The Tie: Bronze.
Number 5: EARTH SHATTERING BREAKING NEWS - When did Adolph XLIII lie and when did John Ashcroft sign the order to non-subpoena intel from Fredo in the ICU? Five inspector generals released a report claiming this did indeed happen just as it was to expire. Secret surveillance programs beyond wiretapping were also ran in the days following 9/11, and a White House official added a paragraph to a post-9/11 CIA threat asessment memo, so Richard Wolffe is here to answer it all for us, and believe it or not, Herr Goebles Cheney was not involved. James Risen, Pulitzer Prize winner from The New York Times adds his two cents to it all.
Number 4: Professor Jonathon Turley joins us to explain the legal consequences that await Adolph, Fredo and the rest.
Oddball: Mexico's manager trips up a Panamanian soccer player. Insert your balls joke. And Paul Shaffer hits himself with his glasses.
Best Persons: 3 - La Tribune in Paris has bad translations into English on their new website. 2 - Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister tweets about her little fishing and quotes Plato. Wrong person. 1 - An unknown tatooee flees the Tyler, Texas ink parlor after Visa denies him the $200 bill.
Musical Segue: Blondie's "One Way of Another."
Number 3: Oh, Sen. Jon Ensign (R-NV) and the Puppet Theatre. In the meantime, the Hamptons got $96K and a Christian fellowship got into the act, and FedEx'd overnight letter, and he told her to ignore it. Adds a whole new meaning to "Summer in the Hamptons." Puppet Video here:
Oh Margaret Carlson, welcome back and embarrass everyone.
Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - Steve Balmer, Microsoft chairman, said within a decade, technology will be paper thin tech. Ask me about it! Keith also gets the same virtual middle fngers I do!
Silver - In Afghanistan, legalized rape will be replaced by starvation among married couples. Welcome to the Twelvth Century.
Gold - Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) wants state representative Cynthia Dunbar to be The Lone Star State's Board of Educaion Chairperson thinking that publi school should be aboloshed
Number 1: So Levi Johnston, the former boyfriend of Bristol Palin, whose mom is Miss Wasilla 1984, claims this resignation biz is all about the mon-hay! That book advance can only pay so many bills until they stop buying the books. He's writing his own tell-all book that will be a made-for-TV movie of the week on Lifetime. And the Good Oldboysandgirls Party don't want her to be at a fundraiser. Chris Kofinis, have you got any ideas what's going on?
And that's it for the week. Catch you on Monday.