Phixing the Phillies

Brett Myers is gone.  Matt Stairs will be shown the door.  Eric "Mr. Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett will be leaving.  And Pedro "Peter Happy: Good Field, No Hit" Feliz is all but outta here.

So, if I was Ruben Amaro, what would I do?  Let me throw a dime of my thoughts (adjusted from two cents because of inflation) to the problem.

1. Trade Motherfucking Brad Lidge to the Nationals for Ryan Zimmerman.  Lidge was 0-7, blew eleven saves, and lost Game Four of the Series.  Sound familiar?  Mitch Motherfucking Williams blew Game Six thanks to Joe Motherfucking Motherfucker Carter, and was traded in the off-season. Both have long term contracts that are expensive (Lidge $23M over two years, Zimmerman $40M over four years) and the Nats have been in a rebuilding mode ever since that moved from Montreal.  It solves two problems at once: The Nats need a closer and the Phils get a good hit and good field hot corner player that has Mike Schmidt potential. In the process, Ryan Madson becomes the team's new closer by default
2. Paul Hoover and Miguel Cairo stay. Paul Bako will exit and the previously mentioned Bruntlett ditto, so the team might as well promote Hoover, who ended the regular season with a walkoff single against the Marlins, and Cairo from Lehigh Valley.  Permamently.
3. Seek an extra arm. Everybody knows Roy Halladay won't be in Toronto next season, and I believe the Dodgers, Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs will bid minor leaguers to get him.  The Phils will likely go the uncompinsated free agent route. No A or B types, thank you.
4. Extend Lee, Victorino and Ruiz. Cliff Lee is the ace, no questions asked.  He deserves a new deal starting in 2011, and Shane Victorino and Carlos Ruiz should avoid arbitration with two-year pacts.

There you go. Plain and simple, the payroll gets a minor bump to $130 million or thereabouts.