Christmas List Anyone?

What I wanted for Christmas...

What the Yankees are giving me:
http://www.holidaycheese.com/_m/sweaters/created/16772.png

As the Character on the Left Says "Eh...What's Up Doc?"

The deal is all but done.

Roy Halliday is coming to Philadelphia, but it will be a steep price for a Cy Young Award winner.  How steep, you ask?  Last year's ace, Cliff Lee will go to Seattle, and prospects from both the Mariners and Phighting Phillies will head to the Toronto Blue Jays.

All in all, it's my birthday in 1972 all over again, when the Phillies traded Rick Wise to St. Louis for a left-hander named Steve Carlton.  Wise had hurled a no-hitter that season beforehand and both wanted pay raises.  What happened?  Lefty went 27-10, won four Cy Young Awards and became the Phillies' all-time greatest southpaw, and Wise became a jouneyman pitcher, so much so, Carlton's #32 was retired.  And therein lies the rub.

Roy will have to pick a new number out.  May I suggest #23.  After all, 130 wins in your career will do that.

Tricks, Treats, a Trap and October 31st Madness: "Jessie's" Halloween Adventure

The last time our author cross played as the femme fatalle of Pokémon's extremely laughable Team Rocket, there was much love for him as a lady. On a date that is traditionally the time for guys to dress as girls and vice versa, “she” (for the lack of a better word) would have to dodge raindrops, march in the annual costume parade in Newtown, get a small glamorous makeover and then from there hand out goodies for ghosts and goblins at his crib in a span of just over twelve hours!

Because of the Irish influence in many things – potato farming, beer making, celebrating holidays – we can thank them for the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day with parades, drunken debauchery, wearing green even though they might not be of Gaelic decent. We can also thank them for the modern celebration of All Hallows Eve, where people celebrate with some parades, some drunken debauchery, and wearing outfits that are more suited to an episode of Let’s Make a Deal the rest of the year. Cosplayers have joked about a slogan for this time of year as it were: “Amateur Night”.

The last time that I went out as Jessie, Team Rocket’s diva, de facto leader and sex symbol amongst the okatu from the Pokémon meta anime series with my new costume, it was at an anime convention, and the outfit was met with glowing reviews and praise from those that were there. Now another event was coming up, Halloween. Another morning into day into night as a female being played by a male, and to paraphrase Maxwell Smart “loving it.” And to add some spice to the rack as it were, throw in a bit precipitation through most of the day until a downpour ceased the activities of October 31, 2009.

Fright Time IS The Right Time?

For me, the time of 4:00 AM is a good time to wake up when you have a long day of playing ahead. Put on top of this the fact that the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority (SEPTA to the locals in Philadelphia) was scheduled to strike at 12:01 AM, but delayed the strike threat first until 6:00 PM that evening, and then ultimately until the 2009 World Series passed through The City of Sibling Love. That, though, would be another story to be told at a later time. So after the customary shower and shave, I got dressed into my make up, tights (two pairs to keep warn, even though the temperature was scheduled to go up to a balmy for October 72°), padded bra and panties, body shaper, back brace (making me look even more effeminate), leotard and cheerleader briefs (or a “modesty brief” as they sometimes like to call it.) I even decided to shorten the skirt I wore a bit making it look like Jessie’s micro-mini as it were in the illustration below. Women, I now feel your pain as it were to don this part of the outfit. The skirt (for the lack of a better word) looked like more a giant belt. At 5:30 AM, I exited toward the bus stop and I had everything except one little thing I forgotten: those green earrings. I had hurried out the door, and forgot to put them on and left them. It was too late to turn back, and since it was drizzling, I put a white poncho made from low grade cheap plastic atop the costume to prevent it from getting wet. There were a couple people who recognized me from a similar trip I made the year before as Alice in Wonderland; after all, it had been 373 days since last year’s event, which was postponed and the judging had been moved indoors to the Newtown Theater, so this year it looked like the same.

.

Wet, damp, drizzly, rain threatened to spoil the party as it were. Arriving at the transfer point of the Route 84 near the Franklin Mills Mall located on what was an orphan farm, and then Liberty Bell Race Track. Simulcasting of horse racing within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania had came one year too late, because the track was closed in 1985. The tales I had there would have to be put on hold for some future story. As I awaited the Route 130 to head out to Newtown, a small borough in the middle of Bucks County, there was a down time as it were. A year earlier, things were hunky dory to speak. Small businesses were doing well on Main Street, the local Chevrolet dealer was okay, and autumn was in full bloom. Well since then, Stockburger Chevrolet was forced out of business by General Motors, the lot closed but the service area still running. But just like anyplace, there was a Starbucks Coffee shop. At one time, as Dennis Miller said before he retired from comedy, “They’re actually planning to open a Starbucks inside a Starbucks!” Now our story gets to become fun.

Inside, a kind lady saw me dressed as I was and then was taken aback by her request: she wanted my autograph as Jessie! An autograph? In character? How could I not pass the chance up? She then decided to buy me a hot chocolate and sticky bun out of her Starbucks card. The cost was $5 and change. Well worth it needless to say. Everybody there got a kick of my appearance, so much so that one employee asked if he could take a picture of me with my camera phone. Again, how could I pass the chance up, it is after all, October 31st? So after giving him some brief instructions on how my camera phone works, I posed in a rather sexy (if you can call a 5-foot-9, 270-pound man dressed in a somewhat revealing outfit from the chest down) pose, legs crossed on a chair at the coffee shop. When I later saw the picture, I noticed a little “fan service” as it were. In the pose, I accidentally showed my panties in the shot.

The Fan Service Kiosk

Well, what exactly is “fan service” you say? Allow the pillar of education called Wikipedia to explain it all to you:

“Fan service is a vaguely-defined term primarily used for anime and manga (Japanese illustrated cartoons) to refer to elements that are unnecessary to the storyline. Fan service explicitly refers to material that is designed to amuse or excite the audience with sexually-derived content. When such content fits within the storyline, it would not usually be considered fan service, but excessive content is usually considered gratuitous regardless of its justification.

“Any gratuitous content included in some form of entertainment primarily to please a core group of fans is fan service. The term has been used in a broader context than just anime, including the three Star Wars prequels.

“The typical, but not only, variety of fan service is racy or sexual content (usually female but sometimes male) used to titillate the viewer, such as nudity or other forms of eye candy. Shower scenes are very common in movies, and in anime of the 1980s and 1990s, while many more recent television series use trips to onset (Japanese Hot Springs) or trips to exotic tropical locales, in order to showcase the characters in bathing suits. All aim to depict characters in states of relative undress when it would otherwise be out of place with the tone of a series. In anime, two common types of fan service are the panties shot and jiggling breasts. Male homo eroticism, such as accidental kisses, is a common feature of fan service for females, and has been described as ‘easier to get away with’ in terms of censorship than fan service for males.”

Therein lies the answer to the question laid out. Yes, even Pokémon has had some kiddie fan service moments. The three female protagonists – Misty, May and Dawn – all have worn bathing suits and both Jessie and James wore them as well. And there was the now-banned episode “Beauty and the Beach”, where James donned inflatable breasts in one of the most controversial moments in the history of children’s television in America.

Forward, March!

So much for the fan service. Let us return to the story of that date in question. After Starbucks, I walked in my thigh-high boots that are tight in the toes toward the landmark called The Stocking Works. Waymarking.com has an explanation of the building, it’s history and the the current use of this historic place:

“Originally, the Newtown Hosiery Mill (a.k.a. The Stocking Works) operated out of this building at 301 South State Street. In 1884, the Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Works was founded by John B Mawson in Yardley. In 1889, it was moved to Newtown after a fire destroyed the Yardley plant. In 1904, the Bobbin and Spool works chartered the name Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Company, which expanded with new buildings and updated equipment. After the brief tenure of the stocking manufacturer, the building was used by a stained glass company, a bobbin factory, and then during World War II, by the Lavelle Aircraft Corporation.

“When World War II started, there was a tremendous demand for aircraft, and Lavelle expanded to meet the demand. To mark its success, a ceremony was held at the plant in July, 1945, where the company was awarded the Army-Navy ‘E’ for excellence in production. After the war, the company changed over to stainless steel production for jet engines, missiles and satellites. The world's first weather Satellite, TIROS 1, was manufactured here in 1960. It recorded the first TV image from space. Some of the components used in the Apollo space missions were also manufactured here. In recent years, the property has been renovated into office space.”

So thanks to the borough of Newtown, Pennsylvania, we wouldn’t have The Weather Channel or even AccuWeather.com, Neil Armstrong would have never declared “Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.” And to complete the cycle, the building has gone from hosiery to stained glass to bobbins to airplanes to steel manufacturing to office space. Anyway, returning to our tale of travel, as I stood in the parking lot of the historic complex waiting for an okay, and I had doubted it would go off, but surprise, surprise, surprise. The judging went off without a hitch, and my judges were dressed as the pre-slutty Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and a Civil War soldier because he does reenactments, the ultimate in cosplaying as it were. As did the parade, with the Council Rock South High School Band – complete with their band major dressed in the infamous It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia zentai green man suit – going right to the theater. And fate would have it, politicians looking for re-election in the area handed out officially licensed Pokémon trick-or-treat bags, and I was just plain lucky to get one of the only two. After a brief performance by the band, we went into the theater for the prize presentations, and needless to say, I didn’t win. Hey, I tried.

As I went about the town post-parade, I ran into a mother and daughter who complimented me as a nice-looking lady. After thanking them, I sprung the oldest Halloween trick of them all: I told them that I was a guy. Mom was shocked, and actually wanted to pose with me for a picture. The daughter, aged 11, ran away but reluctantly came back And because she was a good sport, she took our picture together. Later, as I was awaiting the bus to head to my next destination, a lady passing by in her car gave me a wolf whistle. It was after that onto the return trip Route 130 bus to Neshaminy Mall and more fun.

I decided to head into Macy*s there and ask for a makeover at the Lancome counter. Needless to say, the people were surprised to see a guy who stands is dressed in a micro miniskirt, baring a midriff as it were and in thigh-high boots and wearing a burgundy (or a dark purple?) wig come in and ask to have a makeover as an bossy, evil diva. Thank you, my dear friend for doing so. For the next couple hours, I went out and did trick-or-treating inside the mall. A 48-year old guy dressed in comedic crossplay drag doing trick-or-treating. And since my skirt was falling down a bit, I headed to American Eagle to get a re-pinning of my micro miniskirt to the proper length.

There’s No Place Like Home...and Getting There’s Half the Fun

Well after about an hour of this fun, it was time to head home. On the way to my house, after getting off SEPTA Routes 14 and 70, I decided to walk from the terminus at the intersection of Cottman and Torresdale Avenues, it was walking down Torresdale Avenue to meet a few friends in my outfit. They were really taken aback on how I looked to say the least. To say they were shocked was an understatement, as for two of the last three Halloweens, I was dressed for the whole day in my costume. In 2007, I was Alice in Wonderland, in a blue dress, pinafore apron and Mary Jane shoes. I went to Center City Philadelphia (we never call it “downtown”), got made up at the Sephora there and had a lot of fun. I looked like I had stepped out of Disneyland after having opened a “Drink Me” bottle and grown tall enough not to fit through that door.

In 2008, the whole thing was called off because of a small parade honoring the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. So I only wore the costume for trick-or-treaters who had gotten juice bottles with a label attached with “DRINK ME” upon them. From what I know, Center City was too crowded and it would have taken forever to get home with overcrowded trains.. I was disappointed because this was going to be my first championship parade I missed (and it was a quarter century since the last big event of this kind happening) because of the lack of tickets available at Citizens Bank Park and Lincoln Financial Field – you had to either be a season ticket holder or enter a drawing to get the ducats, plus the fact some moronic scalpers decided to sell them on eBay for $500 or so – and that in turn riled my anger that I’d like to see any future parades move from south to north, say at Eakins Oval in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. And irony of ironies, the team was playing the [CENSORED] New York Yankees in the World Series this year. That however, was not going to be historic for our fair city as those Damn Yankees win their 27^th World Championship.

Well, when I finally came home, the neighbors playfully wolf whistled at me, and the whacked out (in a good way) neighbors from around the corner who have a haunted porch every year were getting ready for their scare affair as it were. Even the girl from three doors away liked my costume. The trick-or-treating commenced early due to the postseason baseball events, and we gave out a lesser amount of goodies (in this case, small bags of pretzels) before the rains came at 7:10 PM in the evening to end the legalized begging because of that and weather issues. So all in all, fun, weather, and sleep during a World Series game was enough for me. After all, isn’t All Hallows Eve supposed to be like that?

Keith Shows Us a "Classy" Yankees Fan's Ride

From his MLBlog "Baseball Nerd":

A poster gave the real reason:

"There was a play running off-Broadway (and later elsewhere in the country) a couple of years ago called '27 Heaven', based on the imagined conversations in heaven of some of the members of 'The 27 Club' (famous rock stars dying at age 27): Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain. While pulling the car out of mothballs and parking it may be some kind of statement, at least the paint job is explained."

As far as the coffin goes, Stay Classy Yankees Douchenozzle Fans.  Phillies fans would never stoop to such lows.

Phixing the Phillies

Brett Myers is gone.  Matt Stairs will be shown the door.  Eric "Mr. Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett will be leaving.  And Pedro "Peter Happy: Good Field, No Hit" Feliz is all but outta here.

So, if I was Ruben Amaro, what would I do?  Let me throw a dime of my thoughts (adjusted from two cents because of inflation) to the problem.

1. Trade Motherfucking Brad Lidge to the Nationals for Ryan Zimmerman.  Lidge was 0-7, blew eleven saves, and lost Game Four of the Series.  Sound familiar?  Mitch Motherfucking Williams blew Game Six thanks to Joe Motherfucking Motherfucker Carter, and was traded in the off-season. Both have long term contracts that are expensive (Lidge $23M over two years, Zimmerman $40M over four years) and the Nats have been in a rebuilding mode ever since that moved from Montreal.  It solves two problems at once: The Nats need a closer and the Phils get a good hit and good field hot corner player that has Mike Schmidt potential. In the process, Ryan Madson becomes the team's new closer by default
2. Paul Hoover and Miguel Cairo stay. Paul Bako will exit and the previously mentioned Bruntlett ditto, so the team might as well promote Hoover, who ended the regular season with a walkoff single against the Marlins, and Cairo from Lehigh Valley.  Permamently.
3. Seek an extra arm. Everybody knows Roy Halladay won't be in Toronto next season, and I believe the Dodgers, Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs will bid minor leaguers to get him.  The Phils will likely go the uncompinsated free agent route. No A or B types, thank you.
4. Extend Lee, Victorino and Ruiz. Cliff Lee is the ace, no questions asked.  He deserves a new deal starting in 2011, and Shane Victorino and Carlos Ruiz should avoid arbitration with two-year pacts.

There you go. Plain and simple, the payroll gets a minor bump to $130 million or thereabouts.

The Mourning After

At 11:51 PM EST last night (11/4), the reign of the Philadelphia Phillies as baseball's world champions came to an end, and survivors of an Indonesian earthquake will now be getting these:

Yup, the same shirts (with caps) that were placed in a macy*s ad.  Damn you sons of bitches.

It will be back to normal next week with the live blogs returning.

The Maigc of macy*s Helps The Phils Accidentally

What was on the back page of the news section in the Monday (11/2) edition of The Philadelphia Inquirer you ask?

An ad from macy*s congratulating the Phils on winning their second World Series title, complete with a T-shirt to be worn in the clubhouse (overpriced BTW) when the champagne (Chateau Deer Patch vintage 1977) is sprayed around.

The Inquirer apologised for the goof, but hey, there's at least one wish: The Phils win the next two games.

And Now, the Chase Continues...

Chase Utley, tying Reggie Jackson's record for most home runs in a World Series with five, and Clifton Lee, you are the men tonight.  Phils won 8-6, we're going back to NYC.

Football Night in America Week 8 11/1: Sixty Minute Men and Judas Bowl II

It's only a sixty-minute show this week as we return to standard time, due to a baseball game between the Yankees and the Phillies, and with the added bonus of Judas Bowl II between Brett Favre and his old team, the Green Bay Packers in his old stomping grounds.  The byes this week are for the Patriots and the winless Buccaneers, the Bengals, the Steelers, the Chiefs and the Redskins, a two-touchdown dog against bye. Speaking of byes, Costas gets one, as does Alvino and Collinsworth...and Keith?

Lambs 17, Lying Downs 10: In the Gordon Forbes USA TODAY Memorial Negative Star Game of the Millennium, Saint Louis wins their first game since 1999.  Actually, November 9 of last year.

Bears 30, Browns 6: The less said the better.

Cowboys 38, Seahawks 17: The Cowboys face the Eagles next Sunday night.

Texans 31, Bills 10: TO had a 29 yard TD run, and threw his team under the bus.  This is a recording.

Colts 18, 49ers 14: More Letterman material, and Joesph Addai had more touchdown passes than Peyton Manning.  What's wrong with this picture?

Dolphins 30, Jets 25: Do not kick the ball to Ted Ginn, Jr.  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!!! Two kickoffs returned for touchdowns (100 and 101 yards).

Eagles 40, Giants 17: Good lord it was 30-7 at halftime.  I hope the Phillies play like that tonight!

Ravens 30, Broncos 7: Was it just us or were the no-longer-unbeaten Broncos just bad after their bye week?

Chargers 24, Raiders 16: The long season continues on the East Side of the bay.

Panthers 34, Cardinals 21: Kurt Warner had fibve INTs.  Jake Delhomme didn't.

Titans 30, Jaguars 13: Vince Young starts at QB, and there were four runs of 50-plus yards for touchdowns (two by Chris Johnson, two by Maurice Jones-Drew) for the first time in NFL history.

Vikings 38, Packers 26 (Judas Bowl II): Welcome home, Brett.  man, did you have a homecoming!  Four TD passes at GB, first since 11/14/04 against the Vikings.

Enjoy Game 4 of the Series.  See you next week.

So This is What It's Like Being Down 2-1...

Cole Hamels has become the postseason's Least Valuable Player and is in line to win a 2010 Yugo.  The Phillies in 5 pick will not happen after he was squashed like a bad Jack O'Lantern that I slept through (I'll tell you in another post later this week about my Halloween which caused it) in that rain-delayed 8-3 loss to The Steinbrenner Evil Empire. 

Cliff Lee: A Man Among Men

Cliff Lee toyed with the New York Yankees tonight (10/28).  Complete game, ten Ks, surrendering six hits and an unearned run, and Chase Utley delivered two Ruthian blasts off "Oh see" C.C. Sabathia and the Phillies rolled 6-1.

One down, three to go.  Game 2 tomorrow (10/29) with Pedro Martinez facing a Phillies target in A.J. Burnett.  Much to Keith's chagrin oh by the way...

It's Official: One of New York's Finest Vanity Newspapers Owned By a Aussie Pirate Takes The Gloves Off

It's on like Donkey Kong.

One of New York's Finest Vanity Newspapers Owned by an Australian Pirate has lowered the cheap shot quota.  In Tuesday's (10/27) edition, a photoshopped photo of the top of Shane Victorino and the bottom of a cheerleader made the front page announcing that the "Frillies" were coming to town. Today (10/28),  Philadelphia's Daily News delivered this editorial cartoon comeback:

As we like to say, "Tutu can play this game."  And the caption should really read "Pas de Douchbags".

Dear Fucktard Emeritus Thaddeus Jagoff Slimeball...

Via the Philadephia Daily News Op-Ed Pages from Greg Hasselback of Lancaster, Pennsylvania:

AFTER reading Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers refer to Philadelphia fans as "drunken uglies," I want to share my thoughts with him - and Daily News readers:

It's surprising that an award-winning writer can be so boorishly stereotypical in regards to Philadelphia fans. I realize it's your job to say edgy or controversial things, but as so often is the case, you let a minority of bad behavior justify a sweeping overgeneralization.

If anything, just the opposite is true, Mr. Simers. Philadelphia fans are, more often than not, FIERCELY PASSIONATE. They are, more often than not, EXTREMELY KNOWLEDGEABLE, in regard to the sport of baseball, and other sports as well.

Above all, Philadelphia fans are - despite the fact that we won't hesitate to boo our own players (God forbid!) who are paid millions of dollars generated by our hard work - UNERRINGLY LOYAL.

They have endured 10,000 losses, horrible teams, poor minor-league development and even worse personnel decisions. The list goes on.

Yet, season after season, we stay true to the Red and White as the Los Angeles fans famously "bleed Dodger Blue" - a claim I find dubious, though I won't make the same stereotypical judgments you have made, sir.

We come back year after year, despite the painful memories of seasons past to cheer (and boo) our team.

Yes, we will taunt your players. I challenge you to visit any major league ballpark and not find that. I've heard insults to players in other stadiums that would make your mother blush.

And. yes, there have been more than a few unfortunate though rarely tragic incidents of Philadelphia fans behaving poorly, illegally in an ill-mannered way - "drunken ugly," as you so colorfully put it.

But if insulting an entire fan base is the hallmark of an award-winning writer, then you deserve the Pulitzer Prize, "Mr." Simers.

And my grandmother just rose from the dead to deliver this to you, Slimeball...

Stay Classy, The Jackass Slimeball

T. J. Simers of the Los Angeles Times is a living, breathing mother fucking jagoff douchebag jackass in the vein of Comedian Boss Limbaugh if he had brains.  He hates Philadelphia for no reason whatsoever in the vein of W.C. Fields.  And Fields was actually a native Philadelphian.  

Don't believe me?  Here's his comments about the Phillie Phanatic the last two nights, plus a cheap shot at not only our fans, but also those of the Yankees:

"Nowhere in America are people more angry than those living here. During Game 3 they had their humorless furry mascot put on boxing gloves and take on someone who was supposed to be an L.A. fan, sunglasses, cellphone and all.

"The furry mascot punched him out, much to the delight of the folks here who love a dash of violence with their sports entertainment.

"During Game 4 the furry mascot took a small Dodgers blue helmet, placed it on the ground and then pulverized it, much to the delight of the locals. Same tired skits, by the way, they employed a year ago.

"But this is considered entertainment here, the only bright spot if they draw the Yankees now, getting a look in the mirror at fans who might remind them of themselves."

Send a long FUCKYOUDOUCHEBAG to t.j.simers@latimes.com for all of us, and Stay Classy, you fucktard.

Quoting Harry The K, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!"

Broxton looks in for the sign, the 1-1 pitch... SWING AND A LINE DRIVE INTO RIGHT FIELD, IT'S A GAPPER ROLLING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE WALL! HERE COMES BRUNTLETT, HE WILL SCORE, HERE COMES RUIZ SLIDING IN AND THIS GAME IS OVER!!!  THE PHILLIES HAVE COME FROM BEHIND TO WIN GAME FOUR OF THE 2009 NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES, 5-4 ON A DOUBLE BY JIMMY ROLLINS!  AND J-ROLL, YOU ARE THE MAN TONIGHT!  OH, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

Hard to believe, Harry, but for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and especially for Jonathon Broxton, it was another case of "Deja Vu All Over Again."  One year ago in Chavez Ravine, Matt Stairs hammered one of his 100 MPH fastballs into the right field pavillion and the Phils won.  Flash forward to tonight (10/19).  After Pete Happy (Pedro Feliz) had made an throwing error, his two-for-the-series batting earned him a replacement as pinch hitter by Mr. Stairs.  He walked on four pitches, and was replaced by Eric "Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett as a pinch runner at first.  Then "Senor Ocutbre", Carlos Ruiz was plunked on the next pitch.  After pinch hitter Greg Dobbs (for winning pitcher Brad Lidge - that's right his first win this year) struck out, Rollins delivered big time.

Three down, one more.  Like I say, we have them right where we want them.  And Cole Hamels will try for the kill Wednesday (10/21).  By the way, here's what MLB.com had on their homepage BEFORE JRoll's win, just call it an EPIC DODGER FAIL!

By the way, all credit where credit is due to Chris Creamer's Sports Logo Boards for the pic.

Clocks Go Back an Hour 11/1, Four NFL Games Swap Times?

Lost in the shuffle of yesterday's (10/12) NLDS win was the avoidance of a mess at The Financial District (also known as the Sports Complex due to the connections of the facility sponsors - Citizens Bank Park, Lincoln Financial Field and the Wachovia Center, soon to be renamed the Wells Fargo Spectrum) if and when the Phillies beat the Dodgers.

The Eagles game against the Giants has been swapped from its' original 4:15 PM kickoff to 1 PM.  In addition, three other games have their kickoff times changed.  Up in Northern New Jersey at Exit 16-W, the Miami Dolphins game at the New York Jets has been moved from 1 PM to 4:05 PM and Tennessee-Jacksonville will take BUF-NYJ's place in the 1 PM slot, while Judas Bowl II - the second round of the Vikings-Packers rivalry for a homecoming for Brett Favre on The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field^TM - has taken the Eagles' place on the slate.  FOX and Nashville winds up winners as they now have MIN-GB as the lead in for Game 4 of the Series and Music City now gets to see it.  New York, though, winds up as the loser as they still won't see Judas Bowl II, joining San Diego.

One Down, Two To Go...

Jayson Werth hit a game winning single in the top of the ninth inning to score Ryan Howard, who had done unto Hudson Street what others had done unto Brad Lidge, or in this case, Ryan Madson, when the Colorado Rockies had scored a three spot half an inning earlier, and the Phillies got their three in the top of the ninth as Lidge struck Troy Tulowitzki out on a 2-2 cutter and the Phillies will face the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2009 National League Championship Series after a 5-4 mile high win in Game 4 of the NLDS.

(Up in that great press box in the sky, Whitey said to his partner "Hard to believe, Harry, this game's easy!")

And now, it's time to...

BEATAGAIN! 

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/11: Week 5, Sponsored by the Letter "B"

Blowouts, a boring game and the 1960 Denver Broncos Uniforms:

Odds are 1:9 that Keith or Dan mentions these guys above.  Somebody at UniWatch did.

The teams that had bye week in Week 5 were the San Diego Chargers, the unbeaten New Orleans Saints, the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears.  As for the rest...

Browns 6, Bills 3: Zzzzzzzzz.

Panthers 20, Redskins 17: The Skins led this game 17-2.  Then they left the field.

Steelers 28, Lions 20: Hey, the Lions actually looked good in this one, but Big Ben, fresh off his WWE RAW DX activities, then had two words for 'em: Suck It!^TM

Vikings 38, Lambs 10: The Lambs' 1999 Super Bowl XXIV uniforms failed them.

Giants 44, Raiders 7: The less spoken to 49er16 about this game, the better.

Cowboys 26, Chiefs 20 (OT): Stone Cold Myles Austin (WHAT?!^TM) led the comeback in the 1960 Dallas Cowboys win over the 1960 Dallas Texans in Kansas City.  You mean the Cotton Bowl was unavailable?

Bengals 17, Ravens 14: The Ravens defense was overaggressive at crunch time, and the Ravens choked in the progress.

Eagles 33, Bucs 14: The Suckaneers are 1976 bad.

Seahawks 41, Jaguars 0: Liz Hasselback's brother-in-law returned, and TJ Whosyourdaddy scored twice.

Cardinals 28, Texans 21: Time wasn't on Houston's side on 4th and goal from the cards two.  Run the football?  Crazy and unworkable.

Falcons 45, 49ers 10: Again, again on Letterman. Insert "Hiking the Old Appy Trail" reference here.

Broncos 20, Patriots 17 (OT): Did we mention the awful Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory circa 1971 Oompa Loompa uniforms the Broncos wore? Did we mention that Student beat Teacher as McDaniels beat Belecheat?  Did I mention that the '60 Bronco monstrosoties were worse than the '33 Team Sweden kits the Iggles wore in '07?

Well, enjoy this Colts-Titans mismatch, as for me the Phils won't start until 10:07 PM.

UPDATE #1: Colts, as expected, blew out the Titans, 31-9.

UPDATE #2: It took forever (seemingly) but the Phillies took the lead in the sole remaining NLDS, beating Colorado 6-5 on Ryan Howard's game winning...sac fly.

If You Thought There Was Confusion With the Baseball Postseason Scheduling...

Here's what today's (10/11) schedule looks like:

• Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County California USA Western Hemisphere Third Rock from the Sun Milky Way Galaxy Crab Nebula at Boston, 12 noon ET
• Yankees at Minnesota, 7 PM
• Phillies at Rockies, 10 PM

If MLB had any sense, Yankees-Twins at 3 PM, Angels-Red Sox at 6:30, Phillies-Rockies at 10 PM.  We won't know the time for Game 4 of Phillies-Rockies tomorrow (10/12) but it will be announced after the finish of NYY-MIN, so if both LAA-BOS and NYY-MIN are sweeps, it's a 8:07 PM ET first pitch.  If one series continues, expect a 5:07 ET first pitch, and if there are two ALDS Game Fours, a 2:37 PM ET start for PHI-COL.  Either way, thwe road to repeat will go through Chavez Ravine as the Dodgers swept the Cardinals.

And the Weather Outside Will Be Frightful...

And could the photo to the right be not so delightful?  From AccuWeather:

Wintry conditions in Denver this weekend have potential to affect or even cancel Game 3 of the MLB National League Division Series.

At this time, AccuWeather.com is forecasting mostly cloudy skies with a high of 36 degrees for Saturday's match-up between the Philadelphia Phillies and Colorado Rockies.

By the 7:37 p.m. MDT start, temperatures will drop to 27 degrees with a chance of up to an inch of snow falling before the game.

While the postponement of MLB games due to low temperatures and snow is uncommon, it is not unheard of.

Postponements due to wintry conditions are most common in the early portion of the baseball season in cities located in the Northeast, Great Lakes and Midwest.

This season's Opening Day match-up on April 6 between the White Sox and Royals was a recent casualty after being canceled because of snow, cold temperatures and high winds.

Games can also be canceled due to just very low temperatures as well. An April 5, 2007, game between the Toronto Blue Jays and Detroit Tigers was rescheduled after the day brought a high of only 31 degrees.

A "snow-out" at Coors Field last occurred on April 10, 2008, forcing a match-up with the Atlanta Braves to be rescheduled after a total of 1.6 inches fell. Another occurred in April 2007 when a series of Indians and Mariners games were canceled after 10 inches of snow pounded Jacobs Field in Cleveland.

The defending World Champion Phillies are no strangers to postponed playoff games. Last year's decisive Game 5 of the World Series was halted in the sixth inning due to rain. The final three innings were played out two days later.

Maybe Jolly Cholly has them right where they have 'em with the bullpen of Happ and Blanton...

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