OH HELL YEAH!

The Phillies didn't exactly back into the National League Eastern Division championship... Moments after the Marlins beat the Braves 5-4 on a walkoff pickoff, it was over as the Phillies beat the Astros, 10-3.  There were the fireworks, there were the overpriced authentic shirts and caps and the Chateau Deer Path vintage 1977.  Now it's on to the post season, and tomorrow night (10/1) will be the Iron Pigs of the Lehigh Valley with Cliff Lee on the mound.

Your TBS Division Series/NLCS Announcers Are...

Well, the postseason begins in one week, and TBS hasn't wasted tome on who they picked for the announcers and as Jim Lange used to say "Heeeeeeeeeerre they are!"

Tigers/Twins vs. Yankees - Chip Caray, Buck Martinez, Craig Sager 

Angels vs. Red Sox - Don Orsillo, David Wells (and/or Dennis Eckereley), Marc Fein

Phillies vs. Rockies - Brian Anderson, Joe Simpson, David Aldridge

Dodgers vs. Cardinals - Dick Stockton, Ron Darling, Tom Verducci

NLCS - Caray, Martinez, Darling, Sager.

Geez, doen't anyone remember when Orsillo and Eck worked together?  Eck tossed out a couple accidental NSFW or Kids words.

Man, That Mike Blowers Should Call Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network

Mike Blowers was a pretty good third baseman for the Seattle Mariners in his day.  So on the Mariners' pre-game show on KIRO-AM 710 AM ESPN Radio, he dared to make a prediction straight out of left field.  Or in this case, straight into left field.  I'll direct you to the blog written by Shannon Dryer for the rest of the story, complete with audio goodness.

The Phillies' Magic Number Is...

1

Tell them to get the champagne on ice, the fireworks on standby on the roof of the ballpark, the police on their motorcycles and bikes (horses and K9s are soooooo 1980), the overpriced authentic championship hats and shirts on the warehouse tables and those rally towels ready.  The Phillies, thanks to a riot act from Unca Cholly, beat the Astros 7-4 and the Marlins beat the Braves 5-4, earning good graces on the Christmas Card list for the third straight year.

Now, all that needs to happen is one Phillies win (maybe tomorrow - 9/30) or one more Atlanta misstep, and the 2009 NL East Championship Flag will fly over The Vault.  Come on Phighting Phillies, make October 1 meaningless for me when it comes to close calls.

Welcome Back, Jeff Garcia Jerimiah Trotter

The recycling of old Eagles continues.  Jeff Garcia was cut today to make room for Jerimiah Trotter.

Okay, Just a Few More Pics...And an Autograph

So, give me your honest opinion please.

I SURVIVED NEW YORK ANIME FEST

Cross playing as one of the most infamous - and inept - villains in the history of Japanese anime, the writer tells all on a trip from Philadelphia to The Big Apple wearing a semi-micro miniskirt, thigh-high boots that were too narrow at the toes and surprising the character’s original voice actress with what for her would become a jaw-dropping entrance.

Prior to the advent of the fandom of Japanese culture, the internet and celebrations of animation from the Far East known as amine, there were times when males dressed as females (and vice versa) only in certain situations. Plays by William Shakespeare, Jamie Farr as Corporal Klinger on M*A*S*H, Halloween, I could go on, but let us stop there.

I myself have done the dressing as a girl part as a gag once or twice before I discovered the fun of costume playing, or “cosplay” for short, and it’s cousin, cross playing, where as one member of a sex dresses as a member of the opposite sex. For one group it’s for shock value, for another it’s for “shiggles” as Bob Saget would tell you on 1 vs. 100 when he hosted, and for the few like the infamous “Man-Faye” or “Sailor Bubba” it just happens to be there. And for some of the many of what is known as the American Okatu, cross playing as the opposite sex can be fun, and even fantastic. Most every female-to-male cross players do it for the fact that it is because of their character’s youthful male looks, commonly known in Japan as bishounen. A handful of men who are more effeminate could get away with dressing in a role meant for women, though. Cosplay, though, is not a not a new thing, or for that matter, Japanese based.

That noted pillar of knowledge known as Wikipedia states that “Western cosplay’s origins are based primarily on science fiction and historical fantasy as opposed to animation.” Those on us upon this side of the Pacific Rim tend to recreate characters from live-action series from such movie, television and other media franchises as Star Trek, Star Wars, that British phenomenon known as Doctor Who and the Harry Potter books and movies. On the other hand, Wikipedia says that cosplay as an amine or manga (Japanese graphic novel comic book) character didn’t take foot until 1978, and has become a business of its own. And with anime cons every week somewhere in the world, there are cosplayers everywhere dressing up.<

Not So Humble Beginnings

Growing up and living with your mother for 48 years as I have, she would say “No” to any hare-brained ideas on costuming even at an older age. However, in August 2005, she suffered a severe stroke and because she had to have more constant care and to relieve whatever stress that would come in that time, she reluctantly agreed to allow me to do Jessie almost five years after I began cosplaying her equally inept partner in crime, James from the bumbling, comedic relief known as Team Rocket of the Japanese-coming-to-America anime series Pokémon, based on the űber popular Nintendo video game franchise and trading card game. In 2000, as I was getting into the TCG (which was run by Wizards of the Coast at that point in time), my eight-year-old nephew, John Craven Jr., dared me to dress up as a member of Team Rocket. So with little money and some scraps, I threw together a turtleneck shirt bought at a Salvation Army thrift store, some white pants, a black undershirt and gloves along with homemade boot tops and a blue wig, sewed a big red “R” on my chest and dressed up as James for the weekend event. Thankfully, Halloween was later that week, so it served as a two-for-one costume. In that costume's lifetime, I went through three shirts, three pairs of pants, three wigs and two pairs of gloves. So for Jessie, the question was “Ineptitude, is thy name frailty?”

The skirt was a scooter skirt I bought before asking permission the year before from Lane Bryant, the first wig was a short red bob from a local costume store, where I also bought a pair of long black gloves, buying flesh colored tights from Baum’s Dance wear, a flesh colored top that was given to me from a friend of a Mummers string band, modified another white turtleneck with that gigantic scarlet “R” on the front and I found a pair of bright green earrings on eBay. And then there were the boots. Long, black thigh-high boots like those Jessie wears. Searching all over for a bargain or two, I went back to eBay and bought one pair of ladies’ size 11 boots for sixty bucks. They turned out to be too narrow in the toes, but like the painful trooper that I am, I lived through it. This costume made its’ debut in July at a Pokémon Journey Across America Tenth Anniversary tour event, also in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. The short red wig was later replaced by a more natural dark purple wig with silver streaks. And then came the fateful day in April of 2007 in New York City at 10 Rockefeller Center, where NBC’s Today Show and MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Olbermann broadcast from, the latter after they fumigate Kathie Lee Gifford and Hota Kotb’s stench from the upstairs part of the studio.

The website Kotaku.com was on location for the event, and proceeded to ask if they could take a picture of my dressed as I was. Little did I know what I was going to get into the next day, which by modern references, would make Little Big Horn be a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party by comparison of the internet standards. I was given so much heavy criticism of the outfit by the World Wide Web community that it like a napalm pig roast in Vietnam circa 1966, and the photo would spread to other boards and sites worldwide mocking on how not to crossplay as it were. For what it is worth at that time, the slings and arrows of internet mockery made me stronger, and even make fun of myself in the process, yet I felt it was time to do what had to be done. Get better at what you’re doing, and get yourself an Extreme Makeover: Cosplay/Crossplay Edition plan.

Internet Research, Searches and Purchasing

As Larry the Cable Guy, Dan Whitney’s Nebraska redneck alter ego would say, it was time to “Git ’R Done.” The first thing that I did was search every internet search engine known and not known to the world for research and help, with the first thing being to find a good costume supplier who can provide you with a quality product at a reasonable price. One site had the costumes for $250 each. I decided to get both Jessie and James at a lower price than that, over half of just one costume at a place called cosplaytree.com in China. James will premiere some other time.

I happen to be exactly five feet nine and a half inches tall and weigh 270 pounds...and that is usually on a good day. I have the physique of an offensive lineman on a football team with what some call a Dunlap body shape - my belly “dun lap” over my stomach - thus looking nothing like a self-made diva, save for the blue eyes that I have. So not looking like a lady, getting a new custom made costume had decided to get into some research how to look like a lady while still being a man. Since I started doing cosplay and crossplay, I have found resources by searching for secrets to the topic of cross dressing, cross playing and makeup for males who want to look like ladies without becoming a drag queen...one scary thing you do not want to become, mind you that there’s not anything wrong with that.

So to cover some affects in body shape, at first I wanted to get a corset but that turned out to be a matter of cost (over $300) and comfort. Then, I heard about an infomercial, the bastardized version of a half-hour program and a commercial to sell you products that sometimes does not work, but makes money until some Federal watchdog blows the whistle. In this case, the whistle will not be tooted at Kymaro’s New Body Shaper, which does make the body better looking and removes the front bulge redistributing the weight evenly and correcting posture. They came with a pair of matching shorts as well, and used them both to my advantage. Also bought on the wonders of the interwebs was a long burgundy wig which looks purple when the light shines off it, to reflect the current hair color via computerized colorization, a nude colored leotard along with two pairs of beige colored women’s tights, plus a padded panty to compensate for the lack of booty I have. When my costume arrived from China in two weeks time, the gloves and boot tops were as ill fitting as you could get, so I decided to break out the old, poorly fitted boots and well fitted gloves that I used with the old costume. And a mere week before the event, I had to raise the hemline on the skirt to one matching Jessie’s own somewhat micro mini skirt.

In the old costume, I was, well, pretty good. I knew after fittings that I would be better looking, even with quick fixes like the needed stuff like a sewing kit, safety pins and other 9-1-1 style help. As a matter of fact, I actually looked like the Fat Jessie in the Pokėmon Diamond and Pearl Battle Dimension episode “A Lean, Mean Team Rocket Machine” after eating lots of food after they have been starving for the longest time. So if my costume was a forbearing sign or a spoiler alert, I like to think of that was fair warning from the Kotaku.com photograph that something like that was coming, so I like to thank the ShoGoPro folks for inspiring them to make her a bit, well, bigger in that role, and serve as the inspiration for them even if they ever read the internets. 

Waking Up to Make Up, and How to Get to NYAF By Drinking Soda

Fair skinned, burgundy/purple hair, blue eyes, green earrings. A makeup artist’s nightmare for someone in reality, but this is Japanese animation, where hair color is left to the imagination of the artists. Ah, thanks to the internet, and message boards at sites devoted to the cosplaying genre like cosplay.com or crossplay.net, advice comes in bunches on everything from how you should properly style that wig to the right boot size. So thanks to Firedoglake, a member of the aforementioned crossplay.net community, she gave me the following advice:

“True red for lipstick looks a little too bright. Maybe go for brick red or scarlet blue red, which looks more subdued? Unless you do want something that screams 'I am', and I guess that's true red. You said that you're fair, so use pink or coral blush. Since you have blue eyes, use brown or peach to make them stand out.”

I wanted to go further, knowing I had to shave the face regularly and often, so again it was time to search and research and re-research the web. There, I learned that a screaming orange lipstick prevents five o’clock shadow among cross dressers and drag queens. So I went out and bought a 99¢ bright orange lipstick, Gillette's Fusion power razor with five blades and some other stuff like Max Factor Pan-Stick make up. I would not officially place my face in jeopardy even after learning other tricks like taping your face upward to tighten the skin and look more ladylike.

Going beyond, and knowing Halloween was going to be the debut of my new costume, I won a contest from the Coca-Cola people for some cash monies (in reality, an online credit card) because of my soda drinking. A code was embedded in every cap, and the code is used to earn points in a loyalty program, and one brand – Sprite – also sponsored a back-to-school contest where you could win up to $100 in online funds. Well, that August afternoon was my lucky day and I won a $50 gift card, and after getting the information, spent $40 on a ticket for the September 26^th program day. I now knew that would be the day that the new, lean, mean Jessie costume would premiere. Transportation was taken care of shorty thereafter, with purchases of train tickets from SEPTA and New Jersey Transit, the cheaper (and sometimes longer) way to go if you don't travel on Amtrak.

The Big Day

September 26 came early with a 3:30 am wake up call for me. After getting up, a shower and shave, it was time to get down to business as it were, and on this day, business was good. Beforehand, I made up some business cards with my address and e-mail, a bit of a tradition among some cosplayers who want to swap e-mail messages with one another, borrowed from Japan. The makeup was on, the costume was getting ready to be worn, and it was time to become the character. 

Stuffed bra...check. Tights...check. Body shape, leotard, tights, padded panty...check. Skirt, undershirt, top...check. Earrings, wig, gloves...triple check. I wore sneakers and socks en route to and from the event on the train and put my boots in my backpack along with my other essentials, including wallet with ID, cell phone and $30 in cash. That would become $50 thanks to my finding a $20 bill en route to the train station, where a 6:10 am arrival to Trenton was due. When I got to Trenton, and was waiting for the 6:59 am to New York City, the conductor noticed me and recognized my costume and could not get the finger on who I was. She had thought that the “R” stood for Rutgers University, the only state run university without the name of said state in it, and as the old joke goes “And for good reason: why bother to tell your friends you went to college in New Jersey?”

I was quick to correct her and tell her that is was “Rocket to-Dan”, the Japanese name for Team Rocket, and she was shocked to see a guy dressed up as a female. She even recognized the character because her children watches the anime. I traveled with another cosplayer on the train heading out of Trenton and learned my first lesson: a very short skirt is somewhat discomforting, especially on a guy, especially whilst hiding the twins so to speak. For me, tucking or a gaffe (dance belt) would be impossible, so I use two girdles or a girdle and a jockstrap. The trip was fun, and some people asked where I was going dressed like that, I said “The New York Anime Festival,” and simply stated what I was doing dressed as a woman.

We finally got to Penn Station underneath Madison Square Garden, the self-proclaimed “World’s Most Famous Arena”, and went into Duane Read, a local drugstore chain that has been around for half a century, but now fights against the mega chains like CVS, Walgreen’s and Rite-Aids of the USA, and they're holding up. I bought one more thing to make my face more effeminate: a pair of eyelashes. At Rite-Aid, they were $2.99; Duane Read sold them for $1.99. And people thought New York was twice as expensive. Off to the Davits Center I went, walking along the way. I met a group dressed as characters from Narrator, of as cosplayers dub them “Custards” as they were on their way to pick up something. Many of the Okatu are cheesed off about Narrator, with an annoying catch phrase (“BELIEVE IT!”), something that would have bothered them a decade ago with Pokėmon (remember “Gotta Catch ‘Em All”?) but the the acceptance of the series and video game, even with the change in voice casting when The Pokémon Company International (then called Pokémon USA) replaced 4K!DS Entertainment when the latter allowed to let their license to lapse and allow TPCi to take over which divided the anime community.

Being there, among the largest attended NYAF event ever, I had the chance to be photographed with fellow cosplayers, including Pokémon cosplayers, including a female-to-male cross playing James who was with another Jessie and a Meowth, and for the first time in the history of the New York Anime Festival, there was a cross playing Team Rocket performing the fabled “Prepare for trouble” motto. Every time I saw one of the good guys (Ash, Brock, Misty, May or Dawn), I went into instinct and call them “twerp”, and I was “arrested” by an Officer Jenny who was with a Nurse Joy who were cousins. Unlike what would happen with the anime, this Officer Jenny was nice enough to let me free after being arrested. There were tug-of-wars with gijinka and kigurumi costumed Pikachus or Flareons, just having fun with them was part of the day.

The big moment for me was at the voice acting workshop panel. First, I met Veronica Taylor, who was the original voice of Ash in the Pokémon anime, and said “Hello, Sheep”, her character on the PBS Kids computer animated series Word World. Later, I returned to the panel after a few people left, and who should be sitting there but Rachael Lillis, Jessie’s original voice actress, and I waved, then upon looking at my costume, her jaw dropped. A floor-hitting, you-gotta-be-kidding-me Wile E. Coyote getting zipped past by the Road Runner Chuck Jones once did in “Zoom and Bored” way back in the late 1950’s. She admired it so much, I got a personalized autograph from her.

Epilogue
Evening came, and it was time to say good night sweet prince and princess to NYAF, as parting is such sweet sorrow, so my return trip home was fun. A couple people got my photo, and when we returned to Trenton, a couple lasses from Washington who were in Trenton on a stopover for a trip saw me and saw the “R” and said to a security guard in between Eagles and Giants territories “We’ve got a Redskins fan!” Finally coming home, I was exhausted from all of this, and got out of my costume ready to get it cleaned, and took a shower, so the next time Jessie appears will be Halloween at the annual Newtown (Bucks County, Pennsylvania) Halloween Parade and then at my house that night handing out treats to the children around the corner from some crazy (in a good way) people scaring everyone else.

I'm Ready for My Closeup, Mr. Spielbunk!

So I was at New York Anime Festival Saturday (9/26), dressed as Jessie from Pokemon's lamer than thou Team Rocket...and here's the visual proof of my costume.

Go ahead, LOL, and I will have more photos later with a better view.  BTW, thanks to American Cosplay Paradise/American Cosplay Experience and Waynekaa for the picture.

Football Night in America Live Blog Week 3 (9/27)

Our long national nightmare is finally over: The Detroit Lions won a National Football League game for the first time since the year 1853.  Actually, it was December 23, 2007.  And our worst national nightmare came alive as an April Fools' Day joke on UniWatchBlog.com, Paul Lukas' excellent examination on all things that have to do with on-field athletic apparel,  became reality as the Seattle Seahawks wore lime green jerseys for the first time since the Orlando Thunder of the World League of American Football in 1994.  ZE GOGGLES!  ZEY DO NOTHING!!!

Okay, Keith and Dan are here, so let's get started.

Jaguars 31, Texans 24: The soon to be Los Angeles Jaguars won over a team dressed like Santa Claus because every day is Christmas.

Jets 24, Titans 17: Or, given the uniforms worn today Titans of New York 24, Oilers 17.

Packers 36, Lambs 17: The Rams are 0-3, easily the worst team in the NFL.

Ravens 34, Browns 3: Eric Mankini looked like a UPS delivery man.

Giants 24, Bucs 0: The Giants won on the first day since 1984 where the Giants and Jets played at the same time due to Woody Johnson's request to move Titans-Jets to 1 PM for Yom Kippur, Professor Harold Hill's the Jewish day of prayer and atonement.

Lions 19, Redskins 14: Does Redskin owner Dan Snyder have Joe Gibbs' phone number on speed dial?

Patriots 26, Falcons 10: "Holy Don Pardo's Pants, Batman!" Olbermann jokes about Tom Brady's forthcoming birth of a child with Giselle Bunchen.

Eagles 34, Chiefs 14: The boycott of yours truly on the Eagles continues on a certain dog fighting gambling magnate making his return.

Vikings 27, 49ers 24: This Favre guy's pretty good, and led the Vikings to the win thanks to Greg Lewis's catch.  Next week, The Judas meets The Packers. Let the hype begin.

Broncos 23, Raiders 3: How many feuds are the Raiders in with the media?  Denver made them look bad.  Then again, everyone looks good against the Raiders.

Bears 25, Seahawks 19: What are those green slime unis doing here?  Never again, Mr. Allen.  Please.  For the sake of all of America.  Sheild thine eyes, Interweb users:

Props to JFein at Fire Andy Reid Now!

Saints 27, Bills 7: So, Terrell Owens, your thoughts on this game please?

Bengals 23, Steelers 20: Ben Rothlesberger lost his first game in Ohio since high school.

Chargers 23, Dolphins 13: No LaDamilan Tomlinson, no big problem.for the Bolts, after a 3-3 first half tie which McNabb didn't know what to do. Chad Pennington was hurt on the shoulder.

Enjoy the Colts and Cardinals everyone.

UPDATE: Colts 31, Cardinals 10.

Weekend Update...

Enjoy the weekend, and remember, if you're at the Jacob Javits Convention Center in New York City tomorrow (9/26) for the New York Anime Festival, should be riding the R7 SEPTA train to Trenton and the Northeast Corridor on New Jersey Transit to Penn Station at Madison Square Garden, or just happen to be in those general parameters, if should you see Jessie from Pokemon's Team Rocket, yup, that's me wearing my brand new costume.  I'll have a fun picture report for you once the photos come through. Have a fantastic weekend, and today's my mom's 69th birthday.

You Won't Have Him To Kick Around Anymore

Brad Lidge is out as Phillies closer.  If you're interested in a broken down closer expected to earn $23 milliion over the next two seasons, contact Ruben Amaro Jr. at 215-463-6000.  Best offer please.

Countdown Live Blog: 09/24/09

The Tie: Two-tone blue shadow diagonal tie.

Number 5: Fillibuster gone wild, and the Sen. Jon Kyle (R-AZ) stall game has begun.  Sen. Baucus-Up-The-Truck (D-MT) is also bored taking $175K, and killed lower pharma rates on the plan is dead.  Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) joins us to give us the anaylsis. BTYW, public option is voted on tomorrow.  Howard Fineman then joins us on MedPac, which was voted for 15-3.

Number 4: One year ago, the faux pas that is the Good Oldgirlsandboys Party on that health care stuff, now the need for new troops in Afghanistan, as Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) complained.  Jonathon Alter, any idea?

Oddball: Who did McCain be replaced by?  Olbermann.  In Nottingham, england, roll down a ball on a hill.  Or drive a tank.  in India, an elephant attacked three cars.  Cash for Clunkers not available.

Number 3: Michael Moore's here to plug his new film, Capitalism: A Love Story.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)

Bronze - Inanity didn't have the water bill paid.  Blames the government.  But it was June 30.
Silver - Chuck Norris wants to take down your 50-star flag and replace it with a tea bag-stained Old Glory. Bob Barker would dissaprove, and needs to spay and neuter Norris' mind.
Gold - Prof. Harold Hill wants to legalize slavery.  The book title is ideal for him: Arguing with Idiots.

Number 1: Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister went to Hong Kong and spoke about death panels to the youth in Asia.  Sorry, no music by The Grateful Dead.  Craig Crawford, please straighten her out...

See you on Sunday for FNiA.

Countdown Live Blog: 09/21/09

The Tie: Purple with navy dots.

Number 5: Hatch F-7 was introduced to reduce excise taxes to any state starting with the letter U, namely Utah.  And strike the word "fee" with replacement word "tax".  Healthcare reform is getting crappier by the second.  The Good Oldboysandgirls Party is adding, deleting and changing everything.  President Obama hit every Sunday talk show except Fixed Propaganda Sunday, and visits Letterman tonight (9/21).  He says we have 80% of the reform in place, and said that on the race card dealt by Jimmy Carter that he was black before the election.  meanwhile, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) refused to call the 44th President of the United States "socalist", but he called him such in the past, right Lawrence O'Donnell?  And let's say hi to Chris Hayes from The Nation to bring up Sen. Charles Grasslie (R-IA) and his ten amendments.

Number 4: Send more troops to Afghanistan?  President Obama is against any unless there is a plan that works, but General Stan McChrystal says if we need more troops in a secret memo leaked by The Washington Post, especially in a fraudulent election from an Adolph XLIII appointee.  Steve Clemons from TheWashingtonNote.com tells all.

Oddball: Twenty Six years ago, James Watt had a plan to lease coal lands.  He of the great Beach Boys lag.  In a West Allis, Wisconsin one popcorn user at a bank and his wife kicked a perp.  Meanwhile, outside 10 Rock, we have the tallest man in the world.  And 5,000 chickens escaped from a turned over truck, right Ernie Ansataos at Fixed 5 in New York?

Best Persons: 3 - A spoof of one of New York's Finest Vanity newspaper were handing out spoofs reading "WE'RE SCREWED."  2 - Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) is dumb.  1 - Gov. Kenneth The Page (R-LA) stopped ACRON funding.  Nice try because there's NO ACORN funding in Louisiana.

Musical Segue: The Hues Corporation's "Rock The Boat."

Number 3: Question: What's the biggest lie at Fixed Propaganda Channel with Prof. Harold Hill's eleventy zillion attendance 9/12 rally (which ask why he wasn't there) when an associate producer was leading cheers.  Fixed Propaganda disciplined her, and asked where the other networks didn't cover it, except everyone was there.  Billo accepted an award from some far right wing nutgroup that did not allow the media to watch, and stalked Jesse from Fixed Propaganda.  

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)

Bronze - Change Congress and Mediaite claims Olbermann has no journalism cred.  Stick it, you jagoffs.

Silver - Sen Jon Cornyn (R-TX) is involved in a Good Oldboysandgirls Party mass mailing of a survey.  Nitwit.

Gold - Prof. Hill wants to make September 28 a day of fasting and prayer.  The Jewish faith already has that: It's called Yom Kippur. 

Number 1: Craig Ferguson just gave away a trip to Las Vegas, the Schycelles Islands, and a Toyota Prius with his old friend Drew Carey today on the season premiere of The Price is Right, and fired him again from his days on The Drew Carey Show.  Now he joins us to get his views of Miss Wasliia 1984 not allowing American journalists into the room when she speaks to Chinese billionaires.  BTW, Ferguson's showcase was the winner because the other contestant overbid her home theatre and new Chevy HHR showcase by over $3,000.

Time for me to watch WWE RAW.  See you tomorrow night.

Football Night in America Live Blog Week 2 (9/20): Live From JerryWorld

We have the Week Two edition of Football Night in America, and John Madden will be at the game tonight as Cowboys Stadium, the $1.3 billion Taj MaJerry, opens up.  As a guest of Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones in his box, not in the broadcast booth, so in summation, don't get your hopes up for a broadcast reunion whatsoever.

Okay, Keith and Dan, take it away, please!

Raiders 13, Chiefs 10: This once great rivalry was reduced to a Kanye West rant where he took the football away.

Texans 34, Titans 31: The old Houston team lost to the new Houston team.  Chris Johnson had 284 yards total offense but still lost.

Redskins 9, Rams 7: Bore fest indeed.  The unneccessary use of violence against goalposts has been approved.

Bengals 31, Packers 24: Chad Johnson said he would leap into Lambeau's stands.  He did.

Cardinals 31, Jaguars 17: Only two point one percent of the country saw this game.  All of it was in Arizona.

Vikings 27, Lying Downs 13: Nineteen straight losses for the Jim Rome is Burninating Lying Downs.  Eight more losses needed to surpass the 0-26 Creamsicle Buccos.

Saints 48, Eagles 22: It's deep and I think it's playable.  The Beagles looked pathetic.  Norm Snead will start next week.

Falcons 28, Panthers 20: To confuse Jake Delhomme even more from last week, the Falcons wore their 1966 throwback uniforms.

Jets 16, Pats 9: In the old days, Bob would have handled the highlights on this one.  I'll bet Tiki would have had a field day on this one.

Bills 33, Bucs 20: Tampa's first visit to Buffalo was bad.  And TO made it worse.

Ravens 31, Chargers 26: Phillip Rivers had 436 yards passing, but the Ravens' defense knocked the Chargers silly.

49ers 23, Seahawks 10: GORE! GORE! GORE!  225 yards and two TDs. Elizabeth Hasselbeck's brother-in-law had bruised ribs and the Seahawks lost.

Broncos 27, Browns 6: The Browns looked awful.  Maybe it was the brown pants.  You thought those were bad, wait 'til October 11 when the Broncos wear their 1960 throwbacks, er, throwups complete with Oompa Loompa socks.

Bears 17, Steelers 14: No Palamalu, no Urlacher.  No offense, either.  Robbie Gold wins it with 15 seconds left.

Enjoy the Giants and the Cowboys and the history.

UPDATE: In front of 105,131 people, Lawrence Tynes' walkoff field goal gave the Giants a 33-31 win over the Cowboys at Jerry's Ediface Complex.

Happy 25th Anniversary, Stella!

Twenty five years ago this month, KYW-TV in Philadelphia, while still an embattled NBC affiliate, premiered a late-night horror show that followed Saturday Night Live.  The show's title?  What else, Saturday Night Dead.  And yes, I was in cahoots with the hostess, Stella.  Her real name BTW was Karen Scioli, and she's still around working with Ross Britain on WOGL-FM.  If you want to learn more about her, there's a video about local horror movie hosts called American Scary, and check out the website for more info, and where to buy the DVD. So here's a ghost, er, toast to Stella and the opening clip from a 1986 episode.

In Honor Of Talk Like A Pirate Day...

Last year's second Worst Person in the World, arrrrrr...

And Jim Rome Is Burning Is No Star Wars Fan

From the Dodgers website: 

The Los Angeles Dodgers will pay tribute to George Lucas' "galaxy far, far away" with a special STAR WARS(R) Night on Saturday, Oct. 3. Fans will have the opportunity to sit in a special My Town section - labeled DodgertownTM, Star Wars: The Clone WarsTM - and receive a free T-shirt featuring Jedi Master Yoda. In addition, the themed evening will feature pre-game ceremonies, photo opportunities, and in-game elements including STAR WARS characters, trivia, clips, music, and more. The event will take place prior to and during the Dodgers' 7:10 p.m. game with the National League West rival Colorado Rockies.

The STAR WARS festivities will start before the game with appearances by STAR WARS and Star Wars: The Clone Wars characters in Autograph Alley. The pre-game on-field ceremonies will include these characters, one of whom will also throw a ceremonial first pitch.

Dodgertown, Star Wars: The Clone Wars will be located in the Lower Reserve sections 56 and 60. All fans sitting in this section will receive the free T-shirt and enjoy unlimited ballpark favorites such as Dodger dogs, nachos, peanuts, popcorn, and soft drinks, as well as a STAR WARS themed menu including Cloneburgers with cheese, R2-BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, and Ice Sabers (popsicles). Group tickets for the section are $35 and individual seats are $45. Full details can be found at www.dodgers.com/starwars.

Fans are encouraged to dress in their own STAR WARS costumes and for this special night only, are permitted to wear STAR WARS masks only in the My Town section. No Lightsabers will be allowed inside Dodger Stadium.

Throughout the game, Star Wars: The Clone Wars video clips will be shown on DodgerVision and lucky fans will receive Star Wars: The Clone Wars gift packs. STAR WARS and Clone Wars characters will visit sections throughout the stadium and there will be STAR WARS themed music and trivia all game long.

The Dodgers regularly feature two STAR WARS themes during their home games. Set to the iconic STAR WARS main title theme, a video of Kirk Gibson's dramatic home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series is often played to spark a ninth inning rally. In addition, the "Imperial March" is sometimes played underneath the public address announcer whenever an opposing teams' lineup is introduced. Both themes were composed by Academy Award winner and noted baseball enthusiast John Williams.

Dodger pitcher Randy Wolf, an avid STAR WARS fan, has a life-sized Stormtrooper in his Hollywood home.

And Jim Rome is Burning hates it.  He believes that it is so 1977.  And ranted about it in his fianl burn on his ESPN show.  Can I introduce you to Chris Evert?

Looking for the 76ers OTA? Forget About It

In the immortal words of Bill Conlin, "When I'm King of the World..."

Saturday night conflicts between the Flyers and 76ers will have road games or earlier starts on WPHL-TV.  And that is because the Sixers will go all cable all the time in 2009-10.  That means 71 games on CSN Philly, ten on CN8 Comcast Network and one TNT game.   And good luck finding Comcast Network at Bloomsburg, BTW Mr. Feinberg.

Jason Whitlock is a Racist Fucktard

You really wanna know what FoxSports.com's Jason Whitlock thought about the cheap shot that may have all but ended Donovan McNabb's season?

Don't call this the race card. It's the star card. I'll be very interested to see how the NFL responds to Donovan McNabb's season-opening injury in comparison to Tom Brady's a year ago.

The rulebook was basically re-written after Bernard Pollard hit Brady in the knee and ended Brady's 2008 season. Now you can't hit a quarterback below the knees, especially if you've been blocked to the ground.

Hmm. So McNabb scores a touchdown last Sunday and two Panthers linemen jump on him in the end zone for no reason, cracking one of McNabb's ribs.

Will we see a rules change?

Last year there was even a discussion about fining Pollard after his legal and ethical hit on Brady. The hit on McNabb was unethical and borderline illegal, but I don't hear any discussion about fining anyone.

Bullshit. It is about race. Tom Brady is white, Whitlock's boy, Donovan F. McNabb is black. There should have been a fifteen yard late hit penalty thrown by Jeff Triplette - yes, the same Jeff Triplette that was attacked by an angry Cleveland Browns player a decade ago. And Whitlock's a black guy.

Big night tonight: Both Ted Kennedy, Jr. and John Dean are here tonight, Teddy to talk about his dad, and John Dean to tell us what they were looking for that June night in the Watergate.

The Tie: Two-tone light blue shadow stripes.

Number 5: Why did a student lose a insurance policy? A $10 million penalty against that group in South Carolina because he had AIDS. Meanwhile, at UM-College Park, President Obama said "Public Option" and the crowd cheered, then booed about the Sen. Baulk-us (D-MT) bill. Howard Dean called it the worst piece of crud in 30 years. Yargggh! First Lady Michelle will tour with a soft focus on healthcare reform. Lawrence O'Donnell, do we have any idea what will be the answer?

When Nothing Gets More Than An NFL Game...

According to stats provided to us by The506.com, the people of Buffalo and San Francisco are very lucky not to see the CBS 4:15 PM ET games this Sunday (9/17). The percentage of 2.8% surpasses the entire state of Arizona, which at 2.1%, will see their NFC champion Cardinals at the Jacksonville Jaguars. Yes, the game is being blacked out in JAX as it is likely all eight home games will be this season, plus the two pre-season contests that already were blacked out totally - no tape delay, no nothing - and could preclude due to the economy in North Florida that the team may be leaving for Los Angeles ASAP. The worse news is that those in North Florida will get the Panthers-Falcons on FOX with Dick Stockton and Charles Davis. And those in the Carolinas may suffer from torture again when they do that game, as they did the Eagles-Pathers last week.

As If You Could Not Get Enough...

The story of that girl who threw a foul ball away the other night...

Countdown Live Blog: 9/16/09

The Tie: Brown, tan and black stripes.

Number 5: Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT) is chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, and now you can expect to pay $12 million under his proposed "compromise" bill. This bill will go down and go down hard. So many strings, so little time... and big insurance - which financed his campaign - responded with big gains on Wall Street. Howard Fineman does not believe that you should as the late Bruce Eric Smallwood circa 1976 WPEN "slang language" newscasts believe that "everything's going up so they're going to have to UP YOURS!" And then, Wendell Potter joins us from Philly to explain this all to you after blowing a whistle at Cigna.

Number 4: Former President Jimmy Carter's whispered fears have been true. All in the guise of health care reform, and the comments were recounted at his self-named library in Atlanta during a meeting last night (9/15), and then Good Oldboysandgirls Party chairman Michael Steele Sieve says that Carter's wrong, and is a distraction. And those at ClusterFixed and Fiends used the Stalking points of the Party of Nein, while Comedian Boss Limbaugh called Carter a "hemmoroid", speaking from an asshole like him.

So we have a dreaded glitch with Melissa Harris-Lacewell, who is supposed to talk about it... and there she is!

Number 3: And now, some examples of "racism" on President Obama. See Van Jones and Professor Harold Hill, Comedian Boss Limbaugh and Bill Orally on ACORN.

Best Persons: 3 - Dont play cop in louisiana. 2 - Lamar Alexander asks for a czar. What else is new? 1 - Former beauty queen at ClusterFixed and Fiends shows that ACORN clip about killing her lover.

Musical Segue: Boney maroney!

William Durant offered a company in 1908 called General Motors, and Keith's grandfather passed on it.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN DWARF PLANET PLUTO) of worried about food safety.

Silver - Prof. Harold Hill had a meltdown on Joe McCarthy. Billo has the rights to the Joe Mccarthy name BTW. He screwed it up.

Gold - Rep. Joe "The Heckler" Wilson (R-SC) lied about being a immigration lawyer. He's a real estate lawyer.

Number 1: I am required by law to play this again as Miss Wasilla 1984 has become a public speaker as per Keith's tease this evening:

Tonight, Keith's sarcastic response...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And Musto's here. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!

Looking For The Flyers On OTA?

Try January 1st in the Winter Classic against Boston at Fenway Park, and then up to five possible games on Sundays on NBC (WCAU-TV locally, except in Cleveland and St. Louis for the April 11th game against the Rangers). Otherwise, it's all cable all the time with CSN Philadelphia ("Where Local Sports and Infomercials Come First"), CN8 Comcast Network Philadelphia or Versus (Good luck trying to find it on Service Electric JFein!)

Countdown Live Blog: 9/15/09

The Tie: Purple.

Number 5: Earth-Shattering Breaking News - Jimmy Carter denounces racism, which he believes still exists, saying they believe black people are not fit to run the country, and dubs it "an abominable circumstance". Lawrence O'Donnell, what says you? DailyKos.com founder Marcos Moulitsas also joins us, and Billo's talking about ACORN.

Meanwhile, Rep Joe The Heckler Wilson (R-SC) was given a wrist slap by his fellow congress members in a party-line vote.

Number 4: Insurance companies are cancelling your premiums and rejecting new ones, especially women (also known as "recission") that would be legal under a Senate proposal. And as usual, the Good Oldboysandgirls Party are against it. Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) joins us to tell all.

We have a recap on Jimmy Carter's racism comments.

Best Persons: 3 - Bob McDonnell running for the Commonwealth of Virginia governorship drops the F-Bomb. 2 - Guess who has sent a letter to criticized Caesar Chavez, speaking from the great beyond.. 1 - Prof. Harold Hill's logo for three red fists on a logo simular to a communist party with a tip o' the cap to Christopher Knight of the Los Angeles Times.

Musical Segue: Go Go White Sox.

Number 3: And speaking of the good Professor, where exactly was he Saturday (9/12) for his rally in Washington? Was he (and the others over at the Fixed Noise Rupert Murdoch Propaganda Channel) lying about over two million people when they were only off by 1,925,000. Add the usual suspects of Comedian Boss Limbaugh, Lou Dobbs, the actors and former beauty queen on ClusterFixed and Fiends and Michele Maglagangbang Malkin, noted ashamed native of Philadelphia to that nonsense of seven figures, denied by ABC News. Come on, Chris Hayes of The Nation, straighten it out for everyone.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Dick Morris says that there's no racism with president Obama. Will somebody tell him to shut the fuck up, please?

Silver - Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN DWARF PLANET PLUTO) once again lies about that illegal aliens will get healthcare. Will someone tell her shut the fuck up, please?

Gold - Will someone tell Rep. Virginia Fox (R-NC) to shut the fuck up about the Obama racism on the night Jimmy Carter complained about it? Especially about the health care reform that Bachmann has gone nuts on...and quoted an black guy who criticized him.

Number 1: There's been an Adolph XLIII sighting! He said both Obama and Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) were unqualified to be in The White House, and called Miss Wasilla 1984 "the governor of Guam". Hey Adolph, you're off by a few thousand miles just like that "Iraqi War" on her governorship, but the rest of Emmy Award Winning Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister's criticism...spot on! *Cue Joey Styles screaming "OHMYGOD!" please* Matt Lattimer's new book Speechless told all about it as it is ready to be printed. Craig Crawford, did Adolph XLIII call himself the man who redefined the GOP an asshole? Yup

And we'll see you tomorrow night!

The Phillies' 2010 Schedule

The Phillies - and the rest of Major League Baseball - announced their 2010 schedule today. Interleague matchups in italics.

April
5, 7, 8 - at Washington
9, 10, 11 - at Houston
12, 14, 15 - Washington
16, 17, 18 - Florida
20, 21, 22 - at Atlanta
23, 24, 25 - at Arizona
26, 27, 28 - at San Francisco
30 - NY Mets

May
1, 2 - NY Mets
3, 4, 5, 6, - St. Louis
7, 8, 9 - Atlanta
10, 11, 12 - at Colorado
14, 15, 16 - at Milwaukee
17, 18 - Pittsburgh
19, 20 - at Chicago Cubs
21, 22, 23 - Boston
25, 26, 27 - at NY Mets
28, 29, 30 - at Florida
31 - at Atlanta

June
1, 2 - at Atlanta
4, 5, 6, 7 - San Diego
8, 9, 10 - Florida
11, 12, 13 - at Boston
15, 16, 17 - at NY Yankees
18, 19, 20 - Minnesota
22, 23, 24 - Cleveland
25, 26, 27 - at Toronto
28, 29, 30 - at Cincinnati

July
1, 2, 3, 4 - at Pittsburgh
5, 6, 7 - Atlanta
8, 9, 10, 11 - Cincinnati
15, 16, 17, 18 - at Chicago Cubs
19, 20, 21, 22 - at St. Louis
23, 24, 25, 26 - Colorado
27, 28, 29 - Arizona
30, 31 - at Washington

August
1 - at Washington
3, 4, 5 - at Florida
6, 7, 8 - NY Mets
10, 11, 12 - LA Dodgers
13, 14, 15 - at NY Mets
17, 18, 19 - San Francisco
20, 21, 22 - Washington
23, 24, 25, 26 - Houston
27, 28, 29 - at San Diego
30, 31 - at LA Dodgers

September
1 - at LA Dodgers
3, 4, 5 - Milwaukee
6, 7, 8 - Florida
10, 11, 12 - at NY Mets
13, 14, 15 - at Florida
17, 18, 19 - Washington
20, 21, 22 - Atlanta
24, 25, 26 - NY Mets
27, 28, 29 - at Washington

October
1, 2, 3 - at Atlanta