Sunday, November 16, 2008

Football Night in America Green is Universal Edition Live Blog: 11/16/08

It's the Football Night in America Green is Universal Live Blog. As usual, Bob Costas and Keith's non-twin brother Cris Collinsworth will be in charge of the first two segments along with a Peter King visit, and then Keith and Dan Patrick will join Cris, Jerome Bettis and Tiki Barber, who'll be on Iron Chef America's Thanksgiving battle later tonight as a judge no doubt tasting anything not made by Alton Brown, thank you. And in celebration, the typing tonight will be in green.

First off, congratulations to Jimmie Johnson on winning his third NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship in a row. Enough of the off-topic non-football stuff!

As far as the Green is Universal stuff, Cris likes to walk to work (I understand Keith does as well), Tiki takes MTA and Bus tells his wife what to do...and now, heeeeeeere's Keith and Dan!

Saints 30, Chiefs 20. It's the 30th anniversary of the "Miracle of the Meadowlands" this week...and poor Herman Edwards could very well start typing up a new resume. We get our Usama Bolt "He promises change" joke.

Panthers 31, Lions 22. And Keith needed to do a directions joke and the "Most obvious face mask since 'Halloween'" line as well. Go 0-16 Lions! Jim Rome will be rooting for you so Andy Reid can take over after he gets his axe in Philadelphia. They belong together.

Broncos 24, Falcons 20. Spenser Williams is my new hero, starting on both offense and defense. Jay Butler, er, Cutler...Dan gets a Kenny Mayne "my bad!"

Eagles 13, Bengals 13. I had to watch this clustermuck. Keith does an Al Davis "Tha uttah teams kwadderback..." line, and a Shayne Graham "GEAH!" missed field goal. "Andy Reid (and Donovan McNabb) didn't know what a tie was!" Dan and Keith discuss and Mr. Patrick slams McNabb's Syarcuse schooling. Tiki says that the Bungles were playing for a tie.

Dolphins 17, Raiders 15. How do you celebrate your Vonnie Holiday? By getting sacked, but at least the Raiders kept this close...195 minutes and 36 seconds without a offensive touchdown. Say, do they get to play the Bengals? Collinsworth compares the sea mammals - no, they're not fish - to Mariano Rivera...or in my case, Brad "Mr. Perfect" Lidge.

Colts 33, Texas 27. Joseph Adadi...aye, yi, yi. The Colts were trailing in the third...and there's been a Marvin Harrision sighting as he scores a touchdown! Sage (Rosenfels, the Joey Harrington of the Texans) it isn't so...

Bucs 19, Vikings 13. Dan informs us Tiger Woods was doubtful for this game. Jeff Garcia should have stayed an Eagle IMHO, and remember, you can't spell Gus Frerotte(n) without "Geah." This guy once celebrated scoring a touchdown...and got a concussion as a result by hitting his head into a wall as part of the celebration!

Packers 37, Bears 3. The oldest professional football rivalry between the A. E. Staley Company originally from Decatur, Illinois against the Indian Packing Company of Green Bay, Wisconsin was a one-sided affair, and after the highlights, Keith shows fans with frostbitten hats and informs us that they're melting.... The hats, not the fans. What a world, what a world!!! I just made Margaret Hamilton proud with that last line.

Giants 30, Ravens 10. It's Bob and Cris doing the highlights on this one, but not before Mr. Collinsworth informs us we could win Super Bowl XLIII tickets. Can I room with Keith should I win?

Christ on a cracker, it's the Geico caveman... wasn't their show cancelled? And Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was he doing at FedEx Field?

49ers 35, Rams 16. Best 2-8 matchup ever? More like a battle of interim coaches as Singletary wins. And the "Either Relevant or True" line (R. I. P.) was brought out as a tribute to you, Becky!

Cardinals 26, Seahawks 20. Antoin Bolton and Larry Fitzgerald were the tenth pair of recievers to have at least150 yards recieveing. Matt Hasselbeck looked like Elizabeth Hasselbeck...sitting next to Keith.

More Green is Universal stuff for you: the NBC logo just went emerald.

Titans 24, Jaguars 14. This word just in: The Titans are that damn good. And Justin Gage was engaged. It wouldn't shock me if the former Houston Oilers win it all. Keith also channels his inner LL Cool J when Kerry Collins and Vince Young celebrate, saying "Mama said knock you out."

Steelers 11, Chargers 10. This game was played on a sloppy, icy field, and the Californians were iced. It's 7-2 the Padres over the Pirates at one point. Jeff Reed's field goal wins it. Hey, Steelers, I've got two words for you: FieldTurf (R)!

It's Little Big Show time, and we get the Reader's Digest condensed version of what we saw today. Keith's best line: "The Panthers had the day off...they played the Lions." Everything but "BYE!". Dan pulls a groin on the Steelers' winning field goal. And still more Green is Universal, and Keith stopped buying bottled H2O thanks to his girlfriend, having gone to filtered water. Dan steals my line about ESPN lines from the Countdown Live Blog on Friday (Ripoff artist! *kicks Dan in the shins and runs away*), and also drives a hybrid. Bob tells us he goes to Jets and Celtics games because of their color. Enjoy the Cowboys and Redskins tonight, and oh by the way, don't forget The Boss (BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!) at halftime! As for me, I'm outta here, off on a soda run.

UPDATE: Cowboys beat the Redskins 14-10 in a snoozer of a game.


  1. And it looks like our pal Keith has a girlfriend! I can't tell you how many times I've seen him made fun of for being single.

  2. I thought Becky from the now departed "Either Relevant or Ture" blog was his BGF! :LOL: Thanks for being the first to post a comment!