The Divisional Sunday Playoff Blog

Please keep your pants on your waist.

It's America's Team vs. America's Quarterback and the Jets challenging NorvFace.

Remember, no trolls or people who have, umm, a ruler that's 12 inches long.  Then, THE BANHAMMER awaits!

Ye Olde Wild Card Sunday Live Blog

Here ya go...

BTW, if you're and of the following - a "journalist", have something 12 inches long, live in the basement of your mom's van down by a river or seek revenge...you're NOT welcome here.

The Retro Sugar-Filled Sodapop Sarah Palin Bridge to Nowhere Between Games Show Live Blog

Now that the J-E-T-S JETS! JETS!! JETS!!! advanced 24-14 over the Cincinnati Bungles, and oh lord, Charles Barkley's back in 8-G.  That's terrible. T-R-B-L, terrible.

Sorry about the bad Frank Calliendo impression.  Meanwhile, the Pete Carroll update: Late Monday night for the any signing.

You enjoy Philly-Dallas and I'll watch something else.

Your Five Dollah Favrelong Pre-Wild Card Saturday FNiA Live Blog

Yes, it's Wild Card Saturday, let's get this started!

So, who'd thought Joe Theismann would be back in the broadcast booth?  ESPN should have never broken up him and The Randomness That Is Mike Patrick for Monday Night Football.  Theismann, Patrick and Jon Gurden would have been a great team, nothing against Mike Tirico.  Seriously, George Bodenheimer is a dick.  Familiarity breeds contempt much?

Meanwhile, Pete Carroll to Seattle is all but done according to everyone.  Look for someone else to be at Southern California, like Jack Del Rio, who might beat the Jaguars to LaLaLand.  Buffalo was impressed with Leslie Frazier (Minnesota defensive coordinator) so much, he's the leader in the clubhouse.  Bill Cowher, the Sergeant Slaughter of coaching (look at his jaw for reference) is still on the course.



And Charles Barkley is in the studio.  That's terrible. T-R-B-L, terrible.

See you between games.

Countdown Live Blog 1/4/10

The Tie: Brown, tan and gold stripes.

Number 5: The pause of the guy who wanted to burn his BVDs as AP says that new security measures have not been enforced, especially in the Mideast.  Homeland Security boss Janet Napolitano and her sidekick, John Brennan are happy, unless the fear card played (yet again) by the Good Oldboysandgirls Party waiting for the boss of your Transport Security Administration as Brennan says the Ayatollah Dickcheney complains that they're trying to fight within the Obama administration.  Shut the fuck up, Cheney.  First, Richard Wolffe tells us what's going on, and then we are joined by Mama Bear Arianna Huffington her her view.

The burning you see is that of the ears of the Ayatollah Dickcheney thanks to Keith's quick comments on the comments he made about the near bombing as a new feature about quick comments. Mr. Cheney, I believe you know Mr. Arnold, Benedict.

Number 4: So who dropped the ball at the CIA on the underwear bomber aboard NWA Flight 253?  We bring in Evan Kohlman to examine the psychology of this.

Oddball: William MacDonald discovered some islands off Australia.  Drag a sparking Coke machine behind a truck.  The Burj Chalifa in Dubai opened with a fireworks display. It's the world's tallest tower.

Number 3: Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh is in favor of socialized health care.  The kind for those who earn $33 million per year and had a heart failure. Then the House and Senate will bypass negations to ramrod the Health Care Reform bill passed.  Ezra Klein from The Washington Post tells us more, tells us more, what did Boss say there...

Repeating the EARTH SHATTERING BREAKING NEWS, Richard Wolffe clainms the administration's intel fail may have been intentional.  As in make someone look bad.  The summit on this tomorrow (1/5), with President Obama's comments around 4 PM US EST.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Scott Rassmussen's bio at politico.com is a joke.

Silver - Former beauty queen Gretchen Carlson brings up ACORN again.

Gold - L. Brent Bozell the Clown awarded Ed Schultz a character assassin award for those death panel claims except Boss Taitz Limbaugh did the same thing.

Number 1: Brit Hume, former Fixed Noise host has officially gone senile.  He wants Tiger Woods to give up Buddhism.  Small problem with that, Brit: Tiger is a devout Christian.  Dan Savage Love joins us to tell us Don Imus knows the way of the Buddhism rebirth.

With that, see you tomorrow!

Football Night in America Live Blog 1/3/10: Ultimate Playoff Seeding Week

So here's the deal with tonight's game:  The New York Jets win, they're in the post season and the New England Patriots will be the #3 seed, but if Cincinnati wins, they get that third seed and the Houston Texans are in the playoffs.

49ers 28, Rams 6: The Rams are now on the clock. Had they lost to Motown, Jim Rome is Burninating would have celebrated two years straight imperfection.

Bears 38, Lions 23: The Lions will pick second (and in the tradition as old as time, opt to pick a wide receiver).

Falcons 20, Bucs 10: The Bucs will select third, but without coach Raheem Morris next season?

Browns 23, Jaguars 17: Jags slim hopes were snuffed out by Cleveland. Will Eric Mankini be snuffed out of his job tomorrow by Mike Holmgren?

Bills 30, Colts 7: Did you know it was snowing in Buffalo? Curtis Painter is NOT an NFL quarterback.  He belongs in the XFL. Or the UFL.  Or the USFL.  Or the WFL.

Panthers 23, Saints 10: There was a Mark Brunell sighting...and the Saints lose three in a row after a 13-0 start.  No team has ever won the Super Bowl after three straight losses in their regular season final weeks.

Vikings 44, Midgets 7: Get a roll of stamps Giants and mail it in!  You were outscored in your last two games, 89-16! If you wish to apply for the defensive coordinator position with the Giants, contact the New York Football Giants c/o Timex Performance Center, East Rutherford, NJ 07073.

Texans 34, Pats 27: Belecheat played another QB not named Tom Brady, and Wes Welker could be done for the season.  Thus the reason they lost.

Steelers 30, Dolphins 24: Pat White was drilled badly helmet-to-helmet but left with all parts intent; however with the results to follow, both teams were eliminated.

Titans 17, Seabags 13: Chris Johnson is a beast, breaking a record for the most yards from scrimmage in a season and the sixth 2,000 yard rusher. Passed O.J. Simpson for the fifth spot of 2,003 yards, more than 400 of them planted by Mark Furman.

Chargers 23, Deadskins 20: Yes, there was a Billy Volek sighting. Yes, Jim Zorn will be fired.

Packers 33, Cardinals 7: Rematch next week. Sunday (1/10) at 4:30 PM. That howling you hear from los Angeles was Ed Goren in shocking disbelief.

Ravens 21, Raiders 13: The Ravens are in the post season and the Super Bowl XLIII champions are out. Kickoff at 1 PM next Sunday (1/10)

Chiefs 44, Broncos 24: Kyle Orton choked away the Broncos' playoff hopes with more picks than an overworked orchard worker with Tourette's Syndrome.

Cowboys 24, Beagles 0:  There.  I said it.  Beagles choked.  Rematch? It's next Saturday (1/9) at Crazy Jerry's House of Discount HDTVs at 8 PM on NBC.

Okay, let's watch this big game at once and see who's in the last spot.

UPDATE: J-E-T-S--JETS!  JETS!!  JETS!!! A 37-0 rock shutout (the Bungles never arrived) in the Giants Stadium finale will have a third rematch on the schedule Saturday (1/9) at 4:30 PM on NBC.

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/27/09: Week 16, Elimination Sunday

Elimination Sunday in the NFL.  Also, perfection ruined.

On Christmas night, the San Diego Chargers eliminated the Tennessee Titans 42-17.  So what about the ultimate Sunday of 2009?

Browns 23, Raiders 3.

Falcons 31, Bills 3: The less said about these two, the better.

Buccaneers 20, Saints 17 (OT): The Bucs won two in a row, eliminating them from the Number One Draft Pick contest.

Bengals 17, Chiefs 10: Bengals clinch the AFC North Central. (Sorry, I am a traditionalist.)

Packers 48, Seabags 10: All we need to say is get the roll of stamps, mail it in and we have a mashed-up bag of Liz Hasselbeck's brother-in-law... Oh, by the way, Packers wrap a wild card.

Panthers 41, Giants 9: Last Giants game at their self-named stadium and they choked. Roll that Beautiful World's Smallest Violin footage!




Pats 35, Jags 7: Pats take AFC East, but Jags are on life support.  Speaking of life support...

Texans 27, Dolphins 20: And the play calling of Tony Soprano made Rich Kotite look like a fucking genius!

Steelers 23, Ravens 20: The Steelers go to Miami next week, Houston hosts New England and the Jags visit Cleveland.

49ers 20, Lying Downs 6.

Cardinals 31, Lambs 10: With Tampa's win, Commissioner Roger Goodell makes it official: The St. Louis Lambs are now on the clock and clinch the number one draft pick.

Jets 29, Colts 15: Don Shula has popped the cork on that bottle of champagne, and Mercury Morris can rest for another year.  The 1972 Miami Dolphins remain was Curt Henning was: PERFECT.

Eagles 30, Broncos 27: Davis Akers' 28-yard FG with four ticks left made the Eagles escape after leading 20-3 at recess.

So enjoy Dallas-Washington, aka CUPCAKE CITY BAY-BEE!

UPDATE: Dallas won 17-0.  This means winner of Eagles-Cowboys will win the NFC East...and, if the Minnesota Favres slip up, get a bye.  That game moves to 4:15 PM EST, and the Bengals-Jets becomes the last game of the season, and the last game at Giants Stadium period at 8:20 PM.

Football Night in America Live Blog 12/20/09: Week 15

First, my computer gave me the VMF.  Second, Thursday night (12/17), Indianapolis needed a late 4th quarter TD to beat Jacksonville, 35-31, and Saturday (12/19), the Saints chance on perfection was ruined by Dallas, finally winning a game in a month starting with either a "D" or a "J", 24-17.

Browns 41, Chefs 34: For the first time since the Carter Administration, the good people of Kansas City did not see a Chiefs home game because the local TV station became a Scrooge and refused to buy the rest of the tickets. The way they've been playing, nobody noticed.

Texans 16, Lambs 13: Houston still alive for the playoffs for now.

Cardinals 34, Lions 27: Beanie Wells once again broke hearts in Michigan.

Pats 17, Bills 10: Not much to say about this game...

Falcons 10, Jets 7: Falcons play for pride after Dallas' win Saturday (12/19), and hurts Jets' playoff hopes.

Titans 27, Dolphins 24 (OT): A valiant group of seafaring mammals fell short thanks to Rod Bironas' walkoff FG.

Ravens 31, Bears 7: Write your Jay Cutler jokes about interceptions here along with Frosty the Snowman.

Yuccaneers 24, Seabags 7: More Liz Hasselbeck brother-in-law gags, please. Bucs play themselves out of #1 pick next April...for now.

Raiders 20, Broncos 17: The Broncos choked this game away... and... wait for it...

Eagles 27, 49ers 13: The Eagles clinch a playoff spot, while the Cards win the NFC West.

Steelers 37, Packers 36: Mike Wallace caught a TD pass from Big Ben after 60 minutes (and a video review) and Jeff Reed walks off with the extra point win.  Both Ben and Aaron Rogers threw for a combined 800-plus yards.

Chargers 27, Bengals 24: An emotional roller coaster of a week for the Bengals with the late Chris Henry passing away ends with Nate Keating's FG from 52 yards and the AFC West title for the Bolts.

That should have been the game tonight, but it's Brett Favre = Ratings ^TM against Carolina.  I'll have something to say about that this week.

The Federally Mandated Update: The Panthers shocked the Vikings 26-7.

Week 14 NFL Live Blog

If your name is Nathan Brice living in the basement of his mom's van down by the river or a Captain who owns a 12-inch white ruler, a banhammer awaits!

Football Night in America Live Blog 16/6/09: Lucky Week 13

The Lucky Week 13 of the 2009 NFL Season began on Thursday when at SkyDome (sorry Mr. Rogers) in Toronto, the New York Jets were rude visitors to the Buffalo Bills, 19-13.  As for Sunday...

Please don't cry...

And don't even do this...

We have it all for you. Ask our friend J. Pierpoint Comcast, the new owner to be of Football Night in America's rights.

Panthers 16, Buccaneers 6: I had the same number of INTs as Jake Delhomme.

Bears 16, Lambs 9: Write your own jokes.

Broncos 41, Chefs 13: Yeah, that bad.

Jaguars 23, Texans 18: Jags are still in the wild card hunt.

Bengals 23, Lying Downs 13: Get Chad Johnson, he's Zorro.

Eagles 34, Falcons 7: No Matty Ice, no chance for Atlanta as Vick had a TD run and a TD pass.

Colts 27, Titans 17: So, where was Vince Young parked?  In the team bus.

Raiders 27, Steelers 24: The Super Bowl champions have now lost four in a row.  John Goodman was happy.

Dolphins 22, Patriots 21: Tom Brady had a bad finger which Ricky Williams had a medical solution in the game flexed out for Vikings-Cardinals.  That was until Dan Carpenter kicked a field goal with 62 seconds left.

Seahawks 20, 49ers 17: So what's it like working with Keith?  Ask Homer, who might be back in SEA.

Chargers 30, Brownies 23: Jim Brown making a comeback?  He was at the game.

Saints 33, Redskins 30 (OT): The Redskins had a chance until Robert Meachum had a case of premature jocularity and Sean Squeeze'em blew it.  Boom goes the dynamite, and boom goes the Garret Hartley field goal, and we can flex out Cowboys-Redskins next week.

Giants 31, Cowboys 24: Speaking of Jerry's Kids, their farewell to Giants Stadium will not be remembered fondly.

Enjoy the flexfest of Warner and Favre.

UPDATE: Favre loses his second game of the year, 30-13.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/22: Week 11

We had recapped Thursday's game in the intro to the Week 11 NFL Live Blog below, so here comes the Sunday games. And in non-football news, the loud booing you hear is Jimmie Johnson being feted as the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion for the fourth year in a row.

Lions 38, Browns 37: It was the moveable force against the resistible object.  The pillow fight of the millennium.  The Gordon Forbes Memorial Negative Star Game of the Century.  Turned out that there was a hellava finish with a pass interference call against the Mankinis and Jason Hanson Mmmmbop'd the winning PAT.

Jaguars 18, Bills 15: There was a Terrell Owens sighting!  But the Jags won.

Vikings 35, Seahags 9:: Anyone want a used NFL team?

Saints 38, Buccaneers 7: Saints now 10-0 for the first time in history.

Chiefs 27, Steelers 24 (OT): Andy Studebaker almost had a return for a TD.  Nice move, Andy Reid! Ryan Succop with the walkoff FG in overtime after Chris Chambers took the ball to the Steelers' four.

Packers 30, 49ers 23: The better QB from the Class of 2005 was Aaron Rogers, not number one pick Alex Smith. Need more David Letterman jokes!

Indianapolis 17, Ravens 15: The new Baltimore franchise lost to the team that abandoned the city and because of that, refuses to use their name on the scoreboard at M&T Field at Crammed In Yards.  Ed Reed is an moron for forward latteraling his way to a loss.

Cowboys 7, Redskins 6: Offense was optional in this game at Crazy Jerry's House of Discount Hi Def TVs.

Giants 34, Falcons 31 (OT): Another walkoff field goal - this one by Lawrence Tynes - sends Giants fans home finally happy.

Cardinals 21, Rams 13: Kurt Warner had a concussion, left the game.  Matt Leinert had come in from his beer pong game.

Raiders 20, Bengals 17: Sebastian Janakowski made the Bengals the same old Bungles with a 33 -yard FG with 17 seconds left.

Patriots 31, Jets 13: Lee Bodden boom went the dynamite, and the Pats overcame last week's 4th-and-2-in-your-own territory gaffe.

Chargers 32, Broncos 3: This was supposed to be a close game.  This turned into a Chris Simms-Kyle Orton quarterback controversy.

You enjoy Eagles-Bears, I'll watch MLS Cup between the LA Beckhams, er, Galaxy and Real Salt Lake.

UPDATE: Believe it or not, the Eagles actually won a Sunday Night Game over Da Bears, 24-20, while in the MLS Cup final, after 120 minutes saw a 1-1 draw, Real Salt Lake took seven rounds of a shootout to beat the Galaxy, 5-4.

Week 11 NFL Live Blog

We started Week 11 on a Thursday night with Miami beating Carolina 24-17. Now it's Sunday, and the live blog is here again to run until NHL Network's RedZone Channel is done their dirty work. And should you be Nathan "Living with his mommy in the basement in a van down by the river" Brice or a certain captain with a rather filthy name, the "49er16 Ban Hammer" awaits you.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/16/09

The Tie: Red with black and white alternate dots.

Number 5: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) outlined his plans to kill health care by adding amendments and having filibusters within six weeks.  Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) will force the session to go all weekend on a 24/7 basis.  Meanwhile in New Orleans, at the Convention Center they found many cases of critical illnesses - four to the hospital ASAP - at the first of free clinics sponsored by donations by fans of this program.  Sen. Mary Landreau (D-LA), a conservative was asked to be on the show and declined, but Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) did join us.

Mark Markwell, a supervising producer of the show wrote about the scene in New Orleans.

Number 4: The five masterminds behind the 9/11 disaster responded by Rudy Giuliani as a farce.  Contradicting what he said three years ago.  The former prosecutor and so-called America's Mayor testified in the 20th bomber's trail, and some on the far right praise Obama for doing this.  Jonathan Alter, can you please tell us more?

Number 3: Miss Wasilla 1984, Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, author of Going Rogue went on Oprah to plug her five long chapter book in which she threw John McCain's presidential campaign under the Straight Talk Bus.  The blow by blow and recycled stuff including those Katie Couric interviews that the real Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed last year on SNL.  As for that quitting the Alaska Governor's job, "I'm not retreating, I'm just reloading."  And Levi Johnston (or as he is now calling him by his porn name Ricky Hollywood) is going to be at the Thanksgiving dinner next week.  Roll that beautiful turkey killing footage!

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, the Fixed News Edition Where Everything is WRONG!)

Bronze - Steve Doocy of ClusterFixed and Fiends didn't realize President Obama bowed to those that they don't bow to leaders.  So did Nixon and Eisenhower.

Silver - Prof. Harold Hill doesn't like the trail of the 9/11 conspirators. Disprove it on Wikipedia.

Gold - Bill Kristol goes anti-American on the Fort Hood shooter, and loses it.  Forget the trial, put him to death now.

Number 1: All fiction.  Petty and pathetic, complete with Jimmy Stewart's Harvey-like imaginary conservations.  That's what the McCainites are saying about Going Rogue.  Miss Wasilla lied in other words.  They even have the e-mails on file that say they prove it.  You know, like the hiring of a nutrition expert for her. AP says a dozen errors were in the book, with a quarter of a percent working on it.  Craig Crawford, did you read the book yet?

As for Elwood P. Dowd, he'll be here soon.  I'll see you tomorrow...I'm off to watch WWE RAW.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/15/09: All Green. All Week. All Nice.

As Week 10 came on Thursday with the 49ers beating the Bears 10-6 thanks to five Jay Cutler completions to reshirted 49er players, the Giants and the Texans had the last bye weeks for the season.  Here now, the Sunday recaps.  Again in honor of Green is Universal Week, we're doing all green lettering.  In addition, Keith and Dan will recycle their 1997 SportsCenter jokes.

Titans 41, Bills 23: There a flag football game, and TO was pissed.  So if you picked November 15th in the "TO implodes on the sidelines" pool, congratulations!

Dolphins 25, Bucs 23: Dolphins roared back on an INT by Chad Henne and Cadillac Time Anderson, but the Fish won on a Dan Carpenter FG with five ticks to go.

Panthers 28, Falcons 19: Will the real Jason Elam please be cut tomorrow after missing a field goal?

Saints 28, Rams 25: Too close for comfort, the Breesers go to 9-0 for the first time in history.

Vikings 27, Lions 10: Next week, The Pillow Fight of the Millennium between the Brown Outs and the Lying Downs.

Jaguars 24, Jets 22: MoJo Drew ran for a touchdown and a Los Angeles Jaguar tripped over the invisible ghost of Jimmy Hoffa. Josh Scobee wins with the walkoff 20-yard FG.

Redskins 27, Broncos 17: Hunter Smith's 156.3 rating was more than enough to win this but Kyle Orton was injured late in the first half and Chris Simms was resurrected from the dead. 

Bengals 18, Steelers 12: A muffed PAT after a 96-yard TD on a kickoff return by Chris Brown was not the difference,  but the loss of Troy Palamaulu and his Head and Shoulders hair was the painful truth.

Chiefs 16, Raiders 10: Someone had to win the Pillow Fight of the Week, and Jamal Charles helped out.

Cardinals 31, Seahawks 20: They had the lead those Seahawks...and then realized they were in Arizona to play the Cardinals.

Chargers 31, Eagles 23: The game was over at halftime.  Donovan McNabb tried to make it better, but on the first anniversary of that awful tie against Cioncinnati where the game actually ended, the Birds lost.

Packers 17, Cowboys 7: Eighty-five percent of the country was tuned into this snoozefest.  In the end, Aaron Rogers beat Tony Romo.

Okay, enjoy the game of this week, Tom Brady-Peyton Manning, and next week, flexing takes effect.  Except that there will be no flexing next week.

UPDATE: In a moment that made Barry Switzer proud on 4th and 2 from their own 28, Pats coach Bill Belecheat went for it and was short.  That allowed Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts to stay unbeaten with a 35-34 win over Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/11/09

The Tie: Purple.

Number 5: Tea Party protestors inflated their numbers, and now they will go back to the town hall meetings in misinforming America on health care.  Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) is having them done in prisons, on the phone, and now will astroturf their own events.  Roll that not-so-beautiful astroturfing footage.  Meanwhile, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) will personally seek to kill any bill with public options in it.  Howard Fineman, are there some straight jackets available to the Good Oldboysandgirls Party?

And speaking of last week's media opportunity, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN DWARF STAR PLUTO) apologized for use of a picture from Dacau and was not ideal, even for those fifteen feet away.  And she didn't use the word "sorry" at all.  In addition, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart showed the same footage from Inanity's show that was also used by Prof. Harold Hill's program, both on Fixed Propaganda Channel, and Bachmann also used her taxpayer-funded site to promote the "press conference" held a couple weeks ago.  Clarence Page, is there a method to her madness (if she had any)?

Number 4: When paying veterans who are under 65 with over 2,200 passed away for a lack of insurance and Sen. Tom Colburn (R-OK) holds a bill endorsed by every veterans organization increasing veterans' benefits, especially on this date.  And with that, every day according to Harvard University, six of them die.  Paul Reickhoff, a leader of a veterans group of those in Iraq and Afghanistan, joins us.

Oddball: In 1938, Typhoid Mary Mallon, died. The new Highway 64 won't be opening for a while thanks to another week thanks to an avalanche.  In New Zealand, four baby sharks was born via an unscheduled Caesarian Section.

Best Persons: 3 - Principal Suzy Shepard has a new funding source: One dollar = one test report.  Bribery  2 - Pirate Rupert didn't say anything about Prof. Harold Hill was agreeing about Obama being a racist...or did he? 1 - Miss Wasilla was flummoxed about the design of the new presidential dollar according to Fixed Propaganda.

Musical Segue: The Ohio Players' "Fire".  Once again, I'd like to say FUCK YOU FRANK CENTOLA AND HIS FUCKING FAMILY!

Number 3: And speaking of Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, her new book, Going Rogue has five chapters.  Five long chapters according to a story leaked out, throwing John McCain staffers from last year under the tour bus, and her faith beliefs.  And she wants to be a talk show host.  (Personally, I might be setting some sort of record for most tags in a live Countdown blog.)  Richard Wolffe, himself an author, joins us to riffle through it all.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Lou Dobbs has quit his CNN job.  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs?  Who wants a used Lou Dobbs impression? (Where's my teeth?)

Silver - Billo is back in paranoid mode, evoking a note that he has the biggest rated show on TV.

Gold - The American Colalition for Clean Coal Electricity sent forged letters on NAACP to congresspersons on their stand, and then sent two veterans group some e-mails on their stand on this important date.

Number 1: I disliked Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (even if he blew the line he had in Airplane! about dragging [Bill] Lambeer and [Bill] Walton up and down the court forty minutes a night on Celebrity Jeopardy!; can you imagine Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek and Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery mocking him on SNL if that was scripted?) when he faced the 76ers back in the 1980's, but now he has a rare from of leukemia and now I am feeling for him as he speaks to Keith tonight about the health care crisis.

And with that, we'll see you tomorrow night.

Countdown Live Blog: 11/9/09

Haven't done one of these in a while...and a virtual middle finger as well.

The Tie: Ornage, red and gold stripes...a new one for me.

Number 5: You know you have a losing battle on health care reform when you bring a seven month old baby to do your talking points. Sen. Whitehouse (D-RI) tells us on the difference between the House and Senate versions on the bill, and Howard Fineman tells us that Sen. joe Liebman (I-CT) is an idiot.

Number 4: There's a bit of abortion here, still illegal in the USA.  Chris Hayes of The Nation explains.

Oddball: Plug of the week: George Carlin's Last Words.  The book comes out tomorrow.  Here comes that naughty New Mexico soccer player once again, and the Mugshot Halloween Hall of Fame.

Best Persons: 3 - Miss Wasliia 1984 still wants to put "In God We Trust" on the coins.  2 - Mike Huckabee told a reporter didn't like the people he had Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister on her side.  1 - Rep Eric Cantor (R-VA) agreed with Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh on calling Obama a dictator.  How about that '45 picture in Doctau?  For that, no music for us.

Number 3: Forgive the fact that the Good Oldboysandgirls Party that they will lead to Democrats losses in eleven months, but they won statewide races in New Jersey and Virginia.  Caucus leader Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) told all on Fixed Propaganda Channel.  And the Tea party is for real in Florida, and Gov. hayley Barbour (R-MS) says that Obama's popular in a Donovan McNabb way.  Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh, your thoughts?  Richard Wolffe, what is this stuff going on?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Bronze - Comedian Boss Taitz Limbaugh is slowly losing it on Fort Hood by saying the shooter was teased on.

Silver - Lloyd Blankfein from Goldman Sachs says that he'a a banker doing God's work.

Gold - Pirate Rupert agrees that Professor Harold Hill calls President Obama a racist.

Number 1: No less than the now quarterly published MAD Magazine says that Prof. Harold Hill is a nutcase, just like the unfair, not so balanced Fixed Propaganda Channel.  Meanwhile, SNL puts Fixed Propaganda Channel spot on via parody, and the Good Oldboysandgirls Party's Express to Oblivion has been derailed according to Rep. Joseph Gow (R-LA), but 29 Democrats voted against it, including Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC).  We give Margaret Carlson Alfred E. Newman's quiry: "What?  Me Worry?"

See you tomorrow night.

Football Night in America Live Blog 11/8/09: Week 9

Bye weeks for the Jets, T.O., the Bills, the Browns, the Rams, the Raiders, Brett Favre and the Vikings...

Jaguars 24, Chiefs 21: MoJo Drew was a beast.  Too bad they didn't see it in Jacksonville.

Buccaneers 34, Packers 24: Ronde, the better looking Barber twin brother, returned a blocked punt for a TD and the team wearing 1979 unis won their first in the Chris Berman "Bay of Pigs" classic.  That popped cork you might have heard was the 2008 Lions celebrating last team winning.

Falcons 31, Redskins 17: DeAngelo Hall is a douchnozzle.  That is all.

Bengals 17, Ravens 7: Bengals sweep the season series.

Colts 20, Texans 17: Kris Brown shanked a 42-yard FG as time expired.  Colts still unbeaten heading into next week's showdown with New England.  Speaking of the Pats...

Pats 27, Dolphins 17: Will the real Wildcat offense please stand up?  Randy Moss kicked butt.

Cardinals 41, Bears 21: Tommy Harris went Mortal Kombat on the Arizona Cardinals and was tossed.  There went Da Bears.

Seahawks 32, Lying Downs 20: 17-0 Lying Downs and then they left the stadium...

Titans 34, 49ers 27: Vince Young was the winner over Alex Smith in Quarterback Redemption Bowl 2009.

Saints 30, Panthers 20: Saints go to 8-0.  Two unbeatens left.

Chargers 21, Giants 20: Dare we ask how Tom Cough-it-up-lin feels about this game? AND NORV TURNER'S COACHING ACTUALLY WON A GAME! Vincent Edwin Elvis Don't Call Me Bo Jackson wins it with a 18-yard catch from Phillip Rivers with eighteen ticks on the clock.

Enjoy Eagles-Cowboys.  I'll pull a Texas and El Paso.

Update: Looks like the Birds got screwed 20-16 losing a time out on a bad spot by the refs to the Cowboys.

Football Night in America Week 8 11/1: Sixty Minute Men and Judas Bowl II

It's only a sixty-minute show this week as we return to standard time, due to a baseball game between the Yankees and the Phillies, and with the added bonus of Judas Bowl II between Brett Favre and his old team, the Green Bay Packers in his old stomping grounds.  The byes this week are for the Patriots and the winless Buccaneers, the Bengals, the Steelers, the Chiefs and the Redskins, a two-touchdown dog against bye. Speaking of byes, Costas gets one, as does Alvino and Collinsworth...and Keith?

Lambs 17, Lying Downs 10: In the Gordon Forbes USA TODAY Memorial Negative Star Game of the Millennium, Saint Louis wins their first game since 1999.  Actually, November 9 of last year.

Bears 30, Browns 6: The less said the better.

Cowboys 38, Seahawks 17: The Cowboys face the Eagles next Sunday night.

Texans 31, Bills 10: TO had a 29 yard TD run, and threw his team under the bus.  This is a recording.

Colts 18, 49ers 14: More Letterman material, and Joesph Addai had more touchdown passes than Peyton Manning.  What's wrong with this picture?

Dolphins 30, Jets 25: Do not kick the ball to Ted Ginn, Jr.  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!  DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO TED GINN, JR.!!! Two kickoffs returned for touchdowns (100 and 101 yards).

Eagles 40, Giants 17: Good lord it was 30-7 at halftime.  I hope the Phillies play like that tonight!

Ravens 30, Broncos 7: Was it just us or were the no-longer-unbeaten Broncos just bad after their bye week?

Chargers 24, Raiders 16: The long season continues on the East Side of the bay.

Panthers 34, Cardinals 21: Kurt Warner had fibve INTs.  Jake Delhomme didn't.

Titans 30, Jaguars 13: Vince Young starts at QB, and there were four runs of 50-plus yards for touchdowns (two by Chris Johnson, two by Maurice Jones-Drew) for the first time in NFL history.

Vikings 38, Packers 26 (Judas Bowl II): Welcome home, Brett.  man, did you have a homecoming!  Four TD passes at GB, first since 11/14/04 against the Vikings.

Enjoy Game 4 of the Series.  See you next week.

A Rainout, No Live Blog and Nothing Else To See...Move Along...

All righty, two quick notes for you:

1. Game Six of the 2009 ALCS has been postponed until tomorrow (10/25) at 8:20 PM US EDT becuase of heavy rains, a thunderstorm and high winds.  The same stuff I get here in Philadelphia.  If a seventh game is needed, that would be Monday (10/26) at 7:55 PM US EDT.
2. No NFL live blog for us (JFein, Keith, et al) this week.  Mookie, like his Seahawks, decided to take a bye week, so may we suggest a visit to the new site being assisted by those at Awful Announcing, 12stepdrop.com for you live blogging needs.

Other than that, nothing to see, please move along.  Other than that, the Football Night in America live blog for tomorrow is still on.

Football Night in America Live Blog 10/18: Week 6

Well, let's see.  The Cowboys, Dolphins, 49ers and unbeaten Colts (who will remain unbeaten for another week) were given the bye weeks.  The Giants fell from the unbeaten, the Chiefs rose from the winless, and the Pats added a whole new reason to the term "blowout" in a blizzard Nor'Easter in Foxborough.  The Beagles?  They should not show up back in Philadelphia after their performance...

Panthers 28, Bucs 21: The WWF broke out on a punt return late in the first half, but after Delhomme got pick-sixed, D'Angelo Williams scored the winning TD with half a minute left.

Jaguars 23, Rams 20 (OT): Maurice Jones Drew scored three TDs, but Josh Scobee Scobee Doo walked off with the 36-yard FG.

Steelers 28, Browns 17: Tory Head and Shoulders returns with an INT, and Big Ben is now 10-0 against the revived Browns.

Packers 26, Lying Downs 0: The less said to Rick James Bible Owner, the better.

Chiefs 14, Deadskins 6: There was a Todd Collins sighting as he replaced Jason Campbell.  Joe Gibbs, hello?

Vikings 33, Ravens 31: A missed FG by Steven Houska gives Brett Favre a 6-0 record heading to Pittsburgh next week.  He even admitted he didn't want to play, too.

Texans 28, Bengals 17: No fourth quarter comeback, and Antwan Odam is out with an Achilles Tendon injury.

Saints 48, Giants 27: Ouch in New York City.  Drew Brees had a seersucker suit on.  Yeah, he was the sucker that bought that jacket at Sears.

Cardinals 27, Seabags 3: Sorry Mookie.  That is all.

Raiders 13, Beagles 9: I have nothing more to say about this game except this.

Patriots 59, Titans 0: Tom Brady threw for five touchdowns in the second quarter (a new NFL record) and left after halftime with Giselle for next week's game in London against the Bucs.

Bills 16, Jets 13 (OT): Ryan Lindell's walkoff 47-yarder with 3:01 left end it, and the highlights are just in uder the wire.

You enjoy Bears-Rams, I'll watch Game 3 of the NLCS with the Phillies and the Dodgers.  FUCK LA!

UPDATE: Cliff Lee pitched eight shutout innings, struckout 10 and the Phils outscored the Beagles in a 11-0 rout of the Dodgers, while the Falcons needed a last quarter stop on 4th and 6 to beat Da Bears, 21-14.