number 3: Caroline Kennedy wants to seek the New York Senate seat, Colorado Senator Ken Salazar will become Secratary of the Interior, and in Minnesota, the Senate race recount continues between Norm Coleman and Al Franken. CNBC's John Harwood is in studio tonight to tell her story as it were.

Number 2: Worst Persons in the World
Bronze - Fixed Noise changes their logo to green not for the environment, but for the holidays. There ya go, Billo.
Silver - Oh here we go about Shinsheski again. Calling Mularkey, BS, Blarney and the brothers therein!
Gold - There's been a Glenn Beck sighting as he talks and turns into being worse than "Joe The Plumber" on Hilary...oh, pluh-eeze!

Number 1: Tonight, the top half of the Twenty Five Worst Political Financial Scandals. So, where does Blago belong if anywhere? And who is the top "graft" pick? Click the link to find out.

I'm off to watch WWE Raw. See you tomorrow.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Football Night in America Live Blog: 12/14/08

Hi there, and welcome to the Week 15 Live Blog for Football Night in America.

It's been quite a week, several teams have been eliminated from the playoff chase, the Cincinnati Bengals actually won a game for the first time since the Second World War, and the Tennessee Titans lost in their ancestrial home. Bob and Cris will start the ball rolling, Tiki's in Irving, Peter's in the studio and the Bus is in the Swamplands tonight. And now, hereeeeeeeee's Keith and Dan!

Seahawks 23, Rams 20 - It's guaranteed that the Hawks will beat the Rams, and this marked eight in a row in the most meaningless game of the day.

Chargers 22, Chiefs 21 - Cris wanted Norv Turner fired. We have it on tape. And so do a lot of Southern Californians, even Signal 2 Noise at awfulannouncing.com wants him sacked.

Bengals 20, Redskins 13 - Clinton Portis is still in the Jim Zorn doghouse. Joe Gibbs, paging Joe Gibbs!

Jaguars 20, Packers 16 - Keith: "It's 7-0, Jack..." early...and the Pack is out of the postseason. Buster Chiller Horror Theatre. The laughter you now hear is aimed at Packers mismanagement for trading that Favre guy.

Colts 31, Lions 21 - The Lions are now 0-14, tying the '76 Bucs and the '80 Aint's for futility at the start of the season. Jim Rome Is Burninating is still cheering for the 0-16. BTW, Colts cheerleaders hot in blue Santa suits.

Falcons 13, Buccaneers 10 (OT) - All day, all year, Michael Turner runs amok for 152 yards, but Jason Elam walks off with the overtime field goal from 34 yards with our contesti watching. Saints have been eliminated with Falcons win combined with their OT loss to Da Bears.

Texans 13, Titans 12 - Titans more than likely caught looking ahead to Steelers next week, when home field in the AFC at stake. Kerry Collins looked according to Cris "Phil Collins", as Dan responds "In the air tonight".

Dolphins 14, 49ers 9 - The Niners post their number nine, number nine, number nine and it wasn't Marino vs. Montana, and David Martin at The Pentagon (Another news reference) scored a touchdown. We can read Joey Porter's lips and he wasn't praying.

Jets 31, Bills 24 - This Brett Favre thing is working out very well. All the Jacksons get into the end zone and we get an semi-impromptu Michael Jackson Puppet Theatre from Keith. Whoo hoo hoo. Jeff Triplette has another accident breaking his nose, and made the Michael Turner incident tame by comparison.

After Bob reminds us (by himself) about winning Super Bowl XLIII tickets...

Patriots 49, Raiders 20 - Randy Moss returned to Oakland, and we had back-to-back touchdowns on kickoff returns for the first time since October 2000. Bill Belechick won his 100th game in the regular season as Pats coach, and not all of them this year, or it would be a record.

Vikings 35, Cardinals 14 - Keith will have shout outs to everyone (except Billo). Game over at halftime, when it was 28-0 Vikings.

Panthers 30, Broncos 10 - I don't know what they did on the camera lens in frozen Colorado, but Dan didn't want to know. Carolina has the best offense in the NFL, and no one will try to stop them.

Steelers 13, Ravens 9 - We had controversy! Ray Lewis starts us off with Surfin' USA, and Rothlisberger was in more trouble than Blogo! Keith had to get tomorrow's #5 story in, but Santonio Holmes was not in the end zone as the ball failed to cross the imaginary infinite goal line plane.

Enjoy Giants-Cowboys everyone, and I'll be here for Countdown tomorrow (12/15) when Keith returns.

UPDATE: The G-men were declared MIA as they lost to the Cowboys, 20-8.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/11/08

We have 39 days until Barack Obama's inauguration, have seen 2,051 days since the declaration of "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, have a mere two weeks until Christmas, 20 days until Dick Clark drops his bigger ball on Times Square (and becomes a permament landmark atop One Times Square afterward), 50 days to plan that Super Bowl XLIII party, 62 days until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training, and 113 days until the Philadelphia Phillies begin the defense of their 2008 World Series Championship.

The Tie: Lavender again.

Number 5: President Bush XLIII thinks the Blagojevich mess is serious, and it now goes to impeachment in Illinois. What an original idea! Why didn't they think of that in DC? Even president-elect Obama was appaled - twice - over this mess, he didn't speak to the gBay man at all about it, and his office denied everything. Blagojevich has become the obscene Monty Hall, trying to make a deal for what's behind Door Number Two. Meanwhile, The Tribune Company is calling for supoenas on this, as they were shafted by the Illinois Governor over money for the Cubs' sale of Wrigley Field. Obama's still calling for his resignation and isn't getting it right now. You think the Illinois Lesiglature will now force this? Once again, Richard Wolffe in Bahstin, pahking his cah near Havahd Yahd, joins in to say are there others on behalf are in the dangerous gray area. And you thought his accent was funny?

Number 4: Car Bailout, Day 7. Those whacko far right wingnuts from the Good Ol' boys Party who are from states that have no USA-based car makers are out to bust the UAW because of that mythical $72/hour job when their states have lower saleries. More concessions because of that, eh? The UAW's already on board with Plan A, and helping non-American companies will kill Chrysler and GM. Daniel Gross answers that everyone in Motown is on life support. UPDATE: The South will rise again by killing off the Union of auto workers, just as the Republicans killed the bailout bill.

Oddball: In 1953, Bess Armstrong was born. And we visit Parliment in the UK where Prime Minister Gordon Brown says he saved the world, not the banks in the UK. In Greece, an overdressed streaker on the soccer pitch gets tripped by a player in a skullet who got the red card for violent conduct. And there's another reason that socer is the world's sport. And in a publicity stunt in Japan, we saw penguins in Santa suits. Generalisimo Billo The Clown was plaeased about the War on Christmas.

Best Persons: 3 - Four pizza thieves took a lot of money and four pizzas, and the cops followed their footprints in a snowstorm. 2 - John McCain is selling office supplies...not on QVC though. 1 - The Chicago Blackhawks were taking a three-day vacation until GM Dale Tallon (former color man) lost his father, so they voted to rent buses to their funeral.

Music Segue: None.

Number 3: Houston, YOU have a problem. A NASA represenative wants to meet with Obama face-to-face about a review of the project of living on the moon by 2020 after a heated exchange at a holiday party. Mark Matthews from The Orlando Sentinel, co-writer of the story, tells all about Mike Griffin, the rep and the story about this.

Bushed!: 3 - Twenty four more citizens medals were awarded...one to Chuck Colson of Watergate, who later found religion and consulted Adolph Bush XLIII. 2 - The regional head of the DHS was in trouble and arrested in Boston, and now Secratary Michael Chertoff is feeling the heat of illegal aliens working for them cleaning their house. 1 - The endangered species stuff will be overturned in 39 days after Adolph XLIII singed orders. Worst. President. Ever. Again.

Number Two: Worst Person in the World
Bronze - Steve Ruhle got an e-mail of Michele Obama in her victory night dress right next to a black widow spider Photoshop with a description and boy is he sooo sorry.
Silver - Billo The Clown and Dick Morris mispronounce Patrick Fitzgerald's name as Gerald Fitzpatrick. Is it coincidence that the Northwestern football coach is also named Patrick Fitzgerald?
Gold - Former beauty queen contestant Gretchen Carlson and Billo The Clown are tied to anti seminites and white supremacy guys on this War on Christmas, and it wasn't Billo's fault and now they're carrying it again as it was written back in 1995!

Number 1: Who are the bottom half of the 25 most financially corrupt politicans of all time? Let's pay a visit to the recently reopened Countdown Hall of Fame, shall we? The top 12 will be unveiled on Monday.

Meantime, have a good night and a good day tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/10/08

There are 40 days until Inauguration Day, we have been going 2,050 days since the declaration of "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, 15 days until Christmas, 51 days until Super Bowl XLIII and 63 days until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training.

The Tie: Red and gold holiday stripes.

Number 5: And "Canidate #5" is... Jesse Jackson, Jr. and he denies it. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevch wanted him and went back to work waving them off. Happy 52nd Birthday, sir. All that was talked about was that Senate seat Obama's abandaning, and the state house will consider impeachment along with the Illinois Supreme Court declaring him incompident to work. Meanwhile, Obama's approval rating is 2/3 thumbs up, and nearly 4/5th of the survey interviewees say that they won't miss Adolph Bush XLIII. Chuck Todd is in studio to discuss everything, and says Jackson the younger is out of the running.

Hey look, it's Richard Wolffe, everyone. "What are they thinking?" Criminal behavior, greed, graft, a trip to the big house, we get it all. There's two presidents right now, and we won't hear the end of this. And calling the president-elect a "M*****f***er" demerits you a ton of brownie points, just like Billo The Clown said about certain Harlem restaraunts on iced tea.

And there's a theme to the rest of the news, mostly about the world's oldest profession.

Number 4: Adolph XLIII is okay with the car bailout, most of the Democrats are okay with giving Chrysler and GM $15 billion, but the Republicans from the far-right whacko wing aren't, namely the Alabama twins, who don't have an American-based factory in their state. Now it looks like the UAW's getting screwed. Sen. David Vitter from the Republican nut house in Louisiana says the cliche about putting the car before the horsepower, and this from the guy who has been in the phone records of the DC Madam. Fillibuster? Hell, I didn't know her! Chrysler is in trouble and they're on the hook if they fall. Chris Hayes from The Nation drops by telling Keith he's getting $1.18 in the mail. UPDATE: The House passes the bill.

Oddball: In 1915, Woodrow Wilson got married in the White House. Question: What did she do when Wilson popped the question? Answer: She fell out of bed. Remember the turkey who sacrificed his life for Tina Fey's evil twin sister? It was sold on eBay for $225. One bid. In Fa-La-La-La Land, the Jingle Cats are back in the continuing War on Christmas. And in Lebanon, we see the world's largest potate. All 24 pounds.

Best Persons: 3 - Honesty Knight was stopped for a traffic violation, and lit up a joint in front of an indiana State trooper. 2 - Joe The Plumber said he throws John McCain under the Straight Talk Campaign Bus when he asked about the bailout and was appaled by the comments. 1 - An Aussie astronomer says Christmas was all the way back in 2 BC... On June 17th. The War on Christmas continues again.

Segue Music: Earth Wind and Fire's "Shining Star."

Number 3: The new senator from New York to replace Hilary Rodham Clinton could be...Fran Dreschler? Gov. Mike Patterson, who had talks with Caroline Kennedy about Hilary's replacement hasn't spoken the The Nanny yet. Margaret Carlson joins us to enlighten us. Gov. Patterson got his job when his predecessor resigned for being a call girl's number.

Bushed!: 3 - Union busting bringing to the ATF ordering the rights to 1,500 employees to unionize...threatening national security. 2 - Preston Hollow in Dallas will be the new retirement home of Adolph Bush XLIII. Why do you care, Todd Gilman, because African-Americans aren't allowed? 1 - Condi Rice was praising Obama, and then NPR and the Gitmo question and she objected. Thanks for the torture, bitch!

Number 2: Worst Persons in the World, All Fixed Noise All the Time
Bronze - Dick Morris continues the War on the Clinton on Inanity's show. Got hookers?
Silver - Steve Doocy of Fixed and Fiends says that when they get attacked it never goes over the top. Tell that to the guys at The New York Times who had their pictures altered to look like dogs and other stuff.
Gold - A Fixed Noise censor for bleeping Billo The Clown's name, given to Billo The Clown in absence. Pot humor abound, and you thought Pirate Rupert has the stash? Jabba the Hutt?

Number 1: And as Gov. Blagojevich has become the Boss Tweed of the new milennium, the comics have made it Point One. There's something about this after holding up money for a children's hospital. Bleeps abound, Warren Buffett, and here's Allen Havey to start the roll. "Comedy platinum from the blood red diamonds of Ivana Trump's arrears."

All this talk about prostitution have made me want to take a shower, and that's what I'll do, so I'll see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 12/9/08

There's 41 days until Barack Obama's inauguration, 2,049 days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, 16 days until Christmas, 52 Days until Super Bowl XLIII, and 64 days until pitchers and catchers report Spring Training.

The Tie: Brown.

Number 5: The dead still vote in Chicago, but Rod Blagjoevich wanted to sell President-elect Barack Obama's Senate seat, and 76 other reasons for personal and professional gain. Fed prosecutor Pat Fitzgerald says that the guy who wanted to take some Lincolns in the Land of Lincoln, yup, the same guy Fredo wanted to sack! Barack had no comment, and says he had no contact with the Illinois Governor's office. Wiretaps? It's f***ing Watergate all over again. Speak for yourself. He also wanted to withhold money to the Chicago Tribune in the sale of The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field unless he had 'em sack the Editiorial Board. Well, Clarence Page says he's all that and a side order of chips as well.

Jonathon Alter says that Rotten Rodney still will make the Obama replacement call unless he's impeached, but as they say, checks and balances are as crazy as Bill Orally's cred. There will be more than likely be a special election sometime in 2009 or 2010 until then. Who was "Canadate Number 5" in the wiretaps? We'll never know. And in his last "official" act, the Governor will have to tell Bank of America to pay that Chicago window and door factory ASAP.

Number 4: The GOP wants to let GM, Chrysler and Ford to die. Both of the Alabama senators want to fillibuster mostly because their state has no American car makers. Meanwhile, Bush XLIII will be appointing the new Car Czar and then he'll be fired by Obama. Lawrence O'Donnell's here to speak Bostonian about the "Cah Czah". Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants no part of this, not does Congress for that matter.

Oddball: Happy birthday Buck Henry! Let's go Down Under as a rhino is in heat running around following his escape from his cage at the zoo. And then there's a lady in Austria created a obstable course for mice.

Bushed!: 3 - Harriet Myers dumb nomination to the Supreme Court. Duh! 2 - Gitmo detain and keep them in there, and theose who plead guilty withdraw them? Who screwed this S*** up? 1 - The idea of the improvised roadside bombs were there according to The Pentagon. And now you know why we are in the losing war.

Number 3: Hey, ever wanted to play the role of Billo the Clown at home? Well, thanks to a leak from the Los Angeles Times we get the talking points as we continue the "W. Is For Whitewash" memories. Check that, it's a brainwashing by stating he kept us safe...for almost seven months, and all the aches and pains including Osama Bin Laden. Worst. President. Ever. Keith goes over Adolph XLIII's lies. Seig Heil!

Number 2: Worst Person in the World
Bronze
- George Will warned against the restating of the Fairness Doctorine. Which is why we have Limbaugh, Weinersavage, Inanity...and speaking of that last guy...
Silver - Inanity was paniced about Ted Stevens' case and tried and guilty...and he wanted a fast trial.
Gold - Billo wins his second time in a row, this time against Newt Gingrich, and when Billo's Brownshirts sent a The New Yorker producer to stalk him? He lied.

Number 1: It's official. Jay Leno's here to tell us he'll move his late night fun to 10 PM ET/PT every weeknight, and he gets a few shots in on the Illinois mess, saying he wanted to buy that seat. Yeah, the only seat I buy is a Sunday season ticket for the Phillies.

Well, that's it for me, I have to go and do my laundry. See you tomorrow.

Flex Part 2: Giants-Panthers in, Bolts-Bucs out

As reported two weeks earlier, as expected, the San Diego Chargers-Tampa Bay Buccaneers game is out of the December 21 Sunday Night Football date, and the sexier for Home Field advantage in the NFC Playoffs Carolina Panthers-New York Giants game at The Swamplands is in. Thanks the Bolts' recent plunge in the AFC West for this.

The next (and last) flex will be for the final game of the season. They will have to wait until Sunday afternoon's games are completed that day to make a final decision on what game it will be. I predict that it will not be Lions-Packers for the 0-16.

Countdown Recap: 12/8/08

As I said on Sunday (12/7), there was no live blog because of a prior committment that went awry because of a bad cold. A really bad cold. However, thanks to reairings and the Countdown interweb site, here's what I missed in the live blog.

The Tie: Lavender.

Number 5: Now the car makers want $15 billion...in exchange for the control to a "car czar" as it were. Maybe they are taking Michael Moore's idea seriously. Richard Wolffe is here to brake it down (spelling pun intended).

And can the Grand Older Party regain control of Congress in 2010? We get an answer from Eugene Washington: Slim and none.

Number 4: The news that former Adolph Bush XLIII enemy Gen. Eric Shienski, USA Ret. to be Obama's new Department of Veterans Affairs head means his former teacher in Military College teacher, Col. Jack Jacobs, USA Ret. joins Keith to outline his teachings for him.

Oddball: Belated birthday greeting to Ron Dugay's former girlfriend, Carol Alt. Hail Mary in a CAT Scan. Hail Mary on a CAT Scan. A Lion in London's Trafalgar Square is talking about spending your holiday in Jolly Old England.

Best Persons: 3 - Ken Blackwell wants tio be the new Republican leader because he survived an interview with Keith, plus he's the oxymoron of the party: a black guy. 2 - Stay classy, Fox Sports for shooting video while Vikings owner Zygi Wilf is delivering a postgame speech avoiding a loss to the 0-13 Lying Downs, and accidently showing a players...manhood. 1 - Robert Jones takes the car out for a spin in Wales, waving to everyone. The car is registered to his daughter...all of thirteen years old. Say goodbye to the car and your license for two years, sir.

Segue Music: Scandal's "Goodbye to You." (Played a lot after visiting pitchers have short outings or managers get ejected.)

Number 3: SCOTUS denies that goof off lawsuit about Obama's citizenship. Arriana Huffington joins Keith to revel in this victory.

Bushed!: 3 - Bank of America are douchenozzles after taking $15 billion from us and then denying a window maker in Chicago their line of credit, and the company announces they're laying off everyone on three days notice, so there's a sit-in going on. Obama supports it, the disgraced Governor of Illinois supports it and says it won't do business with BoA anymore, and the Adolph Bush XLIII Administration response was none. "Daddy, what were you doing in jail during the bailout?" 2 - The five Blackwater mercinaries will now face 35 charges of murder among other things. 1 - No less than The New York Times in an Op-Ed pages articles slams the White House for bad intel for a war we did not want to be a part of.

Number 2: Worst Persons in the World
Bronze - First, congrats to the family of the late Joe Gordon for his induction by the Veterans Committee of the Baseball Hall of Fame. Now the bad, they failed to get any post-1943 players elected including Dick Allen, Ron Santo and this guy named Gil Hodges, who led the Miracle Mets of 1969 to the World Series championship. Oh, he was also apretty good first baseman for the Boys of Summer.
Silver - Former teenage idol turned angry right-wing whacko Pat Boone says that Prop 8 will be like Mumbai all over again.
Gold - Billo The General Of The Imaginary War On Christmas writes a "holiday quiz" for Parade Magazine. First prize? A copy of A Bold Fresh Piece of Insanity signed by Mr. Orally. Second prize? Two copies.

Number 1: Jay Leno's staying on NBC, and will move his talkfest to 10 PM ET/PT in the fall, allowing Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon to steam under their collars. Meanwile, Hello gorgeous, Barbra Streistand kisses Adolph Bush XLIII at the White House when she wanted him impeached. *Linda Richman impression* Excuse me, I'm feeling a little verklempt here, talk amongst yourselves. Here's a topic: The Holy Roman Empire wasn't Holy, Roman or an Empire, discuss. It's like buttah! Also, Elizabeth Hasselbeck gets her panties in a twist when Obama's former pastor outs her in an interview for being radical. Christan Finnegan wades through this. Now this is the Countdown I remember.

That's it, I'll catch you at 7:55 PM EST for the Live Blog tonight.