Good Bye to 2K9...

Here's the Full Week 17 Schedule

Sunday, January 3rd (Games with playoff implications in italics; games that moved - only two - in Bold.)

CBS 1 PM Games
Indianapolis @ Buffalo
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
New England @ Houston 
Pittsburgh @ Miami (Losers will be automatically out)

Fox 1 PM Games
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
Chicago @ Detroit
New Orleans @ Carolina
NY Giants @ Minnesota
San Francisco @ St. Louis

CBS 4:15 PM Games
Baltimore @ Oakland (Win and in Wild Card spot for BAL)
Kansas City @ Denver (Slim hopes for Denver)
Tennessee @ Seattle

FOX 4:15 PM Games
Green Bay @ Arizona (Could be Wild Card Round preview)
Philadelphia @ Dallas (Winner gets NFC East title)
Washington @ San Diego

NBC Sunday Night Football 8:20 PM Game
Cincinnati @ NY Jets (Win and in Wild Card spot for NYJ)


All times Eastern.  Check with the506.com for what games will be on in your area.

Just In Case You Wanted to Know What I Had for Christmas Dinner...

I had ham with Paula Deen...



Yum-my!

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/27/09: Week 16, Elimination Sunday

Elimination Sunday in the NFL.  Also, perfection ruined.

On Christmas night, the San Diego Chargers eliminated the Tennessee Titans 42-17.  So what about the ultimate Sunday of 2009?

Browns 23, Raiders 3.

Falcons 31, Bills 3: The less said about these two, the better.

Buccaneers 20, Saints 17 (OT): The Bucs won two in a row, eliminating them from the Number One Draft Pick contest.

Bengals 17, Chiefs 10: Bengals clinch the AFC North Central. (Sorry, I am a traditionalist.)

Packers 48, Seabags 10: All we need to say is get the roll of stamps, mail it in and we have a mashed-up bag of Liz Hasselbeck's brother-in-law... Oh, by the way, Packers wrap a wild card.

Panthers 41, Giants 9: Last Giants game at their self-named stadium and they choked. Roll that Beautiful World's Smallest Violin footage!




Pats 35, Jags 7: Pats take AFC East, but Jags are on life support.  Speaking of life support...

Texans 27, Dolphins 20: And the play calling of Tony Soprano made Rich Kotite look like a fucking genius!

Steelers 23, Ravens 20: The Steelers go to Miami next week, Houston hosts New England and the Jags visit Cleveland.

49ers 20, Lying Downs 6.

Cardinals 31, Lambs 10: With Tampa's win, Commissioner Roger Goodell makes it official: The St. Louis Lambs are now on the clock and clinch the number one draft pick.

Jets 29, Colts 15: Don Shula has popped the cork on that bottle of champagne, and Mercury Morris can rest for another year.  The 1972 Miami Dolphins remain was Curt Henning was: PERFECT.

Eagles 30, Broncos 27: Davis Akers' 28-yard FG with four ticks left made the Eagles escape after leading 20-3 at recess.

So enjoy Dallas-Washington, aka CUPCAKE CITY BAY-BEE!

UPDATE: Dallas won 17-0.  This means winner of Eagles-Cowboys will win the NFC East...and, if the Minnesota Favres slip up, get a bye.  That game moves to 4:15 PM EST, and the Bengals-Jets becomes the last game of the season, and the last game at Giants Stadium period at 8:20 PM.

Merry Christmas!

From me and the Disney Prep & Landing Elves:

(Clockwise from top) Wayne, Magee, Miss Holly and Lanny.

When It Comes to the Flexing of Sunday Night Games, The NFL Does Not Care For Playoff Implications...

Hope you enjoyed Brett Favre's loss to Carolina Sunday (12/20), and you like next week's (12/27) Cowboys blowout of the Deadskins.

When the 2009 Schedule was placed onto the world wide everything all the way back in April, thirteen days notice is given to change the NBC Sunday Night Football game from Week 11 through 16.  So how many games were flexed out by Roger Goodell's lieutenants of television?

One.  That was when the Patriots-Dolphins game was swapped out for Favre-Cardinals way back on December 6th.  And now, with the push to Miami Gardens underway for Super Bowl XLIV, the NFL and their Sunday TV partners - Fox, CBS and NBC - ought to learn from the mistakes of not swapping out Minnesota-Carolina for a sexier, playoff-inducing game like Bengals-Chargers, or not showing a cringe worthy nation the apocalypse called Dallas at Washington and rather show an unbeaten Colts team against a hanging-by-a-thread-as-far-as-the-postseason-goes Jets team.

Nope, Goodell cares about ratings.  We have been lied to again by the National Football League, and wether we like it or not, we will have to live with this for another four years.  Take a look at this week's Fox schedule...please.  Seattle at Green Bay and Carolina at New York Giants are the only games with playoff implications, while the rest of the slate - Tampa Bay at New Orleans, St. Louis at Arizona and the Gordon Forbes Memorial Negative-Star Pillow Fight of the Week Detroit at San Francisco - have about as many playoff backstories as Amy Winehouse visiting Alcoholics Anonymous.

The reason the "flex" scheduling was introduced was to prop up NBC's Sunday Night game late in the season.  It was also inducing to both CBS and Fox to help prop up their ratings for early contests.  When it was announced that Cowboys-Redskins would stay where it was, there were screams of disbelief at both 30 Rock in New York and at Fox Sports' offices in LaLaLand, and for different reasons. NBC was shocked that they were keeping that game, and Fox was as angry as a midget wrestler on a Red Bull bender that their schedule was that weak.  Meanwhile at Black Rock, CBS was ROTFLTMFAsO that they were now placing Broncos-Eagles in the 4:15 PM ET slot.

As they used to say "It's all about the Benjamins"...and we're the ones getting screwed royally.

Some Vintage Holiday Toons for You

No doubt when you get WGN America (of for whom I had worked for one Bozo T. Clown mailing scripts to his producers in Chicago when I lived in that hellhole called Emporia, Virginia in the 1990s) every Christmas we had to see these three cartoons - "Hardrock, Coco and Joe", "Suzy Snowflake" and the UPA version of "Frosty the Snowman."  Here they are for you.

Enjoy!

Merry Fisted Christmas, Atlanta: Chip Caray's Back

Of all the worst things Atlantonians can get about their Braves (other than getting ignored by UGA Football, UGA Spring football, Georgia Tech fooball, GT Spring football, GT basketball, UGA women's hoops, UGA women's gymnastics, UGA baseball and GT baseball) is this:

Chip Caray will be calling Braves telecasts on Fox Sports South.  May we cue up that beautiful "World's Smallest Violin" footage again, if you please...

Does it make you feel better?  I know it won't.

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/20/09: Week 15

First, my computer gave me the VMF.  Second, Thursday night (12/17), Indianapolis needed a late 4th quarter TD to beat Jacksonville, 35-31, and Saturday (12/19), the Saints chance on perfection was ruined by Dallas, finally winning a game in a month starting with either a "D" or a "J", 24-17.

Browns 41, Chefs 34: For the first time since the Carter Administration, the good people of Kansas City did not see a Chiefs home game because the local TV station became a Scrooge and refused to buy the rest of the tickets. The way they've been playing, nobody noticed.

Texans 16, Lambs 13: Houston still alive for the playoffs for now.

Cardinals 34, Lions 27: Beanie Wells once again broke hearts in Michigan.

Pats 17, Bills 10: Not much to say about this game...

Falcons 10, Jets 7: Falcons play for pride after Dallas' win Saturday (12/19), and hurts Jets' playoff hopes.

Titans 27, Dolphins 24 (OT): A valiant group of seafaring mammals fell short thanks to Rod Bironas' walkoff FG.

Ravens 31, Bears 7: Write your Jay Cutler jokes about interceptions here along with Frosty the Snowman.

Yuccaneers 24, Seabags 7: More Liz Hasselbeck brother-in-law gags, please. Bucs play themselves out of #1 pick next April...for now.

Raiders 20, Broncos 17: The Broncos choked this game away... and... wait for it...

Eagles 27, 49ers 13: The Eagles clinch a playoff spot, while the Cards win the NFC West.

Steelers 37, Packers 36: Mike Wallace caught a TD pass from Big Ben after 60 minutes (and a video review) and Jeff Reed walks off with the extra point win.  Both Ben and Aaron Rogers threw for a combined 800-plus yards.

Chargers 27, Bengals 24: An emotional roller coaster of a week for the Bengals with the late Chris Henry passing away ends with Nate Keating's FG from 52 yards and the AFC West title for the Bolts.

That should have been the game tonight, but it's Brett Favre = Ratings ^TM against Carolina.  I'll have something to say about that this week.

The Federally Mandated Update: The Panthers shocked the Vikings 26-7.

The Final Number: 23.2

That's how many inches of snow fell (officially) down at Philadelphia International Airport during this Blizzard of 2009.  And because I must dig out of this, I decided there's going to be no NFL Live Blog for Week 15. Somebody will have a post at their blog site to leave messages.

Snow, the Eagles and Santa: Where'd You Think This Was Going?

I leave this to those at The700Level.com for edification:

Nothing has continued to eternally damn the reputation of Philly sports fans more than their behavior on December 15th, 1968. On halftime of the Eagles' game against the Vikings, a 19-year-old in a Santa Claus suit came out to greet the fans, and was greeted with a shower of boos and a probably much-harder-to-ignore shower of snowballs. Despite occurring over 40 years ago, the incident continues to get brought up in almost every indictment of Philly Fans Gone Wild, as the primary evidence of the cold, black heart that apparently beats inside every one of us.

Naturally, there's more to the story than would appear. In their Great Philadelphia Fan Book, WIP radio hosts Glen Macnow and Anthony L. Gargano relate that Santa was not treated so rudely "for no reason other than we're mean people," but rather that it was Eagles fans venting their frustrations for a number of worthy reasons. Namely among them was the state of the Birds franchise at the time, which saw the team accrue a 2-11 record (on the way to 2-12 with their eventual loss to Minny) in the middle of a dismantling period, including a trade of future-Hall of Famer Sonny Jurgensen to the Redskins for the interception-prone Norm Snead.

What's more, Santa's presence was an underwhelming one to Philly fans who were expecting a full Christmas pageant, a planned celebration nixed by Eagles brass due to the lousy weather and mucky field conditions. Instead, Santa was trotted out as the lone representation of holiday merriment, and after a few seasons of downgraded expectations and disappointment, you can see how the situation would quickly become so highly volatile.

Interestingly, though while the fans' reaction was less reflexive [stupidity] than the general media thinks, no one tries to deny that did in fact occur. Also interesting is the fact that Frank Olivo, the man in the Santa suit at the time, doesn't seem to take the abuse personally. "I'm a Philadelphia fan," said Olivo. "I knew what was what. I thought it was funny." 

Sadly,  if you can call it that, that second win cost them the right to draft inmate #2648927 of the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, Nevada.  You may have known him better as Orthanal James Simpson, and they had to settle for Leroy Keyes.

Up to Fourteen Eighteen Twenty Inches of Partly Cloudy

I'm very relieved that I planned to go to New York City to take in some Christmas sights this year.  However, it has been canceled because there's a major snowstorm coming.

An old fashioned 'Nor-easter is bearing down on us as I write this and we're expecting up to a twenty inches of powdery white stuff called snow. I may not get out and shovel until Sunday (12/20) after watching football all weekend.  Remember, one inch of rain is equal to ten inches of snow, so we are looking at 200 inches of rain.  Noah, get me the ark prepared.

Christmas List Anyone?

What I wanted for Christmas...

What the Yankees are giving me:
http://www.holidaycheese.com/_m/sweaters/created/16772.png

As the Character on the Left Says "Eh...What's Up Doc?"

The deal is all but done.

Roy Halliday is coming to Philadelphia, but it will be a steep price for a Cy Young Award winner.  How steep, you ask?  Last year's ace, Cliff Lee will go to Seattle, and prospects from both the Mariners and Phighting Phillies will head to the Toronto Blue Jays.

All in all, it's my birthday in 1972 all over again, when the Phillies traded Rick Wise to St. Louis for a left-hander named Steve Carlton.  Wise had hurled a no-hitter that season beforehand and both wanted pay raises.  What happened?  Lefty went 27-10, won four Cy Young Awards and became the Phillies' all-time greatest southpaw, and Wise became a jouneyman pitcher, so much so, Carlton's #32 was retired.  And therein lies the rub.

Roy will have to pick a new number out.  May I suggest #23.  After all, 130 wins in your career will do that.

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/13/09: Week 14

Only 12 shoplifting days left until Christmas.  For two teams, there still is perfection.  For the Cleveland Browns, they have played themselves out of the top draft pick next April with a 13-6 win over Pittsburgh as stated below in the Week 14 NFL Live Blog.  As for Sunday...

Bills 16, Chefs 10: Ho hum, another long winter in Kansas City.

Texans 45, Seabags 7: Boom goes the dynamite by Brenard Pollard.

Ravens 45, Lying Downs 3: Safe cheerleading on the sidelines.

Acme Packing Company 21, Decatur Staleys 14: Oldest Rivalry in pro football continues.

Jets 26, Suckaneers 3: The Bucs are now on the clock as we speak.

Dolphins 13, Jags 10: See, Jacksonville, they don't see this on TV!

Pats 20, Panthers 10: Carolina had a lead...and then they played the second half.

Vikings 30, Bengals 10: The Brett Favres have clinched a playoff spot.

And now for the unbeaten segment of the program...

Colts 28, Broncos 16: Brandon Marshall is officially out of the Sean McDaniels doghouse with the breaking of TO's 20 catch game a few years ago, but Jim Caldwell gets the win.

Saints 26, Falcons 23: Next for N'Awlins, Dallas.  Next for Indy: Jacksonville, which will be a sellout. Both on the NFL Network.  Sorry, kids, that's the joke.

Redskins 31, Raiders 17: The JaMarcus Russell must go down and must go down hard.

Titans 47, Lambs 7: Vince Young was hurt.  KERRY COLLINS SIGHTING!

Chargers 20, Cowboys 17: Remember, the Cowboys never play well in months that start with either a "D" or a "J".

Enjoy the Eagles-Giants.  I have Christmas shopping to do.

UPDATE: In what was described by a Denver writer as this game was not flexed out as "a boring game", the Eagles now own the top of the NFC East after a 45-38 win over the Giants.  However, both trent Cole and a Giant were tossed for swapping punches on the field.

Week 14 NFL Live Blog

If your name is Nathan Brice living in the basement of his mom's van down by the river or a Captain who owns a 12-inch white ruler, a banhammer awaits!

It's A Boy For The Wideout Next Door and His Wife

From E! Online.com:

Look what Kendra Wilkinson found under the tree this year!

The E! star and her NFL-player hubby Hank Baskett welcomed their first child together, son Hank Baskett IV , at 12:37 a.m. Friday in Indianapolis.

The wee one was delivered via C-section, weighing a robust 9 pounds, 5 ounces. (He is a football player's son, after all.)

"We're happy and healthy and enjoying every second with little Hank," the proud parents exclusively tell E! News.

Hank, 27, and Kendra, 24,  swapped vows in June in a glamorous ceremony at the Playboy Mansion, where the bride called home for four years—and where she met Hank (at the Playboy Scramble) in 2008.

Two of Kendra's bridesmaids and former Girls Next Door costars, big spender Bridget Marquardt and Peep Show star Holly Madison, have also been eagerly awaiting the arrival of their pal's little boy.

"I can't wait to meet little Hank!" Holly told E!. "I am so excited for Kendra and Hank. They are going to have the best holiday ever!"

"This is what I call a Christmas gift that will keep on giving (and taking...lol)!!!" Bridget said in an email to E! News. "I wish both of them and little Hank Jr. a lifetime of joy and happiness! The only things I wonder...Can I help plan the birthday parties and how will they top this gift next Christmas???"

Added Kendra's other onetime roommate, Hugh Hefner: "I send my love to Kendra, Hank and the baby on this memorable day."

And they'll take it.

After Hank was picked up by the Indianapolis Colts, the couple and their two dogs, Rascal and Martini, relocated from Philadelphia and are now living in the same gated community as Indiana Pacers starJermaine O'Neal, though they plan on house-hunting in L.A. so that they can live there in the off-season.

"I never in my wildest dreams thought that little Hank would be born in Indianapolis," Kendra told  The Indianapolis Star .

"People come up to me, but it's very different," she said of living in the decidedly low-key (lower than L.A., at least) capital city. "They're not all up in my grill. They're very caring. Everybody's been so helpful."

Not that living in a town full of kind strangers has changed the former Playmate's ribald sense of humor.

"I told Hank, 'Do you know what you're getting in your stocking this Christmas?'" she joked. "Not coal—well a little bit of that—but condoms. A whole lot of condoms. I want a little girl. In a couple of years."

Here's Your 2009-10 College Football Bowl Schedule

Non-BCS Bowls

Dec. 19 New Mexico Bowl: Wyoming vs. Fresno State, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; St. Petersburg Bowl: Rutgers vs. Central Florida, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 20 R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Southern Mississippi vs. Middle Tennessee State, 8:30 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 22 Las Vegas MAACO Bowl: Brigham Young vs. Oregon State, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 23 San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs. California, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 24 Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl: Southern Methodist vs. Nevada, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 26 Little Caesars Pizza Bowl: Ohio vs. Marshall, 1 p.m., ESPN; Meineke Car Care Bowl: North Carolina vs. Pittsburgh, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; Emerald Bowl: Boston College vs. Southern California, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 27 Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Clemson vs. Kentucky, 8:30 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 28 Advocare V100 Independence Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Georgia, 5 p.m., ESPN2

 Dec. 29 EagleBank Bowl: Temple vs. UCLA, 4:30 p.m.; ESPN; Champs Sports Bowl: Miami (FL) vs. Wisconsin, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 30 Roady's Truck Stops Humanitarian Bowl: Idaho vs. Bowling Green, 4:30 p.m., ESPN; Paficic Life  Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Arizona, 8 p.m., ESPN

Dec. 31 Bell Heleicopters Armed Forces Bowl: Air Force vs. Houston, 12 p.m., ESPN; Brut Sun Bowl: Stanford vs. Oklahoma, 2 p.m., CBS; Texas Bowl: Missouri vs. Navy, 3:30 p.m., ESPN; Insight Bowl: Minnesota vs. Iowa State, 6 p.m., NFL Network; Chick-fil-A Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

Jan. 1 Outback Bowl: Northwestern vs. Auburn, 11 a.m., ESPN; Capital One Bowl: Penn State vs. LSU, 1 p.m., ABC; Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: Florida State vs. West Virginia, 1 p.m., CBS

Jan. 2 International Bowl: South Florida vs. Northern Illinois, 12 p.m., ESPN 2; at&t Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi, 2 p.m., Fox; Papajohns.com Bowl: Connecticut vs. South Carolina, 2 p.m., ESPN; AutoZone Liberty Bowl: East Carolina vs. Arkansas, 5:30 p.m., ESPN; Valero Energy Alamo Bowl: Michigan State vs. Texas Tech, 9 p.m.

Jan. 6 GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Troy, 7 p.m., ESPN

BCS Bowls

Jan. 1 Rose Bowl Game presented by citi: Ohio State vs. Oregon, 4:30 p.m., ABC; Allstate Sugar Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Florida, 8:30 p.m., Fox

Jan. 4 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs. Texas Christian, 8 p.m., Fox

Jan. 5 FedEx Orange Bowl: Iowa vs. Georgia Tech, 8 p.m., Fox

Jan. 7 Citi BCS National Championship: Alabama vs. Texas, 8 p.m., ABC


As for that Sugar Bowl, yes, a father and love child reunion with Tim Tebow and Thom Brennaman!

Football Night in America Live Blog 16/6/09: Lucky Week 13

The Lucky Week 13 of the 2009 NFL Season began on Thursday when at SkyDome (sorry Mr. Rogers) in Toronto, the New York Jets were rude visitors to the Buffalo Bills, 19-13.  As for Sunday...

Please don't cry...

And don't even do this...

We have it all for you. Ask our friend J. Pierpoint Comcast, the new owner to be of Football Night in America's rights.

Panthers 16, Buccaneers 6: I had the same number of INTs as Jake Delhomme.

Bears 16, Lambs 9: Write your own jokes.

Broncos 41, Chefs 13: Yeah, that bad.

Jaguars 23, Texans 18: Jags are still in the wild card hunt.

Bengals 23, Lying Downs 13: Get Chad Johnson, he's Zorro.

Eagles 34, Falcons 7: No Matty Ice, no chance for Atlanta as Vick had a TD run and a TD pass.

Colts 27, Titans 17: So, where was Vince Young parked?  In the team bus.

Raiders 27, Steelers 24: The Super Bowl champions have now lost four in a row.  John Goodman was happy.

Dolphins 22, Patriots 21: Tom Brady had a bad finger which Ricky Williams had a medical solution in the game flexed out for Vikings-Cardinals.  That was until Dan Carpenter kicked a field goal with 62 seconds left.

Seahawks 20, 49ers 17: So what's it like working with Keith?  Ask Homer, who might be back in SEA.

Chargers 30, Brownies 23: Jim Brown making a comeback?  He was at the game.

Saints 33, Redskins 30 (OT): The Redskins had a chance until Robert Meachum had a case of premature jocularity and Sean Squeeze'em blew it.  Boom goes the dynamite, and boom goes the Garret Hartley field goal, and we can flex out Cowboys-Redskins next week.

Giants 31, Cowboys 24: Speaking of Jerry's Kids, their farewell to Giants Stadium will not be remembered fondly.

Enjoy the flexfest of Warner and Favre.

UPDATE: Favre loses his second game of the year, 30-13.

Chip Caray Will Have To Do His Fisting Somewhere Else in 2010

TBS sacked Chip Caray today. Roll that beautiful world's smallest violin footage.



The details:

http://bats.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/30/chip-caray-and-tbs-part-ways/ 

No FNiA Live Blog This Week; We'll Give You a Recap of Week 12, Though

So there was this Japanese Pop Culture convention this past weekend (and no, Justin, this was not my excuse for missing the Redskins-Eagles game or my lack of being online for the RedZone watch this week) and hence no Football Night in America live blogging because the Sunday events ran a little late.... Like about two hours.

So before I do the recap of this Sunday's (11/29) games for you, here's what the NFL served up on Thanksgiving (11/26).  Yup, three more games that were turkeys.

Packers 34, Lions 12: Let the debate begin on wether or not Detroit deserves their annual game because the team sucks.  They actually led at one point 7-0, though.

Cowboys 34, Raiders 7: Let the debate continue on why the NFL should have placed the Chargers in this prestigious game instead of a Raiders team that is pathetic as they are.

Broncos 26, Giants 6: And let the debate start on Josh McDaniels cursing out his team on the sidelines when NFL Networks had live mikes and a magic 13-letter word to the OTA channels in New York and Denver.

And now, the Sunday games in order of start time and importance.

Sea! HAWKS! 27, Lambs 17: Too bad the good people of the Gateway City didn't see this game due to the blackout rules and only 47,500 fans (if you can call them that) showing up.

Bengals 16, Poor Brownies 7: Eric Mankini will be fired.  We're taking odds right now on the date and time this will happen.

Jets 17, Panthers 6: Jake Delhomme threw four more interceptions.  If I was the coach in Carolina, he just earned the demotion to third string mop up clipboard and baseball cap duty.

Bills 31, Dolphins 14: It was 14-7 Miami in the fourth quarter and then the Bills finally arrived with a 24-point explosion capped by T.O.'s 51-yard catch from Ryan Fitzpatrick.  And the Dolphins looked like a big old mashed up bag of Miami Vice DVDs. (Sorry, Justin.)

Falcons 20, Buccaneers 17: Quoting sages "Good teams find a way to win games, bad teams find a way to lose them." Matty Ice was hurt with a toe injury, so Chris Redman takes the W for him in this one.

Colts 35, Texans 27: The Houstonians actually led this game at recess 20-7.  Peyton Manning showed up for the second half, though and made the Colts 11-0.

Eagles 27, Redskins 24: Washington lead 24-16 with 11:45 left in regulation.  Then Jim Zorn let the team rest. Iggles then score next eleven points as David Akers (from...Louvul!) kicked the winning 32-yard field goal with 1:52 left.

Chargers 43, Chefs 14: Throwback logo in the end zones for San Diego as LaDaimlian Tomlinson climbed into the Top Ten list of all-time NFL running backs.

49ers 20, Jaguars 3: Eastern Time Zone teams continue to struggle in the Pacific Time Zone this season.  What else is new?

Vikings 36, Bears 10: Did we mention that that Favre guy was the reason next week's Patriots-Dolphins game was flexed out for Minnesota-Arizona? Da Bears were pa-thet-ic.

Titans 20, Cardinals 17: Holy 2006 Rose Bowl and Don Pardo's pants, Batman!  The Vince Young Redemption Tour resumed with a game-winning 18 play, 99-yard 2:37 that included going for it on 4th down inside their ten yard line. Kenny Britt finished the game off with the winning ten yard catch from Young beating Matt Leinart - again - and the Trojans Cardinals. Kurt Warner missed the game with a sprained neck.

In the Sunday Night contest, a game that went into bonus cantos sans Big Ben for the Pittsburgh Steelers and Charlie Batch, third string quarterback Dennis Dixon was intercepted by Paul Kruger and Billy Cundiff's 24-yard walkoff field goal gave the Baltimore Ravens a 20-17 win.  And in the 97th edition of the Grey Cup, Les Alouettes de Montreal kicker Damon Duval got a second chance on a field goal attempt which was wide left after the Saskatchewan Roughriders (not to be confused with the defunct Ottawa Rough Riders) were caught with thirteen men on the field (It's Canada, they play twelve-a-side football there) and nailed a 33-yard walkoff field goal to win the Canadian Football League championship, 28-27.  Too bad most of America didn't see that game.  Live.

Stay Classy, Josh McDaniels

Josh McDaniels just one upped Herman Edwards "You play to win the game" line.

WARNING: Audio NSFW or the little ones.

Blatant Plugola For a Story on Another Site

I paid a favor to our pal Mookie over at Stupid Sideline Reporters following a comment he made during Conference Championship Sunday this past January that he owed me doing a story anytime.

I paid up in full with interest this week.  Each week during the NFL season, he does a weekly feature titled "What the Losers Are Saying," where he collects the comments of blogs of teams that didn't do very well that week.  In case you missed it, the Cleveland Browns held a 24-3 lead near the end of the first quarter.  What happened to them in Detroit would then become the NFL's biggest implosion since The Kingdome went "Boom goes the dynamite," as the home town Lions came back to win the game (which is usually an oxymoron in Detroit) 38-37.

Here's my special "What The Losers Are Saying" featuring the Cleveland Browns Epic Failure.  Just wanted to use this for my 400th post after all.

Cooking Your Bird? Here's Last Year's Advice

Last year, I delivered advice on how to cook your Thanksgiving bird.  I have the link for you here as a reminder in case you have not forgotten it.

Happy Thanksgiving

Psalms 100:4.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/22: Week 11

We had recapped Thursday's game in the intro to the Week 11 NFL Live Blog below, so here comes the Sunday games. And in non-football news, the loud booing you hear is Jimmie Johnson being feted as the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion for the fourth year in a row.

Lions 38, Browns 37: It was the moveable force against the resistible object.  The pillow fight of the millennium.  The Gordon Forbes Memorial Negative Star Game of the Century.  Turned out that there was a hellava finish with a pass interference call against the Mankinis and Jason Hanson Mmmmbop'd the winning PAT.

Jaguars 18, Bills 15: There was a Terrell Owens sighting!  But the Jags won.

Vikings 35, Seahags 9:: Anyone want a used NFL team?

Saints 38, Buccaneers 7: Saints now 10-0 for the first time in history.

Chiefs 27, Steelers 24 (OT): Andy Studebaker almost had a return for a TD.  Nice move, Andy Reid! Ryan Succop with the walkoff FG in overtime after Chris Chambers took the ball to the Steelers' four.

Packers 30, 49ers 23: The better QB from the Class of 2005 was Aaron Rogers, not number one pick Alex Smith. Need more David Letterman jokes!

Indianapolis 17, Ravens 15: The new Baltimore franchise lost to the team that abandoned the city and because of that, refuses to use their name on the scoreboard at M&T Field at Crammed In Yards.  Ed Reed is an moron for forward latteraling his way to a loss.

Cowboys 7, Redskins 6: Offense was optional in this game at Crazy Jerry's House of Discount Hi Def TVs.

Giants 34, Falcons 31 (OT): Another walkoff field goal - this one by Lawrence Tynes - sends Giants fans home finally happy.

Cardinals 21, Rams 13: Kurt Warner had a concussion, left the game.  Matt Leinert had come in from his beer pong game.

Raiders 20, Bengals 17: Sebastian Janakowski made the Bengals the same old Bungles with a 33 -yard FG with 17 seconds left.

Patriots 31, Jets 13: Lee Bodden boom went the dynamite, and the Pats overcame last week's 4th-and-2-in-your-own territory gaffe.

Chargers 32, Broncos 3: This was supposed to be a close game.  This turned into a Chris Simms-Kyle Orton quarterback controversy.

You enjoy Eagles-Bears, I'll watch MLS Cup between the LA Beckhams, er, Galaxy and Real Salt Lake.

UPDATE: Believe it or not, the Eagles actually won a Sunday Night Game over Da Bears, 24-20, while in the MLS Cup final, after 120 minutes saw a 1-1 draw, Real Salt Lake took seven rounds of a shootout to beat the Galaxy, 5-4.

Week 11 NFL Live Blog

We started Week 11 on a Thursday night with Miami beating Carolina 24-17. Now it's Sunday, and the live blog is here again to run until NHL Network's RedZone Channel is done their dirty work. And should you be Nathan "Living with his mommy in the basement in a van down by the river" Brice or a certain captain with a rather filthy name, the "49er16 Ban Hammer" awaits you.

Tricks, Treats, a Trap and October 31st Madness: "Jessie's" Halloween Adventure

The last time our author cross played as the femme fatalle of Pokémon's extremely laughable Team Rocket, there was much love for him as a lady. On a date that is traditionally the time for guys to dress as girls and vice versa, “she” (for the lack of a better word) would have to dodge raindrops, march in the annual costume parade in Newtown, get a small glamorous makeover and then from there hand out goodies for ghosts and goblins at his crib in a span of just over twelve hours!

Because of the Irish influence in many things – potato farming, beer making, celebrating holidays – we can thank them for the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day with parades, drunken debauchery, wearing green even though they might not be of Gaelic decent. We can also thank them for the modern celebration of All Hallows Eve, where people celebrate with some parades, some drunken debauchery, and wearing outfits that are more suited to an episode of Let’s Make a Deal the rest of the year. Cosplayers have joked about a slogan for this time of year as it were: “Amateur Night”.

The last time that I went out as Jessie, Team Rocket’s diva, de facto leader and sex symbol amongst the okatu from the Pokémon meta anime series with my new costume, it was at an anime convention, and the outfit was met with glowing reviews and praise from those that were there. Now another event was coming up, Halloween. Another morning into day into night as a female being played by a male, and to paraphrase Maxwell Smart “loving it.” And to add some spice to the rack as it were, throw in a bit precipitation through most of the day until a downpour ceased the activities of October 31, 2009.

Fright Time IS The Right Time?

For me, the time of 4:00 AM is a good time to wake up when you have a long day of playing ahead. Put on top of this the fact that the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority (SEPTA to the locals in Philadelphia) was scheduled to strike at 12:01 AM, but delayed the strike threat first until 6:00 PM that evening, and then ultimately until the 2009 World Series passed through The City of Sibling Love. That, though, would be another story to be told at a later time. So after the customary shower and shave, I got dressed into my make up, tights (two pairs to keep warn, even though the temperature was scheduled to go up to a balmy for October 72°), padded bra and panties, body shaper, back brace (making me look even more effeminate), leotard and cheerleader briefs (or a “modesty brief” as they sometimes like to call it.) I even decided to shorten the skirt I wore a bit making it look like Jessie’s micro-mini as it were in the illustration below. Women, I now feel your pain as it were to don this part of the outfit. The skirt (for the lack of a better word) looked like more a giant belt. At 5:30 AM, I exited toward the bus stop and I had everything except one little thing I forgotten: those green earrings. I had hurried out the door, and forgot to put them on and left them. It was too late to turn back, and since it was drizzling, I put a white poncho made from low grade cheap plastic atop the costume to prevent it from getting wet. There were a couple people who recognized me from a similar trip I made the year before as Alice in Wonderland; after all, it had been 373 days since last year’s event, which was postponed and the judging had been moved indoors to the Newtown Theater, so this year it looked like the same.

.

Wet, damp, drizzly, rain threatened to spoil the party as it were. Arriving at the transfer point of the Route 84 near the Franklin Mills Mall located on what was an orphan farm, and then Liberty Bell Race Track. Simulcasting of horse racing within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania had came one year too late, because the track was closed in 1985. The tales I had there would have to be put on hold for some future story. As I awaited the Route 130 to head out to Newtown, a small borough in the middle of Bucks County, there was a down time as it were. A year earlier, things were hunky dory to speak. Small businesses were doing well on Main Street, the local Chevrolet dealer was okay, and autumn was in full bloom. Well since then, Stockburger Chevrolet was forced out of business by General Motors, the lot closed but the service area still running. But just like anyplace, there was a Starbucks Coffee shop. At one time, as Dennis Miller said before he retired from comedy, “They’re actually planning to open a Starbucks inside a Starbucks!” Now our story gets to become fun.

Inside, a kind lady saw me dressed as I was and then was taken aback by her request: she wanted my autograph as Jessie! An autograph? In character? How could I not pass the chance up? She then decided to buy me a hot chocolate and sticky bun out of her Starbucks card. The cost was $5 and change. Well worth it needless to say. Everybody there got a kick of my appearance, so much so that one employee asked if he could take a picture of me with my camera phone. Again, how could I pass the chance up, it is after all, October 31st? So after giving him some brief instructions on how my camera phone works, I posed in a rather sexy (if you can call a 5-foot-9, 270-pound man dressed in a somewhat revealing outfit from the chest down) pose, legs crossed on a chair at the coffee shop. When I later saw the picture, I noticed a little “fan service” as it were. In the pose, I accidentally showed my panties in the shot.

The Fan Service Kiosk

Well, what exactly is “fan service” you say? Allow the pillar of education called Wikipedia to explain it all to you:

“Fan service is a vaguely-defined term primarily used for anime and manga (Japanese illustrated cartoons) to refer to elements that are unnecessary to the storyline. Fan service explicitly refers to material that is designed to amuse or excite the audience with sexually-derived content. When such content fits within the storyline, it would not usually be considered fan service, but excessive content is usually considered gratuitous regardless of its justification.

“Any gratuitous content included in some form of entertainment primarily to please a core group of fans is fan service. The term has been used in a broader context than just anime, including the three Star Wars prequels.

“The typical, but not only, variety of fan service is racy or sexual content (usually female but sometimes male) used to titillate the viewer, such as nudity or other forms of eye candy. Shower scenes are very common in movies, and in anime of the 1980s and 1990s, while many more recent television series use trips to onset (Japanese Hot Springs) or trips to exotic tropical locales, in order to showcase the characters in bathing suits. All aim to depict characters in states of relative undress when it would otherwise be out of place with the tone of a series. In anime, two common types of fan service are the panties shot and jiggling breasts. Male homo eroticism, such as accidental kisses, is a common feature of fan service for females, and has been described as ‘easier to get away with’ in terms of censorship than fan service for males.”

Therein lies the answer to the question laid out. Yes, even Pokémon has had some kiddie fan service moments. The three female protagonists – Misty, May and Dawn – all have worn bathing suits and both Jessie and James wore them as well. And there was the now-banned episode “Beauty and the Beach”, where James donned inflatable breasts in one of the most controversial moments in the history of children’s television in America.

Forward, March!

So much for the fan service. Let us return to the story of that date in question. After Starbucks, I walked in my thigh-high boots that are tight in the toes toward the landmark called The Stocking Works. Waymarking.com has an explanation of the building, it’s history and the the current use of this historic place:

“Originally, the Newtown Hosiery Mill (a.k.a. The Stocking Works) operated out of this building at 301 South State Street. In 1884, the Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Works was founded by John B Mawson in Yardley. In 1889, it was moved to Newtown after a fire destroyed the Yardley plant. In 1904, the Bobbin and Spool works chartered the name Excelsior Bobbin and Spool Company, which expanded with new buildings and updated equipment. After the brief tenure of the stocking manufacturer, the building was used by a stained glass company, a bobbin factory, and then during World War II, by the Lavelle Aircraft Corporation.

“When World War II started, there was a tremendous demand for aircraft, and Lavelle expanded to meet the demand. To mark its success, a ceremony was held at the plant in July, 1945, where the company was awarded the Army-Navy ‘E’ for excellence in production. After the war, the company changed over to stainless steel production for jet engines, missiles and satellites. The world's first weather Satellite, TIROS 1, was manufactured here in 1960. It recorded the first TV image from space. Some of the components used in the Apollo space missions were also manufactured here. In recent years, the property has been renovated into office space.”

So thanks to the borough of Newtown, Pennsylvania, we wouldn’t have The Weather Channel or even AccuWeather.com, Neil Armstrong would have never declared “Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.” And to complete the cycle, the building has gone from hosiery to stained glass to bobbins to airplanes to steel manufacturing to office space. Anyway, returning to our tale of travel, as I stood in the parking lot of the historic complex waiting for an okay, and I had doubted it would go off, but surprise, surprise, surprise. The judging went off without a hitch, and my judges were dressed as the pre-slutty Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and a Civil War soldier because he does reenactments, the ultimate in cosplaying as it were. As did the parade, with the Council Rock South High School Band – complete with their band major dressed in the infamous It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia zentai green man suit – going right to the theater. And fate would have it, politicians looking for re-election in the area handed out officially licensed Pokémon trick-or-treat bags, and I was just plain lucky to get one of the only two. After a brief performance by the band, we went into the theater for the prize presentations, and needless to say, I didn’t win. Hey, I tried.

As I went about the town post-parade, I ran into a mother and daughter who complimented me as a nice-looking lady. After thanking them, I sprung the oldest Halloween trick of them all: I told them that I was a guy. Mom was shocked, and actually wanted to pose with me for a picture. The daughter, aged 11, ran away but reluctantly came back And because she was a good sport, she took our picture together. Later, as I was awaiting the bus to head to my next destination, a lady passing by in her car gave me a wolf whistle. It was after that onto the return trip Route 130 bus to Neshaminy Mall and more fun.

I decided to head into Macy*s there and ask for a makeover at the Lancome counter. Needless to say, the people were surprised to see a guy who stands is dressed in a micro miniskirt, baring a midriff as it were and in thigh-high boots and wearing a burgundy (or a dark purple?) wig come in and ask to have a makeover as an bossy, evil diva. Thank you, my dear friend for doing so. For the next couple hours, I went out and did trick-or-treating inside the mall. A 48-year old guy dressed in comedic crossplay drag doing trick-or-treating. And since my skirt was falling down a bit, I headed to American Eagle to get a re-pinning of my micro miniskirt to the proper length.

There’s No Place Like Home...and Getting There’s Half the Fun

Well after about an hour of this fun, it was time to head home. On the way to my house, after getting off SEPTA Routes 14 and 70, I decided to walk from the terminus at the intersection of Cottman and Torresdale Avenues, it was walking down Torresdale Avenue to meet a few friends in my outfit. They were really taken aback on how I looked to say the least. To say they were shocked was an understatement, as for two of the last three Halloweens, I was dressed for the whole day in my costume. In 2007, I was Alice in Wonderland, in a blue dress, pinafore apron and Mary Jane shoes. I went to Center City Philadelphia (we never call it “downtown”), got made up at the Sephora there and had a lot of fun. I looked like I had stepped out of Disneyland after having opened a “Drink Me” bottle and grown tall enough not to fit through that door.

In 2008, the whole thing was called off because of a small parade honoring the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. So I only wore the costume for trick-or-treaters who had gotten juice bottles with a label attached with “DRINK ME” upon them. From what I know, Center City was too crowded and it would have taken forever to get home with overcrowded trains.. I was disappointed because this was going to be my first championship parade I missed (and it was a quarter century since the last big event of this kind happening) because of the lack of tickets available at Citizens Bank Park and Lincoln Financial Field – you had to either be a season ticket holder or enter a drawing to get the ducats, plus the fact some moronic scalpers decided to sell them on eBay for $500 or so – and that in turn riled my anger that I’d like to see any future parades move from south to north, say at Eakins Oval in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. And irony of ironies, the team was playing the [CENSORED] New York Yankees in the World Series this year. That however, was not going to be historic for our fair city as those Damn Yankees win their 27^th World Championship.

Well, when I finally came home, the neighbors playfully wolf whistled at me, and the whacked out (in a good way) neighbors from around the corner who have a haunted porch every year were getting ready for their scare affair as it were. Even the girl from three doors away liked my costume. The trick-or-treating commenced early due to the postseason baseball events, and we gave out a lesser amount of goodies (in this case, small bags of pretzels) before the rains came at 7:10 PM in the evening to end the legalized begging because of that and weather issues. So all in all, fun, weather, and sleep during a World Series game was enough for me. After all, isn’t All Hallows Eve supposed to be like that?

Countdown Live Blog: 11/16/09

The Tie: Red with black and white alternate dots.

Number 5: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) outlined his plans to kill health care by adding amendments and having filibusters within six weeks.  Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) will force the session to go all weekend on a 24/7 basis.  Meanwhile in New Orleans, at the Convention Center they found many cases of critical illnesses - four to the hospital ASAP - at the first of free clinics sponsored by donations by fans of this program.  Sen. Mary Landreau (D-LA), a conservative was asked to be on the show and declined, but Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) did join us.

Mark Markwell, a supervising producer of the show wrote about the scene in New Orleans.

Number 4: The five masterminds behind the 9/11 disaster responded by Rudy Giuliani as a farce.  Contradicting what he said three years ago.  The former prosecutor and so-called America's Mayor testified in the 20th bomber's trail, and some on the far right praise Obama for doing this.  Jonathan Alter, can you please tell us more?

Number 3: Miss Wasilla 1984, Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, author of Going Rogue went on Oprah to plug her five long chapter book in which she threw John McCain's presidential campaign under the Straight Talk Bus.  The blow by blow and recycled stuff including those Katie Couric interviews that the real Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed last year on SNL.  As for that quitting the Alaska Governor's job, "I'm not retreating, I'm just reloading."  And Levi Johnston (or as he is now calling him by his porn name Ricky Hollywood) is going to be at the Thanksgiving dinner next week.  Roll that beautiful turkey killing footage!

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, the Fixed News Edition Where Everything is WRONG!)

Bronze - Steve Doocy of ClusterFixed and Fiends didn't realize President Obama bowed to those that they don't bow to leaders.  So did Nixon and Eisenhower.

Silver - Prof. Harold Hill doesn't like the trail of the 9/11 conspirators. Disprove it on Wikipedia.

Gold - Bill Kristol goes anti-American on the Fort Hood shooter, and loses it.  Forget the trial, put him to death now.

Number 1: All fiction.  Petty and pathetic, complete with Jimmy Stewart's Harvey-like imaginary conservations.  That's what the McCainites are saying about Going Rogue.  Miss Wasilla lied in other words.  They even have the e-mails on file that say they prove it.  You know, like the hiring of a nutrition expert for her. AP says a dozen errors were in the book, with a quarter of a percent working on it.  Craig Crawford, did you read the book yet?

As for Elwood P. Dowd, he'll be here soon.  I'll see you tomorrow...I'm off to watch WWE RAW.

Stay Classy, Bud Adams...

And please pay $250K to the man sitting next to you.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/15/09: All Green. All Week. All Nice.

As Week 10 came on Thursday with the 49ers beating the Bears 10-6 thanks to five Jay Cutler completions to reshirted 49er players, the Giants and the Texans had the last bye weeks for the season.  Here now, the Sunday recaps.  Again in honor of Green is Universal Week, we're doing all green lettering.  In addition, Keith and Dan will recycle their 1997 SportsCenter jokes.

Titans 41, Bills 23: There a flag football game, and TO was pissed.  So if you picked November 15th in the "TO implodes on the sidelines" pool, congratulations!

Dolphins 25, Bucs 23: Dolphins roared back on an INT by Chad Henne and Cadillac Time Anderson, but the Fish won on a Dan Carpenter FG with five ticks to go.

Panthers 28, Falcons 19: Will the real Jason Elam please be cut tomorrow after missing a field goal?

Saints 28, Rams 25: Too close for comfort, the Breesers go to 9-0 for the first time in history.

Vikings 27, Lions 10: Next week, The Pillow Fight of the Millennium between the Brown Outs and the Lying Downs.

Jaguars 24, Jets 22: MoJo Drew ran for a touchdown and a Los Angeles Jaguar tripped over the invisible ghost of Jimmy Hoffa. Josh Scobee wins with the walkoff 20-yard FG.

Redskins 27, Broncos 17: Hunter Smith's 156.3 rating was more than enough to win this but Kyle Orton was injured late in the first half and Chris Simms was resurrected from the dead. 

Bengals 18, Steelers 12: A muffed PAT after a 96-yard TD on a kickoff return by Chris Brown was not the difference,  but the loss of Troy Palamaulu and his Head and Shoulders hair was the painful truth.

Chiefs 16, Raiders 10: Someone had to win the Pillow Fight of the Week, and Jamal Charles helped out.

Cardinals 31, Seahawks 20: They had the lead those Seahawks...and then realized they were in Arizona to play the Cardinals.

Chargers 31, Eagles 23: The game was over at halftime.  Donovan McNabb tried to make it better, but on the first anniversary of that awful tie against Cioncinnati where the game actually ended, the Birds lost.

Packers 17, Cowboys 7: Eighty-five percent of the country was tuned into this snoozefest.  In the end, Aaron Rogers beat Tony Romo.

Okay, enjoy the game of this week, Tom Brady-Peyton Manning, and next week, flexing takes effect.  Except that there will be no flexing next week.

UPDATE: In a moment that made Barry Switzer proud on 4th and 2 from their own 28, Pats coach Bill Belecheat went for it and was short.  That allowed Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts to stay unbeaten with a 35-34 win over Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.

Has It Been One Year Already?

Holy schnikes!  When the now defunct Either Relevant or True closed shop, someone had to pick up the ball as it were.

And to do it different as it were, and going live shortly afterward.  A live blog of Countdown has branched out into other things.  Sports, personal thoughts, Football Night in America, so on and so on...

So, here's to us on a year's worth of stuff.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/11/09

The Tie: Purple.

Number 5: Tea Party protestors inflated their numbers, and now they will go back to the town hall meetings in misinforming America on health care.  Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) is having them done in prisons, on the phone, and now will astroturf their own events.  Roll that not-so-beautiful astroturfing footage.  Meanwhile, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) will personally seek to kill any bill with public options in it.  Howard Fineman, are there some straight jackets available to the Good Oldboysandgirls Party?

And speaking of last week's media opportunity, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN DWARF STAR PLUTO) apologized for use of a picture from Dacau and was not ideal, even for those fifteen feet away.  And she didn't use the word "sorry" at all.  In addition, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart showed the same footage from Inanity's show that was also used by Prof. Harold Hill's program, both on Fixed Propaganda Channel, and Bachmann also used her taxpayer-funded site to promote the "press conference" held a couple weeks ago.  Clarence Page, is there a method to her madness (if she had any)?

Number 4: When paying veterans who are under 65 with over 2,200 passed away for a lack of insurance and Sen. Tom Colburn (R-OK) holds a bill endorsed by every veterans organization increasing veterans' benefits, especially on this date.  And with that, every day according to Harvard University, six of them die.  Paul Reickhoff, a leader of a veterans group of those in Iraq and Afghanistan, joins us.

Oddball: In 1938, Typhoid Mary Mallon, died. The new Highway 64 won't be opening for a while thanks to another week thanks to an avalanche.  In New Zealand, four baby sharks was born via an unscheduled Caesarian Section.

Best Persons: 3 - Principal Suzy Shepard has a new funding source: One dollar = one test report.  Bribery  2 - Pirate Rupert didn't say anything about Prof. Harold Hill was agreeing about Obama being a racist...or did he? 1 - Miss Wasilla was flummoxed about the design of the new presidential dollar according to Fixed Propaganda.

Musical Segue: The Ohio Players' "Fire".  Once again, I'd like to say FUCK YOU FRANK CENTOLA AND HIS FUCKING FAMILY!

Number 3: And speaking of Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, her new book, Going Rogue has five chapters.  Five long chapters according to a story leaked out, throwing John McCain staffers from last year under the tour bus, and her faith beliefs.  And she wants to be a talk show host.  (Personally, I might be setting some sort of record for most tags in a live Countdown blog.)  Richard Wolffe, himself an author, joins us to riffle through it all.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Lou Dobbs has quit his CNN job.  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs?  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs impression? (Where's my teeth?)

Silver - Billo is back in paranoid mode, evoking a note that he has the biggest rated show on TV.

Gold - The American Colalition for Clean Coal Electricity sent forged letters on NAACP to congresspersons on their stand, and then sent two veterans group some e-mails on their stand on this important date.

Number 1: I disliked Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (even if he blew the line he had in Airplane! about dragging [Bill] Lambeer and [Bill] Walton up and down the court forty minutes a night on Celebrity Jeopardy!; can you imagine Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek and Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery mocking him on SNL if that was scripted?) when he faced the 76ers back in the 1980's, but now he has a rare from of leukemia and now I am feeling for him as he speaks to Keith tonight about the health care crisis.

And with that, we'll see you tomorrow night.

For Those Who Served, We Salute You.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/9/09

Haven't done one of these in a while...and a virtual middle finger as well.

The Tie: Ornage, red and gold stripes...a new one for me.

Number 5: You know you have a losing battle on health care reform when you bring a seven month old baby to do your talking points. Sen. Whitehouse (D-RI) tells us on the difference between the House and Senate versions on the bill, and Howard Fineman tells us that Sen. joe Liebman (I-CT) is an idiot.

Number 4: There's a bit of abortion here, still illegal in the USA.  Chris Hayes of The Nation explains.

Oddball: Plug of the week: George Carlin's Last Words.  The book comes out tomorrow.  Here comes that naughty New Mexico soccer player once again, and the Mugshot Halloween Hall of Fame.

Best Persons: 3 - Miss Wasliia 1984 still wants to put "In God We Trust" on the coins.  2 - Mike Huckabee told a reporter didn't like the people he had Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister on her side.  1 - Rep Eric Cantor (R-VA) agreed with Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh on calling Obama a dictator.  How about that '45 picture in Doctau?  For that, no music for us.

Number 3: Forgive the fact that the Good Oldboysandgirls Party that they will lead to Democrats losses in eleven months, but they won statewide races in New Jersey and Virginia.  Caucus leader Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) told all on Fixed Propaganda Channel.  And the Tea party is for real in Florida, and Gov. hayley Barbour (R-MS) says that Obama's popular in a Donovan McNabb way.  Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh, your thoughts?  Richard Wolffe, what is this stuff going on?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh is slowly losing it on Fort Hood by saying the shooter was teased on.

Silver - Lloyd Blankfein from Goldman Sachs says that he'a a banker doing God's work.

Gold - Pirate Rupert agrees that Professor Harold Hill calls President Obama a racist.

Number 1: No less than the now quarterly published MAD Magazine says that Prof. Harold Hill is a nutcase, just like the unfair, not so balanced Fixed Propaganda Channel.  Meanwhile, SNL puts Fixed Propaganda Channel spot on via parody, and the Good Oldboysandgirls Party's Express to Oblivion has been derailed according to Rep. Joseph Gow (R-LA), but 29 Democrats voted against it, including Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC).  We give Margaret Carlson Alfred E. Newman's quiry: "What?  Me Worry?"

See you tomorrow night.