A Wee Bit Late, But...

Here's your Week 17 NFL Schedule:

All times US Eastern Standard; games which have been moved are in italics, games with playoff implications are in bold.

1 PM:

• Carolina at New Orleans (Can the Cats come in a bounceback mode and get that first round bye?)
• Chicago at Houston (Da Bears win means they're in.)
• Cleveland at Pittsburgh (Meaningless for the 'Burgh, but Romeo, Romeo, where forth thy unemployment line?)
• Detroit at Green Bay (The Lying Downs get the chance to become 0-16 and Jim Rome is Burninating slavates as we speak.)
• Kansas City at Cincinnati (Loser gets second overall pick behind the Lying Downs; if Gordon Forbes were still doing his star rating system at USA TODAY, would this be the first ever negative star game?)
• New England at Buffalo (Can the Pats win eleven games and make the playoffs witout the future Mr. Giselle Bunchen? A loss to Buffalo puts them into more Jeopardy than Art Fleming ever did.)
• NY Giants at Minnesota (Vikings win and Bears lose means NFC Central, er, North title for Vikes and #3 seed)
• Oakland at Tampa Bay (Buccos lose, combined with other factors will eliminate them.)
• St. Louis at Atlanta (Because the Pathers choked last Sunday night, a Falcons win with a Panthers loss drops them to the #5 slot.)
• Tennessee at Indianapolis (Last year's Week 17 flex becomes this year's meaningless exhibition pre-post-season contest as both P. Manning and Collins will take the week off.)

4:15 PM:

• Dallas at Philadelphia (Eagles win combined with several other factors makes then in, but a Cowboys win means FIRE ANDY REID NOW!)
• Jacksonville at Baltimore (A Ravens win will have them in.)
• Miami at NY Jets (Is this the Golden Brett's last huzzah? A Dolphin victory wins the AFC East and completes worst-to-first scenerio; a Jets win with a Pats loss wins AFC East on tiebreakers.)
• Seattle at Arizona and Washington at San Francisco (Farewell to Mike Holmgren after the game in Glendale.)

And the 8:15 game is cut and dried: Denver at San Diego. Winner take all for AFC West and rights to host Indianapolis next weekend.