Countdown Live Blog: 3/31/09

The Tie: Blue shadow stripes. Spring collection much?

Number 5: President Obama went to Europe for the G20, and the Good Oldboysandgirls Party began bashing just as a new ABC News/Washington Post poll showing two-third of the country loves how Obama is running the country. And Comedian Boss Limbaugh is again hoping he fails, while over at Fixed Noise, former beauty queen Gretchen Carlson, news actor Bill Hemmer and Inanity are echoing House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) looking out for the CEOs. And so Howard Fineman agrees with that.

Meanwhile, Steve Clemons from TheWashingtonNote.com joins us to recap the first day of the first trip to Europe of the 44th Presidentof the United States.

Number 4: Seymour Hersh joins us to lay the smack down on Ayatollah Dickcheney's asasination chain of command and may have even added that in an NPR interview on stay-behind people still working at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Still Bushed!: 3 - Smoke the terrorists out, but help them out in Pakistan. 2 - An arbitrator made people "volunteer" at the EEOC. Nice going, pal. 1 - Post 9/11 spread freedom and Afghanistan ramrodded shieah family law. Welcome to the 15^th Century.

Number 3: A rally will be held by the GOP manana for their budget plan tomorrow. April Fools Day. They also will give you a free trip on OCD Air baggage class to Boguslovenia as well as a Statointellicator and a Transrebounder. And this against Obama's own plan, which looks like it will be passed very soon. House Majority Whip Rep James Clyburn (D-SC) phones this one in (all credit goes to phone credits) for an interview.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Tonight's winners eligible for the end of the week honors Friday...
Bronze - They believe to adopt the elimination of the Singapore drug plan...hangings and all - no, not Obama and someone else. Billo the Clown and Newt Gingrich.
Silver - And Billo wants to boycott Spain and UPS...Spanish response: NUTS. UPS' response: You saw what he did to France. BTW, Keith gave $25K to the It Happened to Alexa Foundation.
Gold - Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) goes back 65 million years and thinks carbon and carbon monoxide are the same. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you...

Number 1: So, how do you solve the crisis in Detroit with the Chrysler and General Motors mess? Call in Discovery's Mythbusters, Jamie Heineman and Adam Savage are in a first for them, in Studio 1A's second floor.

I'll see you tomorrow...and that's no April Fool.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/30/09

The Tie: Red with small white dots.

Number 5: Herr Goebles, or as Mike Peters now dubs him "Ayatollah DickCheney", as Seymour Hirsch told Goebles Israel not to trust Prsident Obama (then President-elect) because he would back the Palastinians, and the outlines of the covert asassins for hire was "not true, but the outline was certainly true" according a former aide to Herr Goebles on CNN. Richard Wolffe, what part of the word "asshole" didn't Cheney get?

And then the Abu Zabayah waterboarding torture confessions was obtained from Dictator Adolph XLIII after he gave them information, and now Spain builds a major attack and a trail of six, including Fredo but not Adolph or Goebles. Prof. Jonathon Turley, is that enough for all of us to sleep better tonight? No one expected this Spanish Inquisition!

Number 4: The White House sacked Rick Wagoner, the CEO of General Motors, this as part of the bailout money they will get in the next 60 days, and give Chrylser a month to getting help from the Italian group Fiat kin exchange for government cash. Dan Gross from Newsweek joins us to tell us ownership news.

Oddball: Richard Dysert was born 80 years ago today. In Louisville, Colonel Sanders now sponsors pothole filling. And in Lima, Peru, Princess Inca levitated herself into Magic's Biggest Secrets...Revealed.

Number 3: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) won't endorse Sarah Palin's Evil Twin Sister, Miss Wasalia 1984, until he sees the rest of the GOP field for 2012. Among the others mentioned were Gov. Kenneth The Page (R-LA) and Gov. john Huntsman (R-UT) and the continued meltdown of Good Oldboysandgirls Party chairman Michael Steele is jealous of the President. Plus, a vedor is suing the GOP for $800K for expenses from last year's asskissing clusterfuck in St. Paul. So, Chris Kofinis, just how long (and wrong) has it been time since McCain got BarackRolled?

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)

Tonight's nominees are eligible for the weekly honors on Friday...

Bronze - Charles E. F. Millard took the $64 billion of pension out of bonds into stocks...real estate...and lost money.

Silver - William Kristol hyped the hell out of Adolph's WMD in Iraq, and was asked to deny...and didn't.

Gold - Paranoid Glenn Beck is paranoid of the 9/11 victims as of the newest Harold Hill.

Number 1: Bill O'Reilly spoke with Broadcasting and Cable in celebration of his 100th month of being the leader in the ratings. But it's not the longest TV winning streak. Today has been winning since May 1995, and Meet The Press has had a streak since May 1998... and they're both on NBC. And it's false that he never mentioned He Who Must Not Be Named. But you know what, he did long before he sic'd Fixed Noise Security on the man from Orlando after calling the radio comedy show. The video proof is in the pudding as they say.

Well, that will do it for me. Of to the hilarity of WWE RAW. Catch you tomorrow.

An Instant Countdown Clasic

You've heard about Vince Offer Schlomi, the ShamWOW guy and his run in with the law from Friday's (3/27) Oddball. Now here's the video, and as Beetlejuice said about The Exorcist "it gets funnier EVERY TIME I SEE IT!"

SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS! VILLANOVA'S DANCIN' IN MOTOWN!!!

Break out the Boyz II Men references. Motown Philly is indeed back again.

For the first time since 1985, on the 17th anniversary of the greatest regional final ever and the 30th anniversary of the Three Mile Island meltdown, the Villanova University Wildcats are going to the Final Four, a brand name mind you, not an adjective.

They had to survive the wildest finish in Boston since the Tea Party as they beat the Pittsburgh Panthers, 76-74 and punch their ticket to Ford Field next weekend. However, this will not be easy as A-B-C, 1-2-3 baby, you and me mind you. They'll have to come see about the winner of tomorrow's (3/29) South Regional final between North Carolina and Oklahoma. Reach out, Cats, we'll all be at Ford Field in spirit as they will spin a Ball of Confusion. I guess you say, what could make me feel this way? Winning, my girls and boys.

Countdown Live and Interrupted By A Computer Breakdown Blog: 3/27/09

The Tie: Purple with red spots.

Number 5: Michele Bachman (R-MN), the representative from the planet Pluto - check that, dwarf star Pluto - is now calling for an orderly revolution to overthrow President Obama, and in the process, may have broken a few laws. She's telling her paranoya will destroya over global currency, and says she's a foreign reporter in this country. So going on Inanity's radio humorfest, she called for it, and Jonathan Alter will see that and raise you the still dead Generalmissio Francisco Franco as well.

And then the GOP's "fudge-it" was still full of the sound and fury signafying nothing, and Minority Whip Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) just couldn't get Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) to cancel the presser, so why have no money amount and "Drill, baby drill" and tax cuts instead. TalkingPointsMemo.com's Matt Cooper has come here to look over this plan...or the lack thereof. Guess when it comes out? April Fools Day.

Number 4: Adolph XLIII was supposed to claim himself as a war president. Time's up, and now President Obama will now put pressure on Afgans and Pakistanis to erase the Taliban from both. Adding 4,000 troops to the 17,000 going there in the future to train police and military personel, while withdrawing from Iraq in the progress. Rajiv Chandraserkaran from The Washington Post, fresh from Iraq, joins us.

It was at this point my computer decided to go mental on me and and I had to pick up the 10 PM ET/7 PM replay here. Remember the term "DTA: Don't Trust Anyone" that Stone Cold Steve Austin warned us about? "DTT: Don't Trust Technology." Sledgehammer, please say hello to the Dell 2300.

Oddball: Vince the ShamWow! guy was arrested for biting the tongue of a lady of ill repute. Was it 56 seconds into this ad he said this repeatedly to her? In other Oddball news, a bobcat with rabies was found in an Chaparral, Arizona bar and bit a photographer. The Arizona Wildcats were put out of their misery... And over in Finland, is that a minidrive on your pinky finger or are you just happy to be on the interwebs?

Best Persons: 3 - Want a $5, 14-inch one-topping pizza from an pizzeria in Pocatello, Idaho? See Jeb Harrison's class. 2 - Steve Schmidt now supports gay marriage after voting against Prop 8. 1 - The GOP sets the president on budget accordng to Presidential Election loser Sen. John McCain (R-AZ). Now that's honesty!

Musical Segue: En Vogue's "Whatta Man!"

Number 3: Miss Wasalia 1984, the Evil Twin Sister of Tina Fey was supposed to have a meeting telephionically (yes, there's that word in Webster's) with her Good Oldboysandgirls Party leaders in the Alaska State House and State Senate, but they blew her off...or vice versa, all about the stimulai especially that education money, and now the State Legislature is mad as hell and won't take any more. Welcome Shannyn Moore back to dig deeper into this.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
The nominees tonight goes into the stew for the weekly winner in a bit as well!
Bronze - The aforementioned Rep. Cantor went on Fixed and Fiends and answered former beauty queen Gretchen Carlson's softball question on why the budget that isn't a budget had an odd number of pages.
Silver - Michelle Malagang Malkin, that noted ashamed Philadelphia native, doesn't like the idea of giving the newspaper industry non-profit status and tax-free as well.
Gold - Billo has lost a major sponsor after the stalking of Amanda Turkel of ThinkProgress.org in the form of UPS. So, Billy, "What CAN'T brown do for you?"

Number 1: Joe the Unlicensed Non-Union Non-Plumber is now a spokesweasel for the far right wing nutjob group Americans for Prosperity in a campaign against the Employee Free Choice Act. And man, he's horny, right Eugene Robinson?

Weekly Bonus Time: Well, let the daily winners and runnerups together now and decide this week's bottom feeder of the bottom feeders:

When Kenneth the Page, Governor of Louisiana says that $130 million is a waste of money from the stimulai. This late word just in, Mount Redoubt just exploded ash into Anchorage... A double dipper for Glenn Beck, criticizing the Real Time gang on HBO for being crazier than the previously called upon Michele Bachman, and then shows us how nutty he is by wrapping a fish in The New York Times. It was reported that the dead fish, who was a junior account executive at Fixed Noise, refused to be wrapped in Pirate Rupert's vanity newspaper because it was beneath him. Did we also mention that he was scared about President Obama using teleprompters? You're using one, sir... Can't have Billo around without his name calling at NBC News, claiming that the network was bankrupt, but our news division made $775 million, while Rupert's personal worth was shanghai's in half and then some... Speaking of anyone at NewsCorpse, one of the actresses at Fixed Going Out of Business claimed that AIG's bonuses being sent back to the Federal Government was akin to sexual assualt, and Fixed Noise brainiac Megyn Kelley blames death threats, and sure enough, she should have known that some of her staffers were also aghast about it and wanted them boiled in boiling oil in Times Square... Up on Capital Hill, Sens. Kit Bond (R-MO) and Judd Gregg (R-NH) did mention something about cement shows to weigh people down, mistaking it for mob rules, while Rep. Joe barton (R-TX) says there's no proof of global warming and needs shade... Finally, Gary Bauer, the president of a whack out group called American Values says that there were mini-Gitmo everywhere. They showed them in a documentry and even mentioned He Who Shall Not Be Named by name. Nice work, Sparky.

Add to the ollo that is the worst of the worst, tonight's nominees Billo and the UPS boycott, Michele Malagang Malkin for non-profit newspaper status and Eric Cantor on the not-a-real-budget. So who was it that was the worst of the worst? Well, if you want to be honest, one guy outshone everyone. Crazy as it may seem, Billo is very careful to stay where he is, otherwise, the man who wins this week was nuts, and no it wasn't Vince the ShamWow and SlapChop fellow. the man who has decided that he is certified nuts, the gu who was a fishmonger, Glenn Beck, this week's Worst... PERSON... IN THE WORLD... OF THE WEEK!

Don't forget to visit Keith's Sports Journal this weekend (provided there's no glitches) for the live blogging of the Elite Eight, and I'll see you Monday if my computer finally decides to behave.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/26/09

The Tie: Black, white and gray stripes.

Number 5: The Just Say No To Everything Good Oldboysandgirls Party has now set their own budget proposal without numbers. Or spending plans. Or even ideas. Just ask House Minority Leader Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) the details about the blueprint. And even National Review slammed it before White House Press Secratary Robert Gibbs used the Don Quixote windmill therory. That windmill can be found on the 7^th green at the local miniture golf park. Chris Cillizza analyzies nothing!

Now as for the Republicans' fearless leader, Michael Steele... It was all planned telling CNN if he wants to run for the 2012 Presidential Election and the Comedian Boss limbaugh stuff was that he meant to do that. Chris Kofinis joins us to see what the heck is going on.

Number 4: When is Newt Gingrich's version of a dictatorship not a dictatorship? When he said two years ago that we should close the interwebs, drop the First Amendment through Adolph XLIII's shredder via Fredo and this after Tim Geitner, your Treasury Secratary wants to take over all bad assets not belonging to banks. Well, at least that what he told Inanity last night (3/25). Lawrence O'Donnell, please slowly explain this to Candace Gingrich's brother.

Oddball: How many birthdays today? Bob Eliott of Bob and Ray! In Brazil, we saw Pedro Olivia fall 127 feet in three seconds and had a scratch. And in Neville Township, Pennsylvania, an 18-wheeler was slapped with a ticket

Still Bushed!: 3 - In fake fighting recaps and storylines, Randy Orton handcuffed Triple H and beat him within an inch of his life, then beat his wife, Stephanie McMahon, got booed and then a post-show video from WWE's Tribute to the Troops featuring Adolph XLIII got more boos at the RAW show in Kansas City. 2 - The recovery unit in Ft. Bragg is so bad, soliders want to go back to Iraq. 1 - More KBR electrical showers shenanigans...try almost a hundred.

Number 3: John Ashcroft is now on the W. Is For Whitewash tour saying that he believes Adolph XLIII will be remembered fondly (wanna bet?) and then in the Q-and-A session YouTubed spoke of torture. John Dean, how many different forms of waterboarding can you think of?

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Nominees eligible for bonus weekly honors tommorow (3/27)
Bronze - Meryn Kelly, actress at Fixed Noise blamed AIG and death threats. Especially when those at Fixed Noise wanted to boil AIG executives in oil near headquarters at 6^th Avenue and 49^th Street.
Silver - Glenn Beck has a breakdown again at Fixed Noise using dead fish wrapped in The New York Times, and blamed Obama for using teleprompters. Seriously, the dead fish can read off a teleprompter and become an junior exec at Fixed Noise.
Gold - Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) blames the climate needing shade, someplace cool, someplace warm, and SPF 200.

Number 1: For the second time in three nights, we throw the spotlight in Billo The Clown and his factor Fiction comedy spectacular. He belives ThinkProgress.org head John Podesta is really running NBC News, not Jeff Zucker. And our friend, Amanda Turkel, was a villain. Meanwhile, advertisers are threateneing to boycott Billo The Clown for that stalking producing smear interviews stuff, and Think Progress doesn't run NBC and vice versa, thank you Ms. Turkel.

Join me at Keith's Sports Journal for some March madness, and I'll see you here tomorrow.

Please Welcome Our Newest Staffer...

JFein from Fire Andy Reid Now! He'll be my designated pinch hitter starting with next Friday's (4/3) show. Be nice to him, please.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/25/09

The Tie: Lavender.

Number 5: Facism at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? So says one lady caller to House Minority Whip Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) on CSPAN this morning! Sorry miss, April Fools Day is next week. And while President Obama was having his presser, Cantor was at a Britney Spears concert at the Verizon Center. And last night's WPitW winner, Gov. Kenneth The Page (R-LA) spoke at a $2,500/plate dinner to raise money for the Good Oldboysandgirls Party Congressional campaign in 2010. As they say, "Rotsa Ruck." Jonathon Alter reports from The White House for his side of the story, then Howard Dean (Ya-hah!) takes his time to look into this.

Number 4: As the budget heads for the destination at Capitol Hill, we heard of the meeting between moderate GOPs and Democrats, Wall Street's rollercoaster of fate was up today. Sen. Bernie Sanders (Ind.-VT) joins us for the straight poop about the meeting.

Oddball: One of the dangers of the interwebs of the 100th birthday of Dutch Leonard. Emil Leonard and another guy. In Knoxville, Tennessee, Buford the dog was up a tree and the TVA saved him. In Florida, Broward Country justice sees at a perp getting chased by a witness.

Best Persons: 3 - Finland sells off thirty three percent of Santa Land. 2 - Ralph Amendolaro plays Bernie Madoff's numbers in the big house. 1 - Japanese invent underwear that you can wear for a week. I think we have that, and it's called "Depends."

Musical Segue: Smell that smell.

Number 3: Snappy Answer To Stupid Questions Department: In reponse to CNN reporter Ed Henry's two intertwined questions about AIG bonus cash and if the spending outrage would rear its' ugly hair for the next president, they were responded with a I got you comment. Eugene Robertson, what now?

Still Bushed!: 3 - Two ex-admin wrote in The Washington Post favored torture. Thomas Pickering and William Sessions. 2 - That Sunni awakening has gone attacking to someone else. 1 - What would happen if there were more Gitmos around the world? Shutter at the thought from Amnesty International's stories.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

All nominees eligible for Friday's weekly jackpot prize.

Bronze - A Fixed Going Out of Business actress compares AIG's tax on the big big outrage bonuses to sexual assualt.

Silver - Sens. Kit Bond (R-MO) and Judd Gregg (R-NH) make the same stalking point on reconsiliation compared to cement thorwing into the river.

Gold - Billo is thinking NBC is bankrupt, while they made $775 million at the news divisions, and Pirate Rupert is now worth only AUS $3.4 billion.

Number 1: All we are hearing is Radio Gaga as Queen once said. Today in Chicago, Radio Blago starring the disgraced, impeached former governor of Illinois today on WLS-AM between traffic and transit on the twos and the latest weather forcast as a fill in host. Christian Finnegan - dressed as a security guard - joins us.

And somewhere between the hijacking of his office as he put it, I have lost it. Don't forget to visit Keith's Sports Journal the next couple days for your Sweet Sixteen fix, and be here tomorrow.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/24/09, Only Delayed Because of President Obama's Live Press Conference

First of all, the show is delayed due to President Obama's prime time presser this evening. And after his two-week tour across America (and spring training sites in Arizona and Florida), Keith returns to New York City.

The Tie: Silver-gray with black and white stripes.

Number 5: Isn't it obvious? They just finished coverage a few minutes ago... AIG, the big cruise liner, calling Ann Compton of ABC News "honey", in other words, just your second Presidential press conference in prime time by Barack Obama. Most of the questions were about the economy of course, especially the $3.6 trillion budget and news of Treasuary Secretary Tim Geitner wanting to take control of any financial sinkhole (read CitiGroup and AIG) if need be. As for the critics in the Good Oldboysandgirls Party, they will be triple dog dared to pass the budget as is or else he'll make them stick their tongues against a frozen street pole in Alaska. Tweety (Chris Matthews) joins us for anaylsis.

So the reporters were more or less zombies more or less, and everyone have to do health care, schools and energy now or else, and Senior Adviser David Axelrod, the man who will deliver the plan to Congress this week, tells all in an interview.

Number 4: Meanwhile, neglected affairs with North Korea and Iran, plus disasterous wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, so the question is how are we going to pay for it? Chuck Todd asked it, and President Obama says that the VA was under resourced on PTS or brain trauma, and now the Defense Department procurement will be revamped. So Howard Fineman, has he declared war on another Adolph XLIII policy? Surely that looks like it to us.

Number 3: Herr Goebles Cheney is getting on the nerves of four congressmen. And guess what? All four of them are Republicans! SURPRISE!!! Any why, you ask? They agree that the policies of opening his mouth are dangerous. That during Sunday night's Steve Kroft interview on 60 Minutes, especially two from Tennessee, and one each from Michigan and Illinois. So, Chris Hayes from The Nation, we all agree this is a case (as The Rock once said) "Know your role and shut your mouth?"

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
Don't forget, tonight's threesome are eligible for the weekly honors on Friday.
Bronze - Glenn Beck criticized Keith and the rest of the Real Time panelists on Friday for being crazy as Michele Bachman. Lobotomy for one, please!
Silver - President of American Values Gary Bauer says 61* of the detainees unfairly kept at Gitmo were shown in a documentary at Gitmo, and only two were convicted, and oh, he mentioned Keith.
Gold - Gov. Kenneth The Page (R-LA) criticized that volcano monitoring $140 million spending. And in Alaska, there was an volcano eruption at Mount Redoubt... A mere 100 miles from Anchorage and near an oil terminal as well.

Number 1: The world will once again be a safer place when Pirate Rupert gets rid of Bill O'Reilly by hook or by crook and shanghais him off the deep end of the plank toward the briney deep of Davy Jones' Locker as sharks swim around in a circle. Hard to believe, Harry, but Rupert is now losing confidence in Ted Baxter's Evil Twin, Phineas T. Bluster, the Frank Burns of electronic journalism, or The Big Giant Head (choose one). In desperation, he stalks our guest, Amanda Turkel, and then in The Boston Herald wrote that Seymour Hersch went on MSNBC and wanted to have Cheney's team go postal on Hersch at everyone at MSNBC. Mr. Hersch was in Minnesota that night mind you. Then, it's sending stalker/producer Jessie on Ms. Turkel following her on a two hour vacation trip from Washington to Winchester, Virginia. for accurately quoting O'Reilly, thus violating two of his rules in the interview business.

We'll see you tomorrow night at the regular time.

Welcome Aboard the Blogosphere, Sir!

Or, as our friends at Awful Announcing said, "Welcome to the dark side." Keith now has an official blog on Major League Baseball's web site.

http://keitholbermann.mlblogs.com

That is all.

The Big Giant Head's Incorrect on Connecting The Dots...Again

We're pretty sure once again that Bill O'Reily makes more incorrect statements than any other human walking God's green earth. Two weeks ago, Billo was handed several Worst Person in the World honors for his fund-raising visit to a Florida support group for rape vicitms, The It Happened to Alexa Foundation, even though in August of 2006, he made comments on his radio program about a teenage victim from New Jersey named Jennifer Moore who was demin in a denim miniskirt and red haltertop with a bare midriff and blamed her for being a red flag to every predator in the world. The Alexa Foundation continued to hold firm, even though it was changed to talk about his book, A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity Steaming Doggy Doo, and there was an online petition to as to cancel his appearance which never happened. So wouldn't you know it, Billo has now decided to blame nothing more than the dreaded "Left-Wing Smear Machine", in this case, Think Progress.org and its' managing editor Amanda Terkel and his favorite target, NBC News! Why? Because both were telling the truth, one of Billy's least favorite things. As usual, the translation from Billo to Human is provided for you.

"Last month, after the charitible event was announced, a bunch of far left loons picked up some propaganda from the hate group Media Matters that said I was unsymphathetic to crime victims, a preposterous lie. Along with 'America's Most Wanted', The Factor have done more for the victims of crime than any other television program on the air."

That is, unless you count the cancelation of appearing for the Florida chapter of AMW host John Walsh's National Center for Missing and Exploited Children because of what you termed what one victim of a kidnapping was "having fun" or the time that you called eight victims in a New York rowhome fire as illegal immigrants. After explaining what happened in the outset, Billo began points his ray gun at his favorite target.

"Elements at NBC News then encouraged the loons to protest The [It Happened To] Alexa Foundation, causing Alexa and her family major grief."

Wrong, there were people that were outraged, not one of them worked for NBC News, much less anyone that I know of. At this point, Billo then tries throwing monkey poo at the wall, hoping it would stick, but in this case, it didn't.

"Perhaps the worst garbage came from the far left group Center for American Progress, headed by John Polestra. A woman named Amanda Terkel led that charge."

And as usual, he sent one of those stalker/producer brownshirts, Jessie Watters, to follow her to Winchester, Virginia, a good two hours from Washington, and get an attack ambush interview, which Ms. Turkel talks about here. And after the clip aired, Judge and Jury Bill passes judgement:

"Well, Miss Terkel is certainly a villain."

For what, a villain for telling the truth? For posting a comment you made two years ago about a simular victim? But now he's in full "We'll do it live! WE'LL DO IT LIVE!" overdrive, and starts talking abouit his and former broadcast journalist Bernard Goldberg's favorite smear mongers...

"She was used by NBC News, and that brings us to the man behind the curtain."

Lemme guess, The Wizard of Oz?

"For years, NBC Universal president Jeff Zucker has been paying character asassinators to lie and distort the truth under the banner of NBC News."

Bill, I hate to break this to you, but your complaints have been sent to the wrong department. Jeff Zucker is chairman of NBC Universal, not the president, so let me know when the devil is available when he's not watching American Idol. Oh, and I'm not calling Pirate Rupert Satan, okay?

"Zucker is the guy who hires the hate, the executive who allows NBC's airwaves to harm innocent people. With NBC's programming a disaster, he is almost single handedly ruining a once great brand."

Oh great, you didn't want to bring math into the story, but I have no other choice. In the February 2009 Nielsen Ratings among basic cable network in the highly coveted 25-54 age group, we found something very interesting. It turns out Fixed Noise was second in the age group, right behind USA Network. USA Network, like MSNBC is owned by NBC Universal, hence that legal disclaimer that I just added. And again, the Billo Smear tactics revisited another old lie.

"By the way, Zucker's direct boss is our old friend Jeff Immelt, the CEO of the failing General Electric Company and great patron of Iran."

Jeff Immelt no longer is considered a great patron of Iran when he heard about the nuclear missile program,and has since pulled GE completely out of the country, no longer allowing vendors of the company to do business with Iran.

"And so, here we have a brave young woman and her fine family, subjected to pain and pulls by the likes of Jeff Zucker. In white collar [crime] circles, it doesn't get more evil than that."

Tell that to the parents of another brave young lady, Jennifer Moore, who had to put up with the same nonsense you said two and a half years ago.

Keith's March Madness Part III: Real Time with Bill Maher

And now, the recap of Keith's guest shot on Real Time with Bill Maher.

Keith in the Bob Barker Studio at CBS Television City? I can hear Johnny Olsen yelling "Come on down!" And he did, joining actress Kerry Washington, Sen. Bernie Sanders (Ind.-VT) and columnist Andrew Ross Sorkin from the runner up of Billo and Bernie's smear merchants list, The New York Times. So we now have the winner and the runner up in the Left Wing Smear Machine from Billo... Keith switched from a blue tie to purple one with a gray three-piece suit from the Richard Dawson Family Feud 1970's collection.

They obviously talked about Cornell (believe it or not, Maher was a student there at the same time as Keith) and of course Coultergeist was brought up, and Maher said that he was "an idiot for debating Coulter" and a Maher clone opened up an can o'whoopass on Mr. Coulter Drag Queen. then Herr Goebles' little bat guano insanity known as the Adolph XLIII barometer of Obama's safety. "'I see ghosts.' Thanks a lot, DICK!" Then "Mission Accomplished in Iraq." I don't do that anymore.

After the group discussed the many crsies going on, the $5 billion bill on financial dereg was brought up. And it's not flatlining, either. It's not like everything bad, mind you... just where half the money is located is a one hundred percent improvement over Adolph XLIII's dictatorship. And then comes the right-wing smear machine, or Fixed Noise on Glenn Beck's figments of his fragile imagination, quoting Madeline Albright: "He's nuts." And Keith has nothing on Howard Beale, comparing Beck with Father Coughlin with a crewcut. And Washington says she'd like to meet his acting coach. Then Keith lays into an Inanity impression knocking him as a salesman, and Keith would not take a dime from Pirate Rupert and quoted Inanity as "it's just TV", and panic!

And in case you want to go overtime, go here.

That's it for this week. See you in NYC on Saturday, and in cyberspace Monday.

Keith's March Madness Part II: The Soup

"Joel and interns, good morning. Good morning everybody. In the news this morning...good morning..." That's how Keith Olbermann's last visit to E!'s The Soup turned out back in July, channelling his inner Anne Curry. How'd it go this time around you ask? Read on.

"Well, what is the world coming to?" Meanwhile, Keith insults that fact that Twiiter is now on ET and The Insider. Good thing Pat O'Brien isn't there as Keith did a creepy impression of O'Brien on hookers. (And not the journalistic ones that the far right smear machine want you to think of.) Just think, a few hours ago, Twitter won WPitW, and he lets those Soup staffers mock it. He also mistook host Joel McHale as a waiter after he asks "What's next? A sportscaster anchoring a news show?" and the Olbermann reply: "And a waiter hosting a clip show?" They were also scared of the Big Giant Head of the creepy Randy Travis on the Country and Western edition of Season 8 of American Idol. YIKES!

Catch you in an hour for the Real Time with Bill Maher interview.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/20/09, Keith's March Madness Part I

Yeah, one more night in Lost Angeles...

The Tie: Blue.

Number 5: Why did AIG fail on Tim Geitner? Or is it the other way around? Well, depends on whom you ask... Cris Cillizza, avoiding crude popularism takes a look.

Last night, interviewed by Jay Leno, President Obama says he has the bigger change for a sound economy, and most of the stuff was legal under Adolph XLIII. Everyone is looking for re-regulation...and Richard Wolffe joins us to explain.

Number 4: Tina Fey's Evil Twin Sister, Miss Wasalia 1984, refuses stimulai cash, refusing 31% from the stim marked for education (including specialo needs kids), medicine, unemployment and weatherproofing. This is the same lady who aroused Rich "Sitting up a little straighter on the couch" Lowery of National Review with that wink turning his review into Keith impersonating Adam West reading from Penthouse Forum. "Please step away from your TV sir!" Chris Hayes of The Nation, what kind of a schnuck is she to use a special needs child?

Oddball: In 1922, the back half of Bob and Ray was born. And in Valencia, Spain, the annual finale of Festival of Flames was held. And in Florida, a crocodile was run over his jaw by a car and is recovering at the Miami Zoo.

Best Persons: 3 - Keith retracts the Special Comment on ShittyCorp CEO taking $38 million in 2008; he actually made $1. 2 - Fark.com headline of the week on Walden Pond after a "Thoreau search." *palmslap* 1 - A church lady in Arden, Washington stole money from the offerings; claims the devil made her do it. Makes Keith bring his bad Dana Carvey impression out.

Musical Segue: Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky"

Number 3: The Good Oldboysandgirls Party had a week of soundbites that were perfect for one Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy fame. And Keith will appear on the spinoff series The Cleveland Show on your local FOX station this fall or on [adult swim].

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)
Bronze - House Minority leader Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) lies about the decrease on financial deregulation.
Silver - Brit Hume, ex-Fixed Noise host, admits that he used material as talking points from humorist L. Brett Bozell's Media Research Center.
Gold - Keith does not have over 14,000 followers on Twitter. I am needless to say, not one of them.
And tonight's nominees are now eligible for my pick for Worst Person in the World of the Week later on...

Number 1: And the winner of the most far left smearable award is...MSNBC. Rachael Maddow joins us a few minutes before her show starts.

BONUS COVERAGE FROM ME: Time to award the coveted (?) title of Worst Person in the World of the Week, as tonight's nominees join Random House (handing a $7M advance for Adolph's memoirs), Lou Dobbs' (for those un-American American holiday comments), rookie Rep. William Posey (R-FL) and his proposal to make all presidential nominees have their birth certificates certified as American reintroducing the old Drudging the Bottom of the Muck Report nonsense on Obama's birthplace, Comedian Boss Limbaugh (forgetting that some Republicans were aghastly angered about AIG), wife beater wearing "I LOVE MARRIAGE" T-shirt wearer Brad Gellard, Inanity and his declaration that we lost the War on Terror when Billo The Clown declared a win, fellow Fixed puppet Steve Doocy and his comments about Cesar Chavez as Venezuelan president on Fixed and Fiends, and The Republican Three Stooges, aka Sens. McCain, Graham and Brownback and forgetting about Iraqi in charge when it come to ambassaorships. Well, my head was muddled until I heard this.

Wow. Here is a man who is anti-immigration yet hires immigrants for care for his daughter's show jumping horses, can't even know Christopher Columbus wasn't a saint, has no idea of Rosh Hossanah, Purim, Yom Kippur, Hannukah or even Passover, nor has had the original idea of an American Holiday called Independence Day, where we celebrate freedom from tyranny of King Geoge III, or Memorial Day, where we honor the lives of people who fought for that freedom, Veterans Day honoring those who served, Labor Day in September instead of May where workers are honored, or even patriot Day, where we remember the nearly 3,000 people killed in attacks on the World trade Center, the Pentagon or that plot of land in Western Pennsylvania on September 11, 2001? And oh, did we mention that before 1949 that China was a Bhuddist state? Did he ever remember that when wishing you a "Happy St. Patrick's Day"?

Well, for wanting American holidays where we all have a few, we honor Lou Dobbs, this week's WORST PERSON...IN THE WORLD...OF THE WEEK!!!

Before I wrap this up, a couple quick personal announcements. My online pals JFein and 49er16 are doing the real Madness at Keith's Sports Journal this weekend, and I'm taking a trip to New York tomorrow (3/21) for the unveiling of the Pokemon Platinum DS Game at Nintendo World at 10 Rock (hanging around Olbermann holy ground). If you want to know what I'm wearing...here's a subtle clue:

In the case of the word "subtle" which would be like a sledgehammer, I'm the second one on the right. Catch you for The Soup in a couple hours, it won the coin toss and elected to recieve instead of Real Time.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/19/09

Keith's time in Los Angeles continues.

The Tie: Navy and silver stripes.

Number 5: Last month, the Godd Oldboysandgirls Party were against AIG's money being spent, were mad as hell that President Obama went on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Sens. Jon Kyle (R-AZ) and Lamar Alexander (R-TN) were ticked off and were quoting Coach K from Dook as well, expect that he was misquoted by the vast right wing smear machine and respects those filling out their brackets (See "WorstBracketInTheWorld" at ESPN.com) and the House voted more than 3-1 (with heavy GOP influence) on the 90% AIG Tax, and President Barry (after being introed by the Governator) promptly commented back "Really?" And it was Adolph XLIII's fingerprints all over theTARP and Rep. Latourette (R-OH) said that rearends are slowly closing on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue. Howard Fineman, your thoughts?

And House Minority Whip Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) pulled a flipflop on the AIG Tax bill, first going against, but voted for the 90% tax after being interviewed by Lawrence O'Donnell, who just joined us for a 10 PM ET audition tape airing.

Number 4: As Left Wing Smear Merchants Week continues, we get to hear about Media Matters for America and how they accurately quote all the Far Right Wing Smear Merchants, and Eric Burns, MMFA's president joins us.

Oddball: In 1734, Col. Thomas McKeon was born. In Portage, Alaska, there were some really pissed off bisons, as vets were testing. In Apex, North Carolina, Augie the dog ate $400, and it went to poop.

Number 3: Good Ol' Mr. Wick himself, Craig Ferguson (who now faces Jimmy Fallon) joins Keith from New York to talk about Mr. Olbermann's appearence last night, and Obama's visit this evening.

Number 2 (Worst Persons in the World)

Don't forget the winner and the runnerups will also be eligible for Worst Person in the World of the Week tomorrow (3/20.)

Bronze - Random House for buying Adolph XLIII's manuscript for $7M. Look for the book in Juvenille fiction at Amazon.com, Borders or Barnes and Noble.

Silver - Lou Dobbs criticizes St. Pat's Day...and wants an American Day. Ever heard of the 4th of July?

Gold - Republican Senators John McCain (AZ), Lindsey Graham (SC) and Sam Brownback (KS) came down with "CRS syndrome" on the subject of a new Iraqi ambassador.

Number 1: When is enough enough? When the boss of Citigroup decides to spend $10 million of the TARP cash on redoing some offices of the executives. Keith's Special Comment video here.

Don't forget, a triple dip tomorrow: The regular live blog plus The Soup and Real Time with Bill Maher, too. It's Keith's March Madness!

If Ever Anything Needed To Be Mocked...

This would have to be it. Fair warning, some of the audio is NOT SAFE FOR WORK or the kids...

I did send an e-mail to the Countdown staff about this.

Guess We Know Why Keith Wasn't On Countdown...

He was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on the NBC Universal mothership. They basically talked about AIG and Bernie Madoff there.

Remember the Last Time...

...when our friend Keith was a guest on The Soup? That was last July to be exact when he did a week of shows from Los Angeles during the TV Critics Association tours (that was when NBC was going to broadcast Super Bowl XLIII.) Let's go into the wayback machine for that moment.

And then, that led to this...

They called a truce afterward.

Countdown Wearin' O' The Green Letters Live Blog: 3/17/09

As you might have guessed, Keith's still in LaLa Land prepping for his Real Time visit on Friday (3/20) with Bill Maher on HBO...and most of the lettering is in green in honor of St. Patrick's Day.

The Tie: Go on, guess. Wrong, it's rust with beige and brown stripes.

Number 5: Dear AIG: Give us our $165 million in "failure" bonuses or...drop dead. New York State Attorney General Andy Cuomo gave the facts to Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA), and yes, since 80% is owned by you the public taxpayer of the USA, we should sue. Meanwhile, Sen. Chuck Graslie (R-IA) said that the executives should use harikari. Holy Cow! And when did Obama know and when did AIG tell about it? Last Thursday. For the answers to this and other pressing questions, we get the political side from Howard Fineman.

As for the money side, let's welcome Prof. Jonathon Turley of The George Washington University. Tax 91% of their money, but from the people who ran the ship onto the iceberg? Could be unconstitutional.

Number 4: Nice to know that Retired Dictator Adolph W. Bush XLIII took an overnight trip to Lance Storm's hometown of Calgary. Alberta. Canada. In secret more or less, keeping it so secret to avoid photographer where no media was allowed but nobody paying (CAN)$400 a head being allowed to even record or video to hear him his conversation. James Moore joins us to look further.

Oddball: In 1906, President Teddy Roosevelt invented the term "muckraker". And so, Rachael Maddow was on Letterman discussing the Big Giant Head of Mr. Olbermann...and we all thought it was Billo the Clown. And it's St. Pat's Day in Washington for the bowl of shamrocks, and the White House Fountain was died in Gatorade green.

Best Persons: 3 - Pauline Terry in Kent, England wrote a letter about her club was clean on stationary laced with cocaine. 2 - The new Metro police boss in London goes to suspect's home only to see he was arrested for another crime. 1 - At a German house of ill repute, you can pay less for all-you-can-whoopie as Bob Eubanks once coined over four decades ago.

Musical Segue: Donna Summer's "She Works Hard For The Money".

Number 3: Smear merchants week continues with redstate.com stating JournaList include Rachael, David Shuster and Keith are on an e-mail list. Markos Moulitsas of DailyKos.com, the number three "left wing smear merchant" according to Billo The Clown and ex-media journalist Bernie Goldberg. Party on, dudes!

Still Bushed!: 3 - Politico.com will hear that the Adolph XLIII Library will not use Iraq's botched war. 2 - And so did Afghanistan as well. It's a mistake. 1 - A confidential report said Gitmo was all torture all the time according to the International Red Cross.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)

Nominees and winner will be entered for Worst Person in the World of the Week on Friday...

Bronze - Brad Gellard was arrested for wife beating wearing a "I (HEART) MARRAGE" shirt. Oh, the Florida Irony.

Silver - Inanity says that we have surrendered on the War on Terror after Billo declared victory.

Gold - Comedian Boss Limbaugh criticized the Obama Administration for the AIG lynch mob, forgetting that the far right (and even Sen. Graslie) are also in the lynch mob, too. And this from your de facto leader of the Good Oldboysandgirls Party?

Number 1: First Coultergeist then Laura Ingram are called out. Guess who's calling them out? Sen. John McCain's eldest daughter Meghan. And she's gone all Whitney Houston-Tyra Banks "kiss my fat ass" on them. Joel McHale from The Soup takes time out from mocking the Kardashians being dead behind the eyes joining Keith on the set. Do we predict Olbermann making another appearance this week? Answer: Yes.

And so, keep the green flowing, we'll see you tomorrow.

Countdown Live Blog: 3/16/09

The Olbermann Across America tour continues as Keith's in Los Angeles this week to prepare for facing Bill Marher in Real Time this Friday on HBO. And Janeane Garofolo returns tonight as a special guest mocking Billo The Clown's list.

The Tie: Pink

Number 5: Herr Goebles went on CNN yesterday and said too many lies...blaming Obama for making America less safe, not blaming the Adolph XLIII administration for the economy and in response, Robert Gibbs stated that they got the next most popular memober of "the Republican Cabal" behind Boss Limbaugh. Not convicting those at Gitmo as well indeed. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac they claim didn't fail because of them? You dealt it, you smelled it. And Dana Perino, Gibbs' predecessor at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, said that it wasn't Adolph's fault, and last week's stock market rally wasn't Obama credited. Hey Richard "Don't call me 'Crazy Eddie'" Wolffe has some AIG stock for you Dana, and those prices are IN-SAAAAAAANE!!! Oh, about American International Group...

Number 4: It's a good thing that none other than Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has for the moment broken away from his far right nay-sayers and criticize AIG for handing out over $165 million in bonuses after we gave them over $170 billion in bailout cash in the continuing saga of "Daddy, what did you do in jail during the bailout?" Now, New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo (Mario's son) is investigationg via supoenas and president Obama would like a $165 million refund to the government, and even Treasury Secratary Tim Geitner is holding the next payment, and two repreasentatives want to put taxes on top of the bonuses. So, as Robert Rrrrrrrrrrreich joins us from Berkeley, where he's a professor at Cal, and former Labor Secratary who advised Obama in his campaign, who's really in charge here at AIG?

Oddball: Twas on this date in 1906 Henny Youngman was born in Liverpool, England. And you thought he was born in Brooklyn. "Take my jokes, please!" And it's time for an Oddball favorite, the Kick-Ass Japanese Robot of the Week, and this week, it's Japan's Next Top Robot Model. Top that, Tyra Banks... Chuck Todd and Savannah Guthrie were doing some live stuff on MSNBC and Gibbs snuck in to get more face time.

Best Persons: 3 - Nottingham Rugby fans inflated attendance with blow-up dolls. (Get the mind out of the gutter and write your punchlines.) 2 - Erin Kelly's vet boss had his coffee spiked with valium, valium, valium...and she's now in the pokey as we speak. 1 - A tribute to John B. Hill, Keith's first boss at Cornell University's radio station, WVBR-FM as he passed on this weekend.

Number 3: So Adolph XLIII will be making his first speech as our former dictator president next week in Calgary. Alberta. Canada as the usually boring ex-wrestler fake fighter entertainer Lance Storm used to say. Stephen Harper, Canada's PM is not commenting about it, but special guest Gail Davidson explains the Canadian Law which would prevent Adolph from even entering Canada for many different reasons, from a past DUI to war crimes. And as we speak, they're making progress.

Number 2 (Worst Person in the World)
(NOTE: Tonight's winner and runners up are eligible for Friday's Worst Person in the World of the Week)
Bronze - Richard Johnson, Page Six editor at one of New York's Finest Newspapers, takes Keith to task with a conflict with Olbermann and Topps.
Silver - Fixed and Fiends ex-weather forcaster Steve Doocy repeats the lie from an Fixed Noise anaylist said that there's a connection between the new president of El Salvador and the leader of Venzuela...Ceasr Chavez!
Gold - A Florida representaive wants to have all presidential canaidates show proof of being born in the USA. Please show us your proof of living on Planet Earth, sir.

Number 1: "Left Wing Smear Machine Week" begins as Janeane Garofolo joins us and accepts the fourth-runner-up on Billo and Bernie's mockulist as a result of last week's shenanigans on the Orally Comedy Revue.

I'll see you tomorrow for the St. Pat's Day all-green lettering special. Remeber to keep your beer safe, have it spayed or neutered.