Monday, October 26, 2009

The 2009 World Series: It's Mr. McMahon (Yankees) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (Phillies)

The 2009 World Series is now set.  It's the World Fucking Champion Philadelphia Phillies against the New York Yankees.  The Joisey Turnpike Series.  Never has a series been stacked so big for ratings (and East Coast Media Bias) that another famous rivalry will likely rear its' ugly head: Mister Vincent Kennedy McMahon, evil owner of the World Wrestling Federation against Stone Cold Steve Austin, alcohol fueled redneck rule-breaking fan favorite who always delivered his own version of justice.  Oh, you don't believe me?

Wikipedia picks up the story:

On September 22, 1997, on the first ever Monday Night Raw to be broadcast from Madison Square Garden, Owen Hart was giving a speech to the fans in attendance. During his speech, Austin entered the ring with five NYPD officers following, and assaulted Hart. As if it looked Austin was going to fight the officers, Vince McMahon ran into the ring to lecture Austin about why he couldn't be "physically" able to compete. After telling McMahon that he respects the fact that he and the WWF cared, Austin attacked McMahon with a Stone Cold Stunner, leaving McMahon in shock. Austin was then arrested on charges of trespassing, assault, and assaulting a police officer. This marked the beginning of the Austin-McMahon rivalry.

Austin won the 1998 Royal Rumble, lastly eliminating The Rock. The next night on Raw, Austin interrupted Vince McMahon in his presentation of Mike Tyson, who was making a special appearance, over the objection of McMahon referring to Tyson as "the baddest man on the planet." Austin flipped off Tyson, which led to Tyson shoving Austin much to McMahon's embarrassment, who began to publicly disapprove of the prospect of Austin as his champion. Tyson was later announced as "the special enforcer" for the main event at WrestleMania XIV, although he appeared to be aligning himself with WWF Champion Shawn Michaels' stable D-Generation X. This led to Austin's WWF Championship match against Michaels at WrestleMania XIV, which he won with help from Tyson, who turned on DX by making the deciding three-count against Michaels. This victory ushered in the Austin Era, and with it, The Attitude Era.

On the 
Raw after Austin won the WWF Title, Vince McMahon presented him with a new title belt and warned Austin that he did not approve of his rebellious nature and that things could be done "the easy way or the hard way." Austin gave his answer in the form of another Stunner. This led to a segment a week later where Austin had pledged a few days prior in a meeting to "play ball" with McMahon, appearing in a suit and tie, with a beaming McMahon taking a picture of himself and his new corporate champion. The entire thing was a ruse by Austin who in the course of the segment proceeded to tear off the suit, tell McMahon it was the last time he would see Austin dressed like this, punch his boss in the "corporate grapefruits," and take another picture of the two of them while McMahon was doubled over in pain. In April 1998, it appeared Austin and McMahon were going to battle out their differences in an actual match, but the match was declared a no contest when Dude Love (Mick Foley to the rest of us) made an appearance. This led to a match between Love and Austin at Over the Edge: In Your House for the WWF Championship. Austin managed to retain the title despite McMahon acting as the referee and his "Corporate Stooges" (Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson) as timekeeper and ring announcer, respectively.

McMahon continued to do everything he could to ruin Austin, and he finally scored a big victory for his side at the 1998 King of the Ring tournament. There, Austin lost the WWF Championship to 
Kane in a First Blood match. Austin further infuriated McMahon by winning back the championship the next night on Raw. Austin also emerged victorious against The Undertaker at SummerSlam. In response, McMahon set up a Triple Threat match at Breakdown: In Your House, where The Undertaker and Kane pinned Austin at the same time. McMahon decided to vacate the WWF Championship and award it based on a match between the Undertaker and Kane, in which Austin was the guest referee. Austin refused to count for either man and attacked both towards the end of the match. McMahon later fired him, although Austin got revenge by kidnapping McMahon and dragging him to the middle of the ring at "gunpoint," which ended up being a toy gun with a scroll that read "Bang! 3:16." Also the segment was very "embarrassing" to McMahon as it showed he was so scared that he urinated his pants. Stone Cold was later re-signed by Shane McMahon. In the semifinals of a tournament to award the vacant championship, Austin lost to Mankind (Foley's second alter ego), after Shane double-crossed Austin. The next night on Raw, Judge Mills Lane ruled that The Rock had to defend his newly won WWF Championship against Austin that night. The Undertaker interfered and hit Austin with a shovel, earning Austin a disqualification victory. At Rock Bottom: In Your House, Steve Austin defeated The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match after Kane tombstoned The Undertaker into the grave. With this victory, Austin qualified for the 1999 Royal Rumble.

Austin's next definitive chance to exact revenge on Mr. McMahon came during the 1999 Royal Rumble match. On 
Raw, McMahon drew Austin's entry number with the obvious intention of screwing him over. Austin drew entry number one, while McMahon drew number two thanks to WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels. During the Rumble match, McMahon slipped out of the ring and into the crowd as Austin chased him down. It turned out to be a trap as McMahon led Austin into the lobby restroom where he was ambushed by members of The Corporation. Austin was injured and taken away in an ambulance. With Austin gone and not in the Rumble match, McMahon joined the announce table in calling the match. Later on, however, Austin returned in an ambulance and re-entered the Royal Rumble. After Austin delivered a Stunner to the Big Boss Man and eliminated him. With the assistance of the Corporation and a last minute interference from The Rock, Austin was eliminated by McMahon himself, and McMahon won the 1999 Royal Rumble. With McMahon turning down his number-one contender spot against The Rock, WWF Commissioner Michaels awarded Austin the title shot during Raw the next night. At St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Stone Cold got a one-on-one match against McMahon in a Steel Cage match, with the WWF Championship opportunity at WrestleMania XV at stake. During the match, Paul Wight made his debut, breaking through from under the ring and attacking Austin. Wight's attack propelled Austin into the side of the cage forcing the cage to give way and dropping Austin to the floor first, making him the victor. Austin defeated The Rock at WrestleMania XV for his third WWF Championship.

Austin faced The Rock in a rematch at Backlash, in which Shane McMahon was the referee. During the match, McMahon approached the ring, only to hand Austin back his Smoking Skull belt and take Shane out of the proceedings. Austin won the match when another referee made the count. The Undertaker, however, won the WWF Championship from Austin at Over the Edge. Due to events revolving around Vince McMahon in the newly merged "Corporate Ministry" and Vince unveiling himself as "the higher power", Stephanie and Linda McMahon made Stone Cold the Chief Executive Officer of the company. Vince and Shane McMahon challenged Austin to a Handicap Ladder match at King of the Ring with the CEO title on the line, which the duo of father and son won. The next night on Raw, however, Austin made it clear that while he was the CEO of the company, he could have a title shot at any time and place to be determined by himself. Austin made the WWF Championship match that night on Raw and defeated The Undertaker to win his fourth WWF Championship. Austin held on to the Championship belt until SummerSlam when he lost it to Mankind in a Triple Threat match also featuring Triple H. Austin would get his rematch at No Mercy against Triple H but lost after The Rock accidentally struck him with a sledgehammer that was meant for Triple H. By Survivor Series, Triple H was still champion. Austin was booked into a triple threat match for the WWF championship that also included Triple H and The Rock. Instead, however, Austin was run down by a car in the parking lot (creating an angle with Rikishi to create a abscence). Wight, now known as The Big Show, would replace Austin in the match and would win the WWF championship. What followed was neck surgery by Dr. Lloyd Youngblood and a nine-month rehabilitation, as Austin had needed neck surgery since the Owen Hart incident in 1997.

Do you see where I'm going here?  The Phillies are Stone Cold Steve Austin, defying authority, rules and everything else.  The Yankees are corporate Mr. McMahon, evil through and through.  The Stone Cold Fightin' Phillies were screwed out of the June 14th television date with Boston (Cliff Lee near perfect game notwithstanding) because of that Midwestern Media Bias that gave us the cardinals against a sub-.500 Indians team, and were royally fucked out of the MLB network game the previous night by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim etc.-Sub-.500 San Diego Padres.  This fueled the Phillies' passion for an attitude adjustment on Major League Baseball as a whole via a Stone Cold Stunner.  With that, the Phillies win and defend their title in a five game steel cage inside Hell-In-A-Cell match series over the Corporate Yankees at home delivering upraised middle fingers at them with Chase Utley declaring again the Phillies as the "WORLD MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPIONS!" upraising two middle fingers toward The Big Apple in the process.

And, oh yeah, George M. Steinbrenner can get on his knees and join the Phillies' Kiss My Ass Club.  That ass can do some tricks.

1 comment:

  1. Austin defeated The Rock at WrestleMania XV for his third WWF Championship.

    I was at WM XV. Best wrestling seats you could ever imagine as well. Stone Cold and the Rock made their way into the crowd and were just a few steps away from being right on par with my row.

    Good times....goooooooood times.