Twelve days until Barack Obama's inauguration, two thousand and seventy days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, twenty four days until Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa, pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training in thirty seven days, and the 2009 Major League Baseball season starts in only eighty seven days at Philadelphia's Citizens Bank Park.
The Tie: The Color Purple.
Number 5: Barack Obama has a plan to bail out our country before taking office saying if nothing is done, unemployment could reach the dreaded twin digits without his stimulation package. "We need to act swiftly before more damage is done." Speaker Pelosi says that it is time for a change, and will be in Obama's hands by... February 14th, Valentines Day. The price? $800 billion for roads, alt energy and tax cuts rubber stamping Adolph XLIII's policies. Howard Fineman joins us for a briefer about how this happens to be good old David Stockman "Dick Trickle down" policies. In the words of political satirist Mark Russell "What's underneath the [Trojan] horse is what you're giving us!"
Meanwhile, was there pay-ola on Roland Burris on Blago? Testifying in front of the state Impeachment panel he said that there wasn't any contact at all with Blago, and Sen. Harry Reid will look further into this. Chris Cilizza from The Washington Post answers your questions...and asks some more.
Number 4: Sanjay Gupta gets that from both sides they're against him being your Surgeon General. Fact checking Michael Moore's Sicko and admitted to making errors. And Chris Hayes is back from The Nation to explain this...and the continued Universal Health Care carryover for Hilary Clinton's behalf.
Oddball: In 1935, Elvis Aron presley was born. So was Soupy Sales. And GuGu the Giant Panda bit another human this week in Beijing. NoNo, GuGu. And we saw eighteen dalmation puppies.
Best Persons: 3 - Harold Webb in Toledo was being hailed for stolen stuff. A getway cab. 2 - The new Obama (White Sox fan) Chief Production Officer, Nancy Killafer, is the granddaughter of Reindeer Bill Killafer who was with Da Cubs. 1 - Ricado Jaral wants you to swallow your gum in Mexico City.
Musical Segue: Chewing gum...
Number 3: And Caroline Kennedy's "you knows" are costing her points, but Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister says media double standards are treating Sarah Palin differently than Sweet Caroline (Bom, bom, bom!) as a different class and the public now says Andrew Cuomo is ahead in polls. Margaret Carlson tells all about this mess. Sorry, boys and girls, no Bushed! tonight, and you may as well start getting used to that after January 20th, 2009.
Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Brit Hume rewrites history, saying The New Deal flopped.
Silver - Michelle Malkin says that there was shenanigans in Minnesota's canvassing board, especially the Republicans. Un-hmmm. I'm ashamed to say she's originally from Philadelphia.
Gold - For the first time, Billo The Clown claims the top prize with a scare the wits out of your kids with a terror alert and made stuff up from the Army Field Manual.
Number 1: Lemme see if I have this right. Miss Wasalia 1984 is now officially off her rocker and plunging into Gretchen Carlson country...deranged former beauty queen who has become a right-wing water carrier. Attacks Katie Couric, her good twin sister and screamed when she saw a picture of Keith Olbermann saying that "he's EVIL!" I'm predicting Elizabeth Santamatina Fey comes back to SNL this week and does Evil Sarah... *dramatic chipmunk sting* ...shrieking at Ben Affleck as Keith Olbermann. As my friend Stella from Saturday Night Dead (a cheesy 1980's local TV show here in Philly) would say "Oh, tha howwah!!!"
So with that, we will call it a night, and I'll be over at Awful Announcing's BCS Title Game live blog...counting band shots and taking shots! If I'm sober enough, I'll see you tomorrow.
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