Monday, December 28, 2009

Here's the Full Week 17 Schedule

Sunday, January 3rd (Games with playoff implications in italics; games that moved - only two - in Bold.)

CBS 1 PM Games
Indianapolis @ Buffalo
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
New England @ Houston 
Pittsburgh @ Miami (Losers will be automatically out)

Fox 1 PM Games
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
Chicago @ Detroit
New Orleans @ Carolina
NY Giants @ Minnesota
San Francisco @ St. Louis

CBS 4:15 PM Games
Baltimore @ Oakland (Win and in Wild Card spot for BAL)
Kansas City @ Denver (Slim hopes for Denver)
Tennessee @ Seattle

FOX 4:15 PM Games
Green Bay @ Arizona (Could be Wild Card Round preview)
Philadelphia @ Dallas (Winner gets NFC East title)
Washington @ San Diego

NBC Sunday Night Football 8:20 PM Game
Cincinnati @ NY Jets (Win and in Wild Card spot for NYJ)

All times Eastern.  Check with for what games will be on in your area.

Just In Case You Wanted to Know What I Had for Christmas Dinner...

I had ham with Paula Deen...


Sunday, December 27, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/27/09: Week 16, Elimination Sunday

Elimination Sunday in the NFL.  Also, perfection ruined.

On Christmas night, the San Diego Chargers eliminated the Tennessee Titans 42-17.  So what about the ultimate Sunday of 2009?

Browns 23, Raiders 3.

Falcons 31, Bills 3: The less said about these two, the better.

Buccaneers 20, Saints 17 (OT): The Bucs won two in a row, eliminating them from the Number One Draft Pick contest.

Bengals 17, Chiefs 10: Bengals clinch the AFC North Central. (Sorry, I am a traditionalist.)

Packers 48, Seabags 10: All we need to say is get the roll of stamps, mail it in and we have a mashed-up bag of Liz Hasselbeck's brother-in-law... Oh, by the way, Packers wrap a wild card.

Panthers 41, Giants 9: Last Giants game at their self-named stadium and they choked. Roll that Beautiful World's Smallest Violin footage!

Pats 35, Jags 7: Pats take AFC East, but Jags are on life support.  Speaking of life support...

Texans 27, Dolphins 20: And the play calling of Tony Soprano made Rich Kotite look like a fucking genius!

Steelers 23, Ravens 20: The Steelers go to Miami next week, Houston hosts New England and the Jags visit Cleveland.

49ers 20, Lying Downs 6.

Cardinals 31, Lambs 10: With Tampa's win, Commissioner Roger Goodell makes it official: The St. Louis Lambs are now on the clock and clinch the number one draft pick.

Jets 29, Colts 15: Don Shula has popped the cork on that bottle of champagne, and Mercury Morris can rest for another year.  The 1972 Miami Dolphins remain was Curt Henning was: PERFECT.

Eagles 30, Broncos 27: Davis Akers' 28-yard FG with four ticks left made the Eagles escape after leading 20-3 at recess.

So enjoy Dallas-Washington, aka CUPCAKE CITY BAY-BEE!

UPDATE: Dallas won 17-0.  This means winner of Eagles-Cowboys will win the NFC East...and, if the Minnesota Favres slip up, get a bye.  That game moves to 4:15 PM EST, and the Bengals-Jets becomes the last game of the season, and the last game at Giants Stadium period at 8:20 PM.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

From me and the Disney Prep & Landing Elves:
(Clockwise from top) Wayne, Magee, Miss Holly and Lanny.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

When It Comes to the Flexing of Sunday Night Games, The NFL Does Not Care For Playoff Implications...

Hope you enjoyed Brett Favre's loss to Carolina Sunday (12/20), and you like next week's (12/27) Cowboys blowout of the Deadskins.

When the 2009 Schedule was placed onto the world wide everything all the way back in April, thirteen days notice is given to change the NBC Sunday Night Football game from Week 11 through 16.  So how many games were flexed out by Roger Goodell's lieutenants of television?

One.  That was when the Patriots-Dolphins game was swapped out for Favre-Cardinals way back on December 6th.  And now, with the push to Miami Gardens underway for Super Bowl XLIV, the NFL and their Sunday TV partners - Fox, CBS and NBC - ought to learn from the mistakes of not swapping out Minnesota-Carolina for a sexier, playoff-inducing game like Bengals-Chargers, or not showing a cringe worthy nation the apocalypse called Dallas at Washington and rather show an unbeaten Colts team against a hanging-by-a-thread-as-far-as-the-postseason-goes Jets team.

Nope, Goodell cares about ratings.  We have been lied to again by the National Football League, and wether we like it or not, we will have to live with this for another four years.  Take a look at this week's Fox schedule...please.  Seattle at Green Bay and Carolina at New York Giants are the only games with playoff implications, while the rest of the slate - Tampa Bay at New Orleans, St. Louis at Arizona and the Gordon Forbes Memorial Negative-Star Pillow Fight of the Week Detroit at San Francisco - have about as many playoff backstories as Amy Winehouse visiting Alcoholics Anonymous.

The reason the "flex" scheduling was introduced was to prop up NBC's Sunday Night game late in the season.  It was also inducing to both CBS and Fox to help prop up their ratings for early contests.  When it was announced that Cowboys-Redskins would stay where it was, there were screams of disbelief at both 30 Rock in New York and at Fox Sports' offices in LaLaLand, and for different reasons. NBC was shocked that they were keeping that game, and Fox was as angry as a midget wrestler on a Red Bull bender that their schedule was that weak.  Meanwhile at Black Rock, CBS was ROTFLTMFAsO that they were now placing Broncos-Eagles in the 4:15 PM ET slot.

As they used to say "It's all about the Benjamins"...and we're the ones getting screwed royally.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Some Vintage Holiday Toons for You

No doubt when you get WGN America (of for whom I had worked for one Bozo T. Clown mailing scripts to his producers in Chicago when I lived in that hellhole called Emporia, Virginia in the 1990s) every Christmas we had to see these three cartoons - "Hardrock, Coco and Joe", "Suzy Snowflake" and the UPA version of "Frosty the Snowman."  Here they are for you.


Merry Fisted Christmas, Atlanta: Chip Caray's Back

Of all the worst things Atlantonians can get about their Braves (other than getting ignored by UGA Football, UGA Spring football, Georgia Tech fooball, GT Spring football, GT basketball, UGA women's hoops, UGA women's gymnastics, UGA baseball and GT baseball) is this:

Chip Caray will be calling Braves telecasts on Fox Sports South.  May we cue up that beautiful "World's Smallest Violin" footage again, if you please...

Does it make you feel better?  I know it won't.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/20/09: Week 15

First, my computer gave me the VMF.  Second, Thursday night (12/17), Indianapolis needed a late 4th quarter TD to beat Jacksonville, 35-31, and Saturday (12/19), the Saints chance on perfection was ruined by Dallas, finally winning a game in a month starting with either a "D" or a "J", 24-17.

Browns 41, Chefs 34: For the first time since the Carter Administration, the good people of Kansas City did not see a Chiefs home game because the local TV station became a Scrooge and refused to buy the rest of the tickets. The way they've been playing, nobody noticed.

Texans 16, Lambs 13: Houston still alive for the playoffs for now.

Cardinals 34, Lions 27: Beanie Wells once again broke hearts in Michigan.

Pats 17, Bills 10: Not much to say about this game...

Falcons 10, Jets 7: Falcons play for pride after Dallas' win Saturday (12/19), and hurts Jets' playoff hopes.

Titans 27, Dolphins 24 (OT): A valiant group of seafaring mammals fell short thanks to Rod Bironas' walkoff FG.

Ravens 31, Bears 7: Write your Jay Cutler jokes about interceptions here along with Frosty the Snowman.

Yuccaneers 24, Seabags 7: More Liz Hasselbeck brother-in-law gags, please. Bucs play themselves out of #1 pick next April...for now.

Raiders 20, Broncos 17: The Broncos choked this game away... and... wait for it...

Eagles 27, 49ers 13: The Eagles clinch a playoff spot, while the Cards win the NFC West.

Steelers 37, Packers 36: Mike Wallace caught a TD pass from Big Ben after 60 minutes (and a video review) and Jeff Reed walks off with the extra point win.  Both Ben and Aaron Rogers threw for a combined 800-plus yards.

Chargers 27, Bengals 24: An emotional roller coaster of a week for the Bengals with the late Chris Henry passing away ends with Nate Keating's FG from 52 yards and the AFC West title for the Bolts.

That should have been the game tonight, but it's Brett Favre = Ratings TM against Carolina.  I'll have something to say about that this week.

The Federally Mandated Update: The Panthers shocked the Vikings 26-7.

The Final Number: 23.2

That's how many inches of snow fell (officially) down at Philadelphia International Airport during this Blizzard of 2009.  And because I must dig out of this, I decided there's going to be no NFL Live Blog for Week 15. Somebody will have a post at their blog site to leave messages.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Snow, the Eagles and Santa: Where'd You Think This Was Going?

I leave this to those at for edification:

Nothing has continued to eternally damn the reputation of Philly sports fans more than their behavior on December 15th, 1968. On halftime of the Eagles' game against the Vikings, a 19-year-old in a Santa Claus suit came out to greet the fans, and was greeted with a shower of boos and a probably much-harder-to-ignore shower of snowballs. Despite occurring over 40 years ago, the incident continues to get brought up in almost every indictment of Philly Fans Gone Wild, as the primary evidence of the cold, black heart that apparently beats inside every one of us.
Naturally, there's more to the story than would appear. In their Great Philadelphia Fan Book, WIP radio hosts Glen Macnow and Anthony L. Gargano relate that Santa was not treated so rudely "for no reason other than we're mean people," but rather that it was Eagles fans venting their frustrations for a number of worthy reasons. Namely among them was the state of the Birds franchise at the time, which saw the team accrue a 2-11 record (on the way to 2-12 with their eventual loss to Minny) in the middle of a dismantling period, including a trade of future-Hall of Famer Sonny Jurgensen to the Redskins for the interception-prone Norm Snead.
What's more, Santa's presence was an underwhelming one to Philly fans who were expecting a full Christmas pageant, a planned celebration nixed by Eagles brass due to the lousy weather and mucky field conditions. Instead, Santa was trotted out as the lone representation of holiday merriment, and after a few seasons of downgraded expectations and disappointment, you can see how the situation would quickly become so highly volatile.
Interestingly, though while the fans' reaction was less reflexive [stupidity] than the general media thinks, no one tries to deny that did in fact occur. Also interesting is the fact that Frank Olivo, the man in the Santa suit at the time, doesn't seem to take the abuse personally. "I'm a Philadelphia fan," said Olivo. "I knew what was what. I thought it was funny." 

 if you can call it that, that second win cost them the right to draft inmate #2648927 of the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, Nevada.  You may have known him better as Orthanal James Simpson, and they had to settle for Leroy Keyes.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Up to Fourteen Eighteen Twenty Inches of Partly Cloudy

I'm very relieved that I planned to go to New York City to take in some Christmas sights this year.  However, it has been canceled because there's a major snowstorm coming.

An old fashioned 'Nor-easter is bearing down on us as I write this and we're expecting up to a twenty inches of powdery white stuff called snow. I may not get out and shovel until Sunday (12/20) after watching football all weekend.  Remember, one inch of rain is equal to ten inches of snow, so we are looking at 200 inches of rain.  Noah, get me the ark prepared.

Monday, December 14, 2009

As the Character on the Left Says "Eh...What's Up Doc?"

The deal is all but done.

Roy Halliday is coming to Philadelphia, but it will be a steep price for a Cy Young Award winner.  How steep, you ask?  Last year's ace, Cliff Lee will go to Seattle, and prospects from both the Mariners and Phighting Phillies will head to the Toronto Blue Jays.

All in all, it's my birthday in 1972 all over again, when the Phillies traded Rick Wise to St. Louis for a left-hander named Steve Carlton.  Wise had hurled a no-hitter that season beforehand and both wanted pay raises.  What happened?  Lefty went 27-10, won four Cy Young Awards and became the Phillies' all-time greatest southpaw, and Wise became a jouneyman pitcher, so much so, Carlton's #32 was retired.  And therein lies the rub.

Roy will have to pick a new number out.  May I suggest #23.  After all, 130 wins in your career will do that.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/13/09: Week 14

Only 12 shoplifting days left until Christmas.  For two teams, there still is perfection.  For the Cleveland Browns, they have played themselves out of the top draft pick next April with a 13-6 win over Pittsburgh as stated below in the Week 14 NFL Live Blog.  As for Sunday...

Bills 16, Chefs 10: Ho hum, another long winter in Kansas City.

Texans 45, Seabags 7: Boom goes the dynamite by Brenard Pollard.

Ravens 45, Lying Downs 3: Safe cheerleading on the sidelines.

Acme Packing Company 21, Decatur Staleys 14: Oldest Rivalry in pro football continues.

Jets 26, Suckaneers 3: The Bucs are now on the clock as we speak.

Dolphins 13, Jags 10: See, Jacksonville, they don't see this on TV!

Pats 20, Panthers 10: Carolina had a lead...and then they played the second half.

Vikings 30, Bengals 10: The Brett Favres have clinched a playoff spot.

And now for the unbeaten segment of the program...

Colts 28, Broncos 16: Brandon Marshall is officially out of the Sean McDaniels doghouse with the breaking of TO's 20 catch game a few years ago, but Jim Caldwell gets the win.

Saints 26, Falcons 23: Next for N'Awlins, Dallas.  Next for Indy: Jacksonville, which will be a sellout. Both on the NFL Network.  Sorry, kids, that's the joke.

Redskins 31, Raiders 17: The JaMarcus Russell must go down and must go down hard.

Titans 47, Lambs 7: Vince Young was hurt.  KERRY COLLINS SIGHTING!

Chargers 20, Cowboys 17: Remember, the Cowboys never play well in months that start with either a "D" or a "J".

Enjoy the Eagles-Giants.  I have Christmas shopping to do.

UPDATE: In what was described by a Denver writer as this game was not flexed out as "a boring game", the Eagles now own the top of the NFC East after a 45-38 win over the Giants.  However, both trent Cole and a Giant were tossed for swapping punches on the field.

Week 14 NFL Live Blog

If your name is Nathan Brice living in the basement of his mom's van down by the river or a Captain who owns a 12-inch white ruler, a banhammer awaits!

Friday, December 11, 2009

It's A Boy For The Wideout Next Door and His Wife

From E!

Look what Kendra Wilkinson found under the tree this year!
The E! star and her NFL-player hubby Hank Baskett welcomed their first child together, son Hank Baskett IV , at 12:37 a.m. Friday in Indianapolis.
The wee one was delivered via C-section, weighing a robust 9 pounds, 5 ounces. (He is a football player's son, after all.)
"We're happy and healthy and enjoying every second with little Hank," the proud parents exclusively tell E! News.
Hank, 27, and Kendra, 24,  swapped vows in June in a glamorous ceremony at the Playboy Mansion, where the bride called home for four years—and where she met Hank (at the Playboy Scramble) in 2008.
Two of Kendra's bridesmaids and former Girls Next Door costars, big spender Bridget Marquardt and Peep Show star Holly Madison, have also been eagerly awaiting the arrival of their pal's little boy.
"I can't wait to meet little Hank!" Holly told E!. "I am so excited for Kendra and Hank. They are going to have the best holiday ever!"
"This is what I call a Christmas gift that will keep on giving (and!!!" Bridget said in an email to E! News. "I wish both of them and little Hank Jr. a lifetime of joy and happiness! The only things I wonder...Can I help plan the birthday parties and how will they top this gift next Christmas???"
Added Kendra's other onetime roommate, Hugh Hefner: "I send my love to Kendra, Hank and the baby on this memorable day."
And they'll take it.
After Hank was picked up by the Indianapolis Colts, the couple and their two dogs, Rascal and Martini, relocated from Philadelphia and are now living in the same gated community as Indiana Pacers starJermaine O'Neal, though they plan on house-hunting in L.A. so that they can live there in the off-season.
"I never in my wildest dreams thought that little Hank would be born in Indianapolis," Kendra told  The Indianapolis Star .
"People come up to me, but it's very different," she said of living in the decidedly low-key (lower than L.A., at least) capital city. "They're not all up in my grill. They're very caring. Everybody's been so helpful."
Not that living in a town full of kind strangers has changed the former Playmate's ribald sense of humor.
"I told Hank, 'Do you know what you're getting in your stocking this Christmas?'" she joked. "Not coal—well a little bit of that—but condoms. A whole lot of condoms. I want a little girl. In a couple of years."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Here's Your 2009-10 College Football Bowl Schedule

Non-BCS Bowls
Dec. 19 New Mexico Bowl: Wyoming vs. Fresno State, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; St. Petersburg Bowl: Rutgers vs. Central Florida, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 20 R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Southern Mississippi vs. Middle Tennessee State, 8:30 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 22 Las Vegas MAACO Bowl: Brigham Young vs. Oregon State, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 23 San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs. California, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 24 Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl: Southern Methodist vs. Nevada, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 26 Little Caesars Pizza Bowl: Ohio vs. Marshall, 1 p.m., ESPN; Meineke Car Care Bowl: North Carolina vs. Pittsburgh, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; Emerald Bowl: Boston College vs. Southern California, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 27 Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Clemson vs. Kentucky, 8:30 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 28 Advocare V100 Independence Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Georgia, 5 p.m., ESPN2

 Dec. 29 EagleBank Bowl: Temple vs. UCLA, 4:30 p.m.; ESPN; Champs Sports Bowl: Miami (FL) vs. Wisconsin, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 30 Roady's Truck Stops Humanitarian Bowl: Idaho vs. Bowling Green, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; Paficic Life  Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Arizona, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 31 Bell Heleicopters Armed Forces Bowl: Air Force vs. Houston, 12 p.m., ESPN; Brut Sun Bowl: Stanford vs. Oklahoma, 2 p.m., CBS; Texas Bowl: Missouri vs. Navy, 3:30 p.m., ESPN; Insight Bowl: Minnesota vs. Iowa State, 6 p.m., NFL Network; Chick-fil-A Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

Jan. 1 Outback Bowl: Northwestern vs. Auburn, 11 a.m., ESPN; Capital One Bowl: Penn State vs. LSU, 1 p.m., ABC; Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: Florida State vs. West Virginia, 1 p.m., CBS

Jan. 2 International Bowl: South Florida vs. Northern Illinois, 12 p.m., ESPN 2; at&t Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi, 2 p.m., Fox; Bowl: Connecticut vs. South Carolina, 2 p.m., ESPN; AutoZone Liberty Bowl: East Carolina vs. Arkansas, 5:30 p.m., ESPN; Valero Energy Alamo Bowl: Michigan State vs. Texas Tech, 9 p.m.

Jan. 6 GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Troy, 7 p.m., ESPN

BCS Bowls

Jan. 1 Rose Bowl Game presented by citi: Ohio State vs. Oregon, 4:30 p.m., ABC; Allstate Sugar Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Florida, 8:30 p.m., Fox

Jan. 4 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs. Texas Christian, 8 p.m., Fox

Jan. 5 FedEx Orange Bowl: Iowa vs. Georgia Tech, 8 p.m., Fox

Jan. 7 Citi BCS National Championship: Alabama vs. Texas, 8 p.m., ABC

As for that Sugar Bowl, yes, a father and love child reunion with Tim Tebow and Thom Brennaman!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Football Night in America Live Blog 16/6/09: Lucky Week 13

The Lucky Week 13 of the 2009 NFL Season began on Thursday when at SkyDome (sorry Mr. Rogers) in Toronto, the New York Jets were rude visitors to the Buffalo Bills, 19-13.  As for Sunday...

Please don't cry...

And don't even do this...

We have it all for you. Ask our friend J. Pierpoint Comcast, the new owner to be of Football Night in America's rights.

Panthers 16, Buccaneers 6: I had the same number of INTs as Jake Delhomme.

Bears 16, Lambs 9: Write your own jokes.

Broncos 41, Chefs 13: Yeah, that bad.

Jaguars 23, Texans 18: Jags are still in the wild card hunt.

Bengals 23, Lying Downs 13: Get Chad Johnson, he's Zorro.

Eagles 34, Falcons 7: No Matty Ice, no chance for Atlanta as Vick had a TD run and a TD pass.

Colts 27, Titans 17: So, where was Vince Young parked?  In the team bus.

Raiders 27, Steelers 24: The Super Bowl champions have now lost four in a row.  John Goodman was happy.

Dolphins 22, Patriots 21: Tom Brady had a bad finger which Ricky Williams had a medical solution in the game flexed out for Vikings-Cardinals.  That was until Dan Carpenter kicked a field goal with 62 seconds left.

Seahawks 20, 49ers 17: So what's it like working with Keith?  Ask Homer, who might be back in SEA.

Chargers 30, Brownies 23: Jim Brown making a comeback?  He was at the game.

Saints 33, Redskins 30 (OT): The Redskins had a chance until Robert Meachum had a case of premature jocularity and Sean Squeeze'em blew it.  Boom goes the dynamite, and boom goes the Garret Hartley field goal, and we can flex out Cowboys-Redskins next week.

Giants 31, Cowboys 24: Speaking of Jerry's Kids, their farewell to Giants Stadium will not be remembered fondly.

Enjoy the flexfest of Warner and Favre.

UPDATE: Favre loses his second game of the year, 30-13.