The Divisional Sunday Playoff Blog

Please keep your pants on your waist.

It's America's Team vs. America's Quarterback and the Jets challenging NorvFace.

Remember, no trolls or people who have, umm, a ruler that's 12 inches long.  Then, THE BANHAMMER awaits!

Ye Olde Wild Card Sunday Live Blog

Here ya go...

BTW, if you're and of the following - a "journalist", have something 12 inches long, live in the basement of your mom's van down by a river or seek revenge...you're NOT welcome here.

The Retro Sugar-Filled Sodapop Sarah Palin Bridge to Nowhere Between Games Show Live Blog

Now that the J-E-T-S JETS! JETS!! JETS!!! advanced 24-14 over the Cincinnati Bungles, and oh lord, Charles Barkley's back in 8-G.  That's terrible. T-R-B-L, terrible.

Sorry about the bad Frank Calliendo impression.  Meanwhile, the Pete Carroll update: Late Monday night for the any signing.

You enjoy Philly-Dallas and I'll watch something else.

Your Five Dollah Favrelong Pre-Wild Card Saturday FNiA Live Blog

Yes, it's Wild Card Saturday, let's get this started!

So, who'd thought Joe Theismann would be back in the broadcast booth?  ESPN should have never broken up him and The Randomness That Is Mike Patrick for Monday Night Football.  Theismann, Patrick and Jon Gurden would have been a great team, nothing against Mike Tirico.  Seriously, George Bodenheimer is a dick.  Familiarity breeds contempt much?

Meanwhile, Pete Carroll to Seattle is all but done according to everyone.  Look for someone else to be at Southern California, like Jack Del Rio, who might beat the Jaguars to LaLaLand.  Buffalo was impressed with Leslie Frazier (Minnesota defensive coordinator) so much, he's the leader in the clubhouse.  Bill Cowher, the Sergeant Slaughter of coaching (look at his jaw for reference) is still on the course.



And Charles Barkley is in the studio.  That's terrible. T-R-B-L, terrible.

See you between games.

The Mourning After

At 11:51 PM EST last night (11/4), the reign of the Philadelphia Phillies as baseball's world champions came to an end, and survivors of an Indonesian earthquake will now be getting these:

Yup, the same shirts (with caps) that were placed in a macy*s ad.  Damn you sons of bitches.

It will be back to normal next week with the live blogs returning.

And Now, the Chase Continues...

Chase Utley, tying Reggie Jackson's record for most home runs in a World Series with five, and Clifton Lee, you are the men tonight.  Phils won 8-6, we're going back to NYC.

So This is What It's Like Being Down 2-1...

Cole Hamels has become the postseason's Least Valuable Player and is in line to win a 2010 Yugo.  The Phillies in 5 pick will not happen after he was squashed like a bad Jack O'Lantern that I slept through (I'll tell you in another post later this week about my Halloween which caused it) in that rain-delayed 8-3 loss to The Steinbrenner Evil Empire. 

The 2009 World Series: It's Mr. McMahon (Yankees) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (Phillies)

The 2009 World Series is now set.  It's the World Fucking Champion Philadelphia Phillies against the New York Yankees.  The Joisey Turnpike Series.  Never has a series been stacked so big for ratings (and East Coast Media Bias) that another famous rivalry will likely rear its' ugly head: Mister Vincent Kennedy McMahon, evil owner of the World Wrestling Federation against Stone Cold Steve Austin, alcohol fueled redneck rule-breaking fan favorite who always delivered his own version of justice.  Oh, you don't believe me?

Wikipedia picks up the story:

On September 22, 1997, on the first ever Monday Night Raw to be broadcast from Madison Square Garden, Owen Hart was giving a speech to the fans in attendance. During his speech, Austin entered the ring with five NYPD officers following, and assaulted Hart. As if it looked Austin was going to fight the officers, Vince McMahon ran into the ring to lecture Austin about why he couldn't be "physically" able to compete. After telling McMahon that he respects the fact that he and the WWF cared, Austin attacked McMahon with a Stone Cold Stunner, leaving McMahon in shock. Austin was then arrested on charges of trespassing, assault, and assaulting a police officer. This marked the beginning of the Austin-McMahon rivalry.

Austin won the 1998 Royal Rumble, lastly eliminating The Rock. The next night on Raw, Austin interrupted Vince McMahon in his presentation of Mike Tyson, who was making a special appearance, over the objection of McMahon referring to Tyson as "the baddest man on the planet." Austin flipped off Tyson, which led to Tyson shoving Austin much to McMahon's embarrassment, who began to publicly disapprove of the prospect of Austin as his champion. Tyson was later announced as "the special enforcer" for the main event at WrestleMania XIV, although he appeared to be aligning himself with WWF Champion Shawn Michaels' stable D-Generation X. This led to Austin's WWF Championship match against Michaels at WrestleMania XIV, which he won with help from Tyson, who turned on DX by making the deciding three-count against Michaels. This victory ushered in the Austin Era, and with it, The Attitude Era.

On the Raw after Austin won the WWF Title, Vince McMahon presented him with a new title belt and warned Austin that he did not approve of his rebellious nature and that things could be done "the easy way or the hard way." Austin gave his answer in the form of another Stunner. This led to a segment a week later where Austin had pledged a few days prior in a meeting to "play ball" with McMahon, appearing in a suit and tie, with a beaming McMahon taking a picture of himself and his new corporate champion. The entire thing was a ruse by Austin who in the course of the segment proceeded to tear off the suit, tell McMahon it was the last time he would see Austin dressed like this, punch his boss in the "corporate grapefruits," and take another picture of the two of them while McMahon was doubled over in pain. In April 1998, it appeared Austin and McMahon were going to battle out their differences in an actual match, but the match was declared a no contest when Dude Love (Mick Foley to the rest of us) made an appearance. This led to a match between Love and Austin at Over the Edge: In Your House for the WWF Championship. Austin managed to retain the title despite McMahon acting as the referee and his "Corporate Stooges" (Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson) as timekeeper and ring announcer, respectively.

McMahon continued to do everything he could to ruin Austin, and he finally scored a big victory for his side at the 1998 King of the Ring tournament. There, Austin lost the WWF Championship to Kane in a First Blood match. Austin further infuriated McMahon by winning back the championship the next night on Raw. Austin also emerged victorious against The Undertaker at SummerSlam. In response, McMahon set up a Triple Threat match at Breakdown: In Your House, where The Undertaker and Kane pinned Austin at the same time. McMahon decided to vacate the WWF Championship and award it based on a match between the Undertaker and Kane, in which Austin was the guest referee. Austin refused to count for either man and attacked both towards the end of the match. McMahon later fired him, although Austin got revenge by kidnapping McMahon and dragging him to the middle of the ring at "gunpoint," which ended up being a toy gun with a scroll that read "Bang! 3:16." Also the segment was very "embarrassing" to McMahon as it showed he was so scared that he urinated his pants. Stone Cold was later re-signed by Shane McMahon. In the semifinals of a tournament to award the vacant championship, Austin lost to Mankind (Foley's second alter ego), after Shane double-crossed Austin. The next night on Raw, Judge Mills Lane ruled that The Rock had to defend his newly won WWF Championship against Austin that night. The Undertaker interfered and hit Austin with a shovel, earning Austin a disqualification victory. At Rock Bottom: In Your House, Steve Austin defeated The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match after Kane tombstoned The Undertaker into the grave. With this victory, Austin qualified for the 1999 Royal Rumble.

Austin's next definitive chance to exact revenge on Mr. McMahon came during the 1999 Royal Rumble match. On Raw, McMahon drew Austin's entry number with the obvious intention of screwing him over. Austin drew entry number one, while McMahon drew number two thanks to WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels. During the Rumble match, McMahon slipped out of the ring and into the crowd as Austin chased him down. It turned out to be a trap as McMahon led Austin into the lobby restroom where he was ambushed by members of The Corporation. Austin was injured and taken away in an ambulance. With Austin gone and not in the Rumble match, McMahon joined the announce table in calling the match. Later on, however, Austin returned in an ambulance and re-entered the Royal Rumble. After Austin delivered a Stunner to the Big Boss Man and eliminated him. With the assistance of the Corporation and a last minute interference from The Rock, Austin was eliminated by McMahon himself, and McMahon won the 1999 Royal Rumble. With McMahon turning down his number-one contender spot against The Rock, WWF Commissioner Michaels awarded Austin the title shot during Raw the next night. At St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Stone Cold got a one-on-one match against McMahon in a Steel Cage match, with the WWF Championship opportunity at WrestleMania XV at stake. During the match, Paul Wight made his debut, breaking through from under the ring and attacking Austin. Wight's attack propelled Austin into the side of the cage forcing the cage to give way and dropping Austin to the floor first, making him the victor. Austin defeated The Rock at WrestleMania XV for his third WWF Championship.

Austin faced The Rock in a rematch at Backlash, in which Shane McMahon was the referee. During the match, McMahon approached the ring, only to hand Austin back his Smoking Skull belt and take Shane out of the proceedings. Austin won the match when another referee made the count. The Undertaker, however, won the WWF Championship from Austin at Over the Edge. Due to events revolving around Vince McMahon in the newly merged "Corporate Ministry" and Vince unveiling himself as "the higher power", Stephanie and Linda McMahon made Stone Cold the Chief Executive Officer of the company. Vince and Shane McMahon challenged Austin to a Handicap Ladder match at King of the Ring with the CEO title on the line, which the duo of father and son won. The next night on Raw, however, Austin made it clear that while he was the CEO of the company, he could have a title shot at any time and place to be determined by himself. Austin made the WWF Championship match that night on Raw and defeated The Undertaker to win his fourth WWF Championship. Austin held on to the Championship belt until SummerSlam when he lost it to Mankind in a Triple Threat match also featuring Triple H. Austin would get his rematch at No Mercy against Triple H but lost after The Rock accidentally struck him with a sledgehammer that was meant for Triple H. By Survivor Series, Triple H was still champion. Austin was booked into a triple threat match for the WWF championship that also included Triple H and The Rock. Instead, however, Austin was run down by a car in the parking lot (creating an angle with Rikishi to create a abscence). Wight, now known as The Big Show, would replace Austin in the match and would win the WWF championship. What followed was neck surgery by Dr. Lloyd Youngblood and a nine-month rehabilitation, as Austin had needed neck surgery since the Owen Hart incident in 1997.

Do you see where I'm going here?  The Phillies are Stone Cold Steve Austin, defying authority, rules and everything else.  The Yankees are corporate Mr. McMahon, evil through and through.  The Stone Cold Fightin' Phillies were screwed out of the June 14th television date with Boston (Cliff Lee near perfect game notwithstanding) because of that Midwestern Media Bias that gave us the cardinals against a sub-.500 Indians team, and were royally fucked out of the MLB network game the previous night by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim etc.-Sub-.500 San Diego Padres.  This fueled the Phillies' passion for an attitude adjustment on Major League Baseball as a whole via a Stone Cold Stunner.  With that, the Phillies win and defend their title in a five game steel cage inside Hell-In-A-Cell match series over the Corporate Yankees at home delivering upraised middle fingers at them with Chase Utley declaring again the Phillies as the "WORLD MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPIONS!" upraising two middle fingers toward The Big Apple in the process.

And, oh yeah, George M. Steinbrenner can get on his knees and join the Phillies' Kiss My Ass Club.  That ass can do some tricks.

Quoting Harry The K, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!"

Broxton looks in for the sign, the 1-1 pitch... SWING AND A LINE DRIVE INTO RIGHT FIELD, IT'S A GAPPER ROLLING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE WALL! HERE COMES BRUNTLETT, HE WILL SCORE, HERE COMES RUIZ SLIDING IN AND THIS GAME IS OVER!!!  THE PHILLIES HAVE COME FROM BEHIND TO WIN GAME FOUR OF THE 2009 NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES, 5-4 ON A DOUBLE BY JIMMY ROLLINS!  AND J-ROLL, YOU ARE THE MAN TONIGHT!  OH, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

Hard to believe, Harry, but for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and especially for Jonathon Broxton, it was another case of "Deja Vu All Over Again."  One year ago in Chavez Ravine, Matt Stairs hammered one of his 100 MPH fastballs into the right field pavillion and the Phils won.  Flash forward to tonight (10/19).  After Pete Happy (Pedro Feliz) had made an throwing error, his two-for-the-series batting earned him a replacement as pinch hitter by Mr. Stairs.  He walked on four pitches, and was replaced by Eric "Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett as a pinch runner at first.  Then "Senor Ocutbre", Carlos Ruiz was plunked on the next pitch.  After pinch hitter Greg Dobbs (for winning pitcher Brad Lidge - that's right his first win this year) struck out, Rollins delivered big time.

Three down, one more.  Like I say, we have them right where we want them.  And Cole Hamels will try for the kill Wednesday (10/21).  By the way, here's what MLB.com had on their homepage BEFORE JRoll's win, just call it an EPIC DODGER FAIL!

By the way, all credit where credit is due to Chris Creamer's Sports Logo Boards for the pic.

One Down, Two To Go...

Jayson Werth hit a game winning single in the top of the ninth inning to score Ryan Howard, who had done unto Hudson Street what others had done unto Brad Lidge, or in this case, Ryan Madson, when the Colorado Rockies had scored a three spot half an inning earlier, and the Phillies got their three in the top of the ninth as Lidge struck Troy Tulowitzki out on a 2-2 cutter and the Phillies will face the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2009 National League Championship Series after a 5-4 mile high win in Game 4 of the NLDS.

(Up in that great press box in the sky, Whitey said to his partner "Hard to believe, Harry, this game's easy!")

And now, it's time to...

BEATAGAIN! 

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/11: Week 5, Sponsored by the Letter "B"

Blowouts, a boring game and the 1960 Denver Broncos Uniforms:

Odds are 1:9 that Keith or Dan mentions these guys above.  Somebody at UniWatch did.

The teams that had bye week in Week 5 were the San Diego Chargers, the unbeaten New Orleans Saints, the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears.  As for the rest...

Browns 6, Bills 3: Zzzzzzzzz.

Panthers 20, Redskins 17: The Skins led this game 17-2.  Then they left the field.

Steelers 28, Lions 20: Hey, the Lions actually looked good in this one, but Big Ben, fresh off his WWE RAW DX activities, then had two words for 'em: Suck It!^TM

Vikings 38, Lambs 10: The Lambs' 1999 Super Bowl XXIV uniforms failed them.

Giants 44, Raiders 7: The less spoken to 49er16 about this game, the better.

Cowboys 26, Chiefs 20 (OT): Stone Cold Myles Austin (WHAT?!^TM) led the comeback in the 1960 Dallas Cowboys win over the 1960 Dallas Texans in Kansas City.  You mean the Cotton Bowl was unavailable?

Bengals 17, Ravens 14: The Ravens defense was overaggressive at crunch time, and the Ravens choked in the progress.

Eagles 33, Bucs 14: The Suckaneers are 1976 bad.

Seahawks 41, Jaguars 0: Liz Hasselback's brother-in-law returned, and TJ Whosyourdaddy scored twice.

Cardinals 28, Texans 21: Time wasn't on Houston's side on 4th and goal from the cards two.  Run the football?  Crazy and unworkable.

Falcons 45, 49ers 10: Again, again on Letterman. Insert "Hiking the Old Appy Trail" reference here.

Broncos 20, Patriots 17 (OT): Did we mention the awful Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory circa 1971 Oompa Loompa uniforms the Broncos wore? Did we mention that Student beat Teacher as McDaniels beat Belecheat?  Did I mention that the '60 Bronco monstrosoties were worse than the '33 Team Sweden kits the Iggles wore in '07?

Well, enjoy this Colts-Titans mismatch, as for me the Phils won't start until 10:07 PM.

UPDATE #1: Colts, as expected, blew out the Titans, 31-9.

UPDATE #2: It took forever (seemingly) but the Phillies took the lead in the sole remaining NLDS, beating Colorado 6-5 on Ryan Howard's game winning...sac fly.

If You Thought There Was Confusion With the Baseball Postseason Scheduling...

Here's what today's (10/11) schedule looks like:

• Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County California USA Western Hemisphere Third Rock from the Sun Milky Way Galaxy Crab Nebula at Boston, 12 noon ET
• Yankees at Minnesota, 7 PM
• Phillies at Rockies, 10 PM

If MLB had any sense, Yankees-Twins at 3 PM, Angels-Red Sox at 6:30, Phillies-Rockies at 10 PM.  We won't know the time for Game 4 of Phillies-Rockies tomorrow (10/12) but it will be announced after the finish of NYY-MIN, so if both LAA-BOS and NYY-MIN are sweeps, it's a 8:07 PM ET first pitch.  If one series continues, expect a 5:07 ET first pitch, and if there are two ALDS Game Fours, a 2:37 PM ET start for PHI-COL.  Either way, thwe road to repeat will go through Chavez Ravine as the Dodgers swept the Cardinals.

Your TBS Division Series/NLCS Announcers Are...

Well, the postseason begins in one week, and TBS hasn't wasted tome on who they picked for the announcers and as Jim Lange used to say "Heeeeeeeeeerre they are!"

Tigers/Twins vs. Yankees - Chip Caray, Buck Martinez, Craig Sager 

Angels vs. Red Sox - Don Orsillo, David Wells (and/or Dennis Eckereley), Marc Fein

Phillies vs. Rockies - Brian Anderson, Joe Simpson, David Aldridge

Dodgers vs. Cardinals - Dick Stockton, Ron Darling, Tom Verducci

NLCS - Caray, Martinez, Darling, Sager.

Geez, doen't anyone remember when Orsillo and Eck worked together?  Eck tossed out a couple accidental NSFW or Kids words.