Countdown Live Blog: 5/21/09

The Tie: Red with white micropindots.

Number 5: In the corner to your left, the 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama. And in the corner on your right, the former Vice President of the United States, The Ayatollah Dickcheney. The neocons applauded twice to the American Enterprise Institute speech, but Obama got the knockout punch. Gitmo was a recruting school for terrorism. And it wasn't Obama who let them free. Two-thirds of them were released in the Adolph XLIII Gestapo Herr Goebbles was involved with, and some of the transferees will go to SuperMax prisions. Just ask Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-FL), a JAG attorney in the Army Reserves. And again, President Obama rejeceted waterboarding as a device to get them to talk. Cheney told him that he can take those points and shove it. Bullshit. I'll spare you the rest of the bullshit from the past, including the Saddam Hussein/Al-Qaeda 9-11 connection.

Number 4: For more on the current and former administrations views is Col. Lawrence Wilkerson, USA (Ret.), the former Chief of Staff under Gen. Colin Powell, USA (Ret.)

Update from TheInatitFund@gmail.com: Twenty-nine days. Do we need to carry on?

Number 3: Meanwhile, those six Democratic senators were spared the wrath of Obama as that 56 other partyy members voting against closing Gitmo. Howard Fineman, what are your comments?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Billo says he's middle class even though he makes $10 million, and his complaint about NYPD random frisking is being challeneged by the ACLU.
Silver - Rep. John Boehner claims the CIA lied to Congress.
Gold - Prof. Harold Hill wants an apology from Baba Wawa. Roll that beautiful View footage. Now shut up.

Number 1: Keith's special comment on Cheney's lies. Video below.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

See you tomorrow.

This One's For You, Keith!

To Keith at his Sports Journal, who's been working in some Family Guy clips into his weekly divisional baseball recaps:

EDIT: The other was removed because of a violation of the terms of service. Sorry, had to be done.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/20/09

The Tie: Brown, cream and black stripes.

Number 5: Wow, that bipartisan thing finally worked out well. The Democrats jumped to the other side of Adolph XLIII land after a 90-6 on the money for Gitmo's closing. The reason? A lack of focus on a plan and some others returning to terrorism. Eleven of them. And those comments of Sen. James Imhoffe (R-OK) echoing last night's WTF moment about prisoners get better healthcare than our common public...Ummmm, okay. Richard Wolffe, your thoughts? Add some BREAKING NEWS that the first detainee at Club Gitmo - Ahmed Ghailiani -will come to New York in a civilian court soon.

There's a supermax in a small town outside Helena, Montana called Hardin that wants many of 100 detainees right now as we speak. Here's that city's economic director, Greg Smith, to tell us about it from that site.

Number 4: Newt Gingrich, thaty noted pathological controdiction said that CIA lying to a Democrat isn't okay as he said today on GMA. it's not politics, but national security as it were. Tell it to Peter Hokstera...and Leon Panetta, the CIA director. Any fresh ideas, Jonathon Alter?

Oddball: TheInatitFund@gmail.com update has been four whole weeks since Inanity's waterboarding proclaimation. FORE! One golfshot into Petco Park (PETA's worst nightmare) gives you free appitizers at P. F. Chang's with any purchase. Video proof below.

And disturbing, er, good news from the Space Station...three of the guests drink recycled number one.

Number 3: It will not be the Democrat Socialist Party, but the Good Oldboysandgirls Party says now that the Democrats are marching toward socialist policies. And they claim it was to be a success. Say hello to Miss Wasilla 1984, Evil Twin of Tiny Fey supports him with that teabagging comment and we'll greet The New Yorker's Ryan Lizza to let you have this sink in.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) will face Kay Bailey hutchenson, but his spokesperson says he doesn't want a whorehouse.
Silver - Billo and Comedian Boss Limbaugh gets called out as frauds by...Michael Weinersavage?!

Gold - Prof. Harold Hill got P\/\/N3D by Baba Wawa and Whoopi Goldberg, and they had the video to prove it. Memorial services for his attitude and his credibility will be at the Church of St. Ego of the Arrogance on Friday.

Number 1: On the subject of Mr. Limbaugh, he now wants a 30-day truce between Keith and him for that footage of Boss Limbaugh bouncing around. All we can say is WHISKEY...TANGO...FOXTROT!?

See you tomorrow.

The Second Favorite Show Of A Couple Of Us Here At The Blog...Back For A Second Season

You've seen those whacky kickass Japanese game sho clips on the Oddball segment in the past, but did you know (Are you as stupid as we are? Did you have any idea?) that last summer, ABC did a whole summer series about it?

Believe it or not, JFein and I have a love for this. What is it? Here's a promo clip:



The show is titled "I Survived a Japanese Game Show", and the good news is that the people at ABC have renewed it for a second summer. Look for it starting July 8th at 9 PM ET/PT, 8 PM Central.

Praise Jaysus! Comcast Keeps NFL Network, Adds ESPNU And ESPN360.com

When we last checked in a few weeks ago with the talking between Comcast and the NFL Network, things were at a stalemate until Brian Roberts, the chairman of Comcast and NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell began getting involved. And sure enough, all that talking came finally to fruition.

With lawsuits against one another being dropped, Comcast and the NFL Network jointly announced in both Fort Lauderdale, Florida and Philadelphia this day (5/19) that the network and the number one cable service in the USA there has been an agreement to keep the channel on the service, and move it by August 1 from the Vince McMahon Memorial "Sports Entertainment" (read: extra $8/month) tier to the Digital Classic tier. But that wasn't the only news from the City of Siblingly Love today. It also opens the door to other cablers like Time Warner, those stubborn bastards at Cablevision (Rangers and Knicks suck, as does NewsDay) as well as Cox and Charter to talk about getgting the network on their systems.

The company has announced as of September 1, ESPNU and for all you high-speed interwebs freaks like me, ESPN360.com are being added. It's about time. Do you know how many Big Five and Temple football games were carried on ESPNU the last four years? A lot, and unless we had a satellite dish, we were screwed.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/19/09

The Tie: Lavender.

Number 5: Michael Steele is threatening to step down as chairman of the Good Oldhomeboysandgirls Party delivered by Fixed Noise, a/k/a The GOP Public Relations Department and tomorrow votes on last Wednesday's (5/13) Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment. You know, the Democrat Socalist Party vote that he opposes. And they will take President Obama head on and the day he announced tougher emission and fuel mileage at The White House, but there's more to the Party Of Nein (or was the Party of Nine?) than the same old rigmarole, and another celebrity slam at our 44th president was delivered. "This change is being delivered in a teabag." I'll allow you to write the jokes here. Howard Fineman will now attempt to clear up the mess.

Number 4: The screwing up at the CIA continues on Congress and those meetings along with enhanced interigation techniques waterboarding, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi has reported approval ratings equal to Newt Gingrich. OH, SNAP! Did they lie to Congress and obstruct Justice and do so? Rep. Pete Hookstra (R-MI) also slammed everyone, when and where and who? Jack Rice, that former CIA special agent turned talk show host, explains this.

Oddball: This day's TheInatitFund@gmail.com update: Twenty-seven days since Mr. Inatity's announcement. I can see the yellow streak from here... More on him later in the WPitW. We can see snail facials in Sandy, Utah. Actually, it's a Guiness record attempt. And this kid had 43 of em escargos. Out in Spokane, duckings that are newborn for a duck and recover help at a citibank in Spoakne. Insert the "Put it on the bill" joke. And in Belgium, footage of a new baby elephant.

Best Persons: 3 - George Will says people aren't getting out of cars onto bikes. You're only off by .03%, sir. 2 - William Bullock of Cary, NC robbed a Durham bank and dropped the notebook that had missing papers with the address. 1 - A 17-year old in Winston-Salem tried to rob an interwebs cafe with a banana. He then ate it. In tribute, here's that Monty Python "Self Defense Against Fruit" skit.

Musical Segue: Enjoy!

Number 3: Elizabeth Edwards is here to talk about her new book, Resilience.

Still Bushed!: 3 - More on the KBR Halliburton contracts and bonuses for electric wiring near showers. 2 - Ayatollah Dickcheney reviewed in The Dark Side.. Nice. no wonder he looks so damn constipated. 1 - More Fun with Waterboarding and the internal nonsense.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - Inanity was getting tossed by Jesse "The Body" Ventura and added that Adolph inheirited 9/11 and the defecit.
Silver - Oh, disgruntled ex-MSNBC employee Tucker Carlson forgot President Obama's use of the word "abortion" seven times. Jeez, hit Ctrl-F5 every time. BTW, how's that Flavor Aid in Pirate Rupert and Jabba The Hutt's bathtub tastin'?
Gold - Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) says there's no global warming with carbon dioxide is in soda and Perrier.

Number 1: Tonight's WHISKEY...TANGO...FOXTROT?!? moment, brought to you by the Republican Filthy Rich Caucasian Senior Citizen Party (Take that for "Democratic Socialist Party" namers) features Sen. John Enson (R-NV) claim that those at the soon to be closed Gitmo jail claims that they get better health care than all average Americans.

We'll keep the world safe from big pharmas, and we'll see you tomorrow night.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/18/09

The Tie: Pink.

Number 5: We learned today that Adolph XLIII was told by a higher authority to go to war in Iraq, and we ain't talking about Donald Rumsfeld, which had scripture from The Bible with pictures below. GQ's Robert Draper said a Muslim inside the Pentagon was offended, but they liked it outside the religion. Richard Wolffe, WTF is going on whatsoever that is holier than Adolph XLIII?

To guide us into The Holy Bible, let's welcome Bapist Minister Rev. C. Welton Gaddy to provide insight to the whole thing.

Number 4: President Obama's commencement speech at Notre Dame was a mantra and was interrupted 25 times for applause and once for an anti-abortion protest. And he added that any health care plan must include help for sensible abortions and adoption, plus he wanted a common ground for future battles. So E.J. Dionne, how'd he do?

Oddball: Today's TheInatitFund@gmail.com update stands at 26 days of Inanity singing The Sounds of Silence. Hello, darkness, my old friend... And it's Jesus as a Cheeto. Jesus as a Cheeto! Yes, the Bell family are planning to sell it on eBay, with the winning bid expected to be from GolenPalace.com Mr. I. P. Dailey from Yellow River, Texas. In Bubbio Italy, the candle race is fixed like a WWE match. And Inchon, South Korea's best billiard player doesn't use a cue.

Best Persons: 3 - Mrs Blago will replace her husband on I'm A Celebrity Bail Me Out! 2 - The cancelled parade of bodybuilders in Bulgaria was because of drug testing. 1 - Well, look below and see who was hired by ESPN. Apology much for sources?

Musical Segue: Theme from Monday Night Football.

Number 3: Herr Goebbles' daughter Lynn was asked on ABC's This Week called her dad's torture undeniable...that's what it is... And McClatchy via guest John Lanaday had an article running that Cheney will clear up everything. The little bitch also said that President was Un-American... That's right, the apples don't fall far from the tree and they're all rotten to the core. So Lynn, does the term "SEIG HEIL" mean anything?

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - Harold Jackson of The Philadelphia Inquirer defends John Woo's hiring on bloggers.
Silver - Inanity the Coward announced the hiring of new attorneys at the DoJ. Blames it on politics.
Gold - Billo The Clown goes on the interwebs and says after over forty attacks from stalker/producers he's trying to protect you and your privacy. Get out the virual middle finger at him as he was unmerciafully booed at The New Yankee Stadium money Pit sitting next to The Donald.

Number 1: WHISKEY...TANGO...FOXTROT!?! Good Oldhomeboysandgirls Party boss Michael "Yo Homies!" Steele wants to tie gay marriage to hurting small business. And the wedding business is a lot of small businesses making, oh, $70 billion/year.

I'm off to watch this week's WWE RAW. At least there's no arena conflict in Louvul like what's going to happen next week. The story will be linked tomorrow at Keith's Sports Journal, or you can scroll downward and read it for yourself.

Caption This #1

Everyone in the interwebs is doing it, so why not I?

Are you brave enough to put a caption of The Ayatollah Dickcheney at the Phillies-Nationals game May 17th? Leave 'em in the comments section, and I'll post the best ones next week.

Kornholio Out at MNF; Chucky Takes His Place

For all the Tony Kornheiser haters who hated him on Monday Night Football over on ESPN, rejoice and sing "O Happy Day!" Kornholio has quit his night job (he's staying on PTI, however) and is being replaced by ex-Raiders and Bucs coach John "Chucky" Gruden. And if you've ever seen him in a coaches' sideline shot, you'll understand.

Of course, I'm still waitng for ESPN to bring back Mike Patrick and Joe Theismann to replace Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski.

Mr. McMahon Does Not Approve Of Game 4 Of The Lakers-Nuggets Western Conference Finals In Denver; Takes Shots At Owners And Moves It To LA

Next Monday (5/25) is Memorial Day here in the USA, and it is also the same day as Game Four of the NBA Western Conference Finals between the Los Angeles Lakers an the Denver Nuggets at the Pepsi Center in Denver. That same night, the weekly tesosterone fueled predetermined fake fighting soap opera called WWE RAW is scheduled to be at the same arena. Both events are scheduled to start at 9 PM EDT.

A little background on this if you will. The Pepsi Center is owned by Altitude Sports and Entertainment, who owns the Nuggets, the Colorado Avalanche of the NHL, MLS' Colorado Rapids, the Altitude sports channel and owner Stan Kronke also owns parts of the NFL's St. Louis Rams, the dormant for a year Arena Football Colorado Crush (with Pat Bolden an John Elway) and English Premier League soccer team Arsenal FC.

Meanwhile, World Wrestling Entertainment is controlled by Vincent Kennedy McMahon, booked "the Can" in advance even as far as signing the contract April 15th for the May 25 date. Like his TV personna, he has a "my way or the highway" personna, and took a shot at Kronke stating that "he didn't have faith that the Nuggets would have a playoff date" in a press release. Even worse, Vinnie Mac "presented" a Lakers Kobe Bryant jersey to Kronke and challened him to a steel cage match.

Here's an update on the story (as of 5/20): The Pepsi Center now says that the WWE is "postponed indefinately" for May 25, and the NBA Nuggets won out. Wait, this gets even funnier. If they had to try to move the show to the next night (May 26), they would have bumped Andre Rieu and the Johann Strauss Orchestra. Yes, he of the PBS Begathon secials, Andre Freakin' Rieu! Now how WTF hilarious is that? They also bailed out of a date the next night up in Colorado Springs and guess what? Both shows wil be in Los Angeles at the Staples Center next week. See "irony" in Websters' and look it up...

Look At Who Just Crossed Over To The Dark Side...

Yup, former MSNBC employee Tucker "I am not a digruntled former beauty queen" Carlson, who was introduced as a regular for Fixed Noise on the Fixed and Fiends show Friday (5/15). He'll join Turdblossom, the Airline Stewardess, Prof. Harold Hill, and of course Billo The Clown on the unfair and unbalanced far right wing noise network run by Pirate Rupert and Jabba the Hutt.

I guess it was a slow news day.

Overdue, But Worth It

Well, I wanted to talk the last two weeks about it, however circumstances beyond my control (not quite Whiskey Tango Foxtrot worthy) did otherwise. So, I will talk about my current favorite cartoon series right now.

Having lived for almost five decades, I have liked (in chronological order) Astro Boy, The Flintstones reruns, The Smurfs, Pokemon, SpongeBob SquarePants and most recently, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but right now, because I babysit for a two-year-old nephew, he is in love with superheroes. Currently, his three favorite shows are Super Why, Curious George and WordGirl. There are some built in reasons why he likes Curious George and WordGirl, because both shows have monkeys in a central role. According to the former head writer of WordGirl, Jack Ferraiolo, who co-devloped the series with creator Dorthea Gillim, monkeys make any cartoon 30% funnier. Well, that's what he says. And why do I like WordGirl? Allow me to count the ways.

1. You learn something and LOL at it. Okay, there's two levels at this series simular to a cartoon series called Rocky and Bullwinkle, which is celebtrating it's 50th anniversary this year. (All hail Wottsamatta U!) The first level is aimed at the kids, who learn a new word or two in the episode, while the adults get a batch of in-jokes (such as the guy who thinks he's at the police station, but isn't, and we learn that "sometimes we need help setting up the next scene.")

2. The kitchy retro feel. WordGirl/Becky Botsford (her assumed alias) lives in the city of Preposparocity where her adopted family has a 1950's style station wagon, no digital cable/satellite TV or internet access, and her cell phone is so 1995 clunky sized. When she is Becky, she wears knee-high socks and black-and-white saddle shoes and her hair is done like Jackie Kennedy in a pompadour flip.

3. What kind of villainy do we have here? Because this is a send up of superhero cartoons, there are villians. There's Doctor Two Brains, once a noted scientist who was accidently fused with an angered albino mouse but is now trying to steal all the cheese in town (and buy crackers to go with them); The Butcher, who serves up meat attacks and mangles the English language; Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy, whose head is a sandwich and lives in his mom's basement (think Nathan Brice with a noggin as a BLT); half-woman half-copier Lady Redundant Woman (a human Thesaurus); evil businessman Mr. Big, who uses mind control to get what he wants, namely squishy bunny rabbits (the mind control part is in his company's mission statement); Granny May, an elderly thief who feigns being scatterbrained to get her way; The Whammer, who interjects "wham" and "whammer" when he isn't using his fists to use in a sonic boom; a narcisstic game show host named Seymour Orlando Smith (think of an evil version of Bob Barker with a spray tan and some bling) and Steve McClean, whose gimmick is to tidy up his crime sites.

4. The Voice Cast. Where do I start? Lots of familiar actors from the cartoon world (Cree Sumner, Tom Kenny, his wife Jill Talley, Grey DeLisle and Darran Norris); familiar people from regular acting (John C. McGinley from "Scrubs", Jeffrey Tambor from "Arrested Devlopment", Peter "Good Morning Mr. Phelps" Graves, Patton Oswalt who was the voice of Remy in Ratatoullie); a narrator who's in on everything (ex-SNL regular Chris Parnell) and comedians/improv vets (such as Dannah Phirman, who voices the titlular character. She was a one-year regular on the now defunct "MadTV".)

And not only that, she's also promoting litereracy, too, even for the company that created her, Scholastic Entertainment. Check out the video.

Modern over-the-air television has simply cheapened the cartoon expreiences we had when we were younger, thanks mostly in part to kiddie-driven cable nets like Nick and Cartoon Network. These days, we are forced to have "consumer lifestle" programming from tween-driven Disney Channel on ABC disguised as "E/I" shows, CW has 4K!DS programming their block four years after they lost Pokemon (as per The WB, which merged with UPN to form the CW), NBC and Ion share a project called qubo, and CBS is abysmal after Nick was spun off into the new Viacom. Meanwhile, Fox has abandoned the genre for infomercials, and My MiniNetworkTV (which I don't even recognize as a TV network at all) doesn't even have kids shows. And the days if an independent station are not at all worthy, unless My MiniNetwork drops off the face of the earth. PBS is the only network with the guts and senses to continue this service of providing quality children's entertainment. Please thank them for it.

WordGirl airs weekdays on PBS, check your local station for times and info.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/15/09

The Tie: Purple with navy dots.

Number 5: Oh, here we gooooooo. On his anything but telling the truth starring Ayatollah Dickcheney tour, House speaker Nancy Pelosi showing the non existance of enhanced interrigation techniques waterboarding via lies. Meanwhile, CIA boss Leon Panetta defends the agency but what about Bob Graham? Meanwhile, Sen. Kit Bond (R-MO) said that while CIA agents lie around the world, the tune changes when they face Congress. So who's telling lies to whom? Ask Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) the minority leader of the House and we'll never know. The Obama administration is staying far away from it. So Richard Wolffe, will the real whomever is saying this PLEASE stand up (so you can be arrested)? And then Prof. Jonathon Turley joins us on how many different ways the Adolph XLIII Gestapo broke the laws.

Number 4: Meanwhile, 57% of Republican insiders wants Ayatollah Dickcheney, the Herr Goebles of the Adolph XLIII Gestapo want him to do everyone a favor and please... SHUT... THE FUCK... UP! Stay off the stage for the next ten years as it were, so Chris Cillizza, who's going to hold the door and kick Cheney's ass en route to the egress?

Oddball: TheInanitFiles@gmail.com Update: Twenty-three days since Inanity's waterboarding statement for charity, and still nothing. Coming from the land Down Under where women glow and men chunder is a video of kangaroos trying to escape the horrors of Pirate Murdoch, Arrrrrrr! And the Phillies were at the White House (see below for more information).

Still Bushed!: 3 - Daddy, What Did You Do In jail During The Bailout?: David Millard, the guy who moved fed pension monry to stocks may soon be getting a job in the big house. 2 - Turdblossom was testifying about the Attorney firings. 1 - Of the 241 military tribunals that were scheduled, only 20 will be tried with new rules.

Number 3: The protests at Notre Dame over President Obama's graduation speech to the Class of '09 was much ado about nothing especially when compared to, say, hiring a Prodestant football coach (Ara Parsegian) or a Jewish football coach (Lou Holtz) winning three of the last four National Mythical College Football Championships compared to abortion and stem cell research, but 60% are in favor of the commencement address, and Cardinal Francis George forgot Adolph XLIII speaking in 2001. Dr. Patrick Whelan, the head of Catholic Democrats, is her to answer those hard questions.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Bronze - The Drudge Report is now prohibited in the Federal offices in Mass.
Silver - Billo The Clown slams Prof. Jonathon Turley for going to "the dark side".
Gold - Michael Weinersavage now had his lawyers go to Hilary Clinton to get reinstated in Great Britain after calling her "a Nazi". Two Words for the former disgruntled NBCUniversal employee: ROTSA RUCK! Oh, and Mr. Pot, Ms. Kettle, Mr. Black. I beleive you know one another...

Number 1: For tonight's WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!?! moment, we look at what would happen is the State of Texas became a Republic again, like NFL franchises save for the Cowboys, American League baseball teams, NBA franchises and NHL organ-eye-zay-thons travelling to THREE different countries, the loss of Electorial College votes NASA's Johnson Space Center, hurricane relief and other stuff. Has anyone suggested that Gov. Rick Perry (R) needs a frontal lobomoty bad enough?

Well, I promised two weeks ago that Word Girl story, but I will have time this weekend to cover that up for you. No, really I will...

The World F. Champions Meets The President of the United States of America

Last month, the Phightin' Phillies were supposed to meet President Obama at The White House, but as we all remember, the passing of Harry Kalas one day earlier postponed the event. So today (5/15) the victors got the spoils. Additionally, they would have been the first team to be at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but due to the tragic circumstances, were beaten by the UConn Huskies women's basketball team and the North Carolina Tar Heels men's hoopsters (of whom the term "Barack-etology" meant something.) Technically, they did become the first professional team to be honored under President Obama, the Steelers - his favorite football team - is next for winning Super Bowl Ex-El-Eye-Eye-Eye.

And in the tradition as old as time, the most famous Chicago White Sox fan recieved a Opening Night gold-trimmed jersey (pictured on the left) and an autographed baseball, plus being born in Hawai'i, he got to do a one-on-one with Shane Victorino. He later joked to Jimmy Rollins that he wanted one of those gaudy World Series rings as well.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/14/09

The Tie: Maroon with those funky octagon dots.

Number 5: Well, well, well... Another smoking gun discovered via House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that the Adolph XLIII administration and the CIA on all that waterboarding, all that torture, and they lied to misleading her in briefings. Meanwhile, The Good Oldboysandgirls Party are taking the side of the lawbreakers (and out-and-out liars). Former Sen Bob Graham (D-FL) accused the CIA of having not met on teirn record keeping, and had no idea on any subject. Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) was shocked, but said Pelosi's a lair. So Howard Fineman, what records of the briefings are available for you?

Number 4: Wait, it's getting worse: The Ayatollah Cheney delivered the first known waterboarding case order on an Iraqi POW on wether Saddam Hussein was connected with Osama bin Laden. This from former NBC investigative reporter Robert Wyndrem. The POW, a high security guard, realized it doesn't work. Jack Rice, the former CIA agent, puts this in focus.

As for the declassifacation of the torture notes, President Obama denied that because it's in another case.

Oddball: It has been 22 days since Inanity's waterbaording for charity challenge. Help out by making a contribution at TheInanitFiles@gmail.com. Another mistaken mother in animal husbandry, this time Josie the goat if milking a horse. In Rock Hill, SC, twenty-eigfht drummers did a drum roll for over 27 hours.

Still Bushed!: 3 - Daddy, What Did You Do In Jail During The Bailout: Take the bailout money or else to 19 banks. 2 - Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) gets the whole mess of Gitmo. 1 - David Rose of Vanity Fair said that the Sunni insurgance in 2007 coulda happened three years earlier but was stopped by The Pentagon, The State Department and The White House. Especiall;y Paul Wolfkawitz's comments that they were "Nazis".

Number 3: Shanna Moakler, Miss USA 1997, Playboy's Miss December 2001, and the former Mrs. Travis Barker (drummerof Blink 182) resigned this week as director of Miss California USA because of Carrie Prejean being kept by the Donald because of her anti-gay marriage stance. We covered that in the WTF Moment on Tuesday (5/12), but here comes Miss Wasalia 1984, who doesn't think that Miss Universe organization agrees with the far left. Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister said she relates to being attacked by the far left. And Hilary and Obama had different views of marriage, so Margaret Carlson, what the heck's going on here?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Billo The Clown again pedals the hate card.
Silver - Prof. Harold Hill made a comment of exhaling as polution.
Gold - Michael Leahy has as problem with paying taxes...and he is the founder of the Tea Party movement!

Number 1: And those WPitW winners all pale in comparison to this little note: When another "blog" says you're using your mother's death as an excuse to explode at your bosses, then and only then it becomes the WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!? Moment. Here's the video.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

This is gettin' kinda nutty around here, but I'll catch you tomorrow.

There's No Teabagging in Football...

The Great Teabagger himself, Greg Paulus, has announced he's intending to be a quarterback at Syracuse. After four years at Duke, he won't be able to do this on the Carrier Dome field.

This also salutes Tea Party 2.0 online by the far right wing nutjobs...

Countdown Live Blog: 5/13/09

The Tie: Blue, black and silver stripes.

Number 5: Mr. A. Nonymous under sworn testimony said that all the information was given before enhanced methods of interrigation waterbaording, and President Obama reverses course on photos over what happened in Torture Country. Meanwhile, the next memo from Phil Zelkow, a former State Department assistant to be declassified will have more info. Sen. Lidsay Graham (R-SC) was taken back by Ali Supan (Mr. A. Nonymous himself) on said pre-waterboarding and the mastermind of the 9/11 before Blackwater Xe squadron came on the harsh techniques. Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), chairman of the Senate subcommitee that hosted the hearings, has taken the Acelia to join Keith in the studio ad deliver the talking points. And Richard Wolffe responds to the question "Will the Ayatollah Dickcheney go on TV again to refute this?"

Number 4: The Evil Twin Sister of Elizabeth Santamatina Fey, Miss Wasila 1984, has raided the booty of Pirate Rupert Murdoch (Arrrrr!) for a six-to-seven figure deal to write her memoir. Spring of 2010 is the date when HarperCollins (owned by NewsCorpse) for the book in questions by keeping personal journals. Shannyn Moore from HuffPo.com delivers the comments from Anchorage. My proposed Title: Hou I Made Rich Lowry Horny.

Oddball: Your daily waterboarding charity update brought to you by TheInatitFund@gmail.com: Three weeks and all is not well with Inanity. Now there's a brassiere that hunts down potential husbands in Tokyo. THANK GOD I AM SINGLE! In Tel Aviv, the strongwomen in Israel's truck Pull, empty trucks. And in Budapest, Hungary, a 30,000 egg omlette was served.

Best Persons: 3 - The AT&T Building cleared leftover food in San Jose cleaning it all. 2 - Craig Williams of Hollyhill, Florida was ratted out by the guy who was going to buy some pot. 1 - An accused drug dealer in a chase pulled into a Taco Bell for one last burrito.

Musical Segue: One More For The Road.

Number 3: The daily White House media debriefing was interrupted by someone having their cell phone ring. Press secratary Robert Gibbs was asked a question by Jake Tapper of ABC was being interrupted by someone from a web site called Current Events was trying to get in incoming call and all hilarity broke loose. The phone was taken away, but aother phone rings, this from Bill Plante of CBS News. Plante left the room, and this video is funny ha-ha.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Still Bushed!: 3 - I can't get any sleep. More fun with enhanced interragation torture. 2 - Ayatollah Dickcheney according to one senator has had enough of Herr Goebles' interviews. The person? Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) 1 - And there's not enough water in Iraq with overtreated water. It's enough to make you sick.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Gary Bauer, quotes AP on philisophical views on torture.
Silver - New Fixed Noise producerstalker comes to a new low over Janeane Garofalo.

Gold - See the post below ("'Oh, Here We Go... Again Again!") for the winners.

Number 1: So lemme see if I have this straight. The Good Oldboysandgirls Party, the party of "No" wants to have the Democratic Party changed to the Democrat Socalist Party. Whiskey...Tango...Foxtrot!? This from Roger Simon of Politico.com, this eight years after calling them the Democrat Party. Take Donald Trump and cross it with OctoManny. I'll let Keith explain...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Speaking of socalism (as in social notice), I will see you tomorrow.

"Oh, Here We Goooooooo..." Again Again!

Just when we all thought that were were finished with the remains of the Most Extreme Elimination Challenge/Dictionary of Perversion inspired humor from April 15th, look at what's next for all the scatalogical teenage horny toadies...

I Smell "Oddball" In This Asshat's Future

Last night at Forty-Percent-Owned-by-Your-Federal-Government-at-Work Field, we had our first streaker sighting (via Keith's Sports Journal):



I'm laying 1-to-9 odds Mr. Olbermann will have this tonight in Oddball. Now, if someone out there plays Ray Stevens' "The Streak" to this footage, you will have eternal plus infinity from everyone here!

Countdown Live Blog: 5/12/09

(Guest posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

Hi all! And just as a little heads-up and what to look for tonight, last night, both O'Reilly and Sean Hannity ran an interview with Jeaneane Garofalo on her comments made last week calling EVERY PERSON who took part on tea parties were racists. Fox had a stalker/producer (Griff Jenkins, the nerdly one) interview her and she stood by idiotic statements that she made on Countdown a few weeks ago. Keith would be wise NOT to touch those attacks. Keith's in! Let's get this thing started!

Ooh! A new feature, tonight! The WTF Moment!

The tie: Red with white spots.

Number 5: Dick Cheney has apparently cleared Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The Republican plan of targetting Pelosi, scaring her into not investigating torture or else she herself will get investigated for how much she knew is not working out. And there are errors with the briefing and briefing summary that claims that Pelosi was involved. And Dick Cheney does not know if Nancy Pelosi was briefed about the waterboarding and enhanced interrogation. And damn, Niel Cavuto sure does ask long questions. Howard Fineman joins us with more. On the briefings and torture. Not Cavuto's questions.....

Tomorrow morning is the date of the first public hearings on the legalization of torture by the Bush Administration. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), the Judiciary Subcommittee chairman is on to answer Keith's questions.

Off-topic, but the Bruins are beating the Hurricanes 2-1 in a must win for Carolina. It was 2-0 Boston but the Canes got a goal back in the 2nd. And seeing as he is there, JC knows this all too well right now, but the Phils and Dodgers are currently tied at 2 in the bottom of the 4th. GO PHILLIES!!!

Number 4: Florida Governor Charlie Crist is going to be running for Senate, instead of not running for governor again. And he has been endorsed by Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell. And Comedian Boss Limbaugh can't be happy as Governor Crist is what they like to call bi-partisan. Will he be rejected and attacked by Republicans like Mitt Romney was? Eugene Robinson tries to tackle that question.

It's now 3-1 Boston. Savard got the 3rd goal for the Bs. And the Phils have taken the lead! 4-2 still in the bottom of the 4th.

Oddball: It's been 20 days since Hannity promised to be waterboarded, 19 since Keith's deal, and 18 of silence. And last night Hannity asked, "What would be worse, wishing an American citizen who has a different point of view that his kidneys fail or to waterboard a terrorist?". The cool Japanese kickass robot of the week is a teacher in Tokyo named Saya. And in L.A. a baggage container got caught in an engine.

Best Persons: 3 - Some guy in Wisconsin stole some Wisky but he also filled out a raffle ticket with name and address in and put it in a box that was just emptied. 2 - A fake Sheriff County's deputy pulled over an actual sheriff's deputy and a chase (and as mentioned at fark.com, hilarity) ensued. 1 - Kailash Sing has 7 girls and wanted a boy so he stopped bathing. He made this vow three and a half decades ago. Don't fear, though, he cleans himself by standing on one leg near a bonfire, smokes marijuana to get clean and he prays to Shiva. Indeed, a suitable replacement. You would never know the difference....

Number 3: A back up shuttle is being made in case the Hubble Telescope is destroyed while it is being repaired. The Hubble is having many, many problems and they hope that the repairs will get it to last 5-more years. Derrick Pitts of the Franklin Institute tells us more about a subject that is already way over my head. I'm a history guy, not a science one. I surely massacred the story in the recap above. But back to history for a second, Bill O'Reilly was not as wrong as Olbermann and JamesCraven claimed he was last night. Just as an example, Churchill wanted to use poison gas in 1940 in retaliation to the Germans but he had to be talked out of it by the Royal Air Force. And just because the poison gas is not lethal, isn't this kind of just like waterboarding in a way, in that it was used to torture. I'm not a Nazi appeaser or sympatheizer, but facts are facts and O'Reilly was closer to them then Keith and Obama were in regards to this matter.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Harold Jackson and William K. Marrino of The Philladelphia Inquirer. Apparently they hired John Yoo who they believed was no more than a freelance writer. Will Bunch says he's knowledgeable on legal subjects. Huh??? He's being investigaed! At least he's a Philadelphian.
Silver - Eric Bollin of the Fixed Going Out of Business Network. His list of a baseball line-up includes Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) as a catcher. Too much frat-house, humor?
Gold - Greta von Sustern does not approve of ambush journalism. AND SHE WORKS FOR FIXED NOISE CHANNEL?!?!?!?

Number 1, The WTF!?! Moment: She was speaking of a war between God and Satan in her mind as she spoke her opinion on gay marriages. She did not want to succumb to the devil so she spoke her mind when Perez Hilton asked her that question. And where was this holy spirit when she had all those semi-naked photos taken her. And wait, she was "punished" for what she said??? And no Carrie, the your grandfather did not fight for her freedom of speech. Miss USA has nothing to do with the government taking away your freedoms. All the breeches of contract she had and she still has the Miss California title. And yet she still feels like she was being punished. WHAT THE.....?!?

Hopefully I did you proud again, JC. I tried. Really.

Good night and good luck.

NOTE from JC: The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment. I like that as a semi infrequent segment.

So Today Just So Happens To Be The Day My Laptop Tells Me To F*** Off.

(Guest Posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

Naturally, the day that I am supposed to fill in for JC tonight, is the day where my internet does not seem to be working on my laptop (I'm on the family CPU right now where the internet does work but there is no TV in the room). It occasionally starts working and stops working at random times like this, so hopefully I'll be able to get it working, if not then this day will be epic fail. I won't be around tomorrow for a "plausibly live" blog tomorrow morning, either.

Blogger has a feature where you can schedule at what time a select post is up so I will have up open threads at around that time for the NHL and NBA Playoffs at 7 and 8 respectively (I'm going to get that set up right after I finish this), but if my internet is not working, I won't be posting in those threads either.

Let's hope for the best. If I get it working, I'll post an update in this thread, if there is no update by 8 PM ET, then you can safely assume that the internet is not fixed and there is no Countdown live blog tonight. Sorry. :-(

Update (2:02 PM): IT WORKS! For now, at least. If I have any more problems, I'll let you know via the family CPU. But if this is the last update that is visible at 8 PM, then you can safely assume that we're back on for the live blog! YAY!

The Future Mrs. Olbermann Gets a Job at The Weather Channel

The future Mrs. Keith Olbermann will be chasing tornados for the next few weeks over on The Weather Channel.

Katy Tur, Keith's fiance who just happens to be pictured on the left-hand side of this story, comes over from WPIX-TV in The Big Apple and will work on TWC's Vortex program for the next five weeks. BTW, TWC and MSNBC are partially owned by NBC Universal, thus your legal note du jour.

It should be pointed out that Ms. Tur is 28 years of age, and Keith is 50. If a female looking for a younger man is called a "cougar", what would older men dating younger ladies be called, lucky?

Countdown Live Blog: 5/11/09

The Tie: Light blue stripes.

Number 5: Herr Goebles plans to throw Adolph Bush XLIII under the bus. New intel, and ratting out Adolph XLIII in this round. A 2004 CIA Inspector General memo will be removed, but much of it is out with censorship worthy of Soviet Union gestapo. Dick was on Face The Nation speaking on the honorable way on holding the Geneva Convention hopstage. Prof. Jonathon Turley reads the tealeaves.

Number 4: Given a pick between Gen. Colin Powell (USA, Ret.) and Comedian Boss Limbaugh, Herr Cheney Goebles chose de facto GOP leader Limbaugh. And he returned the favor today, while Sen. John McCain, the non-winner of the 2008 Presidential election (R-AZ) said the Good Oldboysandgirls Party has room for moderates so as long as the leaders don't moderate, correct Eugene Robinson?

Oddball: TheInanitFund@gmail.com Update: Ninteen days and counting since Inanity made the statement on waterboarding himself for charity. The silence is deafening... To save money on gas, a new race car in England is scheduled to run on chocolate. Sweet! And at Shitty Field, Baba Booey, Howard Stern's producer threw out the first pitch Saturday...right at the umpire.

Best Persons: 3 - Carrie Prejean breached the contract on Miss California USA and will be decided by Donald Trump. She'll be fired and then be forced to be on the next Celebrit Apprentice. 2 - Al Perkins stole $3,100 in cash but left his wallet at the bank on the teller's counter. Nice move, Al. 1 - Karta the Orangutan made an attempt to escape from the German Zoo she was in, but didn't.

Musical Segue: The Animals' "We Gotta Get Outta This Place".

Number 3: Once again, Billo the Clown steps on the rakes that is World War II history. This time, defending the Nazis, defaming Winston Churchill. Oh, President Obama was correct. Video below for you history buffs.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World, Connect The Dots With Pirate Rupert Edition)

Bronze - Richard Johnson of the Page Six of One of new York's Finest Newspapers takes a shot at NBC, which is Luke Rupert's happening. BTW, that vanity paper down 21% in circulation.

Silver - Newt Gingrich went on Fixed Noise Sunday to suggest terrorist on welfare, and says waterboarding was not illegal.

Gold - Brain Kilmeade, ex-sportscaster on Fixed and Fiends, said that in a discussion on The DaVinci Code, Angels and Demons said even if Gallelo was innocent on hericy, he would have dies anyway. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot alert!

Number 1: In case you missed the annual White House Corospondents' Association clusterfuck mas grande annual dinner and Dean Martin Memorial Roast (mostly because Keith was there in person as seen in the May 10 post), here's the best zingers from Shecky Obama (opening this weekend at The Bethesda Chuckle Hut) and guest star Wanda Sykes. Especially that Boss Limbaugh 20th hijacker line, right Richard Wolffe? Your video is here.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Quick reminder, JFein's here tomorrow night unless that Shuster fellow fills in, then all bets are off. Speaking of going off, time to watch WWE RAW.

Wanda, We Have An Offer On The Table To Help Out...

Since Inanity still hasn't responded to the waterboarding request for charity, Wanda Sykes pointed this out on Saturday night (5/9) at the White House Corespondents' Dinner, starting at the 4:30 mark including Keith's response:

If you really want to help us out Ms. Sykes, please make a donation per second to TheInatitFiles@gmail.com, and we won't have to worry about that middle seat in coach. BTW, why couldn't MSNBC asfford to have more than one camera at the event while C-SPAN had three?

Skinned! IMG, ESPN on ABC Pulls Thanksgiving Tradition

The economic conditions have claimed the annual Thanksgiving weekend tradition in golf called The Skins Game. After failing to find an sponsor after LG electronics pulled out, IMG Sport has cancelled the 2009 event for the first time in a quarter century. So what will ABC Sports ESPN on ABC replace it with? Another college football game in all likelyhood.

Meet The New Fixed Noise Contributor!

(Guest posted by JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now!)

Joining Turdblossom and many other fair and balanced right-wing partisan hacks on Fixed Noise is none other than Dana Perino! Yes, the same Dana Perino that was the White House Press Secretary for George W. Bush! Yes, these people actually pass themselves as a legitimate news fair and balanced news organization. Sigh, idiocy (Argh!) has no limits.

Special Comment: Why CBS Should Sack David Fehrity

I'm going to be blunt and to the point here. Keith (of his Sports Journal), Mookie (Stupid Sideline Reporters) and Justin (Fire Andy Reid Now!) will likely have something to say on their sites this weekend.

David Fehrity's comments make me sick. In case you didn't hear about them, here's Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons from Friday (5/8). The comments come in at the 1:11 mark:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I don't know how Sean McManus, the son of the late Jim McKay who serves as the president of CBS News and CBS Sports feels, but this actually belongs in the hands of the big man at CBS, Leslie Mooneves (or as I like to call him, "The Only Reason His Wife, Julie Chen, Has A Job On The Early Show") to make the call in sacking him. It's not the first time someone at CBS has opened their mouth with their brains on idle and made a dumb comment.

Before the 1987 NFC Championship Game, Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder made an refernce about African-American athletes having been breeded in a different way a couple days before the contest at a Washington watering hole. That time, CBS was swift and gave the greek the ax, and The NFL Today as we knew it was broken up the next season. Out went Brent, Phyllis and Irv, enter Greg Gumbel and Terry Bradshaw (he is not an idiot, but does play one on TV.) A decade later, the network's long time distinguished golf announcer Ben Wright made comments on the week of the LPGA Championship that the tour was being populated by lesbians according to an interview he did with the Wilmington (DE) News Journal. Later that week, he was dropped faster than a Ford Pinto with Firestone 500 radials driven backwards by Leon Spinks into a tree. And if you think their relationship with Augusta National Golf Club and The Masters - a tradition like no other - has been rosy, you've been barking up the wrong dogwood tree. Esteemed announcer Jack Whitaker was banished from the premeses for a time decades ago for saying that the gallery of patrons was "a mob." Meanwhile, Gary McCord is curretly personna non gratta from Augusta after making a comment that the greens there were given a bikini wax, and any player who missed a putt were getting body bags ready for them.

CBS should drop Fehrity now. No ifs, ands or buts. The comments he made in D Magazine are an embarrassment to the country, golf, the military, elected officials and the human race in general. The armed forces of the United States of America are not mercenaries unlike those at Blackwater Xe, they are there serving for us until all is settled. These were made on an off week for the network's golf coverage as NBC is doing The Players' Championship this weekend, and I'm sure Johnny Miller will have something to say about this as well. Joking about something like Sean Hanity's waterboarding is all in good fun around here, but Fehrity's comments are just plain sick, and Mr. Mooneves should take action.

UPDATE: Both the PGA Tour and CBS Sports through spokespersons condemned Fehrity's comments. Media Matters has led a campaign to hve Fehrity either fired or forced to resign, and VoteVets.org has also called for the head of Fehrity, who has issued an apology via his agent. The apology is IMHO, not enough...hence the call for the firing.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/8/09

The Tie: Black, silver and blue stripes.

Number 5: On behalf of the entire universe, we'd like to tell Herr Goebles Cheney to simple when leaving your old position as Herr Adolph's second-in-command, "WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He spoke to one of the most far right wing nutjob hosts in North Dakota - NORTH FUCKING DAKOTA! - on waterbaording being good. Richard Wolffe, any ideas?

And when he said that he and the rest of the current Good Oldboysandgirls Party leaders should be exiting starge neocon right. Jonathon Alter, explain, the step outside.

Number 4: When did Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) know about enhanced interrigation techniques waterboarding and when did she forget about it? Ask the CIA about it back in 2002, four years before she became Speaker. Fixed Noise and other far right wing nutblogs jumped all over this. McClathy Newspapers chief Washington reporter Jonathon Landay is here to recap. And more on Madame Speaker in Worsts later...

Oddball: Tonight's Inanity Charity update brought to you by TheInanitFiles@gmail.com. Sixteen days since Inanity wanted to be waterboarded for charity and still no response. We have balogna with Jay Randolph's spelling of "G-O-D, GOOD!" in Maimi. Outside an office building in Sao Paolo, Brazil, a window washing bucket went awry.

Number 3: The guy who authorized that photo-op over the Statue of Liberty (which will finally reopen July 4th for the first time since 9/11) that caused panic over Lower Manhattan has resigned/been sacked/sent packing. Oh, yes, the pics were foramally released as well today (5/8). Louis Caldera, winner of April 27th's Worst Person in the World contest, leaves the White House Military Office in disgrace. Margaret Carlson, do you have the 8 x 10 glossies?

Still Bushed!: 3 - The man who wrote the book on far right Christian faith values said that Obama broke tradition began by Adolph XLIII over the National Day of Prayer. 2 - Many many changes in the culture in DC, according to Sen. Tom Colburn (R-OK), especially on economics. 1 - Lots of Iraq nothingness on Al Qaeda, as the Pakistani Prime Minister declares war on the Taliban.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)

Bronze - William Donahue compares President Obama to ex-KKK leader David Duke.

Silver - Alan Keyes was locked up in South Bend at Notre Dame against the speech President Obama.

Gold - David Fehrity has just written his notice of "we wish you well in future endeavors" asking if Speaker Pelosi, Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) and Osama Bin Laden were in a elevator, a US soldier had two bullets, two would be used for Pelosi, and Reid and Bin Laden gets choke out. Have you met Ben Wright and his stance on women golfers? Ever heard of Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder and his thought on African-American athletes? Did you know Jack Whitaker was banished from Augusta national for calling a gallery of patrons "a mob" and Gary McCord is still banished for syaing that they were "bikini waxing" the greens there? More on this dreadful commentary this weekend.

Number 1: Miss Wasilla 1984, the Evil Twin Sister of Sarah Palin won't be at the White House Corospondent's Dinner tomorrow (5/9; live at 9 PM ET on MSNBC - blaitant plug) because of - get this - she's the damned governor of Alaska. And Keith was going to have her autograph those SNL cue cards from Ben Affleck... But it won't be held in front of President Obama. Also out on the bill, Inanity and the rest of Fixed Noise, but $23,000 will be donated to a D.C. homeless group instead of desert. Craig Crawford previews the event, complete with a Fredo sighting!

I promised something about WordGirl last week, I'll have it for you this weekend...I promise.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/7/09

The Tie: Black with gray micropindots.

Number 5: While losing Spector is one thing, but now Joe The So-Called Plumber tells Time because he is leaving the Good Oldboysandgirls Party because they're overspending money. NO! And Newt Gingrich visited The White House, and it wasn't for a 2012 photo op. And Miss Wasalia 1984's popular opinion fell in fifteen months by 31%. Well, Richard Wolffe, has the GOP run out of ideas? And then, Shannyn Moore from HuffPo is in Anchorage to get the Tina Fey Evil Twin Sister angle.

Number 4: In defending the lawyers to tell torture, so when Eirc Holder - the Attorney General - was told about the Clinton Administration for transferring prisioners if he decides to go after Herr Goebles Cheney. Defending Fredo as The Little Guy? Brandon Friedman from VoteVets.org and author joins us.

Oddball: Fifteen days since Inanity wanted to be waterbaorded for charity. Help us out at TheInatitFiles@gmail.com. Every penny or dollar helps. One ginormous box of popcorn, please and people looked for prizes in London. Shanelle the dauschound terned 21 yesterday.

Best Persons: 3 - Jenna Lee of Fixed Going Out of Business is completely clueless...just like their viewer. 2 - Ron Gordon forgot about "Odd Day". 1 - Molly the Cow was lead to the slaughterhouse and escaped. And thanks to the ASPCA, will live in Long island.

Musical Segue: I'm a cow...moo!

Number 3: The Confederate States of America are not so alive and well. Only 9% of the GOP want to suceede from the union, and soverignity rules were passed in three states, and saying Chris Hayes from The Nation seems to think this is fascinating...and a case of treason.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World, The Fixed Noise All-Star Edition)
Bronze - Inanity claimed that Obama used mustard on hamburger. Dijon mustard. Pardon me, do you want any Grey Poupon?
Silver - Billo talks about the hate crimes protecting pedophiles but not of the military. It's all fake if you cannot believe it.
Gold - Prof. Harold Hill is falling behind on ACORN, and was played like a $3 banjo on someone's knee by an ACORN spokesperson. Prof. Hill then shut his mike off, ejects him from the studio, but the the ACORN guy asks Glenn's producer out on a date. Brainwashing much, Harold?

Number 1: As stated earlier today, Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games for using something used by the Octomom...to make Little ManRam happy if you catch my drift. On behalf of myself, I would like to say to Manny "Thanks for ruining my trip to The Vault Tuesday night (5/12) except for the $1 hotdogs." Well, I'll make fun of him with a few fans I know... (That's the next time JFein will fill in for me BTW, so if you're reading this Justin, you know the drill.) Manny now joins A-R*d, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Roger Clemens in the Steroid/PED Hall of Shame. All with the asterisk that once graced Roger Maris' name. Richard Justice from the Houston Chronicle, hello!

And for us, goodnight. See you tomorrow.

It's Just Manny Being Manny On An Unpaid Vacation

In case you didn't hear the news or just got back from a long trip to Uranus (please, no third-grade Star Trek jokes), Manny Ramirez of the Los Angeles Dodgers was handed a fifty-game suspension by Major League Baseball for a performance-enhancing drug he didn't know about.

All I can say is "Mannywood is closed until July 3." Wait. It gets crazier. the drug he was suspended for may have been used by the Octomommy. Keith will have some more tonight on the show, so join me at 8 PM US EDT for the live bloging.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/6/09

The Tie: A new one, this being in a brown, black and silver pattern.

Number 5: Herr Goebles will sure as hell continue to run President Obama's administration into the ground. If he claimed to look out for the little guy, we have a pile of bullshit so damn high, even Adolph XLIII wouldn't stand for it. So, who is in charge defending Abu Gahrib because he opens his mouth on what is going on, and so Howard Fineman wonders what is going on nowadays.

Meanwhile, the de facto leader of the Good Oldboysandgirls Party, Comedian Boss Limbaugh has opened his mouth and inserted his foot yet again...mocking the actual guys who are suffering in the recesion. And this from a man who maked $400M/year and Clear Channel laid off 1,200 people. Meanwhile, Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) claims that the New America crap is a anti-listening tour. And Colin Powell blames the Comedian for the downfall of the GOP, and Limbaugh wants to have Powell leave the diminishing party. Okay Pulitzer Prize winner Eugene Robinson, what say you about the Brainwashing by the Comedian?

Number 4: When a rejected nominee to Ambassador to the UN on the GOP side attacks President Obama - namely John Bolton - spent much of the time in an op-ed about the torture then brings up John Erlichaman by leaving Spanish lawyers who are investigating by leaving them "twisting slowly in the wind", then you must be required to bring John Dean for a discussion.

Oddball: Two weeks since Inanity said that he wanted to be waterboarded for a veterans' charity. Please help out by making your cash contribution to TheInanitFund@gmail.com. Remember, we're donating a penny a second for his water torture, and it gets doubled if Inanity admits he was going to wet his pants fearing for his life. For those of you wishing that Bonnie Prince Charlie is a toad waiting to be kissed, we hate to break the news to you, but the answer is no and both actually moved. So have a lot of celebs. And in Chicago, there was an ATM robbery connected with Lex Luthor.

Best Persons: 3 - Remember Jean Musgjred and the illeagal walkoff stuff yesterday? She forgot. And it wasn't aware about the warning part. 2 - Jacqui Smith, the UK's home secratary banned fifteen others, including Weinersavage which was mentioned yeaterday (5/5). 1 - An enraged man in Germany can't remember the greeting card was being mistaken for next door neighbors blasting music.

Musical Segue: The Temptations' "It's The Same Old Song." MO-TOWN!

Number 3: Sen. Arlen Spector (D-PA) was stripped of Republican seniority on many committes, as done by Majority leader Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) last night. Oh, he joked about the Norm Coleman, and blamed himself on the call. Joe Lockhart, ex-White House press secretary under Bill Clinton, is here to pull back.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Turdblossom has never heard of this guy called reality. He studied three months until they got John Roberts, and then two months later, that Harriet Meyers nomination!
Silver - Billo trashed The Boss on Pete Seeger's 90th Birhday. No stats to back them up?
Gold - Pirate Rupert's NewsCorpse wrecked ashore as income falls 47%. Newspapers down 99%. TV stations down 99%. Keith mocks Billo again complete with hand gestures. Arrrrrr...

Number 1: Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister's daughter "Happiness is seeing" Bristol "in your rear-view mirror" is once again promoting absotence on Today and GMA. Meanwhile, the jilted boyfriend of hers appeared on The Early Show and called it a crock. Meanwhile, Good Day Wherever sucks. And mommy was unavailable for comment. Welcome MSNBC's new host, Dylan Ratigan, starting Monday in the AM to discuss.

We'll see you tomorrow night...thankfully.

Banned In The UK

The British government has banned Michael Weinersavage for his, well, how can I put this, views on Muslims and their religious book, the Koran.

This calls for something special.



Enjoy.

Countdown Live Blog: Cinco de Mayo 2009

The Tie: Red with white micro pindots.

Number 5: Comedian Boss Limbaugh again tells everyone what the Good Oldboysandgirls Party to do, especially of the National Council for a New America, and they forget to invite the Evil Twin Sister of Elizabeth Samtamatina Fey. Limbaugh claims that the leaders of the GOP hate Miss Wasalai 1984. And now she's on the council, also known as the circular firing squad. Richard Wolffe, your thoughts?

And now the Tea Party protests creator, Eric Odom, believes that the movement has gone way off base, just ask Fixed Noise. "Act locally, think nationally" was supposed to be their motto, so Chris Hayes, what does The Nation think?

Number 4: Meantime, in the continuing saga of W. Is For Whitewashing, lawyers for Adolph XLIII want to rewrite the report on rewriting torture laws, thus watering down waterboarding. This according to The Washington Post which also will report everything but the kitchen sink. Prof. Jonathon Turley, local bar associations punishing those involved? Come on!

Oddball: Thirteen days since Inanity wanted to be waterboarded for charity; help me out at TheInatitFiles@gmail.com if you care. And in Sao Paolo, Brazil, bad fireworks burned the Paulista championship trophy. Hey, look who was at a local hamburger stand today. Cheeseburger, cheesburger, cheeseburger, chips, chips, chips, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi.. (No Coke, Pepsi.)

Best Persons: 3 - Hippolitio Vasquez tagged his marks with silver painty and chocolate. 2 - If David Bossie is Hollywood, I'm Slim Shady. 1 - Jean Musgjerd claimed that her opposition voided a home run because the hitter high-fived her teammates. Her team won in bonus cantos.

Musical Segue: "Everyone Wants To Rule The World" by Tears For Fears. Remember whan that was the theme of a retired comedian's TV show where he said he got paid by the word "fuck" on HBO?

Number 3: If you want bipartisanship, you need tripartisanship. The Party of No will fight to the death on the Supreme Court nominee replacing Justice David Souther. And there will be no sympathy whatsoever... Oh, great. Turdblossom has a myth of bipartianship, claiming that the air is poisioned. Margaret Carlsson, please explain this.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - President Obama does "cinco de quatro...er, Mayo at the White House."
Silver - Michele Bachmann (R-MN Mars) is again using the Dictionary of Perversion after being called a "hottie" saying that Washington blew its' wad on March 26.
Gold - Laura Ingraham pinch hit for Billo the Clown and criticizes Miss California USA Carrie Prejean and the same stuff said by Musto... And Keith, that is a fitting photo to use, much like Rich "Ejaculate on the Couch" Lowry and Michelle Magalgang Malkin (asahmed to be a native of Philadelphia) you've been using.

Number 1: Joe the Non-Plumber calls gay marraige "queer" and the aforementioned Carrie Prejean had some rather, um, interesting photo shown on TheDirty.com, claiming she's a Christian and a model. Mellissa Harris-Lacewell of Princeton University is here to tell us more.

As that retired comedian as I spoke of once said on Weekend Update and his previously mentioned HBO program "Guess what? That's the news and I AM OUTTA HERE!" See you tomorrow night...

We'd Thought Now Would Be A Good Time To Bring This Out

The wife of Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi wants a divorce. Here's a lookalike having a good time with a meter maid as we jump back into the wayback machine. You supply the "Yakity Sax" soundtrack.

Countdown Live Blog: 5/1/09

The Tie: Pink.

Number 5: Judge David Souter will retire as Supreme Court justice at the end of this term, and President Obama will look for his replacement pronto. Someone with a sharp mind, understanding justice and identifying the struggles. Souter was nominated by George H. W. Bush back in 1991, so the book is wide open and would be seated in October. Ryan Lizza from The New Yorker is here to answer everything.

And back to torture. A former CIA agent was shocked to see one of those waterbaorded 83 times, but now two outsiders are being blamed for this according to ABCNews.com. And someone in the Senate said they didn't now, so Jonathon Alter, why do we now we have freelancers?

Number 4: Among the dozen senators voting against the 1.7 million homeowners...Sen. Arlen Spector (D-PA). That killed an amendment that would have spared them from having their houses foreclosed. Mrs. Bear, Arianna Huffington, joins us.

Oddball: Nine days since Inanity wats to be waterboarded. If you want to make a contribution higher than my one cent a second, doubled if he feared for his life, e-mail me at TheInanitFund@gmail.com. Akward promotion of the month: "Kiss The Pig" in suburban Chicago for a beauty school. Put the cliched lipstick on that pig, please. In Thousand Oaks, California, the Hollywood Wax Museum is going out of business and they're selling the statues like crazy.

Best Persons: 3 - A Alabama man kept a gun on his bed, so what happens when he tried to sleep with it? 2 - A Boston talk show host (Jay Severin) has been suspended by WTKK-FM for blaming the Mexicans for the swine flu. 1 - Teresa Tambunting took some gold home with her. About 500 pounds...from her jewel maker.

Musical Segue: I Take It One Piece At A Time...

Number 3: "Hello, I'm Steven Colbert. You know how this works. I play an idiot." That's what the host of The Colbert Report says to every guest backstage before every show. Was that the reason he was banned from the White House Correspondents' Dinner under Adolph XLIII? Students at The Ohio State University saw clips and a good number thought he was conserative. The study's author, Heather LaMarre, joins us.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - Billo the Clown said that "Kelly McGillis is a lesbian". This is a pinhead.
Silver - Another Fixed Noise person, Major Garrett, blames the Obama Administration on why he didn't call on him, and said everyone else was a cheerleader for the White House.
Gold - Rep. Dr. Paul Brown (R-GA) turned swine flu into a racial epitath when the 23-month old child who died last week was termed as a illeagal alien.

Number 1: So Southern California in 2002, Boise State and Utah this year all wanted to play for the national championship in the Bowl Championship Series (or the BCS, but drop the "C" and see what it really is): Communism according to Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX), who dropped the "C" word in a hearingtoday that was well attended. Like, say, the Poinsettia Bowl. VH1's "Best Week Ever" host Paul F. Tompkins will try to answer that.

Have a great weekend, and I'll tell you more about WordGirl this weekend.