Countdown Live Blog: 11/16/09

The Tie: Red with black and white alternate dots.

Number 5: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) outlined his plans to kill health care by adding amendments and having filibusters within six weeks.  Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) will force the session to go all weekend on a 24/7 basis.  Meanwhile in New Orleans, at the Convention Center they found many cases of critical illnesses - four to the hospital ASAP - at the first of free clinics sponsored by donations by fans of this program.  Sen. Mary Landreau (D-LA), a conservative was asked to be on the show and declined, but Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) did join us.

Mark Markwell, a supervising producer of the show wrote about the scene in New Orleans.

Number 4: The five masterminds behind the 9/11 disaster responded by Rudy Giuliani as a farce.  Contradicting what he said three years ago.  The former prosecutor and so-called America's Mayor testified in the 20th bomber's trail, and some on the far right praise Obama for doing this.  Jonathan Alter, can you please tell us more?

Number 3: Miss Wasilla 1984, Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, author of Going Rogue went on Oprah to plug her five long chapter book in which she threw John McCain's presidential campaign under the Straight Talk Bus.  The blow by blow and recycled stuff including those Katie Couric interviews that the real Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed last year on SNL.  As for that quitting the Alaska Governor's job, "I'm not retreating, I'm just reloading."  And Levi Johnston (or as he is now calling him by his porn name Ricky Hollywood) is going to be at the Thanksgiving dinner next week.  Roll that beautiful turkey killing footage!

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, the Fixed News Edition Where Everything is WRONG!)

Bronze - Steve Doocy of ClusterFixed and Fiends didn't realize President Obama bowed to those that they don't bow to leaders.  So did Nixon and Eisenhower.

Silver - Prof. Harold Hill doesn't like the trail of the 9/11 conspirators. Disprove it on Wikipedia.

Gold - Bill Kristol goes anti-American on the Fort Hood shooter, and loses it.  Forget the trial, put him to death now.

Number 1: All fiction.  Petty and pathetic, complete with Jimmy Stewart's Harvey-like imaginary conservations.  That's what the McCainites are saying about Going Rogue.  Miss Wasilla lied in other words.  They even have the e-mails on file that say they prove it.  You know, like the hiring of a nutrition expert for her. AP says a dozen errors were in the book, with a quarter of a percent working on it.  Craig Crawford, did you read the book yet?

As for Elwood P. Dowd, he'll be here soon.  I'll see you tomorrow...I'm off to watch WWE RAW.

Further Proof That Prof. Harold Hill is Losing His Mind...

Yes, he's talking to himself. Three words, Glenn: Seek professional help!

Quick Notes on Wednesday (7/22)

We have important news on Wednesday (7/22).

President Obama is scheduled to have a press conference at 8 PM ET/5 PM PT on all major over-the-air channels except for Fox, which will air So You Think You Can Dance instead, and as per the Obama White House protocol, will not be answering any questions from anybody at Fixed Noise as punishment. I'm lucky that the Phillies game this Wednesday is an afternoon affair with Da Cubs, but the game August 19 is a night time affair with Arizona (it's sold out because of a Brad Lidge figurine giveaway), that is the date for the Season Two finale of I Survived a Japanese Game Show.

As for Countdown? Live show at 9 PM, and followed at 10 by the live blog of ISaJGS. ABC dumped a PrimeTime special on oil to make room for the presser.

PROFESSOR HAROLD HILL LOSES IT!

Need I say more?

David Letterman Vs. Sarah Palin Has Finally Ended...We Think....

(Guest posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

Our national nightmare is over. David Letterman issued a lenghty, sincere apology last night for his comments about Sarah Palin's daughters being at the baseball game. Here is Letterman's apology in full.



And the question was raised last night on Countdown whether or not the Governor of Alaska would accept Letterman's apology. The answer to that is yes, she did. Sort of. Here is Palin's acceptance which she gave in the form of a statement to FoxNews.com.

In a statement to FOXNews.com early Tuesday, the Alaska governor said, "Of course it's accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who 'joke' about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve."

"Letterman certainly has the right to 'joke' about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction," Palin said. "This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America's Right to Free Speech - in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect."

Palin's acceptance was certainly lackluster, if you ask me. Watch Letterman and look at Palin's acceptance again. Letterman apologized directly to Palin, Bristol, Willow, and co. for the joke. Palin accepted it on behalf of young women, not personally directing it, which is not a huge problem if you ask me as a lot of women and feminist groups were angered by Letterman's remarks a week ago, but instead of sincerely directly addressing Letterman, she goes on about how it's thanks to the troops that he can speak freely and she has the freedom to react to it. A true statement, but in my view, it was not the right thing to say for such an occasion as this.

Sarah Palin accepts David Letterman's apology for 'coarse joke' (Fox News)
Countdown: Monday recappers thread (Olbermann Watch)

Countdown Live Blog: 6/15/09

(Guest posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

It is definitely kind of ironic and funny that I am live blogging an episode at Countdown on the same day that I shared an elevator ride with Senator Bob Casey, Jr. (D-PA). If only I had realized it while we were in the elevator and not walking out (curse my terrible habit of day-dreaming!).

And also, if you remember the last time I live blogged an episode of Countdown, Olbermann requested a quarantine of Fox News and said that he would never again use the Ted Baxter voice to mock Bill O'Reilly. Personally, I can only distinctly recall one time where I was in a restaurant or any other public place with a TV where Fixed Noise was on and that was several months ago (before the quarantine, obviously). But since the quarantine, Keith has not mentioned Bill-O on the air. Will that continue tonight or will Bill be a WORST....PERSON.....IN THE WORLD!!! once again? On that note, let's start the show!

I'm going to try to do this a little differently this time and go with a more reaction/analysis approach rather than summarizing what Keith says. Let's see how it works!

We've got Iran, Cheney, healthcare and Bill Maher, and US Air Flight 1549 that crashed into the Hudson and the struggle between the survivors and AIG tonight.

The tie: Purple, but I must say, whomever cut Keith's hair cut it way too short.

Number 5: Mousvavi vs. Ahmadinejad is quickly becoming the Bush vs. Gore of Iran. The question has essentially become did Ahmadinejad tamper with the results? Those charts make it look like he did, and while there certainly is a chance that he might have, I would highly doubt that the election results get overturned as it would be, especially seeing as Ayatollah Khomeini has already sided with Ahmadinejad. Bobby Ghosh from Time Magazine joins us and good grief, he reminds me of my one professor with that accent. The protests on the streets and the deaths are certainly disturbing and some of those images are hard to watch. And despite all of the political back-and-forth in the United States, it is nice to see that most protests are relatively civil here with nothing like what is going on in Iran happened here.

The neo-cons who were at once indifferent to the Iranian presidency as the aforementioned Ayatollah is the supreme ruler in Iran, however, now they are upset and partly blame President Obama for the results as it was Bush's tough foreign policy that kept things in order there. Steve Clemons from the New America Foundation has more. That footbage of the protests is still hard to watch. It's making me want to change the channel and watch something else. At least when O'Reilly does his Culture Warriors segment, there's something half decent to look at. ;-)

What do you guys think? Will the election be overturned? While it would certainly better the U.S. if it was, I don't think there is a rat's chance in hell of that happening.

We've got Letterman and Palin, Cheney, and AIG, U.S. Airways, and a survivor from that flight on the Hudson still to come so stay with us.

Number 4: Is Dick Cheney hoping for another attack on the United States? Leon Panetta suggests that he might, while Cheney vehemently denied it and I would have to agree with Cheney on that. He may be a complete moron, but I would doubt that the 43rd President of the United States, er, I mean veep to the 43rd President, would want that to happen. MSNBC Political Analyst Lawrence O'Donnell joins Keith to discuss more. Going more along the lines on Cheney, his popularity numbers are going to rise. It may not rise high, it may not be above 50%, but it is going to get higher. And the same with Bush's. It is doubtful that history will judge him as the worst president ever, as some suggested would happen during his term (turns away and pretends to stare around as if I have no idea what type of person would dare think such a horrible thought....nope, nothing to see here). And Letterman apologized to Palin again. He's taking the blame for it, although Palin most definitley forced that apology by going on and on about it. While considered liberal (and thus anti-Palin) by most, Letterman is not an ill-willed person like that. He would not intentionally say something like that to and about a 14-year old girl. It is curious to see what the Palin reaction will be. Will she accept it and let bygones be bygones or will she continue to hold a grudge? Palin being the media whore that she is, could go either way. And I don't mean it like that, Miss Wasilla if you are reading this. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO ISSUE 15 APOLOGIES EITHER ON BEHALF OF MYSELF, JAMESCRAVEN, AND SOMEHOW EVERY LIBERAL MINDED PERSON OUT THERE FOR THAT JOKE!!!!!!!!

It looks like The Murdoch Street Journal will be up for an award later in worsts. And I have no idea what the hell that was in the Oddball preview.

Oddball: John Lennon first performed at 15 on this day and the debut of Hee-Haw? Talk about Whiskey...Tango...Foxtrot?!? So why on earth did a dog end up being flushed in the toilet?? You gotta love the innocence of a small kid who just thought he was giving the dog a bath. Blago is being able to make fun of himself in some play. Odd. I guess that's why they call it Oddball. And the legacy of Zinedine Zidane lives!!!!!!!!

Obama vs. the GOP on healthcare and AIG vs. Flight 1549 coming up in a jiffy!

Aspeaking of Zidane and soccer in general, anyone watching the FIFA Confederation's Cup? Better yet, anyone following World Cup qualifying? Talk about interesting political implications. You have Iraq in the Confederations Cup and while it is unlikely they will play the U.S. at all seeing as it is unlikely that the U.S. and Iraq will make it out of their respective group, how about the possibility that North Korea qualifies to the World Cup and then ends up in the same group as the U.S.! That would be interesting to watch for sure. And Iran could also end up qualifying.

Number 3: Should the President abondon trying to achieve a bipartisan solution? While I think they should work together, affordable health care for all is a top priority and while the GOP claims that it is socialism and does not belong in the U.S., I say f*** it! Who cares if it is socialism as long as it works and brings about a better quality of life for all. We've got Bill Maher on and he is losing hope on Obama (but he still has audacity!). Not much of a Bill Maher fan. Actually, I don't think I've ever watched him. And speaking of HBO though (wait, it's on HBO, isn't it?), anyone planning on checking out Joe Buck Live? You know what, that may not be as much of a trainwreck as some people think it will be. While I frequently laugh at announcers, Joe Buck is probably the guy that I laugh with the most. That could be a good show. Really. It could. And maybe that's because I don't hate Joe Buck as much as I know others do. I think he's just fine as a football announcer. And maybe that's because he has a good partner in Aikman who is really good when not doing Cowboys games, and the rest of the lineup on Fox is pretty much downright atrocious, including, to steal a nickname that JC has for Michelle Malkin and apply it to someone else, Ashamed-Philadelphian Dick Stockton. And come on, Fox is also the network that passes Brian Baldinger as a credible analyst! (JC: But Baldy's outta a job now!)

Jonah Goldberg is a worst person coming up. Will he win the gold? Find out next!

Number 2 (Worst Person In The World)

Bronze - The Wall Murdoch Street Journal. Obama Administration did not take over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Bush did. And they called Obama a backdoor socialist for it. Wow....

Silver - Jonah Goldberg is claiming neo cons are conservative Jews. Yeah, I agree with Keith. I've never heard neo-cons tied with religion.

Gold - City Counil of Brooksville, Florida. They have a crazy dress code in which they require you to wear underwear and will be checking to make sure that you (yes, I'm talking about YOU) are wearing it.

Countdown has some weird commercials. That's all I'll say about that. U.S. Airways survivors vs. AIG coming up next. Insurance people can be such bags of douche at times that it is not even funny.

Number 1: AIG is not willing to pay for psychological counciling for the survivors of U.S. Airways Flight 1549. Tess Sosa, a survivor from that flight comes on to tell us more about AIG's douchebaggery. They're only giving three sessions per passenger??? God, that's cheap. Yeah, um, from what little bit I know about that type of therapy, you need more than three sessions to get that kind of stuff done.

"I think that a lot of the public are empathetic to us." - Tess Sosa

I would hope that all of the public would be empathetic to those survivors. Then again, what the hell do I know?

That's it for me today! Thanks for joining me all! Time to watch the debut of Joe Buck Live on HBO! I'll be back tomorrow for more Countdown and I think I'm doing I Survived A Japanese Gameshow on Wednesday.

Look At Who Just Crossed Over To The Dark Side...

Yup, former MSNBC employee Tucker "I am not a digruntled former beauty queen" Carlson, who was introduced as a regular for Fixed Noise on the Fixed and Fiends show Friday (5/15). He'll join Turdblossom, the Airline Stewardess, Prof. Harold Hill, and of course Billo The Clown on the unfair and unbalanced far right wing noise network run by Pirate Rupert and Jabba the Hutt.

I guess it was a slow news day.

Meet The New Fixed Noise Contributor!

(Guest posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

Joining Turdblossom and many other fair and balanced right-wing partisan hacks on Fixed Noise is none other than Dana Perino! Yes, the same Dana Perino that was the White House Press Secretary for George W. Bush! Yes, these people actually pass themselves as a legitimate news fair and balanced news organization. Sigh, idiocy (Argh!) has no limits.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/7/09

The Tie: Black with gray micropindots.

Number 5: While losing Spector is one thing, but now Joe The So-Called Plumber tells Time because he is leaving the Good Oldboysandgirls Party because they're overspending money. NO! And Newt Gingrich visited The White House, and it wasn't for a 2012 photo op. And Miss Wasalia 1984's popular opinion fell in fifteen months by 31%. Well, Richard Wolffe, has the GOP run out of ideas? And then, Shannyn Moore from HuffPo is in Anchorage to get the Tina Fey Evil Twin Sister angle.

Number 4: In defending the lawyers to tell torture, so when Eirc Holder - the Attorney General - was told about the Clinton Administration for transferring prisioners if he decides to go after Herr Goebles Cheney. Defending Fredo as The Little Guy? Brandon Friedman from VoteVets.org and author joins us.

Oddball: Fifteen days since Inanity wanted to be waterbaorded for charity. Help us out at TheInatitFiles@gmail.com. Every penny or dollar helps. One ginormous box of popcorn, please and people looked for prizes in London. Shanelle the dauschound terned 21 yesterday.

Best Persons: 3 - Jenna Lee of Fixed Going Out of Business is completely clueless...just like their viewer. 2 - Ron Gordon forgot about "Odd Day". 1 - Molly the Cow was lead to the slaughterhouse and escaped. And thanks to the ASPCA, will live in Long island.

Musical Segue: I'm a cow...moo!

Number 3: The Confederate States of America are not so alive and well. Only 9% of the GOP want to suceede from the union, and soverignity rules were passed in three states, and saying Chris Hayes from The Nation seems to think this is fascinating...and a case of treason.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, The Fixed Noise All-Star Edition)
Bronze - Inanity claimed that Obama used mustard on hamburger. Dijon mustard. Pardon me, do you want any Grey Poupon?
Silver - Billo talks about the hate crimes protecting pedophiles but not of the military. It's all fake if you cannot believe it.
Gold - Prof. Harold Hill is falling behind on ACORN, and was played like a $3 banjo on someone's knee by an ACORN spokesperson. Prof. Hill then shut his mike off, ejects him from the studio, but the the ACORN guy asks Glenn's producer out on a date. Brainwashing much, Harold?

Number 1: As stated earlier today, Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games for using something used by the Octomom...to make Little ManRam happy if you catch my drift. On behalf of myself, I would like to say to Manny "Thanks for ruining my trip to The Vault Tuesday night (5/12) except for the $1 hotdogs." Well, I'll make fun of him with a few fans I know... (That's the next time JFein will fill in for me BTW, so if you're reading this Justin, you know the drill.) Manny now joins A-R*d, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Roger Clemens in the Steroid/PED Hall of Shame. All with the asterisk that once graced Roger Maris' name. Richard Justice from the Houston Chronicle, hello!

And for us, goodnight. See you tomorrow.

More Lies from the Phineas T. Bluster of Electronic Journalism

Once again, Billo the Clown has decided to stick foot "A" into mouth "B" on his favorite subject, NB"C".

Bill O'Reilly is the Velveeta of the news biz, the endless all-you-can-eat for $4.99 buffet in Vegas of incorrect facts. It has since become the equivilant of Sideshow Bob hitting the rake for the gazillionth time, and during Inauguration Week, Jessie, one of his stalker/producers got verbally smacked down by Jessica Alba, even knowing that Sweden was indeed neutral (and painfully so) during World War II. Just three full days into the Obama Administration, he once again showed his lack of knowledge on Nielsen numbers and the General Electric-owned NBC/MSNBC family. All the comments made in his January 23^rd Stalking Points, er, Talking Points memo are quoted verbatum with bold italic lettering. And they were also listed word-for-word as well. You supply the Ted Baxter impression while reading this, and I'll just translate them back into human for you.

"On the TV front, the uber-liberal MSNBC network was ranked 22^nd last week, right behind the Roller Derby Network I beliveve. Fox News was ranked second, a tremendous performance."

Check that. In the all-important Money Demo, the 25-to-54 age group NewsCorp lusts for, Monday, January 19^th Countdown drew 737,000 viewers, No Bias, No Bull with Campbell Brown on CNN drew 723,000 viewers and the Orally Factor Fiction Comedy Hour drew 658,000 viewers. The next night, Brown saw 1,530,000 viewers, Countdown saw 909,000 viewers, Billo had 849,000 viewers. Bill, you finished third both nights, and to both times, behind Campbell Freakin' Brown! And you said there's a Nielsen conspiracy factor? Come on Bill, the truth is that you suck! And do you know who was number one that week among cable networks in prime time? USA Network, owned by NBC Universal. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Anyway, back to Phineas T. Bluster already in progress.

"But why are we hammering far-left NBC News? Well, it may be that liberals are aghast at their product. While covering the handover of power from President Bush to President Obama, NBC was the only network to run a split screen of Bush haters. What a classy thing to do, right NBC News?"

Wrong again, Bill. You see, those were not Bush haters as you said, but supporters of Obama. Hell, the night before, the people who gathered around the booth MSNBC had set up at the National Mall sarcasticly sang "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" when we repeated the breaking story that Vice President Cheney was going to be in a wheelchair for the inauguartion after hurting himself moving boxes. Change was coming, and it was to be swift as well.

"And by the way, that network was totally wrong about Caroline Kennedy."

Then again, so was every other news organization that evening. We didn't expect Caroline Kennedy to make news this night either. By this time, journalism's answer to Major Frank Burns was now in full mudslinging mode, hammering everything in sight and missing by a mile.

"And the hate that the far-left media traffics in has alienated many folks. I mean, the disrespect to President Bush is disgraceful, and most decent people know it."

If you had the laundry list of all the post 9/11 war crimes - waterboarding, Gitmo, wiretapping, and that other stuff such as hiring and firing Justice Department employees because of their polotical background - the disrespect given to President Bush wasn't disgraceful, but well documented and also the truth, something Bill don't know about. And then you sent out your stalker/producer Porter Berry to answer questions being asked to Russell Tice, the former NSA employee that he didn't want to answer and he laid it out here on January 21^st. Disrespect? No, more like the truth, and trust me, Billo, you can't handle the truth.

"The bottom line on the bottom line is this..."

Bill, did you get that from the Department of Redundant Redundancy Department, or did you steal that from Stuart Scott over at ESPN?

"Most American news consumers remain traditional folks who respect their country, and don't appreciate hateful attacks on a president even if they dsagree with the president's policy. The liberal media is destroying itself, allowing zealotry to obliterate fairness. That's what's in play here."

Let me repeat that next to last sentance for you. "The liberal media is destroying itself, allowing zealotry to obliterate fairness." This late word in, Sparky: Fixed Noise does the same thing. Obliterate fairness with zealotry. You just made a comment that is true about your own cable television news channel owned by Captain Keith Rupert Murdoch, but changed the words from "conserative" to "liberal", and saw the devisation of the Republican party in 2006 and 2008. No wonder the sixteen remaining members of the GOP are in trouble!

"As Judge Reinhold said in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 'Read it, learn it, live it.'"

And, in the words of The Rock in his fake fighting days, "Know your role, jaborni and shut your mouth."