The Tie: Black. Plain black.
Number 5: Three guesses, first two does not count. One day after we learned that he was hiking in the Appalachian Trail naked, we learned that the man who had refused Obama Stimulai but lost to a high school student in court, Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) had an affair, and apologized to his wife, his family, his staff, his friends and his state. Now, he will resign as the head of the Good Oldboysandgirls Party Governors Association. IMHO, he should also resign as that state's governor as a result of this. First, Larry Craig, then Jon Ensign, then there was Jim McGreevey and of course, Blago. A reporter from The State in Columbia (South Carolina state capital) met him at Hartsfeld International Airport in Atlanta as Sanford was deplaning after coming back from... Buenos Aires, Argentina! The chips have fallen all over his political career and his personal life as well. Also, The State uncovered e-mails between Gov. Sanford and the Argentinian woman. (More on that later.) Now if I was Mrs. Sanford, I would also file for divorce. As a matter of fact, she did. It's a fricking comedy goldmine for
Number 4: Let's go to Eugene Robinson, noted Pulitzer Prize winner from The Washington Post who lived in South Carolina and Buenos Aries (small world isn't it?) for his opinions on the subject.
And remember Michael Palin's post-Monty Python series Ripping Yarns? There was an episode which featured a exact same duplicate storyline! WHO KNEW?!
Oddball: In 1813, Henry Ward Beecher was born who made news with his sermons. In Tel Aviv, cyclists and rollerskaters protesed helmet laws. In their skivvies. In San Juan, major dousing in honor of the city's patron saint. And in China, one finger + four coconuts = a record. Ouch.
Best Persons: 3 - Lt. Col. Joe Repya, USMC (Ret.) hates the GOP leaders. 2 - Oscars will now have more Best Picture nominees from five to ten. 1 - Man ran by Wendy's stealing fries, naked in British Columbia.
Musical Segue: Ray Stevens' "The Streak".
Number 3: In what would have been number 5 if not for the Sanford and Sin Scandal, Iran's political wars continue wethere we know it or not. The Ayatollah does not want a revote, or news on tear gas for that matter. Riots continue, and the rules of 1099 continues. That'd be 1099, the year, not a code of any way or form. Time Magazine seinor editor Bobby Ghosh rejoins us to recap.
Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - Rep. Randy Nauganbauer (R-TX) signs on the bill to require birth certificates for Presidential canidates. Yeah, read about Obama's birth certificate.
Silver - The Republican Women of Anne Andel, MD compared Obama to Hitler. I compare Hitler to GWB.
Gold - State Rep. Cynthia Davis (R-19th District, MO) still fighting for kids getting jobs at McDonald's, now blames editorial writers (read: herself) making it a family issue. Just do us a favor and shut the fuck up, bitch.
Number 1: You know, we mentioned those Sanford e-mails that The State in Columbia, SC held since December on Gov. Sanford's tryst a la Argentina. Read along with us as we get the Adam West reading Penthouse Forum treatment and Rich Lowry gets away from the television:
"You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details ..."
Christian Finnegan now has more material to write about this.
That's it for here, join me upstairs for Episode 2 of Season 2 of I Survived a Japanese Game Show in 3...2...1...