Sunday, January 3, 2010

Football Night in America Live Blog 1/3/10: Ultimate Playoff Seeding Week

So here's the deal with tonight's game:  The New York Jets win, they're in the post season and the New England Patriots will be the #3 seed, but if Cincinnati wins, they get that third seed and the Houston Texans are in the playoffs.

49ers 28, Rams 6: The Rams are now on the clock. Had they lost to Motown, Jim Rome is Burninating would have celebrated two years straight imperfection.

Bears 38, Lions 23: The Lions will pick second (and in the tradition as old as time, opt to pick a wide receiver).

Falcons 20, Bucs 10: The Bucs will select third, but without coach Raheem Morris next season?

Browns 23, Jaguars 17: Jags slim hopes were snuffed out by Cleveland. Will Eric Mankini be snuffed out of his job tomorrow by Mike Holmgren?

Bills 30, Colts 7: Did you know it was snowing in Buffalo? Curtis Painter is NOT an NFL quarterback.  He belongs in the XFL. Or the UFL.  Or the USFL.  Or the WFL.

Panthers 23, Saints 10: There was a Mark Brunell sighting...and the Saints lose three in a row after a 13-0 start.  No team has ever won the Super Bowl after three straight losses in their regular season final weeks.

Vikings 44, Midgets 7: Get a roll of stamps Giants and mail it in!  You were outscored in your last two games, 89-16! If you wish to apply for the defensive coordinator position with the Giants, contact the New York Football Giants c/o Timex Performance Center, East Rutherford, NJ 07073.

Texans 34, Pats 27: Belecheat played another QB not named Tom Brady, and Wes Welker could be done for the season.  Thus the reason they lost.

Steelers 30, Dolphins 24: Pat White was drilled badly helmet-to-helmet but left with all parts intent; however with the results to follow, both teams were eliminated.

Titans 17, Seabags 13: Chris Johnson is a beast, breaking a record for the most yards from scrimmage in a season and the sixth 2,000 yard rusher. Passed O.J. Simpson for the fifth spot of 2,003 yards, more than 400 of them planted by Mark Furman.

Chargers 23, Deadskins 20: Yes, there was a Billy Volek sighting. Yes, Jim Zorn will be fired.

Packers 33, Cardinals 7: Rematch next week. Sunday (1/10) at 4:30 PM. That howling you hear from los Angeles was Ed Goren in shocking disbelief.

Ravens 21, Raiders 13: The Ravens are in the post season and the Super Bowl XLIII champions are out. Kickoff at 1 PM next Sunday (1/10)

Chiefs 44, Broncos 24: Kyle Orton choked away the Broncos' playoff hopes with more picks than an overworked orchard worker with Tourette's Syndrome.

Cowboys 24, Beagles 0:  There.  I said it.  Beagles choked.  Rematch? It's next Saturday (1/9) at Crazy Jerry's House of Discount HDTVs at 8 PM on NBC.

Okay, let's watch this big game at once and see who's in the last spot.

UPDATE: J-E-T-S--JETS!  JETS!!  JETS!!! A 37-0 rock shutout (the Bungles never arrived) in the Giants Stadium finale will have a third rematch on the schedule Saturday (1/9) at 4:30 PM on NBC.

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