Chip Caray Will Have To Do His Fisting Somewhere Else in 2010

TBS sacked Chip Caray today. Roll that beautiful world's smallest violin footage.



The details:

http://bats.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/30/chip-caray-and-tbs-part-ways/ 

No FNiA Live Blog This Week; We'll Give You a Recap of Week 12, Though

So there was this Japanese Pop Culture convention this past weekend (and no, Justin, this was not my excuse for missing the Redskins-Eagles game or my lack of being online for the RedZone watch this week) and hence no Football Night in America live blogging because the Sunday events ran a little late.... Like about two hours.

So before I do the recap of this Sunday's (11/29) games for you, here's what the NFL served up on Thanksgiving (11/26).  Yup, three more games that were turkeys.

Packers 34, Lions 12: Let the debate begin on wether or not Detroit deserves their annual game because the team sucks.  They actually led at one point 7-0, though.

Cowboys 34, Raiders 7: Let the debate continue on why the NFL should have placed the Chargers in this prestigious game instead of a Raiders team that is pathetic as they are.

Broncos 26, Giants 6: And let the debate start on Josh McDaniels cursing out his team on the sidelines when NFL Networks had live mikes and a magic 13-letter word to the OTA channels in New York and Denver.

And now, the Sunday games in order of start time and importance.

Sea! HAWKS! 27, Lambs 17: Too bad the good people of the Gateway City didn't see this game due to the blackout rules and only 47,500 fans (if you can call them that) showing up.

Bengals 16, Poor Brownies 7: Eric Mankini will be fired.  We're taking odds right now on the date and time this will happen.

Jets 17, Panthers 6: Jake Delhomme threw four more interceptions.  If I was the coach in Carolina, he just earned the demotion to third string mop up clipboard and baseball cap duty.

Bills 31, Dolphins 14: It was 14-7 Miami in the fourth quarter and then the Bills finally arrived with a 24-point explosion capped by T.O.'s 51-yard catch from Ryan Fitzpatrick.  And the Dolphins looked like a big old mashed up bag of Miami Vice DVDs. (Sorry, Justin.)

Falcons 20, Buccaneers 17: Quoting sages "Good teams find a way to win games, bad teams find a way to lose them." Matty Ice was hurt with a toe injury, so Chris Redman takes the W for him in this one.

Colts 35, Texans 27: The Houstonians actually led this game at recess 20-7.  Peyton Manning showed up for the second half, though and made the Colts 11-0.

Eagles 27, Redskins 24: Washington lead 24-16 with 11:45 left in regulation.  Then Jim Zorn let the team rest. Iggles then score next eleven points as David Akers (from...Louvul!) kicked the winning 32-yard field goal with 1:52 left.

Chargers 43, Chefs 14: Throwback logo in the end zones for San Diego as LaDaimlian Tomlinson climbed into the Top Ten list of all-time NFL running backs.

49ers 20, Jaguars 3: Eastern Time Zone teams continue to struggle in the Pacific Time Zone this season.  What else is new?

Vikings 36, Bears 10: Did we mention that that Favre guy was the reason next week's Patriots-Dolphins game was flexed out for Minnesota-Arizona? Da Bears were pa-thet-ic.

Titans 20, Cardinals 17: Holy 2006 Rose Bowl and Don Pardo's pants, Batman!  The Vince Young Redemption Tour resumed with a game-winning 18 play, 99-yard 2:37 that included going for it on 4th down inside their ten yard line. Kenny Britt finished the game off with the winning ten yard catch from Young beating Matt Leinart - again - and the Trojans Cardinals. Kurt Warner missed the game with a sprained neck.

In the Sunday Night contest, a game that went into bonus cantos sans Big Ben for the Pittsburgh Steelers and Charlie Batch, third string quarterback Dennis Dixon was intercepted by Paul Kruger and Billy Cundiff's 24-yard walkoff field goal gave the Baltimore Ravens a 20-17 win.  And in the 97th edition of the Grey Cup, Les Alouettes de Montreal kicker Damon Duval got a second chance on a field goal attempt which was wide left after the Saskatchewan Roughriders (not to be confused with the defunct Ottawa Rough Riders) were caught with thirteen men on the field (It's Canada, they play twelve-a-side football there) and nailed a 33-yard walkoff field goal to win the Canadian Football League championship, 28-27.  Too bad most of America didn't see that game.  Live.

Stay Classy, Josh McDaniels

Josh McDaniels just one upped Herman Edwards "You play to win the game" line.

WARNING: Audio NSFW or the little ones.

Blatant Plugola For a Story on Another Site

I paid a favor to our pal Mookie over at Stupid Sideline Reporters following a comment he made during Conference Championship Sunday this past January that he owed me doing a story anytime.

I paid up in full with interest this week.  Each week during the NFL season, he does a weekly feature titled "What the Losers Are Saying," where he collects the comments of blogs of teams that didn't do very well that week.  In case you missed it, the Cleveland Browns held a 24-3 lead near the end of the first quarter.  What happened to them in Detroit would then become the NFL's biggest implosion since The Kingdome went "Boom goes the dynamite," as the home town Lions came back to win the game (which is usually an oxymoron in Detroit) 38-37.

Here's my special "What The Losers Are Saying" featuring the Cleveland Browns Epic Failure.  Just wanted to use this for my 400th post after all.

Cooking Your Bird? Here's Last Year's Advice

Last year, I delivered advice on how to cook your Thanksgiving bird.  I have the link for you here as a reminder in case you have not forgotten it.

Happy Thanksgiving

Psalms 100:4.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/22: Week 11

We had recapped Thursday's game in the intro to the Week 11 NFL Live Blog below, so here comes the Sunday games. And in non-football news, the loud booing you hear is Jimmie Johnson being feted as the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion for the fourth year in a row.

Lions 38, Browns 37: It was the moveable force against the resistible object.  The pillow fight of the millennium.  The Gordon Forbes Memorial Negative Star Game of the Century.  Turned out that there was a hellava finish with a pass interference call against the Mankinis and Jason Hanson Mmmmbop'd the winning PAT.

Jaguars 18, Bills 15: There was a Terrell Owens sighting!  But the Jags won.

Vikings 35, Seahags 9:: Anyone want a used NFL team?

Saints 38, Buccaneers 7: Saints now 10-0 for the first time in history.

Chiefs 27, Steelers 24 (OT): Andy Studebaker almost had a return for a TD.  Nice move, Andy Reid! Ryan Succop with the walkoff FG in overtime after Chris Chambers took the ball to the Steelers' four.

Packers 30, 49ers 23: The better QB from the Class of 2005 was Aaron Rogers, not number one pick Alex Smith. Need more David Letterman jokes!

Indianapolis 17, Ravens 15: The new Baltimore franchise lost to the team that abandoned the city and because of that, refuses to use their name on the scoreboard at M&T Field at Crammed In Yards.  Ed Reed is an moron for forward latteraling his way to a loss.

Cowboys 7, Redskins 6: Offense was optional in this game at Crazy Jerry's House of Discount Hi Def TVs.

Giants 34, Falcons 31 (OT): Another walkoff field goal - this one by Lawrence Tynes - sends Giants fans home finally happy.

Cardinals 21, Rams 13: Kurt Warner had a concussion, left the game.  Matt Leinert had come in from his beer pong game.

Raiders 20, Bengals 17: Sebastian Janakowski made the Bengals the same old Bungles with a 33 -yard FG with 17 seconds left.

Patriots 31, Jets 13: Lee Bodden boom went the dynamite, and the Pats overcame last week's 4th-and-2-in-your-own territory gaffe.

Chargers 32, Broncos 3: This was supposed to be a close game.  This turned into a Chris Simms-Kyle Orton quarterback controversy.

You enjoy Eagles-Bears, I'll watch MLS Cup between the LA Beckhams, er, Galaxy and Real Salt Lake.

UPDATE: Believe it or not, the Eagles actually won a Sunday Night Game over Da Bears, 24-20, while in the MLS Cup final, after 120 minutes saw a 1-1 draw, Real Salt Lake took seven rounds of a shootout to beat the Galaxy, 5-4.

Week 11 NFL Live Blog

We started Week 11 on a Thursday night with Miami beating Carolina 24-17. Now it's Sunday, and the live blog is here again to run until NHL Network's RedZone Channel is done their dirty work. And should you be Nathan "Living with his mommy in the basement in a van down by the river" Brice or a certain captain with a rather filthy name, the "49er16 Ban Hammer" awaits you.

Tricks, Treats, a Trap and October 31st Madness: "Jessie's" Halloween Adventure

The last time our author cross played as the femme fatalle of Pokémon's extremely laughable Team Rocket, there was much love for him as a lady. On a date that is traditionally the time for guys to dress as girls and vice versa, “she” (for the lack of a better word) would have to dodge raindrops, march in the annual costume parade in Newtown, get a small glamorous makeover and then from there hand out goodies for ghosts and goblins at his crib in a span of just over twelve hours!

Because of the Irish influence in many things – potato farming, beer making, celebrating holidays – we can thank them for the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day with parades, drunken debauchery, wearing green even though they might not be of Gaelic decent. We can also thank them for the modern celebration of All Hallows Eve, where people celebrate with some parades, some drunken debauchery, and wearing outfits that are more suited to an episode of Let’s Make a Deal the rest of the year. Cosplayers have joked about a slogan for this time of year as it were: “Amateur Night”.

The last time that I went out as Jessie, Team Rocket’s diva, de facto leader and sex symbol amongst the okatu from the Pokémon meta anime series with my new costume, it was at an anime convention, and the outfit was met with glowing reviews and praise from those that were there. Now another event was coming up, Halloween. Another morning into day into night as a female being played by a male, and to paraphrase Maxwell Smart “loving it.” And to add some spice to the rack as it were, throw in a bit precipitation through most of the day until a downpour ceased the activities of October 31, 2009.

Fright Time IS The Right Time?

For me, the time of 4:00 AM is a good time to wake up when you have a long day of playing ahead. Put on top of this the fact that the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority (SEPTA to the locals in Philadelphia) was scheduled to strike at 12:01 AM, but delayed the strike threat first until 6:00 PM that evening, and then ultimately until the 2009 World Series passed through The City of Sibling Love. That, though, would be another story to be told at a later time. So after the customary shower and shave, I got dressed into my make up, tights (two pairs to keep warn, even though the temperature was scheduled to go up to a balmy for October 72°), padded bra and panties, body shaper, back brace (making me look even more effeminate), leotard and cheerleader briefs (or a “modesty brief” as they sometimes like to call it.) I even decided to shorten the skirt I wore a bit making it look like Jessie’s micro-mini as it were in the illustration below. Women, I now feel your pain as it were to don this part of the outfit. The skirt (for the lack of a better word) looked like more a giant belt. At 5:30 AM, I exited toward the bus stop and I had everything except one little thing I forgotten: those green earrings. I had hurried out the door, and forgot to put them on and left them. It was too late to turn back, and since it was drizzling, I put a white poncho made from low grade cheap plastic atop the costume to prevent it from getting wet. There were a couple people who recognized me from a similar trip I made the year before as Alice in Wonderland; after all, it had been 373 days since last year’s event, which was postponed and the judging had been moved indoors to the Newtown Theater, so this year it looked like the same.

.

Wet, damp, drizzly, rain threatened to spoil the party as it were. Arriving at the transfer point of the Route 84 near the Franklin Mills Mall located on what was an orphan farm, and then Liberty Bell Race Track. Simulcasting of horse racing within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania had came one year too late, because the track was closed in 1985. The tales I had there would have to be put on hold for some future story. As I awaited the Route 130 to head out to Newtown, a small borough in the middle of Bucks County, there was a down time as it were. A year earlier, things were hunky dory to speak. Small businesses were doing well on Main Street, the local Chevrolet dealer was okay, and autumn was in full bloom. Well since then, Stockburger Chevrolet was forced out of business by General Motors, the lot closed but the service area still running. But just like anyplace, there was a Starbucks Coffee shop. At one time, as Dennis Miller said before he retired from comedy, “They’re actually planning to open a Starbucks inside a Starbucks!” Now our story gets to become fun.

Inside, a kind lady saw me dressed as I was and then was taken aback by her request: she wanted my autograph as Jessie! An autograph? In character? How could I not pass the chance up? She then decided to buy me a hot chocolate and sticky bun out of her Starbucks card. The cost was $5 and change. Well worth it needless to say. Everybody there got a kick of my appearance, so much so that one employee asked if he could take a picture of me with my camera phone. Again, how could I pass the chance up, it is after all, October 31st? So after giving him some brief instructions on how my camera phone works, I posed in a rather sexy (if you can call a 5-foot-9, 270-pound man dressed in a somewhat revealing outfit from the chest down) pose, legs crossed on a chair at the coffee shop. When I later saw the picture, I noticed a little “fan service” as it were. In the pose, I accidentally showed my panties in the shot.

The Fan Service Kiosk

Well, what exactly is “fan service” you say? Allow the pillar of education called Wikipedia to explain it all to you:

“Fan service is a vaguely-defined term primarily used for anime and manga (Japanese illustrated cartoons) to refer to elements that are unnecessary to the storyline. Fan service explicitly refers to material that is designed to amuse or excite the audience with sexually-derived content. When such content fits within the storyline, it would not usually be considered fan service, but excessive content is usually considered gratuitous regardless of its justification.

“Any gratuitous content included in some form of entertainment primarily to please a core group of fans is fan service. The term has been used in a broader context than just anime, including the three Star Wars prequels.

“The typical, but not only, variety of fan service is racy or sexual content (usually female but sometimes male) used to titillate the viewer, such as nudity or other forms of eye candy. Shower scenes are very common in movies, and in anime of the 1980s and 1990s, while many more recent television series use trips to onset (Japanese Hot Springs) or trips to exotic tropical locales, in order to showcase the characters in bathing suits. All aim to depict characters in states of relative undress when it would otherwise be out of place with the tone of a series. In anime, two common types of fan service are the panties shot and jiggling breasts. Male homo eroticism, such as accidental kisses, is a common feature of fan service for females, and has been described as ‘easier to get away with’ in terms of censorship than fan service for males.”

Therein lies the answer to the question laid out. Yes, even Pokémon has had some kiddie fan service moments. The three female protagonists – Misty, May and Dawn – all have worn bathing suits and both Jessie and James wore them as well. And there was the now-banned episode “Beauty and the Beach”, where James donned inflatable breasts in one of the most controversial moments in the history of children’s television in America.

Forward, March!

So much for the fan service. Let us return to the story of that date in question. After Starbucks, I walked in my thigh-high boots that are tight in the toes toward the landmark called The Stocking Works. Waymarking.com has an explanation of the building, it’s history and the the current use of this historic place:

“Originally, the Newtown Hosiery Mill (a.k.a. The Stocking Works) operated out of this building at 301 South State Street. In 1884, the Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Works was founded by John B Mawson in Yardley. In 1889, it was moved to Newtown after a fire destroyed the Yardley plant. In 1904, the Bobbin and Spool works chartered the name Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Company, which expanded with new buildings and updated equipment. After the brief tenure of the stocking manufacturer, the building was used by a stained glass company, a bobbin factory, and then during World War II, by the Lavelle Aircraft Corporation.

“When World War II started, there was a tremendous demand for aircraft, and Lavelle expanded to meet the demand. To mark its success, a ceremony was held at the plant in July, 1945, where the company was awarded the Army-Navy ‘E’ for excellence in production. After the war, the company changed over to stainless steel production for jet engines, missiles and satellites. The world's first weather Satellite, TIROS 1, was manufactured here in 1960. It recorded the first TV image from space. Some of the components used in the Apollo space missions were also manufactured here. In recent years, the property has been renovated into office space.”

So thanks to the borough of Newtown, Pennsylvania, we wouldn’t have The Weather Channel or even AccuWeather.com, Neil Armstrong would have never declared “Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.” And to complete the cycle, the building has gone from hosiery to stained glass to bobbins to airplanes to steel manufacturing to office space. Anyway, returning to our tale of travel, as I stood in the parking lot of the historic complex waiting for an okay, and I had doubted it would go off, but surprise, surprise, surprise. The judging went off without a hitch, and my judges were dressed as the pre-slutty Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and a Civil War soldier because he does reenactments, the ultimate in cosplaying as it were. As did the parade, with the Council Rock South High School Band – complete with their band major dressed in the infamous It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia zentai green man suit – going right to the theater. And fate would have it, politicians looking for re-election in the area handed out officially licensed Pokémon trick-or-treat bags, and I was just plain lucky to get one of the only two. After a brief performance by the band, we went into the theater for the prize presentations, and needless to say, I didn’t win. Hey, I tried.

As I went about the town post-parade, I ran into a mother and daughter who complimented me as a nice-looking lady. After thanking them, I sprung the oldest Halloween trick of them all: I told them that I was a guy. Mom was shocked, and actually wanted to pose with me for a picture. The daughter, aged 11, ran away but reluctantly came back And because she was a good sport, she took our picture together. Later, as I was awaiting the bus to head to my next destination, a lady passing by in her car gave me a wolf whistle. It was after that onto the return trip Route 130 bus to Neshaminy Mall and more fun.

I decided to head into Macy*s there and ask for a makeover at the Lancome counter. Needless to say, the people were surprised to see a guy who stands is dressed in a micro miniskirt, baring a midriff as it were and in thigh-high boots and wearing a burgundy (or a dark purple?) wig come in and ask to have a makeover as an bossy, evil diva. Thank you, my dear friend for doing so. For the next couple hours, I went out and did trick-or-treating inside the mall. A 48-year old guy dressed in comedic crossplay drag doing trick-or-treating. And since my skirt was falling down a bit, I headed to American Eagle to get a re-pinning of my micro miniskirt to the proper length.

There’s No Place Like Home...and Getting There’s Half the Fun

Well after about an hour of this fun, it was time to head home. On the way to my house, after getting off SEPTA Routes 14 and 70, I decided to walk from the terminus at the intersection of Cottman and Torresdale Avenues, it was walking down Torresdale Avenue to meet a few friends in my outfit. They were really taken aback on how I looked to say the least. To say they were shocked was an understatement, as for two of the last three Halloweens, I was dressed for the whole day in my costume. In 2007, I was Alice in Wonderland, in a blue dress, pinafore apron and Mary Jane shoes. I went to Center City Philadelphia (we never call it “downtown”), got made up at the Sephora there and had a lot of fun. I looked like I had stepped out of Disneyland after having opened a “Drink Me” bottle and grown tall enough not to fit through that door.

In 2008, the whole thing was called off because of a small parade honoring the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. So I only wore the costume for trick-or-treaters who had gotten juice bottles with a label attached with “DRINK ME” upon them. From what I know, Center City was too crowded and it would have taken forever to get home with overcrowded trains.. I was disappointed because this was going to be my first championship parade I missed (and it was a quarter century since the last big event of this kind happening) because of the lack of tickets available at Citizens Bank Park and Lincoln Financial Field – you had to either be a season ticket holder or enter a drawing to get the ducats, plus the fact some moronic scalpers decided to sell them on eBay for $500 or so – and that in turn riled my anger that I’d like to see any future parades move from south to north, say at Eakins Oval in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. And irony of ironies, the team was playing the [CENSORED] New York Yankees in the World Series this year. That however, was not going to be historic for our fair city as those Damn Yankees win their 27^th World Championship.

Well, when I finally came home, the neighbors playfully wolf whistled at me, and the whacked out (in a good way) neighbors from around the corner who have a haunted porch every year were getting ready for their scare affair as it were. Even the girl from three doors away liked my costume. The trick-or-treating commenced early due to the postseason baseball events, and we gave out a lesser amount of goodies (in this case, small bags of pretzels) before the rains came at 7:10 PM in the evening to end the legalized begging because of that and weather issues. So all in all, fun, weather, and sleep during a World Series game was enough for me. After all, isn’t All Hallows Eve supposed to be like that?

Countdown Live Blog: 11/16/09

The Tie: Red with black and white alternate dots.

Number 5: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) outlined his plans to kill health care by adding amendments and having filibusters within six weeks.  Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) will force the session to go all weekend on a 24/7 basis.  Meanwhile in New Orleans, at the Convention Center they found many cases of critical illnesses - four to the hospital ASAP - at the first of free clinics sponsored by donations by fans of this program.  Sen. Mary Landreau (D-LA), a conservative was asked to be on the show and declined, but Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) did join us.

Mark Markwell, a supervising producer of the show wrote about the scene in New Orleans.

Number 4: The five masterminds behind the 9/11 disaster responded by Rudy Giuliani as a farce.  Contradicting what he said three years ago.  The former prosecutor and so-called America's Mayor testified in the 20th bomber's trail, and some on the far right praise Obama for doing this.  Jonathan Alter, can you please tell us more?

Number 3: Miss Wasilla 1984, Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, author of Going Rogue went on Oprah to plug her five long chapter book in which she threw John McCain's presidential campaign under the Straight Talk Bus.  The blow by blow and recycled stuff including those Katie Couric interviews that the real Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed last year on SNL.  As for that quitting the Alaska Governor's job, "I'm not retreating, I'm just reloading."  And Levi Johnston (or as he is now calling him by his porn name Ricky Hollywood) is going to be at the Thanksgiving dinner next week.  Roll that beautiful turkey killing footage!

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, the Fixed News Edition Where Everything is WRONG!)

Bronze - Steve Doocy of ClusterFixed and Fiends didn't realize President Obama bowed to those that they don't bow to leaders.  So did Nixon and Eisenhower.

Silver - Prof. Harold Hill doesn't like the trail of the 9/11 conspirators. Disprove it on Wikipedia.

Gold - Bill Kristol goes anti-American on the Fort Hood shooter, and loses it.  Forget the trial, put him to death now.

Number 1: All fiction.  Petty and pathetic, complete with Jimmy Stewart's Harvey-like imaginary conservations.  That's what the McCainites are saying about Going Rogue.  Miss Wasilla lied in other words.  They even have the e-mails on file that say they prove it.  You know, like the hiring of a nutrition expert for her. AP says a dozen errors were in the book, with a quarter of a percent working on it.  Craig Crawford, did you read the book yet?

As for Elwood P. Dowd, he'll be here soon.  I'll see you tomorrow...I'm off to watch WWE RAW.

Stay Classy, Bud Adams...

And please pay $250K to the man sitting next to you.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/15/09: All Green. All Week. All Nice.

As Week 10 came on Thursday with the 49ers beating the Bears 10-6 thanks to five Jay Cutler completions to reshirted 49er players, the Giants and the Texans had the last bye weeks for the season.  Here now, the Sunday recaps.  Again in honor of Green is Universal Week, we're doing all green lettering.  In addition, Keith and Dan will recycle their 1997 SportsCenter jokes.

Titans 41, Bills 23: There a flag football game, and TO was pissed.  So if you picked November 15th in the "TO implodes on the sidelines" pool, congratulations!

Dolphins 25, Bucs 23: Dolphins roared back on an INT by Chad Henne and Cadillac Time Anderson, but the Fish won on a Dan Carpenter FG with five ticks to go.

Panthers 28, Falcons 19: Will the real Jason Elam please be cut tomorrow after missing a field goal?

Saints 28, Rams 25: Too close for comfort, the Breesers go to 9-0 for the first time in history.

Vikings 27, Lions 10: Next week, The Pillow Fight of the Millennium between the Brown Outs and the Lying Downs.

Jaguars 24, Jets 22: MoJo Drew ran for a touchdown and a Los Angeles Jaguar tripped over the invisible ghost of Jimmy Hoffa. Josh Scobee wins with the walkoff 20-yard FG.

Redskins 27, Broncos 17: Hunter Smith's 156.3 rating was more than enough to win this but Kyle Orton was injured late in the first half and Chris Simms was resurrected from the dead. 

Bengals 18, Steelers 12: A muffed PAT after a 96-yard TD on a kickoff return by Chris Brown was not the difference,  but the loss of Troy Palamaulu and his Head and Shoulders hair was the painful truth.

Chiefs 16, Raiders 10: Someone had to win the Pillow Fight of the Week, and Jamal Charles helped out.

Cardinals 31, Seahawks 20: They had the lead those Seahawks...and then realized they were in Arizona to play the Cardinals.

Chargers 31, Eagles 23: The game was over at halftime.  Donovan McNabb tried to make it better, but on the first anniversary of that awful tie against Cioncinnati where the game actually ended, the Birds lost.

Packers 17, Cowboys 7: Eighty-five percent of the country was tuned into this snoozefest.  In the end, Aaron Rogers beat Tony Romo.

Okay, enjoy the game of this week, Tom Brady-Peyton Manning, and next week, flexing takes effect.  Except that there will be no flexing next week.

UPDATE: In a moment that made Barry Switzer proud on 4th and 2 from their own 28, Pats coach Bill Belecheat went for it and was short.  That allowed Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts to stay unbeaten with a 35-34 win over Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.

Has It Been One Year Already?

Holy schnikes!  When the now defunct Either Relevant or True closed shop, someone had to pick up the ball as it were.

And to do it different as it were, and going live shortly afterward.  A live blog of Countdown has branched out into other things.  Sports, personal thoughts, Football Night in America, so on and so on...

So, here's to us on a year's worth of stuff.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/11/09

The Tie: Purple.

Number 5: Tea Party protestors inflated their numbers, and now they will go back to the town hall meetings in misinforming America on health care.  Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) is having them done in prisons, on the phone, and now will astroturf their own events.  Roll that not-so-beautiful astroturfing footage.  Meanwhile, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) will personally seek to kill any bill with public options in it.  Howard Fineman, are there some straight jackets available to the Good Oldboysandgirls Party?

And speaking of last week's media opportunity, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN DWARF STAR PLUTO) apologized for use of a picture from Dacau and was not ideal, even for those fifteen feet away.  And she didn't use the word "sorry" at all.  In addition, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart showed the same footage from Inanity's show that was also used by Prof. Harold Hill's program, both on Fixed Propaganda Channel, and Bachmann also used her taxpayer-funded site to promote the "press conference" held a couple weeks ago.  Clarence Page, is there a method to her madness (if she had any)?

Number 4: When paying veterans who are under 65 with over 2,200 passed away for a lack of insurance and Sen. Tom Colburn (R-OK) holds a bill endorsed by every veterans organization increasing veterans' benefits, especially on this date.  And with that, every day according to Harvard University, six of them die.  Paul Reickhoff, a leader of a veterans group of those in Iraq and Afghanistan, joins us.

Oddball: In 1938, Typhoid Mary Mallon, died. The new Highway 64 won't be opening for a while thanks to another week thanks to an avalanche.  In New Zealand, four baby sharks was born via an unscheduled Caesarian Section.

Best Persons: 3 - Principal Suzy Shepard has a new funding source: One dollar = one test report.  Bribery  2 - Pirate Rupert didn't say anything about Prof. Harold Hill was agreeing about Obama being a racist...or did he? 1 - Miss Wasilla was flummoxed about the design of the new presidential dollar according to Fixed Propaganda.

Musical Segue: The Ohio Players' "Fire".  Once again, I'd like to say FUCK YOU FRANK CENTOLA AND HIS FUCKING FAMILY!

Number 3: And speaking of Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, her new book, Going Rogue has five chapters.  Five long chapters according to a story leaked out, throwing John McCain staffers from last year under the tour bus, and her faith beliefs.  And she wants to be a talk show host.  (Personally, I might be setting some sort of record for most tags in a live Countdown blog.)  Richard Wolffe, himself an author, joins us to riffle through it all.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Lou Dobbs has quit his CNN job.  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs?  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs impression? (Where's my teeth?)

Silver - Billo is back in paranoid mode, evoking a note that he has the biggest rated show on TV.

Gold - The American Colalition for Clean Coal Electricity sent forged letters on NAACP to congresspersons on their stand, and then sent two veterans group some e-mails on their stand on this important date.

Number 1: I disliked Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (even if he blew the line he had in Airplane! about dragging [Bill] Lambeer and [Bill] Walton up and down the court forty minutes a night on Celebrity Jeopardy!; can you imagine Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek and Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery mocking him on SNL if that was scripted?) when he faced the 76ers back in the 1980's, but now he has a rare from of leukemia and now I am feeling for him as he speaks to Keith tonight about the health care crisis.

And with that, we'll see you tomorrow night.

For Those Who Served, We Salute You.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/9/09

Haven't done one of these in a while...and a virtual middle finger as well.

The Tie: Ornage, red and gold stripes...a new one for me.

Number 5: You know you have a losing battle on health care reform when you bring a seven month old baby to do your talking points. Sen. Whitehouse (D-RI) tells us on the difference between the House and Senate versions on the bill, and Howard Fineman tells us that Sen. joe Liebman (I-CT) is an idiot.

Number 4: There's a bit of abortion here, still illegal in the USA.  Chris Hayes of The Nation explains.

Oddball: Plug of the week: George Carlin's Last Words.  The book comes out tomorrow.  Here comes that naughty New Mexico soccer player once again, and the Mugshot Halloween Hall of Fame.

Best Persons: 3 - Miss Wasliia 1984 still wants to put "In God We Trust" on the coins.  2 - Mike Huckabee told a reporter didn't like the people he had Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister on her side.  1 - Rep Eric Cantor (R-VA) agreed with Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh on calling Obama a dictator.  How about that '45 picture in Doctau?  For that, no music for us.

Number 3: Forgive the fact that the Good Oldboysandgirls Party that they will lead to Democrats losses in eleven months, but they won statewide races in New Jersey and Virginia.  Caucus leader Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) told all on Fixed Propaganda Channel.  And the Tea party is for real in Florida, and Gov. hayley Barbour (R-MS) says that Obama's popular in a Donovan McNabb way.  Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh, your thoughts?  Richard Wolffe, what is this stuff going on?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh is slowly losing it on Fort Hood by saying the shooter was teased on.

Silver - Lloyd Blankfein from Goldman Sachs says that he'a a banker doing God's work.

Gold - Pirate Rupert agrees that Professor Harold Hill calls President Obama a racist.

Number 1: No less than the now quarterly published MAD Magazine says that Prof. Harold Hill is a nutcase, just like the unfair, not so balanced Fixed Propaganda Channel.  Meanwhile, SNL puts Fixed Propaganda Channel spot on via parody, and the Good Oldboysandgirls Party's Express to Oblivion has been derailed according to Rep. Joseph Gow (R-LA), but 29 Democrats voted against it, including Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC).  We give Margaret Carlson Alfred E. Newman's quiry: "What?  Me Worry?"

See you tomorrow night.

Keith Shows Us a "Classy" Yankees Fan's Ride

From his MLBlog "Baseball Nerd":

A poster gave the real reason:

"There was a play running off-Broadway (and later elsewhere in the country) a couple of years ago called '27 Heaven', based on the imagined conversations in heaven of some of the members of 'The 27 Club' (famous rock stars dying at age 27): Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain. While pulling the car out of mothballs and parking it may be some kind of statement, at least the paint job is explained."

As far as the coffin goes, Stay Classy Yankees Douchenozzle Fans.  Phillies fans would never stoop to such lows.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/8/09: Week 9

Bye weeks for the Jets, T.O., the Bills, the Browns, the Rams, the Raiders, Brett Favre and the Vikings...

Jaguars 24, Chiefs 21: MoJo Drew was a beast.  Too bad they didn't see it in Jacksonville.

Buccaneers 34, Packers 24: Ronde, the better looking Barber twin brother, returned a blocked punt for a TD and the team wearing 1979 unis won their first in the Chris Berman "Bay of Pigs" classic.  That popped cork you might have heard was the 2008 Lions celebrating last team winning.

Falcons 31, Redskins 17: DeAngelo Hall is a douchnozzle.  That is all.

Bengals 17, Ravens 7: Bengals sweep the season series.

Colts 20, Texans 17: Kris Brown shanked a 42-yard FG as time expired.  Colts still unbeaten heading into next week's showdown with New England.  Speaking of the Pats...

Pats 27, Dolphins 17: Will the real Wildcat offense please stand up?  Randy Moss kicked butt.

Cardinals 41, Bears 21: Tommy Harris went Mortal Kombat on the Arizona Cardinals and was tossed.  There went Da Bears.

Seahawks 32, Lying Downs 20: 17-0 Lying Downs and then they left the stadium...

Titans 34, 49ers 27: Vince Young was the winner over Alex Smith in Quarterback Redemption Bowl 2009.

Saints 30, Panthers 20: Saints go to 8-0.  Two unbeatens left.

Chargers 21, Giants 20: Dare we ask how Tom Cough-it-up-lin feels about this game? AND NORV TURNER'S COACHING ACTUALLY WON A GAME! Vincent Edwin Elvis Don't Call Me Bo Jackson wins it with a 18-yard catch from Phillip Rivers with eighteen ticks on the clock.

Enjoy Eagles-Cowboys.  I'll pull a Texas and El Paso.

Update: Looks like the Birds got screwed 20-16 losing a time out on a bad spot by the refs to the Cowboys.

Phixing the Phillies

Brett Myers is gone.  Matt Stairs will be shown the door.  Eric "Mr. Unassisted Triple Play" Bruntlett will be leaving.  And Pedro "Peter Happy: Good Field, No Hit" Feliz is all but outta here.

So, if I was Ruben Amaro, what would I do?  Let me throw a dime of my thoughts (adjusted from two cents because of inflation) to the problem.

1. Trade Motherfucking Brad Lidge to the Nationals for Ryan Zimmerman.  Lidge was 0-7, blew eleven saves, and lost Game Four of the Series.  Sound familiar?  Mitch Motherfucking Williams blew Game Six thanks to Joe Motherfucking Motherfucker Carter, and was traded in the off-season. Both have long term contracts that are expensive (Lidge $23M over two years, Zimmerman $40M over four years) and the Nats have been in a rebuilding mode ever since that moved from Montreal.  It solves two problems at once: The Nats need a closer and the Phils get a good hit and good field hot corner player that has Mike Schmidt potential. In the process, Ryan Madson becomes the team's new closer by default
2. Paul Hoover and Miguel Cairo stay. Paul Bako will exit and the previously mentioned Bruntlett ditto, so the team might as well promote Hoover, who ended the regular season with a walkoff single against the Marlins, and Cairo from Lehigh Valley.  Permamently.
3. Seek an extra arm. Everybody knows Roy Halladay won't be in Toronto next season, and I believe the Dodgers, Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs will bid minor leaguers to get him.  The Phils will likely go the uncompinsated free agent route. No A or B types, thank you.
4. Extend Lee, Victorino and Ruiz. Cliff Lee is the ace, no questions asked.  He deserves a new deal starting in 2011, and Shane Victorino and Carlos Ruiz should avoid arbitration with two-year pacts.

There you go. Plain and simple, the payroll gets a minor bump to $130 million or thereabouts.

The Mourning After

At 11:51 PM EST last night (11/4), the reign of the Philadelphia Phillies as baseball's world champions came to an end, and survivors of an Indonesian earthquake will now be getting these:

Yup, the same shirts (with caps) that were placed in a macy*s ad.  Damn you sons of bitches.

It will be back to normal next week with the live blogs returning.

Stay Classy, NYC Douchebags

From The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

The Maigc of macy*s Helps The Phils Accidentally

What was on the back page of the news section in the Monday (11/2) edition of The Philadelphia Inquirer you ask?

An ad from macy*s congratulating the Phils on winning their second World Series title, complete with a T-shirt to be worn in the clubhouse (overpriced BTW) when the champagne (Chateau Deer Patch vintage 1977) is sprayed around.

The Inquirer apologised for the goof, but hey, there's at least one wish: The Phils win the next two games.

And Now, the Chase Continues...

Chase Utley, tying Reggie Jackson's record for most home runs in a World Series with five, and Clifton Lee, you are the men tonight.  Phils won 8-6, we're going back to NYC.

Football Night in America Week 8 11/1: Sixty Minute Men and Judas Bowl II

It's only a sixty-minute show this week as we return to standard time, due to a baseball game between the Yankees and the Phillies, and with the added bonus of Judas Bowl II between Brett Favre and his old team, the Green Bay Packers in his old stomping grounds.  The byes this week are for the Patriots and the winless Buccaneers, the Bengals, the Steelers, the Chiefs and the Redskins, a two-touchdown dog against bye. Speaking of byes, Costas gets one, as does Alvino and Collinsworth...and Keith?

Lambs 17, Lying Downs 10: In the Gordon Forbes USA TODAY Memorial Negative Star Game of the Millennium, Saint Louis wins their first game since 1999.  Actually, November 9 of last year.

Bears 30, Browns 6: The less said the better.

Cowboys 38, Seahawks 17: The Cowboys face the Eagles next Sunday night.

Texans 31, Bills 10: TO had a 29 yard TD run, and threw his team under the bus.  This is a recording.

Colts 18, 49ers 14: More Letterman material, and Joesph Addai had more touchdown passes than Peyton Manning.  What's wrong with this picture?

Dolphins 30, Jets 25: Do not kick the ball to Ted Ginn, Jr.  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!!! Two kickoffs returned for touchdowns (100 and 101 yards).

Eagles 40, Giants 17: Good lord it was 30-7 at halftime.  I hope the Phillies play like that tonight!

Ravens 30, Broncos 7: Was it just us or were the no-longer-unbeaten Broncos just bad after their bye week?

Chargers 24, Raiders 16: The long season continues on the East Side of the bay.

Panthers 34, Cardinals 21: Kurt Warner had fibve INTs.  Jake Delhomme didn't.

Titans 30, Jaguars 13: Vince Young starts at QB, and there were four runs of 50-plus yards for touchdowns (two by Chris Johnson, two by Maurice Jones-Drew) for the first time in NFL history.

Vikings 38, Packers 26 (Judas Bowl II): Welcome home, Brett.  man, did you have a homecoming!  Four TD passes at GB, first since 11/14/04 against the Vikings.

Enjoy Game 4 of the Series.  See you next week.

So This is What It's Like Being Down 2-1...

Cole Hamels has become the postseason's Least Valuable Player and is in line to win a 2010 Yugo.  The Phillies in 5 pick will not happen after he was squashed like a bad Jack O'Lantern that I slept through (I'll tell you in another post later this week about my Halloween which caused it) in that rain-delayed 8-3 loss to The Steinbrenner Evil Empire.