It's Bolts 24, Broncs 6 as we start the second half of this winner-takes-all and meets the Colts next Saturday gets underway. And I'm hissed off at my local NBC station for running SEVEN FUCKING STRAIGHT FUCKING CAR COMMERCIALS IN A ROW! WHOM EVER SCHEDULES FUCKING CRAP LIKE THAT OUGHT TO BE PUNISHED BY BEING TIED TO THEIR MOTHERFUCKING CHAIR AND WATCHING AN ENDLESS LOOP OF MOTHERFUCKING BONFIRE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING VANITIES FOR MOTHERFUCKING TWENTY FOUR MOTHRFUCKING HOURS!!!!!
Excuse my French, but I really hate when that happens.
Now that I'm off my soapbox, Nate Keating kicks off to C. Jackson and returns it to the Broncos 27. Bell catches a short pass from Cutler for eleven yards and a first down at their 38. The next play finds Royal gaining three, followed by a threaded Schleffler pass to the Chargers 42. And another first down finds Royal gaining five on a Cutler bullet. That's followed by Bell ringing up a 37-yard touchdown run. Trator kicks the PAT, and now it's Chargers 24, Broncos 13. That missed PAT could come back to haunt Shanny.
Sproles returns the Broncos kickoff to the Bolts' 31, and Rivers slides for four yards on the first down, then LT races down to the Broncos' 21, a 45-yarder. Malamaleuna gets five yards on a Rivers pass on 1st and 10, and Sproles gains two making it third and three. And Sproles is rewarded with a 12-yard touchdown pass from Rivers, and Kaeting kicks the PAT making it 31-13 Bolts.
C. Jackson returns the kickoff to the Broncos 18, and loses the ball, but Denver recovers. On first down, Cutler is picked by Luis Castillo thanks to Sean Phillips' mitts deflecting it, and the Bolts are in *Mr. Burns impression* EXCELLENT field position. No sooner said than that, LT takes the rock 14 yards to the house, and Kaeting makes it 38-13 for San Diego. Carl Lewis just called and said "Uh-oh!"
Meanwhile, Signal To Noise is getting angry and yelling "FIRE MIKE SHANNAHAN NOW!" C. Jackson holds onto the ball, and returns the kickoff to the Denver 30. Cutler is deflected by Eric Reynolds on 1st and 10, then Royal gets eight yards on second down, bringing up 3rd and 2. Marshall gets the first down on a laser fom Cutler at the Denver 47. Marshall gets another catch, putting the pea at the Chargers 42, and then Scheffler catches another Cutler toss at the Bolts' 30. Bell gets nothing on 1st and 10, then it's Cutler scrambling for six. Cutler crosses then nobody can catch, and now it's 4th an 4, and Denver must go for it. And Stokley gets the first down at the Bolts 17, and then after a three-yard loss, Stokley recovers them plus five. Third and five sees Bell overthrown, and the Broncs will go for it again. And Cutler passes it and Stokley drops it! Lightning Bolts take over on downs at their 12.
LT gets a yard on first down, then Sproles gets five yards. On third and five, number 11 gets seven and a first thanks to Rivers. Folowing a drop on first down, Sproles gains three to bring up 3rd and 7, where Sproles falls short, but the Chargers do what they were supposed to do, and milk clock. Mike Sybers punts to the Broncos' 25. SSReporters wants the Seahawks to sign Sproles.
Denver needs to have the biggest miracle in the history of all of football and marshall gains a dozen for the first down after Cutler passes to him, then Royal gets the ball to midfield and the clock runs out. Chargers 38-13 with one quarter left.
I look to the sky and ask myself "WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER THREE COCKSUCKING CAR ADS IN A ROW ON MY NBC STATION!?" Meanwhile, fifteen minutes are left on the Broncos season, and it's not looking good for Denver and Cutler shorthops Royal, and on 2nd and 10, D. Jackson catches a 13-yard pass on his arrears. Marshall gets nine on Cutler's next pass, then Bell's shovel pass reception gains the first down. Cutler finds Schleffler for his third touchdown against the Chrgers this year. They'll go for two, and Cutler does it himself, and now it's a 17-point lead for the San Diegans, 38-21.
Broncos go deep on the kickoff, and Sproles takes the pill to the Chargers' 38. Is there a priest to deliver last rites to Denver's chances? LT has a possible groin injury. His own, we hope, and Sproles jams it up the middle for three on first and ten. Rivers then takes the ball on his own to their 40, and that's bringing up a crucial third and four. Chris Chambers proves Time Has Come Today, and gets the first down on the Broncos 42. Sproles keeps the ball on the ground for three yard and brings up 2nd and 7, where Sproles takes the magic bean and totes it 37 yards to the Denver 2. And Sproles takes the last two yards himself and closes the door for all intents and purposes for the first Chrger rushing touchdown not by LT, and Nate Kaeting makes it 45-21, and boy, are they frustrated in Denver.
Kaeting kicks to C. Jackson and it's returned to the Denver 22. Momma's Boys, proof that NBC is desperate for any show, even one produced by Ryan Seacresty (He's tiny! He knows where the pot of gold is at!) Cutler finds Royal for eleven yards and a first down, but they're in a hurry, so Marshall is the intended pass catcher, but there's a flag for pass interference ovrshdowing an illagal contact and the Broncos have the ball at the Chargers 35, and Cutler's pass to Stokely is incomplete on first down, so it brings up second down, where Cutler finds Royal for five, and then Cuter misfires to Scheffler, so another must go for it 4th and 5, where Cutler overthrows Marshall, rest in pieces. Lightning Bolts takeover at their 30 to milk more clock.
Sproles gets another ten yards on first down, and another nine yards for Sproles, and it's an abdominal strain for LT, ending his night. Plenty of euphomisisms. Hester carries the ball into Broncos property at the Denver 38, and the countdown is on. Hester carries the ball again for two yards, and then again for two more. And Sproles is back for another 14 yard run, and another Charger first down. Old fashioned smash-mouth football. Hester gets 18 yards on the next first down, and LT's loving it. Hester carries the ball to the seven of Denver, and Hester slip up as we head to the two minute time out. And Madden tells us you got to have a package. Hmmmm, double entendre much?
On October 13, 1963, the Chargers had 283 rushing yards, and Hester just helped break the mark with a four-yard run. And Hester just took the ball for four yards and ends it mercifully for Broncos fans. With Kaeting's PAT, it's 52-21 and Norv gets his Norv face after getting drenched.
Kaeting kickoff is returned to the Broncos 33, and Cutler finds Royal for nine, then again for eight, but it's too late... then eleven an a first down for Royal, and then Royal for anothetr nine, and that's it.
FINAL SCORE: SAN DIEGO 52, DENVER 21. CHARGERS WIN AFC WEST!
Thanks for following this live blog, and let's do it again sometime soon.