Monday, November 24, 2008

Countdown Live Blog: 11/24/08

It's 56 days until Inauguration Day, 2,035 days since "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, three days until Thanksgiving, a mere 31 shoplifting days 'til Christmas (j/k about the "shoplifting" part of course) and 68 days until Super Bowl XLIII. And Keith's back from vacation!

The Tie: Navy with purple dots. Must be a new one, and he got it while shopping on vacation splurging from his new contract I guess.

Number 5:
The Obama economic team has been put into place. And they're off and running, all flat fast and getting a stimulation package part deux to have Bush XLIII's tax cuts until 2011, if our President-in-the-on-deck-circle has his way. Citibank is getting $45 billion from the feds in exchange for a $7 billion stake, including naming rights to a famous New Year's Day college football game and a new ballpark replacing Shea Stadium, of which Mets fans have given it a new nickname which rhymes with "Citi" because of high ticket, parking and concession prices, as well as the location in Flushing Meadow, Queens, New York City. Quoth Mr. Olbermann circa October 2007, "See if you can guess." Did we mention that the auto bailout is also pending? Tiger Woods won't be driving a Buick anymore. Richard Wolfe, a/k/a Fred Arminsen in disguise, said that the market and the voting public are looking for a new face in economy, kids. Also, no time for the oversight, and Congress must look into this.

For tonight's "What Do We Now?" segment, the economy and the infrastructure with a green technology to be exact, so Robert Reisch (one of the Comedian's favorites) tells us it's time to rebuild everything with a double whammy, with higher productivity. Everyone has to make sacrifices before we the taxpayers give you the money...all this when gasoline prices went down almost a fifth of a dollar this week just in time for lower Thanksgiving travel. Even blue dog Democrats understand to put idealology aside for the $700B bailout. Welcome to Obamanomics 101, students.

Number 4:
Hillary as Secretary as State still has the imaginary title on the successors in the Senate as well. Barack will have total access to her and pick her own staff. Eugene Robinson joins us to unravel the mystery wrapped in an emigma in a riddle and a slice of Triple Chocolate Pumpkin Pie as well (See "Number 1" for reasons known to everyone else.) The story breaks, runs wild, and will run crazy-go-nuts until after Thanksgiving, a story about Clinton running nuts, eh? And who replaces Ms. Clinton in the Senate once she gets her new job? Andy Cuomo or Bobby Kennedy, Jr.? It's still early.

In other senate news, the new senator from Delaware will be Ted Kafmann until 2010 when Beau Biden finishes his tour in Iraq and runs for his dad's seat. The Minnesota race sees Coleman ahead by 238 but a challenge will have Al Franken (a legitimate ex-comedian unlike Dennis Miller, who is an illegitimate former humorist) winning by 27 votes!

The Pierce Bicycle Comapny in 1900 rolled out it's first horseless carriage today. And we're off with the kickass robot race of the year in Japan. Cue the Roomba Barking Dog. Georgia's Republican Party sent out a mailer with Keith's picture on it for the runoff.

Best Persons:
#3 - Dave and Liz Sarosi tied the mark. #2 - There's a shortage of Santas in Germany. Let the War on Christmas begin! #1 - Wise Men Say with Anthony Knott won a horse race in England. For the first time in 20 years and the the jockey retired.

Music Segue:
A kiddie version of "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. Personally, I prefer the original version.

Number 3:
Time to get your popcorn out...For the first time since David Shuster aired it Thursday, Keith looks at the Sarah Palin Turkey Pardon Slaughter video goodness! Namely the uncensored version where David blurred the slaughtering. Keith brings up the WKRP in Cincinnati episode "Turkeys Away" where turkeys are dropped from a helicopter at a Cincinnati shopping mall, and yes, Loni Anderson is still sofa king hot after three decades. And what's the difference between a "Hockey Mom" and a turkey slaughtering device other than fifteen feet? Lipstick.

Bushed!: #3 - Study finds the administration's for medical services were 25% privatized. Who thought that profits was crazy? #2 - Dana Perino is comfortable about lying about waterboarding. Kristen Wiig is proud of her Dana Perino impression. #1 - "The Iraq War was a success." In Japan. Yeah, is there any other reasons?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World):
- Mark Halprin of Time Magazine said Obama's win was pro-Obama coverage. Talk about lying through the skin!
Silver - Billo The Clown calls
Media Matters a dishonest site because they had quoted him verbatum (hell, they actually quoted him word for word,) and said Minnesota's Senate race is over when it really wasn't.
- Joe Lieberman was two-faced saying Obama was ready, and then flashback to Meet the Press calling him a celebrity and not ready to lead.

Number 1:
Keith appeared on Martha today (and no, you sick people, it was the TV show, not a porn film) and helped make a triple chocolate pumpkin pie. We're happy to report that the studio survived.

That's all, see you tomorrow and enjoy The World's Greatest Rock and Roll Band, The Rolling Stones!

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